Being Different - Empower Your Child to Overcome Self Doubt

Being Different – Empower Your Child to Overcome Self Doubt

by with 9 Comments Body ImageBooksBullyingEmpowermentMindsetSpecially Abled

Have you thought about how your child sees themselves? We see our children as perfect angels for their beauty lies in our eyes since moment they are born but these little humans will eventually grow to look at the world and start comparing themselves. Wonder how they overcome self doubt? Seeing themselves as inferior versions of themselves that can possibly cripple a child and how to overcome self doubt. It has happened to the best of us and will happen till time immortal.

My daughter is quite small for her age. It has been weighing heavy on us seeing other kids much younger to her, stand taller. Specially when we all hear comments like, “Oh, is she really 5?” or “I can put her in my pocket.” Off hand comments made with no thought, but a reminder of her being small.

As much as I worry about it and think about ways that we can help her grow, I have always worried more about the day that she starts seeing herself as different than others. And it happened on her fifth birthday!

She woke up early morning and questioned why she didn’t “look like she was 5”? Putting it down to a child’s question we went on with our day where she kept repeating and getting more disappointed to the point of crying hysterically after her birthday dinner.

When I went down to her level and talked about it, she was hurt that she hadn’t grown taller overnight. “Why am I not like 5 like other kids? They look so different.” It broke my heart. To witness my daughter seeing herself unlike other kids. I let the moment passed and comforted her. And later told her a story about a princess who was small but with a BIG heart and intelligent and helped others with her actions. She loved, loved, loved the new tilt to her perspective and slept with a smile on her face.

And as luck would have it, the next morning we got a book from the author of the book “Being Small Isn’t Bad At All”. Seeing her disadvantage as an advantage worked wonders for her self esteem. Just goes to show what the right books can do for a person’s perspective on life and themselves. If you happen to have a child facing our particular challenge, I can guarantee, this book will change your child’s perspective towards betterment.


This of course is not just restricted to being small. It applies to all those little or big things that make our children ever so slightly different than others. I have always tried my best to empower my kids in the many ways developing a confident mindset to overcome the daily overwhelm that comes with self doubt.

Overcome Self Doubt - Being Different

Get Down to Their Level

Not just literally (though that helps), but don’t just brush off what they are feeling. Help them address their concerns with empathy towards their view point. A hug often helps.

Some Time Off

A big hug, a walk, some time away from what they are feeling later with ice cream, helps them get out of their funk. At least it helps them get out of the hole for a while. Be a friend, by BEING with them, without forcing the issue.

Share Your Own Stories

I never try to hide my own insecurities from my children. I have often told them about times when I have been disappointed or failed or seen myself differently. AND I have talked to them about what I have done over time to overcome the same.

Make Up Stories

You will not believe the smile she had and the encouragement she felt when I told her about the princess who was small (with qualities of things that she liked) and then how it was not her shortcomings (no  pun intended) but her OTHER qualities that helped the kingdom out of the situation. A story tailor made for your child told in a different setting helps them be the 3rd person and see the situation different,

Empower Them with Empathy

Read to them. Talk to them. Not just about their particular self doubts but also, about the MANY different children there are. Teach them about children with different abilities and situations. When they learn how to be kind hearted and SEE other’s situations in a positive light, they grow to shine with their own light as well.

Wait for It

As parents, we all worry but with all the above, a day comes when all those moments come together towards a view point that makes you proud. Like your child standing up for themselves, or ever better, others!

Early, on recent morning, as we got ready for school I told my son to clean his glasses before wearing them and the conversation about glasses led to him mentioning that none of his friends at school wear glasses. He went on to tell me to my surprise that there was a time when he was embarrassed by them, but he got over it by thinking, “Being different doesn’t mean that I have to feel bad about it. I just have to be okay with it. It’s a part of me. “

And then, I knew my kids were okay. For they will grow to know, “Being different is not bad at all.”

 


If you enjoyed this and want more practical tips for imbibing your children with strong values for a confident mindset in the world that constantly evolves.

 

We Need to Be Mindful About Our Impatience with Children

We Need to Be Mindful About Our Impatience with Children

by with 7 Comments Mindset

Do you notice yourself getting more and more impatient with your children?

Human nature is such that we are always craving for more. In our teen years, we are constantly craving for freedom. In the 20’s, we look forward to having fun, getting a good job, buying the newest gadget and more. When we reach our 30’s, we think of traveling, marriage and buying a house.

So this vicious circle of always wanting more never stops. Growing older doesn’t necessary help this process BUT growing wiser definitely helps put things into perspective.

Accept it or deny it but one of the most important reasons we get married is to procreate. A few honeymoons later, everyone begins to think of having children. One of the biggest mistakes most adults make today is listing ‘Having Children’ in their checklist of duties to do. Oh and believe it or not, some of us can’t wait to put a ‘tick’ on that box.

Children are truly a blessing of God and as their parents it is our duty to nurture them with love and care. During pregnancy, we tend to be very cautious and take care of every little detail of our daily routine. We do everything that would NOT harm the baby. And when the baby enters this world, we become even more careful and protective and do everything to care for this little being, who is totally dependent on us.

But as parenthood progresses, we tend to take our blessings for granted. We are overcome with impatience and feel pressured by our changing lifestyle. The journey of a happy couple to new parents and then to being responsible and hands-on parents can be a bumpy one sometimes. In the quest to be perfect parents, we often want to be in control of everything and that is when things seem to fall apart.

Real Reasons Behind the Growing Impatience with Our Kids

We lose patience easily and become extremely intolerant towards our kids. We begin to expect them to behave like adults, forgetting that they are still children because they are not so little anymore.

 

Some reasons why parents tend to be overly intolerant or impatient towards their children are:-

• Multitasking

We often want to have control of everything happening around us and prefer to multitask than to delegate. Women especially are known to be great at multitasking but how good are we at managing the stress that comes with it. In the quest of controlling everything, we tend to be intolerant and neglectful towards our children and tend to respond to them only after our work is completed.

• Marital Issues

We Need to Be Mindful About Our Impatience with Children. Reduce impatience with Children

In most marital problems and arguments, it is an innocent child who bears the brunt. We need to vent out our frustration somewhere, and children can be those soft targets. The age and maturity of a child doesn’t matter. Whether it is a small child or a teenager, the effect of our anger and anguish is always negative.

During a heated argument, we don’t raise our hands on our spouse because that would be physical abuse and no one wants to be accounted for domestic violence. Instead, we lose our cool on the kids and raise our hands on them (because no one looks at this as child abuse).

• Financial Stress

The slowing economy, job cuts and inflation can put pressure on any household. This in turn leads to making us impatient and agitated, and we tend to lose our mind at the kids more often, when things get out of control at home. If you sit back and think about it, children are not affected by these socio-economic factors because they don’t have an understanding of it, and at the end of the day they are only being what they are…children!

• Work-Home Balance

Trying to maintain a work-home balance can be very taxing, when there are children and/or other family members involved. Finding a good helper, a caring nanny or the right daycare can be very challenging for most parents.

Long working hours and work-related stress takes a toll on most individuals. Worked-up individuals then carry forward their frustrations and agitations to their family. Parents either tend to snap at their children or ignore them completely, while trying to deal with their daily problems.

• Competitive Nature

Parents these days are very competitive and want their children to excel in all aspects of life (which is not ideally possible!) We tend to overlook one very important thing – whether our child is enjoying the learning process or not.

Structured learning post-school hours can in fact bore a child and make him less interested in learning newer things because anything monotonous is never appealing. We need to start letting our kids plan their learning and play time according to how or what they feel that day.

Of course that doesn’t mean we let them play with gadgets all day. We can help them with their choices and steer them in the right direction, which will empower them to make correct decisions as adults.


• Phone Anxiety/Gadget Addiction

We have gotten so used to sliding, swiping and switching from one page to another that we think we can use this flipping technique to shoo away our kids too. Children need care, attention and time and we cannot just slide them off like a notification on the phone. As parents, we need to pull the plug on gadget addiction and re-focus on our children.

• Selfishness

Some parents refuse to let go off their pre-parenthood lifestyle for their own selfish reasons. They arrange for play dates to get their children off their back, enroll them in back-to-back classes to have less of them to deal with, spend the weekend shopping or dining with friends (while the kids are back home).

The fear of losing out on fun with friends often makes parents neglect their kids over the weekend, which in reality is a time for family-bonding. Striking a good balance between having a social life and spending time with family is important. Choosing the former over the latter can have devastating effects on our children.

We must remember that our negative behavior towards children can have very damaging effects on them. It can result in:

• Childhood/teenage depression and anxiety (which usually carries forward in to adulthood)
• Susceptible to bullying
• Lack of motivation and goals
• Low self-esteem and self-confidence
• Become social misfits or introverts
• Addiction to drugs, alcohol, gadgets and material pleasures

Let’s hope to make a few changes in our lifestyle and re-think our priorities. In a few years, when our children have gone away to acquire an education or for better work prospects, we will be left longing for them.

Let’s not make them long for our genuine love and affection as children. NOW is the time to spend their best years being there for them, so that when they go away, they have a reason to come back. NOW is the time to listen to them, so that when they grow up and need advice, they know where to look for it.

The best use we can make of our love and time is to INVEST it in our CHILDREN!

The Paradox of Racing Time in Parenting

The Paradox of Racing Time in Parenting

by with 10 Comments Kids CornerMindset

To say that I’m time-obsessed would be an understatement. But it is also true that I was not like this all my life. I have always been the laid-back kid who never feels the urge to rush. I took my own sweet time to get around to doing anything.

I took time to warm up to people. I took time to understand a new concept being taught. But something about having my own kids changed my entire perspective.

The clock-obsessed lady was hiding under the surface of that calm, slow little girl. Now everything that I do revolves around the clock. I have to finish cooking by 10, sit with my son to do his homework from 4:30 to 5:30, take my daughter to a class at 6, pick up my son from his class at 4:30 and so on so forth. The time obsession has moved on to such level that I get impatient if I feel any member of my family seems to be relaxed, a little too relaxed in my opinion, especially if we are all getting ready for some event.

And of all the events, doctor’s appointments are the worst! The fact that you have to be somewhere at a fixed time can get your blood pressure raising very high. And if you add traffic in to this mix, it can really cause you to hyperventilate.

So you’re sitting there, not moving an inch, in the midst of the worst traffic of your life (to be honest, they all seem like that), one eye on the road hoping the car ahead of you will move and another eye on the ticking clock, your pulse raising with every increase of the minute hand.

You sit there wishing that you had started earlier than you did from home. You sit there trying to resist the urge to say some mean things to the guy who cut in front of you, after-all the whole point of this whole circus, the apple of your eye, your little son is sitting right behind you. You wonder why did everyone have to step out of their house exactly on the same day and at the same time when you were running late just a few minutes,  only to find that now you’re running a lot more than a few minutes late. And as you have nothing else to do, you drum on the steering wheel, make loud sighing noises and the merciless clock just keeps ticking and ticking and ticking.

For a second, you wonder if all the clocks in the world should be trashed in some dumpster for mocking your helplessness and then let out another huge sigh and drum some more on the steering wheel. Finally, after what seems like zillion minutes, the traffic lets out, and you feel like you’re flying through the streets.

Your turn to mock the clock. And so the dance continues, you win some you lose some.

 

Neha Narayan is a 9th grader in high school. She likes biking, drawing, and, well, watching YouTube. She hopes to be successful in whatever she decides to do.

Sangeetha Narayan likes to do everything. From writing, reviewing books, and being a great mother (even if she does say so herself) she keeps herself busy. She hopes to continue writing and reviewing and become successful.

 

 

Grab Your Copy of Strong Roots Have No Fear – The book for children to thrive with strong values in a multicultural world!

I Want to Raise Happy Kids : Not Just Miserable Overachievers

I Want to Raise Happy Kids : Not Just Miserable Overachievers

by with 13 Comments EducationMindset

I see it everywhere. Parents cheering their kids on as they get trophies for participating and winning competitions that the parents have clearly done the work in. Kids exhausted and cranky from being over scheduled for classes in the name of all rounded development, exposure OR figuring out their talent.

We all agree we shouldn’t push kids for academics, but pushing them towards constant excellence in EVERY other field bears some thought too. 

Kids do not know what to do with themselves during free time. They can’t process failure, full of their own self importance. We unwittingly cheer for mediocrity while pushing our children to discover their hidden talents.

When I see dance/cooking competitions on Television with kids as young as 5/6 and parents of 6-10 year olds celebrating their kids’ accomplishment of being authors of stories they made up at bedtime. Kids gaining false confidence of talent when winning competitions that are rigged. Let’s face it, the pressure of the first is certainly not good for that young a mind and the second is a child’s ramblings put into a book with the parent having done ALL the work. Who truly benefits from this?

Constantly Reaching for the Next High of Success

I have been guilty of it too. We see our kids excelling at something and rush to show it off, challenge them more,  hoping they are the master in that field.

I see others like me taking something their kids enjoy doing, like building with Legos, or drawing or be good at engineering and start entering them into competitions or leagues. Thus taking away the doing just for “joy” and adding stress to it since of course now it has to be perfect before submission added to that the fact that one needs to work with team of different people, where they lose their own creativity and have to submit to the idea that’s best for the submission.

Why can’t we let kids be creative JUST for the sake of exploring? Free play has so much more to provide.

(I don’t know. If you do let me know in the comments below. I’m always open to seeing the other side of the coin.)

There is a fine line between providing your children opportunities and overwhelming them by teaching them that you need to get a medal in order derive joy from DOING. 

On the other hand, we have preschool teachers and parents who encourage others to hold their child back a year before starting kindergarten so that they get a leg up on the other kids who will certainly be younger since they would be MORE mature.

Where does that common sense of KNOWING that children are not mature enough to handle stress of a certain kind go away when you are pushing your child to get into gifted programs or competitions which add so much more pressure on the child?

As as Indian, I faced it quite early and consistently. My mom pushing me to get that one extra mark for a 100 score. Studying for hours at end. But then that’s all I had to do. I wonder how miserable I would be if I was in today’s world where I see kids doing 7+ extracurricular classes each week (more than there are number of days in the week), after a full day at school.

Both my children are quite perceptive and intelligent for their ages. I would imagine they both represent the average child and I see both being overwhelmed with the extra curricular classes or over activity. My daughter is too young to articulate the overwhelm. But my son says it time an again, ” I don’t get any time to just BE and PLAY!”


It disturbs me when all around me I see parents pushing children to go through TONNES of classes so they can explore their inner self OR stay away from gadgets. While I’m the first person to celebrate a child’s drawing or out of box thinking or grade or admission into gifted program (when achieved without hacking the system), I truly wonder how healthy it is for children that we as a generation are pushing our children to grow beyond their years.

And then we wonder why the younger generations are getting more and more miserable?!

People have forgotten how to JUST BE. How to be content with what they have in their hands. How to look at another and NOT wonder how I too can get that. How to be happy for anther’s naturally achieved success. It is a wonder why children today don’t know how to just play by themselves.

I won’t lie. I would LOVE for my children to be the next Einstein but only if they get to it on their own. I truly believe the talent within grows with time on it’s own, but happiness and how to enjoy life is something we need to teach by example. I imagine I would love my children to be amazing at everything they do. BUT I know as strongly as I know that I am breathing now, that a child that is PUSHED towards success can only learn to be on the GO, constantly wanting the next HIGH of getting that next medal or achievement. They will never learn how to be happy in the moment.

Empower Kids with the Contentment of Just Being

Life is stressful enough as we grow.

That first F. That first failure. That first heartbreak and many more. That job rejection. Those times when one feels looked down upon by the Success Gods. There’s enough of that without us setting them up for failure in the long run by handing them embellished achievements when they are young.

What we need to do, is teach them how to handle all those times when you feel the world is falling in within you and your heart is shattering into a million pieces.

I cry as I write this while coz I hope every single day that my child does not face any of the heart aches that I did KNOWING full well that they WILL, some day. And I pray that I give them the strength to handle them all. To know to be strong for themselves and those around them. Standing up when they don’t have the strength to.

Recently, a mother celebrated her child’s 60s while others were rejoicing their child’s 90s at school. Many questioned about my she needed to put it out there at all. I on the other hand wonder why so many of us don’t celebrate our child’s mediocrity enough? For every child has struggles they personally go through and achieve. I’m not talking about making it out of preschool. But that child who is struggling with anxiety issues or is shy. The child who got that C after getting tonnes of Ds or Fs. Not a celebration with a party or trophy but maybe just a sweet treat and a recognition of their hard work with a hug and a trip to their favorite place.

That’s how we show our children to process failures. That’s how we raise children to KNOW that they are enough within and they don’t need to constantly keep proving to those around them that they are worthy and talented.

My heart glows with warmth when I see a my son know how to respond to weird questions, bullying or teasing by friends. How deal with personal embarrassments and frequent embarrassments. It makes me smile inside when I am working and they play/read by my side, without any prompts or nudging. I feel pride when parents wonder how polite they are and thoughtful. Yes, we are still working on a number of issues but I know we are on the right path a lifetime of success, measured by laughter and strength.

With all that’s been happening lately, it is so much more important now than ever that we focus on raising a generation that knows how to just be happy and kind to each other. 

 

 

For step by step practical tips on raising your child to have balanced outlook on life, grab my book at 30% discount now !!

Parenting Tips for Parents with Large Age Gaps Between Kids

Parenting Tips for Parents with Large Age Gaps Between Kids

by with 4 Comments Parenting

When I thought about how I wanted my family to be, when I was younger, I never thought I’d have a 15-year gap between my oldest and second children. My children are 20, 5, 3, and 2. While I love how things shaped up (it took me a while to meet someone I wanted to settle down with and have more kids with), having a large gap between kids has presented a bit of a challenge. My big kid has a completely different set of needs than my younger kids do, and because the younger kids need a lot more hands-on from mom, as much as I hate to admit it, my older kid can get lost in the shuffle of everyday life.

While my 20 year old is crushing it at college now, there’s still a good bit of balancing that goes on to keep family life running smoothly – and to make sure no one is left out. Without further ado, here are things I found that work well for parenting when there’s a large age gap.

Set aside time to focus on the older child(ren).

I can’t stress enough how much I cherished the time last summer with my oldest. We went on a daily walk/run for all of July and August. That provided my son with an opportunity to have his mom all to himself for the duration of the outing, without interruptions from younger siblings. This meant he could talk about all the things that were bothering him, important to him, etc. It was great.

We also take him out to dinner – just him – at least a few times while he’s home in the fall and winter. It’s not really possible to do that during the summer due, but we do that whenever we can – and it’s really nice to have that time.

Don’t make your older child your designated babysitter.

I know. I’m guilty of this from time to time, but last summer we compensated him for the time he spent watching his siblings. It’s really easy to get caught up in the convenience of having a child old enough to babysit at home. Be sure that you’re not relegating your child to this role.

parenting tips for parents with large age gaps between kids

Be aware that even with big gaps between kids, sibling rivalries can exist.

Growing up, there were 14 years between my older brother and myself. He grew up in a different household, so he always felt like my younger brother and I were the “real family” and he was an outsider. It’s so important, especially if there is a new relationship involved, to protect your child from feeling “cast aside” in favor of younger siblings. I was actually pretty shocked when my big kid was picking on his younger sister and taking her toys – who knew you had to worry about a teenager snagging a toddler’s toys?

Let your older child be a big sibling and mentor to your younger child.

In fact, encourage a mentor ship role. Life is hard, and your older child has navigated a big part of it. Let him or her give your younger child tips – whether it’s on avoiding getting in trouble with mom & dad or it’s sharing the best ways to learn to ride a bike. The magic of this is that it will foster closeness between siblings – even when one sibling is out of the house already.

Maintain a sense of flexibility.

Kids, particularly the 5 and under crowd, bring a certain amount of chaos into the picture. Have a backup plan for family activities, and try to plan them when best for the energy levels, hunger levels, and moods of the younger child(ren). You won’t regret it.

Support your older child’s activities and interests.

This may mean hiring a sitter for the evening. Show up to games, meets, plays, recitals, etc. It’s worth it. Again, the last thing that as a parent I ever wanted to do was to have my oldest feel he’d been replaced by his younger siblings. It isn’t always possible for us to get up to his college to see him perform, but in high school, we made sure to go to every home game or meet and every play he was involved in.

Do you have children with a large age gap? Share your experiences in the comments. Read more about raising children here.

 

Books About Bullying for Elementary Age Kids

Books About Bullying for Elementary Age Kids

by with 8 Comments BooksBullying

Bullying can be tricky. There is just a fine line between one off meanness and consistent bullying. In my book, Strong Roots Have No Fear, I have spoken in length about step by step actionable steps you can provide your child. One of the most important ones is to give them scenarios and how to handle them. What better way than books to show them stories of every day children facing the same in a real or magical world.

The Shrimp and the Bully

I picked up this book on a whim and what a wonderful resource this is for kids who are small in height or feel they are different.

Bucket Dippers and Lids

This is a wonderful book for 6-8 year olds, to teach them the difference between someone who fills another’s bucket with kindness or reduces another’s happiness.

Berenstain Brothers – Stand Up to Bullying

If your kids like Berestain Brothers like mine do, you will love this look through their eyes. My boy used to love the read.

Why Bully Me

This is to show all friends come in different sizes and we need to empathize with everyone.


Juice Box Bully

One of the best things kids can do to combat bullying is to stand up for one another, which is exactly what The Juice Box Bully is about. Students will learn how to have each other’s backs instead of doing nothing when they witness bully confrontation.

Hundred Dresses

Style is a BIG issue for multicultural kids. It addresses a classmate who is ridiculed by bullies for wearing the same dress to school every day, while other students stand by and do nothing to help.

Bully

It is a perfect read for our increasingly digitally-savvy students. You want your kids to know how to handle cliques and digital pushing around.

Wonder

I cannot recommend this book enough for little kids aged 6-8. It is so important to see the strength of every kid. August was born with a facial deformity so he’ll have to convince his classmates that he is normal, just like them, despite his appearances.

I Am Enough

Before anything, we need our kids to know that they are enough. How they are, in every way they are.

Llamma Llamma – The Goat Bully

Such a great book for tiny little ones, to show they what to do when bullies trouble them.

Stand in My Shoes

This book by the author of The Juice Box Bully helps children learn the meaning of empathy. Emily’s big sister explains that empathy is the ability to notice what other people feel. Emily wonders if having empathy really makes a difference, and puts it to the test! She suddenly has a whole new perspective on people.

Just Kidding

This is a problem even adults face. D.J.’s friend Vince has a habit of teasing heavily and then trying to brush it off with a “Just kidding!” D.J. worries that protesting will make it appear like he can’t take a joke. This book helps with a positive solution.

Bully Busters and Beyond

This book is a wonderful resource for 9 things you can empower your child with towards self-confidence, self-esteem, and strength of character.

Seeds and Trees

This is a sweet little book to talk to kid about the importance of words and the effect they have.

Toot Toot !

I read this book to my both my kids and we were so lucky to find it. It is a great way to show kids that EVERY single child has the power within to make a difference. My daughter still loves it.

Tales from the Bully Box

Real life stories that can make an impact as well. The book is really a collection of short stories about bullying from students of all walks of life. The subject matter is diverse and the book also includes discussion questions.

Strictly No Elephants

When a boy’s pet elephant is explicitly excluded from joining the local Pet Club, the boy sets out to show the other animals the error in their ways. A beautiful way to show kids the importance of inclusion.

A Glass Full of Rumors

We have all faced it. Which is why it is so important to share with kids early the importance of defining and stopping a rumor in it’s tracks.

My Princess Boy

It is a story of compassion, acceptance, unconditional parental love and friendship. We like it because rather than avoid a tricky subject.

There’s Roti in my Lunch Box

An important book for children living in a multicultural world, where other’s have different customs. Talk to your children about this .

For scenarios that you may come across in daily life and real world practical tips for dealing with bullying, what to do in case that happens and ensuring your child does NOT become a bully themselves, you can buy use the below book for your family.

If you found this resource useful, make sure to check out our post for books that help in empowering children early with a confident mindset.

Another great resource is https://www.drugrehab.com/guides/bullying/

Books to Raise Awareness About Bullying in Elementary Age Kids

20 Steps Towards Finding Calm Within Self & Family

20 Steps Towards Finding Calm Within Self & Family

by with 12 Comments Mindset

Have you taken a moment to be with yourself today? Life seems to move pretty quickly these days. Many parents share with me that they are constantly overwhelmed between texts, emails, school functions, extracurricular activities, and trying to have a personal life! As parents and caregivers, you are navigating many tasks and many roles. (Your kids and teens are too!) Through it all, you likely have a strong desire to be calm parents. Furthermore, you want to be grounded and feel a sense of stability and ease within your family.

I invite you to Stop. Breathe. Feel.

How is this landing with you? You might consider the number of transitions you’ve endured today. What are the various roles you’ve filled today?

Notice the quality of these considerations.

Calming practices connect us to our breath, our body, and the moment, are crucial.

The Power of Calming Exercises

Courtney Harris

Thu, May 2, 10:47 AM (22 hours ago)
to Aditi
INTRO PARAGRAPH CHANGED:
Have you taken a moment to be with yourself today? Life seems to move pretty quickly these days. Many parents share with me that they are constantly overwhelmed between texts, emails, school functions, extracurriculars, and trying to have a personal life! As parents and caregivers, you are navigating many tasks and many roles. (Your kids and teens are too!) Through it all, you likely have a strong desire to be calm parents. Furthermore, you want to be grounded and feel a sense of stability and ease within your family.
THE POWER OF CALMING EXERCISES CHANGED:
Energy is transferable. That said, think of the last time a family conflict occurred.
Stop. Breathe. Feel. What sensations or words or images are bubbling up?
Science helps us understand that Once one family member escalates, it’s likely that everyone else in the room will escalate. Likewise, if one family member can stay grounded, it’s more likely that everyone else in the room will stay calm too.
 
I invite you to become familiar with your body’s unique signs in various states, including calm and activated. As you model this awareness and talk about it, you will support your kids and family in growing their emotional awareness as well.
 
Again, life is busy and there’s so much that’s outside of our control. This said, you have the power and responsibility to care for yourself in ways that help you feel calm and grounded. If you are experiencing any of the following sensations, you have an opportunity to practice grounding self-care:
  • Lack of focus
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Racing thoughts
  • Being easily distracted
  • Anxiety or worry
Calming exercises can be used preventatively, especially as we become more familiar with our body’s signs and signals of stress or disease. Yes, they can help when things are beginning to escalate or when we feel overwhelmed; AND, the practices themselves can aid in preventing escalation to begin with. These practices are for both consistent and emergency self-care.


Exercises for Self-Care as a Parent

20 Steps Towards Finding Calm Within Self & Family

  1. Stand barefooted on the Earth. Grass, dirt, and riverbeds are great, and if only rocks or asphalt are available, this works too!
  2. Hula hoop OR do the movement of hula hooping, keeping your feet rooted to the Earth and circling your hips in a way that feels soothing or stretchy.
  3. Do a set of lunges and squats. Work until your leg muscles feel awake, alert, and heavy.
  4. Take a slow, mindful walk. Notice each step.
  5. Lay down on the ground. Rather than a bed or a couch, try laying on the firm ground. Bonus: lay down outside on the Earth!
  6. Hold rocks, stones, or crystals in your hands. Alternatively, lay down and place the stones on your body in places that feel supportive for you. (I like to put stones on my thighs, belly, chest, and forehead.)
  7. Stomp your feet while reciting a mantra or affirmation. For example, “I am steady and strong.” (Bonus: Do this barefooted and outside!)
  8. Hug a tree. Really. Feel how strong and sturdy they are.
  9. Wherever you are, notice your feet. Pay attention to how they feel and what surfaces they are touching and how they are supporting you.
  10. Spend time gardening or doing yard work.
  11. Lay down with extra blankets on your torso. Weighted blankets can be one of the many useful tools for helpful for better sleep.
  12. Sit or picnic in a park or garden or forest. Let yourself be surrounded by nature.
  13. Notice your breath. No need to alter or change it, just follow up.
  14. Eat a meal that includes root vegetables
  15. Take a sensory journey. Notice what you are seeing, feeling, touching, hearing, and tasting. Take time to inventory and/or engage with your surroundings.
  16. Practice self-massage or Abhyanga or schedule a massage with a therapist.
  17. Try a rooting or grounding meditation on YouTube.
  18. Open windows (or at least blinds and curtains) so that you can see and connect with the elements outside. Natural light can be grounding and energizing.
  19. Get a pedicure or give yourself one. Give attention and love to the roots of your body!
  20. Use sandbags to lay across your body as you rest, meditate, or relax.


 

How to Use These As a Family

 

Some families I work with integrate select practices into their weekly routines. Other families use this list as a menu that can be consulted at family meetings, during downtime, or even in the beginning stages of a miscommunication or challenging moment.

In fact, the more familiar you and your family become with calming practices, the more likely you will all be to access them as self-care maintenance. At first, these might be a bit more reactionary. You might find yourself using them when you are already overwhelmed or frazzled and anxious. I encourage you to stay patient, though, because as the word practice implies, you will become more comfortable over time and will create easier access to the strategies that soothe, calm,  and steady you.

As you dig into these practices, you may also find yourself (and your child)  noticing what best supports you. Together, you and your family can build individual support system maps to document the people, places, and things that bring you the most comfort and calm.

This article was first published https://courtneyharriscoaching.com/2018/12/04/20-ways-to-be-a-calm-grounded-parent/

Learn More About the Muslim Culture through Reading

Learn More About the Muslim Culture through Reading

by with 5 Comments BooksReview

Being from Kuwait, I have seen Muslims celebrate Ramadan and Eid and even celebrated this Muslim festival of fasting. The book “Let’s celebrate Ramadan and Eid” still had a lot to teach me about the these two important aspects of the Muslim culture, even enlightening me (and of course my children) about how different cultures around the world celebrate the same days of fasting and festivities. I am constantly on the look out for books that help broaden my children’s world view and this book was a great way to introduce them to the Muslim culture.

No matter how much you think you know, there is always more to learn through the Maya and Neel adventures.

I received this book from Ajanta Chakraborthy, an amazing content creator and am frankly so privileged to get first dibs on this amazing new addition to the Maya and Neel collection of books that imparts to the world the minute intricacies of sub cultures with the Indian ecosystem.


This book is another gem in the beautiful tapestry that Ajanta and her husband Vivek are creating for the world to explore and learn from. I have said it before and I say it again, the word glossary in the beginning is a great addition for families to learn a new language.

Maya and Neel take us on another unique adventure showing us through vivid illustrations and a welcoming story of diversity. They even let us peek into the lives of the Khan family. You really do not want to miss out on this trip around the world with these adorable twosome and their pet squirrel who also gives up peanuts to be one with the family that is hosting them.

The story totally enthralled my children and we have read it five times in the two days we have had it. I would say, if you have a question about the diversity with the Indian culture, Maya and Neel are your go to travel buddies.

If you have not already, there is no better time than now to start on this amazing series and pick up this great book to introduce to your children about Ramadan and Eid.

You can read more in detail about Ramadan and Girgian here and the many delicacies that are enjoyed during this festive time.


Make SURE to visit CultureGroove to find out what the dynamic duo are up to next. They often create amazing resources for parents everywhere so subscribe to stay updated to that as well.

Learn More About the Muslim Culture Through Reading

Also, Don’t Forget to Download the Internationally Bestselling Must Read Book for Multicultural Parents Everywhere

Would You Celebrate with a Fiver Birthday Party Theme?

Would You Celebrate with a Fiver Birthday Party Theme?

by with 9 Comments Birthdaysfestivals

My daughter turns 5 this year. As birthday milestones go, this is certainly a big one. For her and us. Any parent can attest to the bittersweet moment when a child starts Kindergarten. Those first steps towards the bus, the new back pack and that last wave goodbye. Heart wrenching but so monumental in their meaning. I went online to find the best ways I can make her birthday memorable and among the many themes, came across the Fiver birthday party. For a 5-year-old, the name seemed like the perfect fit till I went on to read what it was.

Now, at the face it is a brilliant idea.

Every child coming to the party is requested to bring a $5 bill in a card and then the birthday kid gets to combine the total towards a larger present that they desire. The invitations would read something like, “So-and-so is having a “fiver” party! He wants to save up for a [insert gift here], so if you wish to send a gift, please include $5 in a card instead!” or something along those lines; worded respectfully with no pressure to include any gift at all.


I certainly get why this would be a great option for the many celebrations we host for our kids.

A Rewarding Option 

With say, 8-20 kids in a class if you get invited to even 10 parties it reduces the overall cost. Even if you spend $10 per child, not counting the many other expenses of parties throughout the year this becomes cost effective. Not to mention the fact that the money goes towards something the kid really wants. 

Convenient

We all know how hard it is to go to the store and buy a gift for someone. We never know what the kid would like, and then end up spending a good amount of time pondering over the various options. Even if we know what the child likes, sometimes we do not know what they already have. Other times, we fear disappointment.

Reduces Clutter

Yes! A lot of presents translate into a lot of “stuff” around the house which eventually becomes a headache for us as we have to clean up daily after play or have to figure out where in the closets to place them.

Makes the Birthday Kid More Thoughtful

In the material world we live in, this may be a great idea where the child is not focused on the presents but on having a good time. Also, they would need to put in a lot of thought into what toy they most want. Or worry about who brought want.

Reduces Disappointment

Let’s face it. Sometimes those thoughtless, last minute or re gifted gifts can be downright hurtful, not just to the kid but to the parents as well. The disappointment is hard to witness.

 

I do have the other side of the coin to present on this subject though. My take on how traditional gifts help our children grow –

Exploring New Paths

When my son was little, I was dreading Legos. Having heard the horror stories of how much of a mess they make, they were the last thing on my mind when I hosted his 4th birthday party. One of our very good friends gifted him a Lego building box. My son took to it immediately and became passionate about creating. He went onto building vehicles, towers, cities, fidget spinners and now is into Lego animation. Last month he created a video for the school’s Reflections competition and won third place in it. All because someone gave an unexpected gift on his birthday. Over the years, he has received dinosaur building kits, robots, books etc that I as a parent would never have thought of and they all contributed to his mental development.


There is an Excitement in Opening Presents  

Even I as an adult love the excitement of removing the crinkled paper and seeing a thoughtful gift inside, however less in material value. I have pictures of both kids surrounded by their presents every year. That smile before and as they open them is precious.

Thoughtful Gifts Build Relationships 

Every cherished gift has made stronger the foundation of the relationships for every child remembers that one gift that meant the world to them. My kids have even kept most of the hand made cards they have received.

Giving with Meaning

I used to run to the store and grab a gift while the kids were in school. I thought it would avoid the drama of them crying for it. Recently though, I have started taking them to the store to pick out gifts for their friends. The reasoning they put into what they get for their friends is heartwarming.

Inner Growth

Yes, there is disappointment when you see someone put next to no thought in what they gift you. It is still a wonderful learning opportunity for our children to accept what they get with grace and humility. Also, it is our job to shift the focus away from the presents and onto the present. Taking ownership of their “stuff” and clearing things up is a big part of kids’ personal development.

The cons of a fiver party can certainly not beat the convenience and cost effectiveness the theme provides. But it is certainly something to ponder over. Maybe that is where balance comes into play. Like how some years we have birthdays that are over the top in their extravagance and other days it’s just us, pizza or a memorable trip somewhere.

Don’t forget to get your copy of our Best selling book Strong Roots Have No Fear! Empower your child to be empowered in their values with a global outlook.

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5 Awesome Travel Hacks When Traveling With Your Teens

by with 6 Comments TeenagersTravel

 

Traveling with your teens is something extraordinary, but you cannot ignore the challenges it brings along. As your kids start getting older, from toddlers to early childhood and teenage, the travel challenges keep on changing, so you require new strategies every time you travel. This way you can have a new kind of holiday every time you plan a trip.

When children become teenagers, they get to experience a new set of challenges and most of all, new kind of vacation.

As the teens get to fine-tune their choices as well as teen personalities, their pals become more important to them than anyone else. Disney and all the fairy tale characters are replaced with outdoor activities and sports.

So here we have a few awesome travel hacks when traveling with teens. They will help you enjoy each other’s company and make everything less hectic.

  • Involve your Teen Child in the Trip Planning

Children mostly behave in the most casual ways, most of the time when you will ask them about what to do on the holidays or where to go, they will casually reply with a ‘whatever.’ But it is crucial to involve them in the trip planning and take their suggestions. Each teen out there wants to be heard, no matter what they say or how they act.

If the kids are involved in the trip planning at an earlier stage, they will enjoy it more and would not complain much. It will teach them how to compromise.

My teenage twins, son and daughter, are the two I discuss everything with, from the trip location to the cost. They are the ones who mostly decide the holiday destination. Both of them have different choice and taste; however, we always pay attention to anything particular that either of us wants. So we compromise for each other and respect each other’s choices.

  • Download Google Maps for Offline Use

When traveling with children, be it toddlers or teens, you don’t want to risk anything. In such cases, ‘Google Maps’ is a lifesaver. Make sufficient space in your tablet or mobile phone and download the ‘Google Maps’ app to browse it later in the offline mode when exploring and moving around the new places.

This app is simple to operate. You can ask your teen kid to the job for you. All the little heads these days are technology freaks; therefore, they know everything about the virtual reality.

Bonus tip: You can also download the ‘Google Translate’ app on your phone. It is another app that is quite beneficial when traveling. When you don’t know the native language of the particular country you are visiting; Google Translate is a true blessing. The best part about this app is that you don’t need an internet connection to make it work. So now you can understand any language and can reply in seconds with the help of this fabulous offline tool.

  • Pack Everything Together

Parents are mostly in panic when packing for themselves and their children. They don’t want to forget anything. When traveling, our brains are mostly consumed a lot, and we often feel overwhelmed, so we forget most of the things here and there especially children, they are more likely to forget things.

Ask your children to help you when packing. It will help them learn the value of things. Packing is an excellent time to teach your kids accountability. Ask your teen kid to prepare a packing list first, so nothing gets left behind. It is something that will make your whole experience a lot less stressful.

Make sure not to over pack. When flying, your luggage bag should weigh according to the weight requirements. It is quite challenging to make last-minute adjustments; therefore, you should pack sensibly.


  • Don’t Forget About the Basics

Everyone knows about the basics, but they are of great significance so mentioning about them is crucial. You need to take care of all the essentials when packing, for example, extra outfits for you and your family, a few favorite outdoor gadgets and a first aid box including all the frequently used medicines like painkillers for headache or stomach pain, anti-allergy, cough syrups and more.

You never know what the trip brings next for you; hence, you should be prepared for everything ahead of time. Besides, packing the outdoor gadgets when traveling with teens is a wise decision, for instance, you can pack a pair of skates, a football, hoverboard or even a scooter.

You may be wonder what a hoverboard is? A hover board is all the rage these days. It is something that every teen loves. It is like a scooter having a board and two wheels, you just need to balance it well, and you are good to go!

  • Take the ‘Me’ Time

Personal space is mandatory for everyone, be it your husband, parents, or your teen kids. When you are traveling, take out some time for yourself and give some personal space to your teen kids as well for everyone needs time to rejuvenate and relax. Consider it one great way to spend amazing family holidays!

Not everyone shares similar interests; it is as simple as that. Therefore, giving each other space to experience different things is not a bad idea. A dull plan of sightseeing can be sometimes exhausting, so you need to set a good set of rules, and then you can let your children roam around freely to all the nearby sights including shopping malls, beaches, restaurants and more.

Furthermore, trips should not be forced. So let your child rest in the hotel room while you hang out with your partner if they don’t want to come along.

Make your traveling time the best time of the year! All these tips and tricks mentioned above are simple yet quite efficient in their own way. Understand how your teens think and work and try and mingle with them at every step to make it work. Have an amazing trip!


Images Source: pixabay.com

About the Author:

Lara Stewart is a fitness expert and gym owner. She is obsessed with physical health as well as healthy eating. She has in-depth knowledge about the fitness needs of the body and how one can stay healthy on a budget. She regularly posts at Scooter Scouter.

5 Awesome Travel Hacks fo Traveling with Teenagers

Bilingual Teens Have Better Job Opportunities

Bilingual Teens Have Better Job Opportunities

by with 7 Comments BilingualkidsLanguagesTeenagers

Raising kids in a bilingual, or multilingual, household benefits them in many ways. Multilingual kids have been shown to do better in school than their monolingual peers. Speaking multiple languages opens up social opportunities for kids, in and outside of school. There have even been studies that suggest bilingual adults have a lower risk of stroke!

As your kids get older, being bilingual may help them in other ways. Bilingual teens have more and higher quality work opportunities available to them! Using their natural gift of language can give them a leg up at the beginning of their professional lives.

Competitiveness in the Job Market

Even when searching out traditional job opportunities, being bilingual may give your teen the advantage. In most communities, a significant population speaks a language other than English in the home, with Spanish being the most common. In urban communities, the number of different languages spoken goes up significantly. Despite this, most Americans don’t speak a second language and rely solely on English for communication. Speaking a second language, any language, is incredibly valuable in a professional position and stands out on a job application.

Career Prospects

According to the United States Bureau of Labor, translators and interpreters are among the top 15 fastest growing career fields. Everyone from the Armed Forces to Fortune 500s need bilingual or multilingual employees to increase their global reach. For bilingual teens, this means a potentially lucrative career path that they can explore before college. These positions may be with local businesses, large corporations, or remote. Whether they are looking for part-time, flexible, or summer work; your bilingual teenager could commodity their second language.

Earning Potential

Being bilingual may mean earning more money. Teens who are bilingual may be able to find jobs that pay an extra bonus or hourly rate for that specialized skill. Though much of the benefit of multilingual differential pay comes at the management level, starting in a position at a younger age can mean more earning potential as teens progress in their career.

Travel Opportunities

For many young people, their first work experiences are summer jobs. For multilingual teenagers, being a camp counselor or summer intern could mean traveling to a foreign country. Speaking the language will make you and your child more comfortable exploring these options. When they are comfortable communicating in a different language, you can rest easy that they will be able to handle any challenges of world travel.

These types of summer opportunities are great, safe travel experiences for teens to immerse themselves in another culture. Most camps that hire foreign counselors cater to young people, providing plenty of training and supervision. Working with young children in a foreign country is a great way to practice their language skills and learn about cultural differences.


Niche Opportunities

Even as an adult, being bilingual can open up specific niche opportunities. As a teenager, being bilingual can mean the difference between landing a high value position or being rejected. A great place to look for niche positions is education and child care. Speaking and listening to a language is critical when kids are first learning.  Foreign language teachers are often looking for fluent speakers to help tutor younger students, or just to interact with them in the target language.

Working with ELL populations, English Language Learners, is another area that bilingual teens can thrive in. Even if your child doesn’t speak the same language as every student in the room, the experience of learning a second language is similar across cultures. With proper training and supervision, a bilingual teen can be an ideal teacher’s aid for an ELL class.

Remote Work

Technology has connected the globe and fostered the growth of global business. Being bilingual is a critical skill for finding remote and flexible work online. Translation and transcription are both competitive jobs that teens can start with little experience. Fluency in a second language is a sought-after skill in these industries. Teens as young as fifteen can find opportunities online that require fluency in more than one language, or opportunities in their second language.

Local Business and Organizations

Being bilingual offers teens more opportunities in their local communities, as well. Reaching out to local businesses can increase a teenager’s professional contacts, and eventually lead to meaningful work within the community. For business owners, a bilingual employee is a valuable member of the team.

Bilingual teens can take advantage of their skills to land high value positions at a young age. Job opportunities that utilize those language skills offer a myriad of benefits to your teen, as well. Teenagers who communicate in both languages on a regular basis will maintain their language skills better than those who don’t.  Taking advantage of travel and remote opportunities gives teens hands-on, cultural education. Plus, these opportunities look great on college apps and CVs as your teenager moves through their professional journey! Encourage your teenager to take advantage of their language gifts.

Ron Stefanski is the founder of JobsForTeensHQ.com and has a passion for helping teenagers find jobs. He created the website because he feels that teenagers need to focus on their professional passions much earlier in life and aims to teach them how they can do that. When he’s not working on his website, Ron is a college professor and loves to travel the world.

Don’t forget to make use of the below resources to give your child the head start in learning languages.

 

 


10 Steps to Help Your Child Adjust to Having Glasses

10 Steps to Help Your Child Adjust to Having Glasses

by with 10 Comments Mindset

When your little one gets diagnosed with glasses it is daunting. A feeling of dread creeps into your heart  and a million thoughts go through your mind.

Will they be able to adjust at school? How will your little ones handle this change? Will they be bullied for being different? Will they be able to handle a piece of equipment with them constantly? Will they be able to see themselves like they were? What did you do wrong that they got glasses so soon? Is there any way you can help them get rid of these? 

Not for long mind you. Within a few hours your heart and brain align and you understand that this is not really a big deal. Specially if you come from a family of people with glasses or astigmatism which is known to be hereditary . Heart in hearts you knew this was inevitable but you just weren’t prepared for it to happen so early in their lives.

The thing that we forget is that with technology so advanced, such cases are being caught earlier than before. Also, that it is better that they get support for their eyes so that they are better equipped to see the world. Besides, it is only a matter of time before they will grow up and either get lenses or Lasik and this point will be moot. Also, wearing glasses in many cases can be used as an enhancement and one can just remove them before clicking pictures or going swimming.

I have shared our personal experience here, but I wanted to go ahead and break down step by step the ways in which you can help your child adjust to this life altering event.

Prepare Them Before Eye Test

This depends on the child. But I find a well informed child (as they are naturally curious) helps them understand why it is important to sit still and give the right answers. My son found it very difficult to focus on where the doctor needed him to. Knowing that his persistence was important for the end result encouraged him to have patience.


Also, don’t be overly optimistic. Prepare them for the possibility that when you leave the eye institute they may have a cool device that gives them the power to see better.

Encourage Them During The Test

Children squirm. Incessantly. You will need to ensure to have your the bucket of your patience fully stocked as they keep trying to get out of the contraption. I must have had to tell him a million ties to “stay in his seat” and “give the right answer”.

 

Help Them Process Their Feelings

The minute the doctor said, “He will have to wear glasses full time” , my son face fell and he was close to tears. Negating and saying that ,”It’s okay. It’s fine. ” won’t help anyone. Let them understand and accept this new truth. Explain to them in the simplest terms using their favorite characters or interests how this new device helps them enhance their life.

Pick Out Something Cool

Whatever “amazing” is for them currently. Let them enjoy the process of picking out glasses that are their favorite color. They will grow an attachment to the glasses only when they enjoy owning them. Even if the glasses may not be your favorite, help the little ones guide you to their choice.


Ensure the glasses are durable and inexpensive. Get the year warranty for they are sure to damage the first pair of glasses they get within the first year.

Milestone Day of Fun

The day you get your glasses should be a day they remember forever. Make it a day full of things to do. Their favorite outing, their favorite food and getting their glasses. We even got my son a toy but that was because he braved this unwanted change really well and we wanted to reward his positive outlook.

Compliment Them (Within Reason)

Make sure you, your family and friends make a happy deal of them getting glasses. Have them compliment your child on how wonderful they look with them. One of my neighbor’s very kindly told my son, ” Oh! You look so smart with your glasses. ” and that’s a comment he remembers to this day believing they make him smart. Haha.

But be careful not to over comment. My daughter was so worried about her friends not being able to recognize her with her glasses on. When everyone started complimenting her, she started avoiding wearing them because she thought people couldn’t see anything else about her.

Associate it with Someone They Look Up to

My husband and I both wear glasses and eventually now my son loves that fact that he has this in common with us. When children see a role model they adore wearing something similar they enjoy the change all the more (brands use this concept often 🙂 ). On the first day, the only way my son stopped getting upset was when we reminded him that Superman wore glasses too.

Make It an Advantage

In the initial days, we explained to our son that his glasses are give his eyes super power. After understanding he went on to explain this to his other friends who also got diagnosed with glasses, which as endearing. Educating kids about the ways something is useful for them, helps them educate others or deal with comments when they do come.

Explain How To Care for Glasses

Like any tool, it is important to explain to them how to care for this new addition.

  • Clean them with soft microfiber cloth.
  • Keep said cloths handy.
  • Wash the glasses often.
  • Always keep them in the same place every time they take them off.
  • Take them off only when scared of them getting broken in physical activities.

Be Persistent

It is not easy for a child to constantly wear glasses. They find it uncomfortable and inconvenient. Most importantly, they feel scared of losing them. But once again, you have to reiterate that these are a tool to be used to ensure they see the world more clearly. A tool they need to keep close and be using all the time. It takes a lot of reminding before they get into the habit of wearing glasses.

Have your children or anyone around you gotten glasses yet? What do you think helped them adjust to them? Comment below and share your experience.

 

Sharing is caring. Make sure you tell your friends about these important ways to help their child.

What do you do when you find out your child has glasses? Here are 10 things to keep in mind when helping your child adjust.

We Need to Teach Kids to Stay Connected to Family

We Need to Teach Kids to Stay Connected to Family

by with 6 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentHeritageMindset

The Webster dictionary has many definitions for the word “family”. For me the one that held true for most of my life is “Family: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head”.

As a kid I was not comfortable being alone in the house for long periods. Though it mostly never came to that as there was always family around. Many a times I tried to get over this seemingly silly hang up but then consoled myself I don’t really need to as we had a full house.

Fast forward 30 years and I’m no longer the sacredly kid that I was. You see, now there is no way I can avoid being alone at home and even look forward to some alone time.

In a few sentences this is the evolution of Indian families over the years. This transition might be common across many cultures but few would have been as drastic as ours has been.

What does family mean to you? It does not matter how close you are to yours but we need to go that extra mile to give our kids that strong sense of family.

Families come in varied shapes and sizes. The most weird thing is, other peoples families always seems to be way better than your own, which is mostly not true.

For me a family is this group of people who always had time for each other with wholehearted dedication.

THEN:As the saying goes “It takes a village to bring up a child”.

This was most Indian families for you once. We grew up in a household conisiting of grandparents with a healthy sprinkling of aunts,uncles and cousins thrown in.

There were ready playmates those cousins your first friends. With no dearth of people ready to meddle in your life, you were never left alone. One persons problems were tackled by the whole clan.

Even with the over indulgence and continuous sense of being watched family was what you would return to at the end of the day.

New mothers never had to face the dilemma of how to do and what to do, there were always a hand to help. Every aspect of things had a listening ear. Overly patient grandparents with their own life experiences were a treasure trove of guidance.

Like everything this package came with its drawbacks: over interference, over indulgent kids difficult to discipline and not getting independent, to name a few.

NOW:The change in family dynamics over the years has left the family units some what fragmented.

 

Today’s Indian society is mostly nuclear families with busy parents and limited communication with the extended family. These families see much less conflict of interests leaving breathing space for each other.

Kids in this generation are more self-sufficient and open to change.

The Drawbacks: how to give kids strong roots along with the wings?

A sense of family and belonging that children learn from sharing their life and space with an extended family. Children growing up in nuclear families do not get exposure to that extra love and warmth.

What is really sad is Children completely missing the life experiences and stories from a whole generation.

HOW FAMILIES ARE BUILT:

Living together makes a family but strong roots need a deep rooted value system. How do we teach our kids the value of families? One of the foundation bricks that make a family strong is tolerance.

There will always be someone in a family who will think and act unconventional.

Everyone’s threshold of tolerance is bound to be different.

What might be a non-issue for one person might mean the world to the other.

Every person’s reaction to a similar situation might differ.

You might be a multitasking genius while some other can barely accomplish one thing at a time.

The basic comes down to each pillar of the family unit not being alike. What matters is love, tolerance and unconditional acceptance with a slight nudge in the right direction.

Children and especially teenagers should have the confidence that families don’t judge, they just help each other become happier and better version of themselves.

KEEPING IN TOUCH:

The bane of recent times is being busy. Everyone is juggling a million things, some doing a better job at it then the others. Being so occupied leaves us very little time and patience to keep in touch with even those who matter.

The simplest solution is make time. Remember those important dates of family members. Not all communication has to be long. Drop in simple messages or short calls.

Loosing touch with family is the main reason for widening gaps overtime. Distances might make the hearts fonder but will definitely leave relations strained.

Let your kids see you make those efforts. Don’t wait for the other to take the first step, go ahead and initiate communication  you won’t regret it.

Even in a deeply materialistic world giving someone your time is still precious.

FAMILIES GIVE ROOTS AND WINGS:

I believe my parents gave us siblings both roots and wings. We are not afraid to encounter the new while staying true to our beliefs.

This is what I look forward to passing on to my children. Children need strong roots so they can fly.

A big tree rooted in the ground can withstand any storm while weeds just float.

Have small family traditions, holiday celebrations. Talk to your kids about your own childhood, delve into your own background to give them the understanding that family is there to support them and not arrest their flight.

I’m positive I may never approve of all the life choices that my kids will make but i want them to know that whatever they encounter there is always family to count on.

There are friends and friends like family but there will be no one else like family .They accept you just the way you are.

They might judge you at times, drive you crazy and there are phases in life when you run away from them .

Family inundates you with emotional baggage but it is the anchor that ties down a ship to prevent it from going astray. Even when they might throw you to rough sea at times.

Today life is fraught with too much exposure and trying to overcome distances can be hard. So it becomes a task to make sure the familial bonds are strong enough to stand the tides of time and circumstances. But the first step is to ingrain in our kids the value of these family bonds and all else just follows.

Do you live in an extended family or a nuclear family?What steps do you take to make your kids understand the significance of family?

The Importance of Teaching Kids to Stay Connected to Family

7 Ways to Empower Your Child Against Sexual Predators

7 Ways to Empower Your Child Against Sexual Predators

by with 9 Comments Empowerment

I am neurotic about predators. When my kids started preschool and when they go to out for activities to the park or for classes, I’m constantly on the look out to protect them. To look for people who may not be “safe” or are  “over friendly”. This is not just a fear thanks to the vivid, disturbing news we are exposed on a daily basis. It stems from memories.

At the age of 11 living in Madhya Pradesh (India), I opened the door to the  postman and he asked for a glass of water. When I got it for him, handing it through the grill(thankfully) at the door, he caught my hand and held it to his crotch of his pants, then kissed it and smiled. Even at that young age, I knew that was wrong and ran to my mom to tell her. He was put in jail for a day before his wife came to plead for his life and he was released.

When I was 14 and used to walk home from school in Kuwait (Kuwait) with my mom a man used to often follow us all the way home in his car.

These are just two of the many experiences I’ve had personally. I don’t say this to scare you. Of course, it was scary and still leaves me feeling icky. These events taught me at an early age, that there are many deranged people out there.

While these are some of my worst memories, I think somewhere it made me hyper aware and at the same time stronger, knowing it’s not to be taken seriously. Maybe I got desensitized to it all (not a good thing). In India and Kuwait, there is an unsaid acceptance and allowance of such behavior. That is food for another discussion.

But this is why I’m a strong advocate that the conversation begin early so that children be able to recognize such behavior, understanding that sometimes even people you know are capable of horrible acts. Mind you these things happened while my parents were close. It is not the act but the reaction that carries significance.

My son is 8 now but I have been having conversations with him about personal safety since he was 4. Specially because he has always been an extremely friendly child who loves to make “friends”. Now, so is my two year old daughter. And I worry about their friendliness making them easy prey. On the other hand, I never want to them to lose their happy demeanor. To be too scared to say Hi to strangers. We need people who are friendly to make the world a warm place to live. Who aren’t scared to be the first one to break the proverbial ice. So how do we do it?

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The below conversations we have at regular intervals in my household becaus for children repetition is very essential. Every child is different. You will find it useful to use the below as baseline to start a dialogue essential for proactive thinking. To start talking about this disturbing topic is the first step.

No Secrets Within Family

I believe this is the most important thing kids need to remember, in their early years specially. Of course there will be a time when their life is their own but when they are young they are to know that while they don’t have to tell their parents every single thing, it is wrong if someone, specially an adult tells them to keep a secret. My parents have always have open dialogue. There absolutely nothing I feel uncomfortable talking to them about. This I think is what helped me just go and tell my mom, ” The postman took my hand and put it on his pants. ” immediately after it happened. One should never feel fear in telling their parents anything.

I always say that no topic should be barred from discussing with kids, specially when they see something on TV (adults kissing) or hear something that may possibly confuse them about issues.  Listening and letting them ask questions, no matter how uncomfortable that are answered as you may see fit is a great way to make sure kids trust parents.

“It’s Mom Dad’s Job to Protect You”

I write this because, I have often read, predators scare kids by saying “Stay quiet or we will hurt your mom/dad/family” or “Don’t tell anyone or I will say you did …. so and so” . Please re-iterate to your child that it is YOU who are supposed to protect them and that you trust them. And no matter what they do, they can always come and tell you.

Your body is off limits
No one and I cannot emphasis this enough, No One should touch them inside their shirt or skirt/pants. Or kiss their lips. With some people being extra cuddly, it is okay that kids understand that saying no if they feel uncomfortable is just respecting their body. This is one of the reasons why I too personally always ask children for hugs. They can always be taught to show their respect and love in other ways. It means a lot more when it comes from them than mushing them anyway.


Permission is Must

We all tell our kids they should ask before going anywhere but many a times we forget to tell them not to walk off with a friend to an unknown place. They should always play where you can see them and they can see you. They should understand walking off into the horizon behind a balloon or ice cream cart is Not okay. Going to a secret exciting place with a friend or some adult they know is not okay. They should always ask for permission from the person in charge before going anywhere.

Define Stranger

In the beginning, when I started this conversation my son asked me, ” Who is a stranger? ” And then we went on to discuss who all are considered family, friends and people we just meet once in a few months or a year. It is important that kids understand the definition of a family’s boundaries and relationships.

No Helping Strangers

It’s important to be nice. Say hi to strangers. Smile at them but remember to explain to your child that they are too young to actually help an adult. Many children feel very grown up in being able to do something an adult asks them to do. They are in a constant hurry to prove themselves or please others. So if an adult who is a stranger says,” Can you help me with … ” they are to respond with, ” Sure. Let me go ask my parents/teacher first. “

There is Enough at Home

Kids are greedy by default. It’s not their fault. They are drawn to that extra piece of candy or toy or whatever is their favorite thing.  And many times we parents exploit this honest response by making lot of activities incentive based. But at the same time every child needs to know that their parents can provide everything for them. They do Not need to ask or take anything that any other person offers them in return for something.

Shout, Run away & Assault

Like honesty is the best policy. I believe running away is the best policy in any dangerous situation. Children need to know that when they feel uncomfortable, their first response should be to shout out and run away. If someone does try to or successfully does grab them then nothing is off limits. Nothing! You are allowed to hit, punch, bite, scratch and most importantly scream. We even practice the volume level at home.

 

Fear is not the solution to anything. The world is scary. The only way we can live is being constantly cautious. As adults we now are naturally so but we need to enable our children to do the same and know what to do in any given situation.

Have you already had this conversation with your child?

What age did you start?

Are there any other things you would make sure they know?

Let me know in the comments below. Keep the conversation going with your children, stay safe!


 

 

4 Important Indicators of Drug Abuse in Teens

4 Important Indicators of Drug Abuse in Teens

by with 5 Comments Uncategorized

Drug abuse is rampant in today’s society, and the peer pressure than many teenagers face at school and with friends can be daunting to combat. Even if you do everything right, instruct your child correctly, and have the perfect supporting atmosphere, any teenager can fall to peer pressure.

It is important, therefore, that every parent be aware of changes in their teenager’s health and behavior that could indicate such a problem. If you’re concerned that your child may be a victim of drug abuse, here are four indicators to look for.

Moodiness

When you’re the parent of a teenager, you’re used to your child being moody. Fluctuations in hormones can cause seemingly random moments of irritability or even giddiness. Moodiness caused by drug abuse is different.

They will be prone to violent outbursts, rage, sadness, hopelessness, and other extreme moods that previously were out of character for your teen. By themselves, these mood swings don’t necessarily mean drug abuse, but they could still indicate an underlying issue of extreme stress or even a hormonal disorder.

If accompanied with other warning signs, however, it is important to consider drug abuse as a possible cause. Either way, it would benefit both you and your child to find out if there’s something more than puberty causing the mood swings.

Being Secretive

You know your child. You know when they’re giving you the truth, a half-truth, or a lie. You generally know when they’re keeping secrets. If you ask them a question they usually answer clearly but only give a vague response, this secretive behavior is a sign that they’re doing something of which they know you won’t approve.

While alone this could simply indicate they stayed up late, lost their homework, or played a videogame you don’t approve of, being defensive and secretive about things like money problems, decreased health, and letting parents into their bedroom when they previously allowed it, this can be a sign that they are hiding a drug problem.

When they start keeping secrets about behavior and health declines, it’s important to uncover the truth to ensure they aren’t involved in dangerous activities.

Trouble in School

When a child or a teenager experiences severe changes in their life, their academic life is one of the first places affected. This is why teachers are trained to look for signs of neglect, abuse, and trauma in their students. As a parent, you should form a very strong line of communication with your child’s school and teachers. They will keep you notified if your child is missing class, is losing focus, or is exhibiting health or behavioral issues in class. These can be signs of drug abuse or other issues that you shouldn’t ignore. If you discover that your child is abusing drugs, you can contact emergency support services like Lifeline or other teen rehab centers for addiction counseling and therapy.


Missing Items

Abusing drugs is a very expensive habit. Even if your child has an afterschool job and you provide them with an allowance, that won’t be enough income to support drug abuse. They could resort to stealing from you and from home. If you notice expensive items or cash going missing, it could be collateral damage from your child’s secret drug habit.

 As previously mentioned, this is an especially significant sign if you ask them about the money loss and they become defensive and secretive about it. If your child is spending large amounts of money with no new belongings to show for it, make sure to approach them about it and ensure that the money spent isn’t on something dangerous.

One thing to keep in mind is that drug addiction often stems from other issues. Many people will use illicit drugs to self-medicate when they have an untreated mental or physical illness. It’s important to respond with a desire to help rather than a desire to blame.

Initial approaches to a potential drug abuse problem should be open and genuine inquiries with an emphasis on your desire to protect your child’s health and safety. If they don’t open up about their problems on their own, however, it is important to seek professional help to ensure that the problem is resolved.

Make sure you raise your children with strong values so that they can grow to avoid these pitfalls. Always be aware.

Do you have a teen or have your own experience to share? Comment below so other parents can see what signs to look for.

Meghan Belnap is a freelance writer who enjoys spending time with her family. She loves being in the outdoors and exploring new opportunities whenever they arise. Meghan finds happiness in researching new topics that help to expand her horizons. You can often find her buried in a good book or out looking for an adventure. You can connect with her on Facebook right here and Twitter right here.

4 Important Indicators of Drug Abuse in Teens