Women Around The World Archives - Raising World Children

Teaching Little Kids Big Lessons

November 16, 2018

by Featured Guest with 6 Comments Books Voices world changers

Today, we meet Karishma Bathla, an author out to teach little kids life lessons through books about big people. People who have made a name for themselves by doing BIG things.

Tell us more about yourself?

I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, professional and most recently, a self-published author. My foray into writing children’s books is the first step towards fulfilling my dream to become a full-time writer. Currently, my full-time job and career is in Finance. When I am not working, I love to travel, cook new dishes, read (especially to my son), spend time with my family and write.

How did you come to your passion/profession?

My passion for writing children’s books stems from two things: my love for reading and my desire to teach my son important lessons in life.

Earlier this year, my husband and I were reading books about Jeff Bezos & Tony Hsieh. My son, who is 4, would ask us to read those books to him. But, given his young age, short attention span, and no pictures to look at, he would stop listening and go back to playing.

That’s when I thought “how can I teach my son and other kids about such inspirational people while teaching them important lessons.” And, that’s how my book series “Little Kids’ Big Lessons” was born.

Tell us about your family.

I currently live in Seattle, WA with my husband and 4-year-old son. Prior to Seattle, I’ve lived in Houston, Texas and Queens, New York. My son has a variety of interests but his favorite are reading, playing sports, building with Legos and playing with his toy cars. My husband & I love to travel to different countries, spend time with our son, and discuss business ideas.

How many places have you lived? How has that affected your world view?

I have lived in three states in the U.S. – I was born & raised in New York, lived in Texas after marriage, and currently live in Washington.

There are a few principles that I live by:

Find the good in people, irrespective of where they are from,
Don’t let a few bad apples cloud your judgement about one culture/region,
Respect others and learn from them,
Work hard and always do your best,
Think positive and positive things will happen to you, and
Give back to those in need.

What do you think are three biggest struggles most parents go through teaching kids about Indian personalities?

I think the three biggest struggles are: (1) there is limited awareness, (2) particularly for those living in the U.S, there is limited focus on world personalities outside the US in the education system and (3) of the few there are to learn about, we only focus on a portion of those personalities (i.e. Mahatma Gandhi.)

My book series is different in that it will be about people of modern times, not the past. And, they will be about people from different countries/cultures so children will learn that you can be from anyplace and accomplish anything.

How do you suggest parents encourage kids to imbibe qualities of people from the past? How have you?

Reading. I am a big believer that reading is a powerful method to teach kids anything. This habit can, and should be, developed from a young age. When they are younger, they have a big appetite for learning and are very curious. They also learn a lot through repetition and reading the same books about such people will help to solidify the positive qualities in their minds.

Please tell us about your vision to teaching kids about the world?

My vision is to help children establish a solid foundation built on important values that will help them throughout their life.

What are three pieces of advice you would like to share with parents?

I’ve only been a parent for 4 years now and based on this little time, I can share what has worked for me:

(1) be your children’s’ friend,

(2) help them understand the difference between right & wrong and

(3) recognize their abilities and encourage them to develop those and be the best they can be.

How does one raise multicultural kids today in an ever evolving world?

The key is to highlight the similarities among cultures while acknowledging and accepting differences.

Openly discuss with them about people of other cultures and answer any questions they may have. Encourage them to read about people from different parts of the world and highlight what they can learn from those people.

Do you have anything to share with our readers?

I’ve started a book series called “Little Kids’ Big Lessons” that aims to teach young children values that will help them in life. Each book tells the story of a successful, inspirational person of today and how they have changed the world. Each book highlights a key value that has helped them become successful. The books are written in a simple, easy to read format with colorful illustrations. Both parents and children will enjoy.

My first book is called “A Curious Boy Named Jeff.” It tells the story of Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, and how curiosity helps him to learn new things every day and the world around him.

FREE Kalpana themed COLORING PAGES FOR ENTERING RAFFLE ! WIN WIN !!!

My second book is called “Reach For The Stars Like Kalpana.” It tells the story of Kalpana Chawla, the first Indian origin woman to go to space, and how determination helped her make her dreams come true.

I would encourage parents to get a copy of either (or both) books.

Download this FREE BOOKMARK!

At Raising World Children, we are on the constant look out for world changers. People who are trying in small or big ways to make the world a better place.

Find out more about Karishma here. Don’t forget to grab one of her amazing books for your kids.

My Baby – The Cute Little Evil Eye Magnet

September 14, 2018

by Shalini Tyagi with 6 Comments Old Wives Tales Parenting Voices

I an Indian, born and brought up in a small north Indian town named Roorkee. Ours is a land where both modern and traditional way of life manage to survive hand in hand. Here medicine, science, modern technology, old wives tales and superstition all keep jostling each other for space on the same platform.

I always believed that coming from a family where education is valued above all else, I had left the ‘knock-on-wood’ world far behind. I believed this ,that is, until I thought the word “baby” out aloud.

Let me tell you having a baby is just not simply conceiving a baby and carrying to term. It is also not only delivering the baby and then focusing on keeping your sanity while raising the child.

Yes, having a baby is all this and it is also dodging landmines of dangers lurking in every corner, waiting to attack. Dangers that are above and beyond the explainable logical world.

No matter how educated or modern an average Indian family is, the minute a (much awaited) baby knocks on their world, everything changes.

[bctt tweet=”Most modern Indian families turn to old wives talesthe minute things go wrong for their bundle of joy. ” username=”contactrwc”]

I learned that an Indian baby is apparently a ‘magnet’ for all the roving evil eyes in the world. The minute I broke the news of the pregnancy to both the would-be grandmothers, all the possible dangers in the land of the evil became real.

Out came the spools of black thread, packets of chili, and salts. The only way I was allowed to step out of the house was with various threads and amulets hanging around my neck(to ward off the evil EYE) and armed with onion and garlic(to ward off evil SPIRITS ). It was at this point that I realized that I it is not just the seen that you are battling with but also the unseen.

At this point if you try to appeal to the progressive men in the family, they simply nod and go back to their newspapers. Afterall, why take a chance and it’s just chili that is being burnt and salts being thrown and neither is frightfully expensive.

Giving Birth to My Cute Evil Eye Magnet

So, after dodging all the dangers and managing to stay alive, you give birth to the precious baby. This particular tiny person has a magnetic field so strong that every roving evil eye on the planet finds it’s way directly and sticks to it.

Indian grandmothers come fitted with special antennas that come out the minute the baby is out of the womb. In a world where thousands of babies are born every second, these antennas can pick up the exact number of times their precious little person has been cast upon with the evil eye.

Even before putting clothes on the baby we put a black dot on the baby’s face. This is a very “smart” dot, which stares right back at anyone trying to cast an evil eye on the baby and provides round the clock protection.

Next level of security are the black and red threads, these come with the tag ‘protecting-babies-since-eternity’.

Only once all the security measures are in place is the baby introduced to the world. As a new mother leaving the house with the baby meant carrying the essentials like onion, garlic and of course the baby bag, might need a diaper or something.

As the world knows babies tend to fall sick, but not every sneeze, cough or crying spell can be explained through science or medicine. It might be the doing of one of the well wishers secretly casting an evil eye, and being the strong magnet that the poor little kid is, results in getting sick.

After surviving the initial zombie, new mom phase, I felt I now have the hang of things. I decided to go back to my life and was sent packing with bags full of chili along with the other security measures and the grandmothers teary eyed blessings.

Once we kind of settled down some of our friends decided to come and visit the baby. It was a pleasant evening, with us showing off our little person, until the last guest left. That was the moment the baby started crying, so we changed, fed and walked the baby. The crying turned to screaming so we checked for any fever or discomfort.

Still after one hour of trying all we can the screaming would not stop and we were on the verge of panic. We decided to pack up and run to the grandmothers and never return without one of them. That is when an alternate solution hit me and I went running for the forgotten chili and salts. Once again the unexplained rescued us. Baby just calmed down.

I have been playing part time sorceress since, as and when needed, because why take a chance. I have been surviving my mom life with the help of Google, both the grand mothers and of course the additional security measures of divine help, all in that order.

So even though none of us would call ourselves superstitious people but when it comes to our kids, we walk a very fine line. Iphones in one hand and chili in the other, we keep battling parenting. We try to balance logic with the illogical, because why would anyone want to take a chance?

Shalini Tyagi is an Indian,born and brought up in India,currently living in Dubai. She is mother of two school going children and is a stay at home mom. An avid reader, she has recently forayed into blogging to bring to light her writing skills. She hosts her own website tyagishalinid.com.

Changing The Misnomer of Indian Feminism

August 8, 2018

by Featured Guest with 4 Comments Contemporary Empowerment Voices

A few years ago I was returning home with a friend from a party at 9:30 pm. I was wearing a simple black dress which went till my knees, high heels and carrying a blingy purse. My friend was getting late so she dropped me at an intersection about a km away from my place.

The distance was not much really, but things had started closing down for the night. I must have reached a few meters ahead when 3 men on a bike started following me. I panicked and crossed the road thinking that they will continue on their way. But they turned around and came the other way.

I frantically called my fiancé to come and pick me up. He asked me to go inside a supermarket which was thankfully open. I thank my lucky stars everyday that nothing untoward happened to me. Needless to say, I got a huge dressing down from my fiancé for being so irresponsible! In retrospect, I was wearing something that was completely out of place in an area which was surrounded by slums, which is certainly not a good idea.

Conservative Thinking

In India, conservative thinkers have many “rules” which define the behavior of a “good woman”. The most frustrating among them is blaming the girl for being eve teased or even raped because she’s wearing inappropriate clothes or standing the wrong way or luring men etc.

On top of this there are some fanatics who makes statements to the media like “It was bound to happen, women wear nudity fashion. They were wearing short dresses.” or “They tried to copy the Westerners, not only in their mindset but even in their dressing. So there was some disturbance, some girls are harassed, these kinds of things do happen.” Like it’s no big deal but needless, it is our fault! What they do not understand is that eve teasing happens no matter what we wear, salwar suits, sarees or western clothes.

This has led to a huge hue and cry about women protesting that they have a right to wear what they want in public and should not be shamed because of it. Young girls, the “feminist advocates”, in turn at times protest this thinking by wearing clothes inappropriate for the time and place, just to prove a point.

A Real Look at the Misnomer of Feminism

While I am a feminist myself, there is a very fine line here which is often missed by many. Yes, one should have the right to dress the way they want. Wearing western clothes doesn’t mean that you are a woman with loose morals trying to get a man’s attention. You are certainly not giving anyone the green signal to your body.

But there is also something called as appropriate dressing which is defined by the environment you are going to be in.

When I was in the night club I would have been considered conservatively yet elegantly dressed but on the lonely streets at 9.30 pm in the night I probably looked like an escort to those men on the bike in that location. Maybe, if i was even wearing a sweater or shawl I might have been overlooked, but on that night I was probably sticking out like a red beacon.

When the time comes for me to educate my daughter about these situations I will tell her is that you are allowed to wear whatever you want. I don’t care about the “aunties” who sit and judge the length of your dress but to always always be aware of the surroundings you are going to be in before deciding on your outfit.

Feminism has become the most fashionable word in the country today. Every time any issue pops up, out comes the “F” word. I believe that women are grossly misusing this word to get things they at times don’t deserve or something that is impractical. This is because most of these women don’t really understand what it means or stands for. [bctt tweet=”“Misguided feminism” is the root cause of confusion within women on how to respond to issues.” username=”contactrwc”]

Further Misconstrued in the Household

Another misconstruction of feminist ideals made is when it comes to doing the household chores. Women, like men have demanding careers these days and hence expect that the men of the house also contribute in the daily tasks at home.

This is quite reasonable. But in most Indian households, the mothers-in-law will judge their daughters-in-law for making their “Shona Beta” (Darling Son) do housework. The feeling is that their sons are being treated like a servant.

They do not understand that the poor girl deserves some time off too. This rigid thought process in turn causes the women to rebel. They take it to the other extreme by demanding that it is the men who should do everything around the house. They lounge around thereby throwing the concept of “equality” down the drain.

I want to teach my baby that equality comes when both the man and the woman change their perspective. They need to understand and respect the fact that they are both equally busy in their respective jobs. With mutual understanding they can share the house work respectfully. There should be no rigidity that a particular task belongs to a single person only.

So, What is Feminism ?

Fighting for equality when it comes to respect, voicing your opinion, demanding equal pay, is what feminism is about.

It is about making your own choices.
It is about understanding your inner strength.
It is about grace.
It is about acceptance that women are as capable as men are with actions.
It is also understanding that men and women cannot be equals in many ways.

Men and women and each individual has their own purpose and strength. If that is how God wanted everyone to be equal, he/she would have created a world full of only men or only women or vice versa. This is the lesson would like to teach my daughter and every young woman out there.

Do not be afraid of the misogynists that surround you. They are but a handful. The world is changing, and our country is changing too. There are male members of the society who proudly call themselves feminists (your father included).

Be a feminist, do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. Do not abuse this privilege and everything that comes with it. Being a woman is not a curse as many believe it to be, it is a blessing. Be proud of who you are and believe that you can achieve whatever you want to.

Shuchita Kumar is a new mom. She is trying to learn the ropes of motherhood with the help of knowledge passed on by the elders combined with modern thinking. Currently, residing in Bangalore, India. She spent her early childhood years in the heart of India that is Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh. She then lived in Goa (heaven!) and Pune. A software engineer by profession, she loves dancing, bird watching and just spending time with her husband visiting various jungles. She also enjoys pampering her friends and families with delicious food and pastries

How to Avoid Living The Social Media Perfect Life

April 10, 2018

by Featured Guest with No Comment Voices world changers

Do you live life in the messy middle? Watch the interview where Sherrie Mccarthy and Aditi Wardhan Singh discuss how hard it is to be yourself onsocial media as well as how to avoid the pitfalls many moms face when living life in the digital age.

LEARN MORE ABOUT SHERRIE MCCARTHY

What exactly it is that you do?

I’m an author and creativity coach. I have also recently added Doterra health consultant since discovering the joy that is esentional oils!

How did you come about this passion/profession?

I have been a writer my whole life, but it wasn’t until grief took me out at the knees that I realized how silly it was that I wasn’t claiming it.

Tell us about your family.

We are a Canadian, German family based in Berlin and currently afloat in the Carribean! We set sail from Poland on our boat Fallor in April 2017. My oldest is 5 and the youngest is 3!

What do you think are three biggest struggles most parents go through when regards to living their life fully these days?

1. Judgement
2. Information overload
3. Not enough support

Everyone has advice but fewer are there to actually help!

What are 5 ways a person can get over comparisons with another’s mom journey?

1. Yoga (seriously anything can be worked out on the mat!)
2. Journalling (Im a big believer in the power of writing to dive deep and discover if what you are upset about is what you truly believe or you are letting someone else trigger you)
3. Meditation (even 5 minutes will connect you with you and calm you down and bring you back to your own path)
4. A supportive community. Sometimes just asking like minded people can bring you back to sanity.
5. Digital detox. Unfollow anyone who doesn’t fill you with joy!

Do you have any resources to help our readers ?

2 free videos from the Creative and Vibrant living virtual retreat (no credit card required just sign up for the free trial!)

Are You Treating Your Girls “Less Than” Boys?

February 2, 2018

by Aditi Wardhan Singh with 6 Comments Empowerment Mindset Parenting Voices

“Girls are not the same as boys.” I believe in this.

Not in what they can achieve. But in the fact that both have their own strengths. But as far as rights go, as humans every single human has the right to choose and BE as they wish.

Yet, time and again I see people differentiating in what girls “can” and “cannot” do. In Indian culture, there has always been a big difference in the way girls are treated from boys. From serving them, to being protected to what they have to wear to what time they have to be outside, Indian women are often shown that they are less than.

The difference is reducing in today’s times. But once married, the difference still exists colossally within the Indian society.

The #metoo conversation brought forth to my mind how many people talk about the need for better parenting. To teach kids that both boys and girls are equal. Yet, there are so many subtle ways that girls are suppressed or presumptions they have to overcome.

So, I delved into the online space and asked women around the world to talk about a time in their childhood when they experienced feeling less than or having to overcome being put down.

ONE

“My parents raised me like a boy for the first 10 years as an only child but when my brother came and as I got older my parents’ worry of me irked me. It was not the same for my brother. Or my cousins. In my teenage years, relatives would pass comments about my marriage way earlier than it needed to be talked about. It was not the same for the boys in the house hold. “

— Find out more about Aditi Wardhan Singh

TWO

” I would say when girls are just overly protected off the bat. I was never allowed to stay home alone with my brothers. Or I was not allowed to date until I was 16 but my brothers were. It’s a standard of boys aren’t to be trusted so we have to protect our girls more so then the boys…. great post idea. “

— Find out more about Sarah Church Caroll

THREE

My grandfather just passed away and all the grandsons and grandson-in-laws were asked to be pallbearers. Just the first thing that came to my mind living in the 21st century and still having those gender differences. All the granddaughters were not included.

— Find out more about Ashley Peggs

FOUR

When boys would pull my hair or be mean to me when we were all little, I was always told it was just because they liked me. I associated meanness with affection. I grew up spouting off that same stupid, misguided notion to other girls, unfortunately. Whenever a boyfriend treated me bad, I always had this thought, “well, he loves me so it’s okay.”
Or when I witnessed my dad disrespecting women and putting them down, I was told by my grandma that he did it out of love. The lesson of “it doesn’t matter how guys treat you as long as they love you” was very pervasive in my childhood.

— Find out more about Lisa Keifer

FOUR

When I asked my dad to teach me how to fix cars, he said no because I was a girl. I pushed and he gave in and was stunned to see I had a natural talent for it. Then I ended up in architecture school which at that time was 10% women. I had a teacher tell me that women didn’t belong in architecture because I had asked a question he deemed stupid. I didn’t want to be an architect after that. I became a graphic designer and ended up in the printing industry where I was sexually harassed all the time. I’m good at math, engineering, computers, fixing things… And I have been told over and over that I have strange talents for a girl.

I have two boys and they are being raised to see everyone as equal. Since I don’t get the chance to raise a confident girl, I can at least raise boys who see them as equals.

— Find out more about Bonnie Landau Weed

FIVE

When I was growing up, it was expected for my sister and I to help in the kitchen with dinner and clean up. My younger brother did not have the same expectation. This expectation still happens now. Last week we were on a family vacation and my mom was putting a roast in the crock pot for dinner. She was trying to decide when to start it. My brother was going to be back at the campground before we got back. I suggested to ask him to turn it on when he got back. My mom actually said, “he just finished a half-Marathon and that’s too much to ask of him.”. My response was “For him to turn a switch?”. This is not an uncommon theme in our family. I intend to raise my son to have the same expectation as any other family member.

— Find out more about Jennifer Crisp

SIX

I was good at math until I was in high school. I was in high track math 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. But then I slowly started thinking I wasn’t good at math because I kept hearing girls aren’t good at math. So when the counselor was helping me pick classes for my freshman year, he basically said “let’s bump you down to average track math” even though I got a high B in 8th grade. And I learned that I wasn’t good at math even though looking back I think I actually was. So I told myself that I wasn’t good at math because other people basically told me that I wasn’t because I’m a girl. And I don’t think I learned as much in high school math because I didn’t try very hard. I had the mindset of “this isn’t my thing. I shouldn’t even try.”

— Find out more about Nikki Howlett

SEVEN

I think it’s more I’ve noticed how lucky I was to have strong female figures and a father who taught me everything. I also read a lot of book with strong females. Here’s my recent post I wrote.

— Find out more about Shari Dawson Shearer

EIGHT

I hate the comment of throwing or running “like a girl”

Nancy Elyse

NINE

I don’t have a post about this, but it drove me insane. Last year my little sister’s high school softball team went all the way to the state championship (YAY!), and they asked to go up to the field two days early so they could get acclimated and practice one day. You know, get in the right mind set. Anyways, their athletic director said nope, sorry, not in the budget. So they showed up the night before, didn’t have time to work out the jitters, and had to play the next day. They lost. I’m not saying they would’ve won with that extra day, but as an ex-athlete I know how nerves can impact your game. It helps to see the field you’ll be playing on and just calm down from all the excitement (our town held a little parade as they left). It sucked, sure, but I didn’t think anything of it.

Flash forward to the football team’s REGULAR SEASON and they had a game in Texas. They were there for three days. It was basically an all-expenses paid vacation for these boys. And they brought the cheerleaders. They got their asses kicked.

I was so annoyed by this. Let’s just go ahead and tell our daughters that it doesn’t matter how hard you work; you can be the VERY BEST and go to the championship game, but you’ll still never be worth as much as our football players. Have fun in life!

— Find out more about JoshlandLindsay Aspinwall

TEN

My husband’s grandma told me when I was pregnant with my daughter that it would be better to have a boy because girls are only good for cleaning. Granted, she’s 93 and has dementia…but it still hurt.

— Find out more about Caitlin Downs

ELEVEN

I was told I could not do percussion in band because it was for boys. I did the flute, but ended up dropping out.

— Find out more about Samantha A Brooks

TWELVE

When my parents went to buy me a used car, the guy selling it told them it was a standard/stick shift and that because I was a girl they should go home and talk to me and make sure I could drive it. My mom was so offended but came home anyway to ask me and we agreed my dad could teach me. To this day I still remember every guy friend who rode in my car in college being floored at how good of a stick shift driver I was 😬

— Find out more about Cammeno Messana Murray

THIRTEEN

When I was in my second last year of high school, I had the goal of going to university to study science. My physics teacher told me in front of the boys in my physics class that girls don’t do science so I would never get anywhere in the science field. I set out to prove him wrong. I went to university and studied science. I then got a job with one of the major science organisations in Australia and was ran hands on science sessions for primary and secondary school students. My crowning moment was going to his high school and running a specialized science session for his class!

— Find out more about Jennie Petrey

FOURTEEN

I was always told about everything that I did that wasn’t “lady like” and how if I wasn’t “lady like” than no boys will want me and it was just sort of instilled into my psyche that I needed to focus on having a man, like I couldn’t possibly live without one. It made me so codependent as a teen/young adult.

— Find out more about Brigid-Ryan Milenkovski

FIFTEEN

Never in the family, but people around us (esp. neighbors and relatives) would always be concerned about our parents not having a son.. as we r three sisters,many people would say it to our faces, how our parents are being foolish not thinking of their old age etc etc.. I’m sure being an Indian you know how hung up Indians are on having sons.

We would often question our parents if there is something wrong about girls and my dad always said “it’s the way people feel ,not us and what others think is not our problem, so ignore!

— Find out more about Shalini Tyagi

SIXTEEN

Beautiful. For sure! I have a twin brother. So many times in my life I felt less than him for no reason. At work he would start after, be a good worker but have his own imperfections like meor…worse and yet, be promoted. As for treatment, I could come up with some memories.

But hey, being a twin is awesome.

— Find out more about Jewel Elise

Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”

Happy New Year 2018 !

December 29, 2017

by Featured Guest with One Comment Voices world changers

Featured in the video powerful women changing the world.

Aditi Wardhan Singh – Raising World Children

Christina Tinker – Richmond Moms Blog

Suja Dinesh – Passionate Moms

Ronda Bowen – Snark Magazine

Tammy Coin – Doors of Wellness

Janie Saylor – Become University

Parul Agrawal – Alpha Female House

Deepa Rai – Selfie VA

Rivkah Krasnoff – Aspiring Mompreneur

Sherrie McCarthy – Creative Mermaids

Caroline DePalatis – Culture Weave

Anna Bursell – World Changer

Dilraz AR Kunnummal – Mommy Dil

Jaya Joseph George

Madhu Peruri – Pretty Pockets

Bunny Young – A Better Place Consulting

Deanna Seymour – The Lively Nest

Meeta Arora – Piping Pot Curry

Laura Fernandez Ramnath – Rambling Ramnaths

Chastity Hise – Domestic as Hell

Author Jennifer Millikin – Author

Jewel Eliese – Write Away Mommy

Sandy Mangis – Jar of Success

Shannon Lanzerotta – Sister Mom

Merlie Priya Pais – Musician

Nicole Fassnacht Akers – Pubishous Now

Charu Chhitwal – Ketchup Moms

Ruchi Rastogi – Writer of Dreams

Sandhya Acharya – Diversity Author

Raising World Children Marriage With A Foreigner

Don’t Marry a Foreigner Till You Know This

August 30, 2017

by Jewel Elise with 6 Comments Contemporary Heritage Voices

I never thought I would marry a foreigner but there I was. I sat on the pull-out bed in the dark. Alone. In a foreign country. Where did my boyfriend go?

I thought when someone said they loved you it should be the happiest moment. Thankfully he came back, the light shining bright to my unaccustomed eyes. A small red box was in his hands.

And got down on one knee. My heart jumped to my throat. “Will you marry me?” he asked, accent thick.

In shock and smiling, I said, “Yes.” But before you can marry your international delight, there’s something you should know.

What It Means To Marry A Foreigner

A dream Life. But…

We all want live happily ever after, right? Sure, our dreams are different. I want to be a writer. You may want to be an engineer, or travel the world. Or some just want to find their tall, dark and handsome prince.

Without expecting to I found my mine, and it has been the greatest ten years of my life. But it wasn’t always easy.

Advantages to Marrying A Foreigner

Today’s world seems to be against the foreign man. Some are afraid to let him in. And marriage is already difficult without adding a different culture.

But, there are advantages.

Explore new food.
Learn a new language.
Meet fascinating people.
More opportunities for travel
See amazing cities and nature.
Learn about the country your loved one is from.
Meeting your future spouse’s family introduces you to a new way of life.
And the best part is your future kids would benefit from learning from combined cultures.

It’s a win-win situation, in theory ! However, you should know something.

You will be wrong. Often !

The Reality When You Marry a Foreigner

Marriage is difficult, that’s no surprise. Part of the difficulty is learning to accept differences, and marrying someone from another country comes packaged with changes.

They have a unique belief system and may not be afraid to point how they believe your culture is wrong. And it’s not just your spouse.

Your in-laws may be worried if you don’t take your kid outside with a red bracelet or necklace to protect your baby from a stranger giving an ‘evil eye’. Or you all may not agree on what is best to feed your child.

And while fighting for your beliefs is fantastic and needed, sometimes the best action is acceptance. Being wrong. It’s part of maturity. And an important lesson for children. How do you find that balance of the advantages and disadvantages ?

Raising World Children Marry a Foreigner — Photo by Anne Edgar on Unsplash

Ways to Deal With Cultural Differences

Compromise

Every relationship needs compromise. A little give and take. It may take time to discover which compromise works and is an evolving process, but it is a great feeling once you do.

You may have to not give your child peanut butter that your child loves if you spouse is against it for personal health beliefs. It may be difficult, but they will do the same for you next time you are against something.

Be Willing To Learn

Study language, and cultures, especially your future spouse’s.

There is an app called Duolingo where you can learn over five languages at an easy but fast pace. If you can’t travel you can video chat and give his loved ones a tour of your home and life.

Travel Together

If possible, after you marry a foreigner, visit other countries. Studying is well but there is something special about seeing and smelling new sights for the first time yourself. Plus, there is no better way to get to know your spouse than through his family. Who doesn’t love embarrassing baby pictures of their spouse?

It may take a while, but saving up for this important trip is worth it. Be sure to take a couple weeks off to see the sights and get used to the time change.

Take Time to Breathe

Learning about cultures can be stressful. Meeting family members can be terrifying. And being wrong or being accused of being incorrect is difficult. Sometimes you need to take deep breaths to calm your body and mind.

Go somewhere alone and take deep breaths. Or even out of the house, and listen to the silence. Or do a hobby you love. Just take a moment to get away and be you.

Acceptance is KEY

We can believe we are right so strongly that we will fight to the ends of the earth. Then find out we were wrong. This is the time to step back and admit our mistake. It may seem obvious but once you’re in that situation, it is very hard.

But in marriage it is vital.

Sometimes you may have to lose an argument. Yet, accepting that your partner or their family is right, or thinks they’re right, will save you many headaches and heartaches.

Every country is unique, incredible and right. Including you and yours. Marrying a foreigner can be the best choice you ever make.

Follow Your Heart. Accepting how people from other cultures, including your partner, have different views than you is a great start to a happy marriage. So, if your heart is filled with love, take that chance. Let them get down on one knee and as the question you’ve been waiting for.

Say yes!

Marry your foreigner. Just understand they will be wrong. And so will you. But it’s worth every moment!

Jewel is a fiction writer, wife to a serious comedian and a mother to two lovely munchkins. You can find her at http://writeawaymommy.com Every mother can write!

Letting Go Got Me Through Infertility

August 21, 2017

by Vinni Mishra with 6 Comments Empowerment Parenting Voices

I grew up in a conservative Indian family with strict rules around girls like being at home before 7:00 PM. I found my solace when I started working at the age of 18. Being the youngest one I was by nature a little rebellious compared to my siblings.

Getting a job made me far more confident and gave me the freedom that my young heart was craving for. I met my husband at work and knew immediately that only he can support my newly found wings.

We got married in 2007. My husband very well supported my free spirit, but he too belonged to a conservative Indian family. The expectations from a daughter in law were to wear a sari and taking care of the household.

It took me several years to make my in laws understand that respecting them was far more important than the attire I wore. Don’t get me wrong! Out of respect, I still do wear conservative Indian clothing in their presence and take care of the entire household when at my in laws visit. But I kept my out of house life separate from the life I lived within.

Expectations Of Motherhood

My in laws often pushed me to have kids but for me the time wasn’t right until I felt it was right.

Years passed by in this fashion, with time I found myself engaged in other responsibilities. My father was diagnosed with cancer and my brother became the only earning member. I took care of the responsibilities that came along with my father’s disease and demise. Having kids had taken a back seat with so much going on.

My best friend in the meantime had conceived and had a beautiful baby boy. Who not only lightened my friends life but also gave me a reason to smile during the tough times I was going through. His single smile would light me up and recharge me for the entire day. And after a long time I felt that I had fallen in love again.

Maan as we call him became one of the most important elements of my life, he became the light I was looking for in the darkness of challenges that surrounded me.

And from Maan, I would say for the first time I had the urge to become a mother. Life took a turn again and we moved to US. And with the loneliness I found here the urge of becoming a mother became even more strong.

I had a chance to visit India soon after I moved to US. I finally decided to see my gynecologist to check if we are in the best shape to become parents. I was advised a complete hormonal profile and I anxiously waited for my results to come in being absolutely sure that nothing could go wrong with things. I felt healthy and perfectly fine. What could go wrong?

Endless Disappointments

The results came in and my dream and hope of becoming a mother came crashing down like house of cards. Doctor broke the most unexpected news to us “ your egg count is very low”. I wasn’t even sure what that meant but I knew one thing it didn’t sound promising.

I tried to ask her what can I do to improve my egg count and she said nothing could be done this is how my body is. She also gave it a term “Early Menopause” that definitely wasn’t something I wanted to hear.

My research reflected that early menopause sets in when a woman is stressed for prolonged periods. I searched long and hard on the internet what were the chances of conception for women with a condition like me. Every search pointed in one direction IVF.

I had heard about IVF but never understood what exactly the procedure was and how successful was it. Every search gave me many success stories and equal number of heart breaks. Every search made me more and more sad.

And every month the disappointment of not being able to conceive overpowered my once happy and free spirit. I got more depressed with every passing day. I couldn’t share this pain with anyone and spent hours locked in closed spaces shedding tears and blaming myself for what seemed to be my life’s biggest defeat. I was scared to share this with my family as I was terrified of being blamed as ignorant towards my responsibilities.

Time went by and I came in terms with the fact that I will have to go with IVF and I might even have to get an egg donor. It’s a well known fact that IVF is very costly so I started saving every penny I earned towards it. Though disappointed I lifted my spirits up and told myself that god will not let this happen to me and I will turn out to be a successful case of IVF.

I honestly did let everything go and then my little miracle happened.

The Beginning of Motherhood

October of 2016 for the first time in 2 years and after 9 years of my marriage without any external help I got a positive pregnancy test. The two stripes on the test made me laugh and cry. I became so paranoid that I took 3 additional test to make sure I had a living being inside of me. I found out a place where I could get an early ultrasound to make sure everything was fine. I started eating and living healthy so that my little one would grow up healthy.

As he grew inside of me I fell more and more in love with him. On 19th of June 2017, I held him in my hands for the first and since then every passing day I fall more and more in love with my miracle baby.

The entire experience taught me one important lesson. “It is important to let go” once you let go and believe that you will get it. Keep working towards it, there is a good chance you may get it. To anyone struggling with the same, I say it is important to keep a positive outlook.

Are you struggling with infertility? What do you use to give yourself hope?

Vinni Mishra is a corporate professional presently residing in Glen Allen, Virginia. She originally belongs to Jaipur, Rajasthan (India). She completed her masters degree in geography from Rajasthan University. She started her career as a corporate professional pretty early around the age of 18 with GE Capital and was until very recently working with Suntrust Mortgage in Glen Allen. She is an expectant mother and is enjoying her time off from work awaiting the new member to her family. She has a passion for writing and her writing is influenced by the rich culture of Rajasthan which is famous for its traditions and heritage that have been passed along generations.