Disciplining In Times of Online Video Games

Disciplining In Times of Online Video Games

Discipline. Specially in the times of video games and Nintendos is hard. Parental discipline varies throughout the world. What’s the norm for one culture is considered overly harsh in another. A study from 2010 from six different countries showed that the discipline techniques across various cultures tends to be most effective depending on what that area of the world deems as the norm.

With my own children, now 20 and 24, discipline styles differed between their father’s house and my own, my house being much more lax in discipline. Not to say that I didn’t discipline. Quite the opposite. The difference being, my style had strong communication at it’s core.

Personal Journey with Disciplining My Son

I reflect back to a time when my son was 11 and had been playing an online game at his father’s house. Once he got ahead in the game, my son had access to communicate with people from all over the world. I wasn’t happy in this particular phase. But I tried to figure out a way where all of us could be happy.

[bctt tweet=”I had to find a way to instill values in him while making sure I don’t take away his favorite hobby.” username=”contactrwc”]

I gave my son a host of rules and regulations on a handmade ‘contract,’ which he had to sign and agree to follow. I also told him I would be playing the game as well so I could keep up with his conversations with others and keep an eye on the activities.

A silver lining which I didn’t expect, was that it gave the two of us something to talk about. Something we had in common. Where many sons are pulling away from their parents, I was pleased that we were creating a bond and communicating more and not just about the game.

After a couple months of him and his friends playing this online video game, my son came home from his best friend’s house and told me he was unable to sign in to the game. What he didn’t know was that I was able to access a particular area of the game.  This allowed me to see any inappropriate conversations he had with other people in which he had been ‘reported’.

While he stood over my shoulder watching me access this area, he started to get antsy. What I discovered was that he was swearing at strangers and even in one instance, got into a conversation with someone where the topic of girl’s chest were being discussed.

I told him how sad it made me to see that he broke the rules. I told him I was extremely disappointed in the language he had chosen to use. In an effort to defend his stance that he did nothing wrong, he blamed it on his friend playing on his account. I called his bluff and said I would contact his best friend’s mother. I knew that she would want to be informed that her son was using such foul language.

I have to admit, the sheer panic and desperate pleas where almost humorous. I knew perfectly well, this was my son’s own doing. For more than forty five minutes, I simply and firmly expressed my disappointment in his choices. Finally, his shoulders slouched down in defeat and he asked, “Can’t you just spank me and get this over with?”

“No, as a matter of fact, I can’t,” I told him. I made him call his best friend to apologize for his poor behavior and he also was to apologize to his friend’s mom. For using such bad judgement with his inappropriate language, at her house and with her son.

Immediately after disconnecting the call, I turned to see my son was standing there with silent tears rolling down his face. We spoke about the circumstances for a bit more then I sent him to his room after grounding him from the game for for two weeks. I actually changed his password so he was unable to play.

A day or so later, he was laying on the living room floor watching TV. He told me his stomach really hurt. “Are you thinking about what you did?” I asked. He quickly sat up and asked, “How did you know!?”

I sat beside him and expressed my happiness that his stomach hurt. He looked at me with utter confusion. I said, “I’m glad your stomach hurts because that tells me that you now know that you have done something very wrong. If your stomach didn’t hurt, I would be very concerned that you hadn’t learned a lesson here.”

I reached out and hugged him. As I did, I whispered in his ear, “Do you think some ice cream might help your stomach, sweetheart?” The two of us went out to the local ice cream parlor and as we ate, I made sure not to bring up the previous day’s bitterness. The focus was now completely on the lessons he’d learned.

I know I’ve been far from perfect in disciplining my children, but it is these experiences which turned out to be the ones they still remember now that they’re young adults.

Now getting back to the 2010 discipline study, what was found was that in all six of the countries included in the study, the more harsh the type of discipline used in an attempt to correct poor behavior, the more aggression, anxiety and other problematic behavior was left in it’s wake. I feel we can all learn something as we read through this important study.

So no matter what your culture’s norm, try taking a breath. Muting our own reactions to our children’s poor behavior, is said to improve our results. What do you find works during disciplining? Specially, in this digital age.

How To Discipline Kids IN The Times of VIdeo/Online Games www.raisingworldchildren.com #onlinegames #videogames #discipline #parenting

Janie Saylor is a professional certified coach with a degree in psychology, her focus is in the emerging field of positive psychology. Janie is the mom of two grown children, her son, age 20, and her daughter, age 24. Being the mom of a recovering addict and an advocate for addiction and recovery, also brings a new dimension into Janie’s writings and life experiences. In 2006, Janie published a book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her experiences teaching life journaling to people over the age of 60 for 10+ years in many different communities in the Metro Detroit area. Janie’s used her experiences and education as she developed 8-week online coaching program and has had tremendous success in improving the communication, lives and relationships of her clients. You can contact her at LifeCoachJane@gmail.com >

My Easter Celebration Evolves – The Return of Magic

easter

As a child, my life was incredibly stressful. I looked forward to the Holidays because they brought magic to my life. It was a day that people seemed to be on their best behavior. For a little while, life felt fun and I was easily swept away by the festivities of the day.

As I became a young mother with a life still full of stress, some of the magic felt like it was gone. There were still those moments that created the magic memories. As a mother, I began to witness how those magical holidays were becoming much more about commercialism than about love. This made my heart sad, but this is often the case in our culture.

I frequently asked the family if we could stop buying so much stuff and instead, do something different.

Perhaps, volunteer our time or purchase things that might have a higher meaning, such as naming a star after a child, planting a tree, etc.  This was not our culture, this was not our family.  I stayed the course and waited for the return of magic.

Over the past few years, I have become a Holistic Practitioner and found myself on a Conscious Spiritual path. During this time, I also became a first-time grandmother. Yesterday, we celebrated Easter and while enjoyable in some ways, I was aware of things I had never fully seen before and it felt so disconnected from the magic, I remember.

Easter This Year

From my vantage point, I saw a family that had been consumed by commercialism. Technology and a fast-paced society that does not stop for love. The day felt like a production for society and yet, society was not there.

[bctt tweet=”I saw Easter being consumed by commercialism. A fast-paced, technology driven society that does not stop for love.” username=”contactrwc”]

It was just us, our family. We had plastic decorations, plenty of processed food on hand, and more sugar than is healthy for any human. Nearly everyone had an electronic device ranging from televisions and cellphones to children’s toys.

During this Easter Holiday, we had all the moving parts, but very little depth. I found myself in a quandary over this holiday.  On one hand, I was thrilled to be in the middle of my family and watching my little two-year old grandson and five-year old niece, run as fast as they could to find the hidden Easter eggs.  Then squeal with delight when they received candy and prizes for their hard work.

It was the realization that the children were very aware of how much they were receiving and still, it seemed they wanted more. The adults were engaged, when they were not on their phones or watching television and still, it seemed they wanted more.

Throughout the day, I found myself wondering if it had always been this way or was it me who has changed.  My way of life is so different from my culture and it regularly creates a dilemma for me.  Do I separate from the family I love or  do I immerse myself in the cultural norms to be with my family?

An Awakened Perspective 

In approaching the situation from an awakened perspective, my answer is neither (and a little of both).

When we reach a Spiritually Conscious awakened state, we may find that others do not understand our path. In this state, we are called upon to be a teacher. As a teacher, we must live a life that is full of love without judgement.  We become non-attached to the specifics or the outcome and simply allow ourselves to be fully present.  We learn to live our life in a way that invites questions of curiosity about our path. Use those opportunities as teachable moments.

In every family and in every culture, there will be people who do not desire change and are happy with the way things are.  Then there are others who yearn for something different.  When we speak our truths from an authentic perspective, our family begins to desire a deeper connection with those they love. By finding a neutrality that allows us to stay fully present in any given moment, once again we find the return of magic.

In every situation, we have a choice and there is always a lesson.  On this day, I had a choice to participate and I did.  I had a choice to voice my opinions and I did not.  The lesson was that regardless of all the differences and frustrations of the day, a family came together.

While people were often distracted, they were physically participating as a family.  It is my blessing that I have found a new path that feels right for me.  I am allowed to continue my path without it being forced upon another.

At the end of the day, the joy on the faces of my grandson and niece as they ran to hunt those hidden eggs and the pure delight when they found them made the day so much fun. As I laughed and ran with them, I saw the world through a child’s eyes and once again the return of magic was found inside the child’s heart that still beats inside of me.

Easter Celebrations of Senior Citizen in The Digital Age www.raisingworldchilldren.com #easter #grandparents #grandchildren

Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover your Soul Purpose. You can find her @thedoorsofwellness on Facebook.