videos games Archives - Raising World Children

Why I Let My Kids Play Fortnite

November 7, 2018

by Featured Guest with 5 Comments Contemporary Voices

One fine day, a boy was watching a YouTube video and his mom peeped. A dance competition among the family members caught her eyes. It looked so fun and such a great way to connect and bond among the family members that she asked her son what program that was and eventually requested him to play the game in order to achieve the different dance steps.

What?!? A mom asking her son to play games?

I know you feel like throwing eggs and start judging how ignorant this mom is that mom is ME. Guess what game was that? It was Fortnite. Want to throw eggs at me, right? Well, before you do that. Let me tell you something.

I understand that many parents hate video games. The first thing that comes to your mind is of no learning values and there are many news about how those games can have negative effects on the children.

Parents fear that the children will get addicted and dropped everything else that they are supposed to do. Parents fear that they will have a problem managing their child.

I am a parent and I was a gamer too. I understand how addictive video gaming is and what kind of influence it may have on a person, which is why I allow my child to play. Many parents look at gaming as a bad influence but there is a good side of it as well and I’m making use of that good side to parent my gaming child.

I have already listed out the bad sides and I don’t think I need to list out more because I bet you can list out more than I do. I am going to show you the good side of it. You may think, “Hang on! Are you sure there are any good sides of it?” Well now, listen to me here before you start judging.

Do you ever play games?

If you do, then why are you stopping your child from playing it?

Do you know that games are not just plain playing?

They do need to find out strategies to get to next level. It requires them to do problem solving (critical thinking) and build their confidence and determination to reach to the next level or reach their goals.

On top of that it improves their motor-skills, creativity and is a form of stress-relief for them too.

Yes, some gaming scene can be rather violent and parents worried this can be detrimental to their development. But if you don’t expose them what violence is about, how would they know what it is.

Video gaming requires loads of parenting guidance to be frank. It requires a balancing work between the parent and the child.

How do I Manage the Balance ?

We have house rules set:

We only to play during weekends and there is always time limit set for each game. Usually 1 hour per game. Extra time will be given if their conduct is good.
They have to be responsible for their own time-table. During or near exam periods, they know that they have to cut down their game time and focus on their revision first.
They know that whatever applies to the game is just for the game and not in real life. What I mean here is, the violence they see in the game, the vulgar language that they hear in the game is only for the game. They do not apply this in real life.
Before any game, they need to make sure they have finished what they are supposed to do. E.g. Household chores, homework, revision, etc.

House rules should not be overlooked and is important when you allowing your child to do something and you need a limit to it. By the way, our weekends are not all spent on staying home and video gaming. We do head outdoors very often for nature walking or sports. We have loads of playdates and family gatherings as well where everyone will interact and play together not gather to sit at your own space and started looking at your own device. I know these happens to many people.

Balance is really the key and parenting guidance is important. Both my husband and I do discuss about the games together with our children and we play together with them as well.

All parents want the best of their children, so get alongside with them so that they feel that we are part of their world as well and they feel more welcomed then feeling that parents are always against them. This way, they are more open to you and you get to know them way much better than worrying too much about the “what-ifs” and struggling with the power of parenting.

I am Lup Wai, a Parent Whisperer who helps families to transform their relationship with their children while injecting fun into it so that they can develop a nurturing, healthy and happy connection. Being a parent is so much more about just feeding and clothing a child. I help families to bring back the fun and build a long last relationship with your child which is crucial for a healthy and happy home. Your can follow me on Instagram here.

Disciplining In Times of Online Video Games

May 15, 2017

by Janie Saylor with One Comment Contemporary Parenting Voices

Discipline. Specially in the times of video games and Nintendos is hard. Parental discipline varies throughout the world. What’s the norm for one culture is considered overly harsh in another. A study from 2010 from six different countries showed that the discipline techniques across various cultures tends to be most effective depending on what that area of the world deems as the norm.

With my own children, now 20 and 24, discipline styles differed between their father’s house and my own, my house being much more lax in discipline. Not to say that I didn’t discipline. Quite the opposite. The difference being, my style had strong communication at it’s core.

Personal Journey with Disciplining My Son

I reflect back to a time when my son was 11 and had been playing an online game at his father’s house. Once he got ahead in the game, my son had access to communicate with people from all over the world. I wasn’t happy in this particular phase. But I tried to figure out a way where all of us could be happy.

[bctt tweet=”I had to find a way to instill values in him while making sure I don’t take away his favorite hobby.” username=”contactrwc”]

I gave my son a host of rules and regulations on a handmade ‘contract,’ which he had to sign and agree to follow. I also told him I would be playing the game as well so I could keep up with his conversations with others and keep an eye on the activities.

A silver lining which I didn’t expect, was that it gave the two of us something to talk about. Something we had in common. Where many sons are pulling away from their parents, I was pleased that we were creating a bond and communicating more and not just about the game.

After a couple months of him and his friends playing this online video game, my son came home from his best friend’s house and told me he was unable to sign in to the game. What he didn’t know was that I was able to access a particular area of the game. This allowed me to see any inappropriate conversations he had with other people in which he had been ‘reported’.

While he stood over my shoulder watching me access this area, he started to get antsy. What I discovered was that he was swearing at strangers and even in one instance, got into a conversation with someone where the topic of girl’s chest were being discussed.

I told him how sad it made me to see that he broke the rules. I told him I was extremely disappointed in the language he had chosen to use. In an effort to defend his stance that he did nothing wrong, he blamed it on his friend playing on his account. I called his bluff and said I would contact his best friend’s mother. I knew that she would want to be informed that her son was using such foul language.

I have to admit, the sheer panic and desperate pleas where almost humorous. I knew perfectly well, this was my son’s own doing. For more than forty five minutes, I simply and firmly expressed my disappointment in his choices. Finally, his shoulders slouched down in defeat and he asked, “Can’t you just spank me and get this over with?”

“No, as a matter of fact, I can’t,” I told him. I made him call his best friend to apologize for his poor behavior and he also was to apologize to his friend’s mom. For using such bad judgement with his inappropriate language, at her house and with her son.

Immediately after disconnecting the call, I turned to see my son was standing there with silent tears rolling down his face. We spoke about the circumstances for a bit more then I sent him to his room after grounding him from the game for for two weeks. I actually changed his password so he was unable to play.

A day or so later, he was laying on the living room floor watching TV. He told me his stomach really hurt. “Are you thinking about what you did?” I asked. He quickly sat up and asked, “How did you know!?”

I sat beside him and expressed my happiness that his stomach hurt. He looked at me with utter confusion. I said, “I’m glad your stomach hurts because that tells me that you now know that you have done something very wrong. If your stomach didn’t hurt, I would be very concerned that you hadn’t learned a lesson here.”

I reached out and hugged him. As I did, I whispered in his ear, “Do you think some ice cream might help your stomach, sweetheart?” The two of us went out to the local ice cream parlor and as we ate, I made sure not to bring up the previous day’s bitterness. The focus was now completely on the lessons he’d learned.

I know I’ve been far from perfect in disciplining my children, but it is these experiences which turned out to be the ones they still remember now that they’re young adults.

Now getting back to the 2010 discipline study, what was found was that in all six of the countries included in the study, the more harsh the type of discipline used in an attempt to correct poor behavior, the more aggression, anxiety and other problematic behavior was left in it’s wake. I feel we can all learn something as we read through this important study.

So no matter what your culture’s norm, try taking a breath. Muting our own reactions to our children’s poor behavior, is said to improve our results. What do you find works during disciplining? Specially, in this digital age.

Janie Saylor is a professional certified coach with a degree in psychology, her focus is in the emerging field of positive psychology. Janie is the mom of two grown children, her son, age 20, and her daughter, age 24. Being the mom of a recovering addict and an advocate for addiction and recovery, also brings a new dimension into Janie’s writings and life experiences. In 2006, Janie published a book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her experiences teaching life journaling to people over the age of 60 for 10+ years in many different communities in the Metro Detroit area. Janie’s used her experiences and education as she developed 8-week online coaching program and has had tremendous success in improving the communication, lives and relationships of her clients. You can contact her at LifeCoachJane@gmail.com >