4 Secrets To Living Your Life Happy and Stress Free

4 Secrets To Living Your Life Happy and Stress Free

Stress, anxiety and depression are terms that were not really heard of until a decade ago. The word ‘stress’ was  used in a very generalized way to express being tired of something or doing something. 

Today, we know ‘STRESS’ as the root of most ailments in the world. Yet, we as humans allow it to permeate into our daily lives. Living stress free is the ultimate goal! 

Self Assessment With Gratitude 

Do you wonder why the people around you are always agitated? Do you pause to think why your kids seem so perturbed?

‘YOU’ could possibly be the reason of their behavior. Our mood swings, our anxiety over trivial issues, our anger  are all seen, felt and reflected.

Most of us are guilty of that but isn’t it a little unrealistic to expect others around us to be positive and happy? Now really, if you’re having a bad day and have not managed to smile all day, would you really blame your spouse for not being there or not talking two sweet words to you, while YOU are sulking and drowning yourself in negativity.

SOLUTION : Kick starting our day with a positive and clear mind will make us and the people around us feel joyful and content. Showing gratitude to our spouse and children will make their entire day. Learning to let go off small issues to maintain peace in our relationships, goes a long way. We can pray, meditate, listen to some soothing music, practice yoga or take a walk to keep all those cynical thoughts at bay (or rather away!)

Set Realistic Goals 

Most students and their parents dread that time of the year when the exams and results are declared. Sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and anxiousness takes over. Then comes the D-Day and what happens after that? Doesn’t life just go on? Unfortunately, these days we also get to hear of people ending their lives over not meeting their family’s or their own expectations. Sadly, peer pressure is taking a huge toll on children and adults alike.

Years ago, when I was going down in the elevator with my neighbor’s high school goer, I asked him what he plans to do after his high school. With a dejected look he said, “I am very passionate about cricket and want to play cricket for India. But my father has said that I should only think of engineering and nothing else.”

I was really sad to see his despair. That day I promised myself that when I become a parent, I would let my child follow their passion and always support them in their choices within reason. I really wish that all parents could understand their children’s feelings, goals and aspirations better.

SOLUTION : We are seeing a generation who are coercing themselves to go beyond what is achievable. That doesn’t mean we should not aim higher or aspire for the better. But we should also learn to set realistic goals and work towards achieving them. We need to focus on giving our cent-percent and stop worrying about the outcome and result.

Step Out of The Rat Race Of Life

A few months ago an Indian movie called ‘Hindi Medium’ had released. The movie was based upon a metropolitan couple, who did not have a great command over the English language but wished to send their daughter to an elite International school. They wanted her to be everything they were not. The movie further depicts their dejection and the turmoil they go through, to ensure a guaranteed admission of their child into a prestigious school. It was a great movie but I thought it was a little far-fetched.

To my surprise (rather shock!) when I came to India for a vacation, I realized that the issue addressed in this movie was actually a reality. Conversations with friends and family pointed out to one common thing, i.e the competition is way too much.

Children attend school all day and have numerous classes planned out for the remaining hours for the whole week. Do you think kindergartners really need to attend extra classes for general knowledge, football, swimming, etc.

As if this wasn’t appalling enough, I had a friend tell me that she is going crazy trying to get an admission form for her 8 month old son. I asked her why is she fussing over school so soon. It seems like the norm to apply for kindergarten admission is when you are pregnant or just deliver your child (believe me, I was as surprised as you are reading this!) Fast forward to two weeks later, when I met her she seemed relaxed and content. She finally acquired an admission form from the school she plans to send her child to. He starts school in 2020!! I rest my case.

SOLUTION : Back in our day, we attended school and everything else was learned, absorbed or picked up from our daily lives. We increased our general knowledge by reading newspapers and encyclopedias. Swimming meant time to go to the beach. Most activities were unstructured and that was the best part about it. Today, even learning a new sport or language feels like an ADDED STRESS to the child because it has to revolve around his/her and the parents’ busy schedules.

Remember We Are Being Watched


As adults we stress over finding the right partner, getting married, paying the bills, having kids, raising kids, getting a high-salary job, making the perfect house and so much more. We need to realize that habitually stressing over something might be rubbing off on our kids and the people around us too.

Unknowingly, this may affect our kids and they might imbibe it into their subconscious. The repercussion of this is that they will grow to be adults with a low self-esteem, no self-worth, have anger and anxiety issues, and will be dismissive of life.

Every parent in this world only wishes the best for their child. Pressurizing kids to overachieve might seem what’s right for now but it actually does not enable them to be self starters.  

SOLUTION : The focus needs to be on encouraging and appreciating our children for their efforts, for pushing them towards self-learning, for teaching them to rise above every shortcoming and to accept failures as a part of life and move ahead. We need to stop cushioning them and allow them to fail or fall back in a few of their endeavors. And unless we lead the way, how else would they learn to take responsibility?


A few marks up or down or a few thousands here or there, will not matter in shaping us to who we become eventually. Scoring a 100% or raking in a six-figure salary CANNOT guarantee a stress-free happy life.

Being content and grateful with what we have and being confident of ourselves, while accepting our flaws, will definitely make us appreciate our lives more.

Stop the fuss, eliminate the stress and enjoy the adrenaline rush of this wonderful roller-coaster called LIFE. For we can all get on this ride only ONCE! And if you’re still not satisfied, then remember that ‘stressed’ read backwards is ‘desserts’. So go grab a bite or a whole cake…whatever makes you feel better!!

Secrets To Living A Stress Free Life Easily | Stress Free | Family Life

 Minali Bajaj-Syed is an Indian, born and settled in Kuwait. Having lived in Kuwait, India and the United States, She has had the opportunity to experience a diverse set of cultures. She thus, considers herself a global citizen. She is always learning, evolving and trying to spread some positivism. On most days, she is a mother to two kids and a food blogger on Instagram @cinnamon_cardamom
learn patriotism

Learn Patriotism from “Calling Sehmat” – Harinder Sikka

learn patriotism

Very few books have elements of spying, patriotism, courage, guilt and remorse all under the same roof! “Calling Sehmat” just walks the tightrope, balancing all these elements of humane psyche with finesse.

It was actually the movie, which fueled my interest to go behind finding the actual book.

“Calling Sehmat” was a fine revelation and all thanks to Harinder Sikka, the author, who took the pains, to chalk out the life of the protagonist, pre and post her life as a spy, by researching about the character’s life for a period of 8 years!

It isn’t easy for a young twenty year old girl, to surrender all her dreams, her love, to only fulfill the vision of her parents, which is protecting the country. This level of parental devotion or rather patriotism towards one’s country is initially thought as stupid or rather far-fetched, but for a young girl, for whom this also was a dying father’s last wish, the act made sense.

Considering that the book is inspired from a real life hero, whose name is chosen to be kept as anonymous with just a pen name “Sehmat”, I would take this opportunity to call her as truly heroic, courageous and above all, a gem of a human being.

What she did was unfathomable! Not many trained spies could do that, and live to tell the tale, but she did!

Being a Kashmiri Indian girl, Sehmat was married and sent to Pakistan, to serve as an Indian Spy. The plot and story line is what makes the plot gripping and on the edge all the times.

Sehmat’s unfettered attention and observation to detail to plot schemes and strategies, to get into the good books of her Pakistani marital household, coupled with her attempts to dodge the eyes of suspects, is what makes this book a real thriller.

The book gets its pace, post the main protagonist’s arrival in Pakistan. The way, she uncovers secrets, finds resources and transmits messages, all in the garb of a newlywed innocent daughter-in-law, is surprising and nothing less than brave. Her pretentious act of being a good wife, and a daughter-in-law, with the underlying hidden motive of extracting information for Indian counterparts is flawless, brave and above all, mind blowing.

However, since Sehmat was not a trained spy, her character has been shown as vulnerable, especially in the moments of pain and hurt. Her acts of crime and killings are brutal and chilling, but they simultaneously show the humane side of her, pain and remorse envelop her heart with guilt. However, her spy mind is always at work and this contradiction of her ruthlessness as a spy versus the simplicity and love for life as a human, is what makes the tale interesting.

Killings and crimes come with a price, which was also quoted for Sehmat. Although, post her stint as a spy, she led a life away from the prying eyes of government, but she couldn’t escape her own. Her own guilt and remorse led her to live a life in isolation, almost on the edge of going insane. The pain and remorse was something that even prevented her to take care of her own child, something that simply added to her woes. She could never have a normal mother-son relationship, something which even the author confessed.

Her coming back to life via the route of spirituality was touching and heartfelt. In short, her life was brave and courageous, not just replete with patriotism and devotion towards her own country, but also marked with respect for every human who touched her life, whether Indian or Pakistani.

Her re-settling in Maler Kotla, a small city in Punjab, post her “Spy” days, said it all. While her act of spying was to respect her father’s, an Indian’s wishes, her settling in Maler Kotla, was an act of sheer repentance towards someone, who she had mercilessly killed in the path of spying. Not everyone has this heart and mind to recognize and respect all, including those who usually are at the end of receiving wrath from us!

This book talks about a character, which seems to be a story, but it just was real. The only real and heartbreaking is the truth and price of being a spy. No spy is happy killing or committing crime, but like the movie tagline says, “Nothing in front of nation” and that is what made Sehmat pay a very heavy price, but earned her a lot of respect.

The book definitely raises the doubt, whether putting everything at stake for a country’s pride and safety, is actually worthwhile, especially when your own identity and life is at stake, even after providing life saving information?

Read more of the many lessons books today teach kids by clicking here.

This book has been adapted into the incredible movie “Raazi”. You can watch the trailer of the movie, now available on Netflix.

What are you willing to do for your country? 

 

 
Malvika Roy Singh A freelance creative writer and blogger for the past 7 years, Malvika Roy SIngh writes about subjects like travel, food, lifestyle, health, interior designing, real estate, digital entertainment, media and marketing, education etc. Her parenting blog helps her be a conscious parent (www.wipmom.com) When she is not writing, she can be found either running or playing with her 4 year old son enjoying time reading. She resides in Hyderabad and can be reached at mroysingh@gmail.com
A Real Plan to Resist Negative Thinking

A Real Plan to Resist Negative Thinking

 

The world we live in is filled with messages, both positive and negative.  Humans tend to absorb more of the negative messages.

Once we have found ourselves in the trap of negative thinking, we may find ourselves increasingly out of balance and out of alignment with the life we aspire to live.

When we find ourselves in this spiral, we often begin to transfer that negativity to everyone around us, including our children.

In order to stop this cycle, it helps to have a plan in place before it starts.

A simple plan might look something like this:  Be fully present when speaking to each other (eye contact is important);

Make a point to speak lovingly; Minimize all outside influences (electronics); Upon waking, set three positive intentions for the day ahead; Before bed take the time to list three gratitude moments from the day.

This type of plan is a lesson in Mindfulness. 

Simply start by taking an honest inventory of your life and where you can begin to implement subtle, beneficial changes.  This is not a judgement inventory of how you “should be” doing better.  This is a loving, honest look at your real life and how you can add positive moments.

The best foundation for resisting negative thinking is adding a Mindfulness practice to your daily life.  Mindfulness can be incorporated into literally every function of your life from the most mundane tasks all the way to a profound spiritual practice.

Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Transformational Life & Spiritual Coach, Author, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover and step into your Soul Purpose. You can find Tammy Coin and The Doors of Wellness at http://www.thedoorsofwellness.com on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/thedoorsofwellness
autism-acceptance-infinity-1

Raise Autism Awareness to Help Kids Be More Inclusive

I am fortunate enough to be a Mum to two beautiful children who just happen to be on the Autism spectrum. My daughter, O, is nine and my son, L, is 5. To my husband and myself, and to others who have come to know them, they are the most caring wonderful children who are totally inclusive of other children. And yet, some children struggle to be inclusive of O and L because they don’t understand why O and L do the things that they do.

Long before we knew that O was on the spectrum she had an amazing group of culturally diverse friends. I can recall one particular afternoon when I collected her from day care and I asked her who she had played with that day. At the ripe old age of 3 years, she replied with “oh I played with my black friend!”

At the time we lived in a city that was quite racist and all I could think of was what, you can’t say that, what are people going to think that I am teaching you?

When I pressed further with O as to why she said “black friend,” O replied “well, she’s my friend and her skin is black.” This was the start of her literalness showing. She wasn’t being racist, she was simply stating a fact. I, on the other hand, was horrified. I also had to go back into the centre to find out her new friends name!

I grew up in a very culturally diverse community. Throughout school I could count the number of Caucasian students in my classes on two hands. The cultural diverse out-numbered the Caucasian by a huge number. And yet here I was explaining to my then three year old daughter what she should and shouldn’t say and why.

A few weeks after this conversation, I was in a government office with my daughter along with a lot of other people from young families through to elderly people. We’d being waiting in the queue for some time and during that time my daughter had started playing with a young Sudanese boy – neither of them understood each other as clearly English was not his first language. But they were having a blast and that is all that matters. At one point, an elderly person turned to me and said out loud “you’re not going to let your child play with THAT child are you?” This elderly individual clearly had little tolerance for other cultures. I responded with “I sure am, and they’re having fun” before turning away.

Again I was horrified, but not by anything that my daughter was doing. In fact I was incredibly proud of my daughter, for at the age of three she didn’t see differences in others as a bad thing. She saw differences in others as an opportunity to learn more about others and she still has this view.

We’re now at the point in our autism journey that the exclusion of O and L by others is becoming an issue. However the exclusion is not from children but by adults.

When we mention that both O and L are on the autism spectrum we receive comments of “oh I’m so sorry,” or “oh so they aren’t capable of achieving anything?” or “I guess they’re like Rain Man?” or “they don’t look autistic” or “I guess you want a cure” and many others. The responses really show a lack of understanding from the general community about what autism is.

How do we teach kids to be more aware of specially abled children? Help them understand Autism better. Raise Autism Awareness

There are numerous celebrations throughout the year in which we celebrate culturally diverse communities and yet society still struggles with the idea of being inclusive of those with differences that aren’t as obvious.

Autism is considered a hidden disability and as such society struggles with the idea that my children look “normal,” whatever that may be, and yet they behave differently at times. O struggles with loud noises and will wear block out ear protectors to block out the background noise so that she can concentrate. L struggles with busy places and will often end up in meltdown down mode due to the overload of sensory input. The number of times that I have been told “stop your children from being naughty” or have had other parents tell their children that they don’t want their children to play with my naughty children is beyond the joke.

So how we do we raise children who are inclusive of others when their parents are not inclusive of those with differences?

Worldwide the month of April is considered to be the month in which to spread Autism awareness and acceptance.

What is Autism Awareness?

So what is Autism awareness? It is about raising the community’s awareness of the needs and accomplishments of both children and adults who are on the autism spectrum. Autism awareness is about educating the community that there are many different ways in which autism can present.

Autism is better known as “Autism Spectrum Disorder” for a reason and it is truly a spectrum. Autism isn’t just Rain Man or an individual sitting in the corner of a room rocking back and forth. Autism is both of those ideas and everything in between. I can see the spectrum myself in my two children. There is no one look to Autism.

No, I’ll take that back, Autism does have a look.

Autism looks like a child with red curly hair and bright blue eyes that light up when he’s engaging in his most favourite past time – anything to do with superheroes.

Autism also looks like a child with strawberry blonde hair that goes super frizzy when the air is humid and whose eyes change from the brightest of blue to grey when she is confused, sad or anxious.

Autism looks like a child who excels academically but struggles socially and emotionally. Autism looks like a child who loves to read The Complete Works of Shakespeare for fun!

Autism looks like one child who struggles with her gross motor skills and yet her fine motor skills are on par with her peers. Autism also looks like another child who excels in anything to do with gross motor movements but his fine motor skills are below average.

Autism awareness is being aware of this fact, that there is no one look to Autism. Autism can and does look like anything.

When we raise the level of Autism awareness in the community, we can then raise the level of Autism acceptance. And in the long term Autism acceptance means the inclusion of individuals in their communities.

Deep down, I have the belief that we all just want to be accepted for who we are. We all have things about us that are unique, different, possibly annoying to those that have befriended us. We all have different perspectives about the world around us. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And these differences should be accepted.

Individuals with autism are no different. They just want to be accepted for who they are, stims and all.

Autism is just a neurological difference. It is just a natural variation of the human form in the same way that cultural diversity is a variation of the human form.

Acceptance and inclusion of any individual, autism or not, is about being respectful and listening to what they have to say about themselves as well as accepting them for who they are. Acceptance and inclusion is about celebrating individual’s achievements, acknowledging their strengths and accepting that differences are a great thing.

After all, as Dr. Temple Grandin has said “This world needs different kinds of minds to work together!”

 

10 Ways to Thrive Without Technology this Spring Break

10 Ways to Thrive Without Technology this Spring Break

In the United States, many schools have Spring Break during the month of March and April. Around the world, at different times of the year, parents and caregivers support their families and children in transitioning from school to time off and back again. How do we deal with technology on break?

Breaks or holidays can often mean more unstructured time for the whole family. While it’s important for children and teens to experience unstructured play and downtime regularly, the transition from a rigorous school routine to week-long breaks can be challenging for everyone.

When life gets unpredictable or out of sync, anxiety, depression, and technology addiction can spike. As parents, caregivers, and supporters, we can facilitate structure that supports our children and teens in staying happy and healthy through the ebbs and flows of the calendar year.

10 Ways to Thrive this Spring Break

 

Whether you and your family are staying home or traveling during the next school break, this list of 10 strategies with help you and your family stay grounded.

1. Talk about the plan as soon as possible. If there are travel plans, begin discussing months or weeks ahead. Allow everyone to settle into the idea of what the break might look like or feel like. Setting expectations and beginning brainstorming early helps young people imagine the experience. They can work out areas of stress during this time, as well as build anticipation and joy for the upcoming event.

2. Make space for plans to be collaborative. Children and teens thrive when they know that they have agency and voice in their family. Allow them to help plan age-appropriate elements of the week off of school. This includes tasks such as researching online, scheduling with friends or family, selecting activities from a list of parent-approved ideas, and brainstorming places and spaces they would like to explore.  

Technology Break

3. Set specific parameters for technology usage. Your children and teens are always going to have a relationship with technology, and you can support and care for them by helping them make and maintain a healthy relationship. Begin a conversation that allows your child or teen to express their needs, desires, and observations.

4. Find support. If you are working during the break or want to secure adult-only time during a holiday or vacation, plan ahead and find support. It’s okay (and necessary) to take time away from your children and teens, and it’s also perfectly acceptable to ask for help from family, friends, or a childcare specialist.

5. Aim for balance. It is important to give children and teens the time and space to relax and recover from their hectic school schedules. Time for rest and play needs to be a part of the structure you and your family create together. Have a plan, and ensure that the plan includes downtime.

6. Maintain daily routines as much as possible. Even if you are traveling, prioritize routines that support sleep and mealtime, for example. This can be particularly grounding, as the rest of the day or even the environment may be unfamiliar or unstructured.

7. Incorporate physical activity and time outdoors. Include time each day for movement and nature, as weather and location permit. If it’s necessary to stay indoors, explore resources such a GoNoodle or check YouTube for guided yoga practices.  

8. Model the presence you want your children to observe. Take note of your own patterns, routines, and tech-usage. Kindly remind yourself of the behaviors you want to see your children practicing and do your best to model these each day. Aim for growth, not perfection; we are all learning what balance is together!

9. Break stressful tasks into chunks. Use timers and break tough tasks or experiences into more manageable segments. One of my clients struggles with being in the car for longer than 30 minutes. Before his last visit to see his grandparents, we came up with the plan of breaking the drive into five 30-minute segments. Together, we brainstormed a list of five ways he would like to pass time. My client set the timer on his iPad for 30 minutes and got started with his first activity. At the end of this segment, he paused and took some intentional breaths, then selected his next task.

10. Rely on community resources. Always remember that libraries, community centers, and parks offer engaging activities and options for your children and teens. School breaks and holidays can get costly, and rely on community resources that already exist and are made for YOU. Not only will this bring a bit of ease to your checkbook, it will also help your family connect with the greater community, whether you are home or traveling.

These ideas for setting your family up for a balanced, intentional spring break or holiday will be returned to over and over again with each new season. Building family norms and culture is a process always in progress, and I’d like to remind you to be gentle with yourself and your family along the way.

  As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney supports tweens, teens, and young adults in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they explore their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in practicing self-care, growing alongside their children, and developing balanced sensitivity towards the process their rapidly-changing child is creating. Through Intentional Parents of Tweens and Teens, an online membership for parents of adolescents, Courtney offers parents the time and space to learn, grow, problem-solve, and relate to one another in a supportive community. Sessions with Courtney lovingly guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that’s crucial for a life of ease. Stay in touch here: http://courtneyharriscoaching.com/https://www.facebook.com/courtneyharrisedconnect/https://www.instagram.com/courtneyharriscoaching/
If you and your tween, teen, or young adult are looking for support as you prepare for Spring Break, let’s chat! As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, I work with clients to co-create systems that bring their family into deeper connection, and I would be honored to support you on the journey
How to help kids be gadget free on any break from school | 10 real ways to thrive without technology this spring break
How I Became a Homeschooling Mom

How I Became a Homeschooling Mom

Like many things I’ve found myself doing as a parent (attachment parenting, learning about the Suzuki method, figuring out how to adapt myself to a child who needs a rigid schedule, etc.), I never set out thinking, “Gosh, I think homeschooling will be my parenting method.”

In fact, when my oldest was born, I had visions of first day of school photos in a photo album, school pictures on a wall, and time spent doing homework at the kitchen table.

I did not imagine giant social studies projects strewn about the living room, piles of learning resources everywhere, and amassing a large collection of STEM toys and science kits that would be additional enrichment for reading books about robot construction, watching Bill Nye the Science Guy, and following an experiment-based science learning model. However, that’s how things turned out.


I Was Homeschooled

I had a rough time in school. I was poked fun of a lot. I was a very bright, gifted, kid, but I had trouble sustaining motivation and I had a lot of trouble with feeling anxious.

My mom was a big fan of talk shows back in the 1980s and 1990s. One of her favorite of those shows was People Are Talking. One of the episodes featured a homeschooling family, and that was all the fodder my mom needed to consider it as an option.

After a tumultuous time in 8th grade, I was pulled out of the public school and put into an umbrella school for the purposes of being homeschooled as an 8th grader.

To make the long story short, I went back to public school for 9th-the start of 11th grade when I was pulled out again. After taking the California High School Proficiency Exam a few weeks before my 17th birthday, I graduated early and started junior college.

I Never Wanted to Homeschool My Own Child

My younger brother was also homeschooled. Instead of being advanced and bored in school, he had been put into special education, and was bored. My mom pulled him out as well, and then fought every day with him to get him to do his work. He’d already developed a hatred for learning and one of those nasty limiting beliefs that it was something he couldn’t do. I know that now.

As a young 20 year old pregnant for the first time, I did not.

I saw the struggle, knew my own (I kept working ahead, and because I was working with an umbrella school, they wanted to slow me down so I would remain at the grade level for my age, particularly since they’d already skipped me a grade), and wanted no part of that sort of relationship with my kid. I was dead-set on never homeschooling.

Why do moms homeschool? How does one become a homeschooling mom | Parenting | homeschooling

So Much for “Never”

As my oldest progressed through the public school system, I became increasingly bothered, but the boiling point came in 2nd grade. He was eight years old. He was becoming increasingly depressed and despondent. His reasons for feeling this way involved both the fact that he was being pulled out of his class several times a day for other services and because he was being badly bullied by other kids.

With this fuel, I went to meet with the principal. The school he was at had a no bullying policy. The principal proceeded to tell me that my kid was “making himself a target for bullying.”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

There I was, working on a Ph.D., a year out from starting my dissertation, when I couldn’t deal with the public school system anymore. I’d already been reading a book,

The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise.

I’d purchased the first level of their history program and Core Knowledge’s What Your Kindergartner Needs to Know, What Your First Grader Needs to Know, and What Your Second Grader Needs to Know. I was already doing “afterschooling.”

I looked up the homeschooling laws for Michigan, and filed the paperwork to homeschool as a private school. I got my curriculum, and I withdrew him from school. I started homeschooling him using the classical method, and it was really successful.

Since Then…

Since then, a lot has changed. I homeschooled my oldest through seventh grade. Because of health issues, he returned to public school in 8th grade. We weren’t a fan of the charter school we tried out, but we did like his junior high – I was really nervous about putting him back into public school in junior high because middle school tends to be rough.

He did really well there, and then we had him in high school. He did well, but I wasn’t as happy as I could have been with the high school experience he received. Based on a lot of the things that happened in high school, my husband and I decided that we would homeschool our younger children – preschool through high school – following the classical method.

Not for Everyone

Homeschooling isn’t for everyone, but it works really well for our family. I work from home, so I’m able to put in the work needed to be successful with homeschooling the kids. We’re lucky to have a really great library available to us, so that we’re able to get books to supplement our lesson plans.

We also have a lot of local museums, and our local rec center, and they are all great resources for enrichment courses for our kids. We have a lot of fun, many of the days of the week.

Have you considered homeschooling? What do you think about the concept, if you haven’t yet? 

Freelance writer and entrepreneur Ronda Bowen has been publishing articles on a variety of topics including parRonda Bowen Raising World Children - Where Cultures Meet Parentingenting and education for the past decade after leaving a graduate program in philosophy. She has four children ranging in age from 6 months to 19 years old. She believes that it is vital to raise children to be globally aware and to have empathy for others. Current projects include two blogs, political website, fundraising for an international non-profit organization, and a handmade business.

 

Valentine's Day Themed Art By Kids

Valentine’s Day Themed Art By Kids

We bring to you beautiful pieces of art by kids of Mayur studio who under the watchful eye of Neelima Ganta create masterful strokes in art.

Neelima Ganta is the Owner and Artist of Mayur art studio. She enjoys painting with Acrylics and passing on the tradition of color to her students so they can carry a love for the arts within them.

Each student has created an imaginative piece around the theme of Valentines day showing that love translates differently for different eyes.

You can check out more Neelima’s work on on the website for her studio – Mayur Studio . She is open to creating new pieces and selling commissioned art as well as teaching your child to create their next masterpiece.

Don’t forget to send your child’s creation to us at contact@localhost. Submission guidelines can be found here.

How Valentine's Day Became My Every Day Why

How Valentine’s Day Became My Every Day Why

I was 18 and had been in an “on-again-off-again” relationship for a few years. On Valentine’s Day of my senior year, we were “off again.” I was bitter, sad, felt like a loser, and wanted to cancel the day altogether.

Until something shifted.

A few days before the big day, I got the idea to research the history of Valentine’s Day and St. Valentine. I wanted to explore deeper than the facade that Hallmark and Hollywood sell us. I was desperately searching for a way to turn my hurt and self-consciousness into something new and more beautiful.

While reading up, I came to the conclusion that Valentine’s Day is a commercially created holiday, and that St. Valentine likely wasn’t an advocate for only romantic love, but all love. I decided that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about loving out loud, telling the ALL of the people I love that they are special to me, and celebrating the collective love for humanity.

 

 

I dug deeper than my pain and recognized that I had lots of love that I needed to express on Valentine’s Day (and beyond), and I needed a new way to connect, rather than disconnect in shame, sadness, and isolation.

This day couldn’t be about teddy bears, roses, and chocolate from a boyfriend or a crush. To me, Valentine’s Day needed to be an expansion of the definition of love and a broadening of who and how we love.

Thus, my next idea… I decided that it would be most meaningful to show love to people in our society who are often forgotten or overlooked: those experiencing homelessness.

I got my mom in on the whole idea, and we quickly got started making Valentines by hand with doilies, glitter, stickers, and markers; albeit still a bit commercial, handmade cards were a joyful tradition that my mom shared with me and my sister.

Along with each Valentine, we would hand out a treat. We decided on donuts.

 

 

On the morning of Valentine’s Day, mom and I drove downtown in my hometown, Albuquerque, New Mexico, to deliver little bits of love and sugary hugs to people who were living without a steady, stable home.

We received so many smiles and appreciations, and we ran out of supplies quickly. The sensation of being present with another, sharing a moment, and acting on the principle that everyone deserves love was powerful and transformational!

Again, something BIG shifted.

 

CELEBRATING VALENTINES DAY IN MY EVERY SINGLE DAY

From that February 14 on, Valentine’s Day became my favorite holiday. I’ve been known to host Valentine’s craft parties, my mom often ships me a box full of love and treats, and I often share about this memorable, perspective-shifting experience from my senior year of high school– my search for love and meaning in the world.

I must admit that I still partake in some of the commercial elements of the holiday, but my philosophy about the holiday comes from a place of authentic love, rather than expectation. This is what I hope to share with you and even more so with your teenagers who may be feeling pressured, depressed, expectant, or even excited about the stereotypical ideals of this holiday.

Over time, my love for the holiday grew, and I eventually named my commitment to live in love: Valentine’s Day Everyday, a movement.

 

 

What started as a desire to heal myself became one of my biggest WHYs– the reason I keep showing up and the reason I want to live another day: to notice love, to live in love, and to create love. Not just one day out of the year, but every day!

HOW YOU CAN MAKE EVERY DAY VALENTINES DAY

I’ve made it part of my life’s mission to tell people I love them. I’ve committed to noticing and observing love around me and appreciating it. Whether it’s a heart-shaped hole in the sidewalk, a lost and found love note, or witnessing a mother hugging her toddler, I want to know love.

And it’s not just the nicely packaged things that are love. It’s dropping my breakfast on the way out the door (when I’m already late), the basket of laundry waiting for me to fold it, and the meltdown my tween client is having that reveal what love is and teaches me how to love freely and fiercely.

 

Valentine’s Day Every Day is about looking at ALL experiences through the lens of love. Responding from a place of love and staying open to all forms of love.

 

I invite you to take on this mission and make it your own. How can you live each day as if it were Valentine’s Day for everyone?

 

 

WHAT YOU CAN DO  TODAY

Below are a few ideas that you might like to try as you get started on living Valentine’s Day Every Day:

  • Snuggle with your partner a little longer.
  • Pack an “I love you” note in your child’s lunch box.
  • Pay for coffee for the person in the drive-through behind you. Or the car in the toll booth line.
  • When you see something– a book or knick-knack or greeting card– that reminds you of a friend or family member, buy it for them. Don’t wait until a holiday or their birthday to gift it.
  • Hand out snacks or water to people who are experiencing homelessness.
  • Text a friend you haven’t heard from in a while, simply expressing what you love about them or sending a virtual hug.
  • Make a meal for a friend who has been sick or tired or stressed out.
  • Gift yourself the chocolate or flowers you look at with desire. You are worth it!
  • Write a love letter to a stranger!
  • Make a handmade card or collage for a friend or family member— just because.
  • Pick a flower and pass it to the next person you see.
  • Leave a positive affirmation somewhere where another person will find it– inside of a book, on a chair, on a signpost, etc.
  • Look for hearts in nature. (You’ll find soooo many!)
  • Write a poem for someone you love.

Have ideas? Go for it! Whatever comes up is authentic and real for you. Show that love to yourself, others, and the world.

Find Out How Every Day is And Can Be Turned Into Valentines Day | Love | Family | Joy | Be With Family On Valentines Day

 

If you’re looking for accountability as you integrating this mindset into your life and your family, let’s chat! As a Child-Centered Coach for parents and teens, I work with clients to build their lens of love, and I would be honored to support you and your children on the journey. As an online Child-Centered Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney supports tweens, teens, and young adults in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they discover their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in self-care, growing alongside their children, and in developing balanced sensitivity towards the process their child is creating and offers an online membership for parents of tweens and teens. Sessions with both teens and parents guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that’s crucial for a life of ease. You can find out more about Courtney Harris Coaching here: https://www.facebook.com/courtneyharrisedconnect/ and https://courtneylynnharris.wixsite.com/mysite

 

 

Teach Your Kids To Accentuate The Positive

Teach Your Kids To Accentuate The Positive

Do you remember the old song written by Johnny Mercer and performed by Bing Crosby?

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

Maybe Mercer had the right idea. Maybe focusing on the positive would help us be more effective parents, better friends, and happier people overall.

There is a parenting method whereby parents praise good behavior (“I love the way you are sharing with your sister”) rather than focusing just on negative behaviors (“Stop being mean to your sister!”). I’m oversimplifying, but the general idea is that kids act badly to get attention. If acting in positive ways gets more attention, they will engage in more positive behaviors and fewer negative behaviors.

[bctt tweet=”Engaging in positive behavior is encouraged by encouragement on positive actions. Here are ways to help them accentuate the positive in their life. ” username=”contactrwc”]

You can find out more about the positive approach to parenting by clicking on this article of Positive Discipline Tips and another one about Reinforcing Positive Behavior at Home.

How I Apply It

Does it work? In my experience, it does, as much as I am able to apply it. When I remember to focus on my kids’ positive behaviors, they do seem to work harder to get my attention by “showing off” good behavior. The biggest challenge is remembering to make a big deal out of the positive behaviors. It’s so much easier to notice the bad ones, especially when I am tired and overwhelmed (and let’s face it, that is most of the time!). One of my goals this year is to proactively encourage the behaviors I want to see rather than reacting to the behaviors that make me crazy.

As I’ve been thinking about this parenting approach, I’ve started to contemplate how it could work in different areas of life. For instance, what if we applied this philosophy to media coverage? What would happen if we only covered stories in which people engaged in positive, life-affirming behavior?

Immediately, I can think of one drawback. Bad behaviors, like sexual harassment, would continue to occur because no one would alert the public to the problem. Those types of issues would remain secret, and victims would be robbed of their powerful voices.

Knowing that it isn’t feasible to only report the good stuff, let me just indulge in a happy news fantasy. If most of the world’s journalism focused on the great things people around the world do for others, would people be even more likely to do great things? Would world leaders fight harder to achieve world peace and end hunger and violence if those were the only actions journalists covered?

Most importantly, would our children benefit from being presented with positive models of behavior they can emulate rather than adults who indulge in base human instincts? Whenever we read the news, we see hatred, violence, and self-indulgence. As parents, we are presented with a huge opportunity—and mandate, even—to seek out content that uplifts, that affirms life, that provides models of positive ways of interacting.

I encourage all of you to try, for at least a week, to focus on the positive. Talk to your kids about news stories involving people acting in amazing, kind, and life-affirming ways.

And let’s talk about gossip: we all do it, and it has been proven to play an important role in society, reforming bullies and encouraging cooperation. Let’s try something different, though. Instead of talking about people in negative ways, let’s “gossip” about all the good things people do, as in, “Have you seen Aditi’s blog, Raising World Children? Isn’t it amazing how hard she works to help foster tolerance and love?”

Try focusing on the good stuff for a week. Then let me know how it goes. How do you feel when you talk about only life-celebrating news? How do your kids respond to hearing more about positive behaviors?

When talking about positive news, Prof. Tal Ben-Shahar says, “Positive information benefits us emotionally, physically, and mentally. It can contribute in a meaningful way to a happier and healthier life.” We need good news to thrive. Do you feel happier when you take in more positive information?

To help you accentuate the positive, I leave you with some websites that share only the good news.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-neumann/15-uplifting-sites-focuse_b_1297094.html

http://www.adweek.com/digital/7-positive-news-sites-to-cheer-you-up/

https://www.walkbrightly.com/

Simple ways to teach your kids to highlight the positive aspects of life. An important way is to do it yourself. Here is how !

And here are some lists of children’s books that inspire. They may not all be about good things, but they all celebrate the difference a person can make in the world:

50 Inspiring Children’s Books With a Positive Message

8 Book Recommendations for Happy Kids

6 New Picture Books Enjoy Wonder

  Catherine Brown loves to write happy, life-affirming stories about ordinary people doing amazing things. She also writes about parenting and education to help readers learn from experts how to make their lives just a little bit better. Every day, she strives to be a kind and loving friend, partner, and mom…some days are better than others! You can find her at writehappy.net, on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/writehappy.net/, and on Twitter, @catwritehappy.

How to Make Your Dreams Come True

How to Make Your Dreams Come True

And there it is!  The day that you have been putting off your entire life, has arrived.  You have done your best to push it down, put everything and everyone else in front of it but it’s always there.

One day, you’re minding your own business and all of sudden, BAM, the message comes!  It may come as a subtle nudge or commanding boom, whatever it is, you know it’s time.

Live Your Dream

Now, they’ve even made a day of it!  That’s right, January 13 was “Make Your Dream Come True” day.

I don’t know when it started.  What I do know is now, two people know about it!  (hint:  You and me!)  Congratulations!  This is huge.  This is the day you begin to change your life!  Quick!  Go get your calendar and add it.  (P.S. Since I don’t know when you are reading this, it doesn’t matter if it is before or after January 13 and it doesn’t matter what year.  Pick YOUR date).

There are no more excuses.  It’s your time.  Oh no!  You may wonder.  Now what?  How do I make my dreams come true?

[bctt tweet=”Before you know it, your dream will call out to you? Are you ready to receive it? Work hard for it ? #motivation #mindset” username=”contactrwc”]

STEP 1 – SIT WITH IT

To begin, find a space where you absolutely will not be disturbed. This space will feel peaceful (can be in your home, in a park, parked in your car, anywhere that feels comfortable and safe).

Close your eyes and just breathe.  Allow this moment to be entirely about YOU and YOUR dream. 

Ideally, you will allow yourself anywhere from one minute to 20 minutes to sit quietly with your dream.  Give yourself as much time as you can in this space (and do it daily, whenever possible).  

You’re doing great!

Once your body and mind gets used to the stillness.  Bring your attention to your dream and just sit with it.

Listen. Allow yourself to step into your dream.

As you begin to see yourself in your dream.  Allow your imagination to bring it to life.  What does it look like? What does it feel like?  Can you see yourself there?  How do you see yourself?  What are you wearing?  How does your hair look?  Who else is there?  Begin to create the story in your mind.

STEP 2 – WRITE ABOUT IT  

In this step, grab your favorite notebook, journal or keyboard and begin to scribe everything you saw in Step 1.  Be as detailed as possible. 

Begin to ask yourself more questions.  Such as: What is the purpose of my dream?  Do I solve problems?  Do I inspire?  Do I build things?  Do I teach?  Do I write? 

Who do I help?  Who will benefit from my dream?  You get the idea.  Take note of all of these answers. 

In Step 1, you began to explore the WHAT of your dream.  You are now expanding on the WHAT of your dream and beginning to look at the WHO of your dream.

STEP 3 – CONSIDER

Once you have sat with and imagined your dream in Step 1 and then taken the time to write down the What and the Who in Step 2, comes the time to consider, your WHY?

This one is really deep.

It’s not the surface reason of “I want more money”.  “I want more freedom.

It’s the big one.

It is the WHY underneath it all.  When you begin to consider the why underneath your dream, you may have several layers of things you “think” are big enough, but they won’t be.  Keep going.  Think about it.  Sit with it.  Write it.

Keep writing all the reasons WHY your dream is important to you.

STEP 4 – ARE WE THERE YET?

When you have done the work for Step 1, moved to Step 2, moved to Step 3, you may be asking “Are we there yet?”.

The answer is:  It depends.

When you look at that extremely determined beautiful plant that has managed to grow through the concrete, you will know that it had a WHY that was so big NOTHING would stop.  It is the WHY that is so big, you keep going when you are ready to quit.  Obstacles no longer stand in your way, because you will find a way around them.

It is the why that says I am determined to make the impossible, possible.

Step 5 – HOW ?

The question that really causes people to get stuck is HOW.  How will I do it?  How do I, etc.  The answer is…it doesn’t matter how.  The how will change.  That is why it is VITAL to get so clear on Step 3 that your life becomes just like the plant in Step 4.  You might ask how I know, because I’m doing it now and the only thing that is impossible is the dream that doesn’t have a big enough WHY.

How To Achieve Your Dreams | Family Goals | Take Time To Create Your Own Happiness | Empower Kids

Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Transformational Life & Spiritual Coach, Author, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover and step into your Soul Purpose. You can find Tammy Coin on Facebook @IntriguingInsights or @TheDoorsofWellness

 

How Kids Today Perceive India

How Kids Today Perceive India

What do kids outside of India really think about the country ? Do expat kids have any connection with their parents’ homeland?

Being a mom of two younger kids who haven’t yet visited India often, these are few of the questions I wonder a lot about. Having been raised in Kuwait, as an Indian I am no stranger to cultural life being confusing in many ways. Interestingly enough, my confusions were solved in my late 20s and totally resolved once I became a mother.

Which is why it is an everlasting curiosity within me to see what kids around me (all in pretty much the same boat I was in) , feel about being raised Indian and being American citizens. Other expats in our Facebook Group for Parents Raising Global Thought Leaders can relate. 

[bctt tweet=”An essay competition for Republic Day of India provides an inside look into the way kids today perceive India.” username=”contactrwc”]

So when the opportunity to judge a kids’ writing competition came my way, I was elated beyond words to get a peak into growing minds.

As I read the several pieces that were submitted to the Republic Day of India competition I was thoroughly impressed. The topic being ” Memories of India “, was fascinating the depth of kids’ emotions regarding the same. What I learned was interesting to say the least.

How Kids Today Perceive India | Essay Writing | How to Expat Indians Feel About India | Republic Day of India | 26th January

They See India Differently

One entry was a beautiful piece about one evening’s experience with applying henna at a fair and seeing their father dancing at wedding. I could feel myself walking right beside her in that moment. Another had expressed their first train experience and even though you could tell that it was cumbersome for the little 7 year old, it was more than enjoyable as well.

You could feel that the experience during their visits mean so much more to them and uniquely so. To see the vibrancy in India through the eyes of young kids is very different. Often they compare the two countries they live in and visit and their perspective was 

Fascinating New Perspectives 

One child wrote so beautifully that he wondered where all the ants were constantly coming from in the house. His answer? ” So many ants were probably there because the food is so delicious. ” He continued to write about the summer he spent imagining the many reasons those ants would be roaming around the house.

It went to speak on how minutely a child thinks about what they experience. 

They Experience Culture Vividly 

Mundan ceremony of little ones or weddings of their siblings or cousins were described in such intricate detail. They found the celebrations a wonderful opportunity to rejoice life. Being an adult, I found many new customs within their experience that I even am new to.

As a parent, I have often worried that new cultural ceremonies (owning to size of crowds) might be overwhelming for my kids but reading those stories made me realize it is me not them that needs to brave the situation. For every custom is a spiritual experience for them. 

Children Feel Close To Family, Despite Distances 

It is a fear of many parents that the kids are distant from their family or relatives. Those essays assured me, while they may be far physically the kids are emotionally very well connected to those relatives who have taken the pains to develop the connection.

Being cared for, taken on bike rides, long walks or being taught yoga are all cherished memories.

There is an essential misconception among adults that being away from family makes kids aloof. But through those words I could sense that love surpasses all boundaries. So if there is any space felt, it is certainly a lack of adults  to not develop a better connection.

Certainly not the child’s. All a child needs is to be loved. 

Many Kids Feel Like Outsiders Already 

And yet are excited to connect!

This stood out the most to me. A lot of the 12 and older kids mentioned in passing that doing so and so made them feel like “less of an outsider ” or helped them ” understand ” something (implying they feel the need to). Or how some one here in USA commented on something that is uniquely ” Indian ” about them affects their perception on visiting India.

To me this was interesting as  I have often wondered how early is it today that kids get this feeling. As an Indian born and raised in Kuwait, it was only in my early 20s when I introspected my feelings enough to understand that I wasn’t as Indian as other kids.

What was hilarious was one 7 year old’s expression that the ” last trip to India helped them get in touch with the inner Indian which has been lost for many years “. ( parenting coaching at it’s best ) .

The experience was such a wonderfully inspiring one that I wanted to pen down tricks for other kids who would ever participate in essay writing.  These are not by any means every judge’s criteria but per writing guidelines these are great rules of thumb to live by when writing creative and effective essays for any occasion.

To submit your child’s creative writing/arts, go ahead and email us at contact@localhost and we will feature them on our platform. Children, after all can use ALL the encouragement they can get.

To write and to contemplate the many ways they connect to their homeland. 

Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”

Are You Ruining Your Child's Friendships With Negativity

Are You Ruining Your Child’s Friendships With Negativity

I came across my high school yearbook the other day and couldn’t help pouring through the pages and reading the words friends from my past wrote to me. Majority of friends wrote things like, “Let’s keep in touch,” and, “Friends forever,” and “I’ll never forget…,” which was followed by a litany of memories that today, I have absolutely no memory of.

Heck! Many of the people I was hard pressed to remember them at all!

Why do we become friends with some and not with others? Why do some friendships stand the test of time yet most do not?

Friendship Theories

As I refer back to my college psychology classes, John Bowlby, a researcher from the mid 20th century would say it all goes back to how we “attached” to our main caregivers (our parents) during infancy. His attachment theory stated it was a survival mechanism. Bowlby’s thinking was how we attach to our parents during the first few years of life determines how all of our relationships throughout life will be.

And failure to properly attach was detrimental, with consequences like delinquency, reduced intelligence, anger, and an inability to show affection toward others.

As we moved into the present century, more in-depth research and study has been done. While there’s something to be said for the importance of infant-parent attachment, in that the relationship with the parent can be affected by how we attach within those first few years, having that “vital” period doesn’t play near as big of role on the outcome of our future relationships with others.

During the time Bowlby’s theory was becoming a thing, there was Jane Elliot. Ever heard of her? Neither had I (until I learned about her in a college psychology class), but what she was able to accomplish in the way of making friends and losing judgment, is nothing short of amazing.

How to Ensure Your Child Has Lasting Friendships | Friends | Kids | Removing negativity from kids' lives

The Story of Jane Elliot 

Jane Elliot, a third grade teacher from a small town in Iowa, in my mind, made history with her teaching and all of us would do very well to learn more about her work.

It was a spring morning in April, 1968, which could have gone on like other normal day as Mrs. Elliot’s students came to class. But this wasn’t just any April morning. It happened to be the morning after Martin Luther King was assassinated. With much thought and trepidation, Jane chose to completely toss the days lessons aside. As a matter of fact, she tossed the next several days of lesson plans aside. Little did she know her students of an all white community would learn a lesson they’d remember for the rest of their lives and it completely altered the direction Jane Elliot would take throughout the rest of her life.

Overnight, Jane had devised a plan to teach her students about race, about diversity and about judgement, about friendship, as well as self esteem. Sounds pretty amazing, right? Her experiment was eventually dubbed “Brown Eyes, Blue Eyes.”

Immediately, when the first school bell rang out, Jane was separating her class in two. On one side of the room were the brown eyed students and on the other were the blue. She had neckwear, collars for one side of the room to wear for the next several days. She told her class that from that point forward, everyone with blue eyes were bad people. They weren’t to be trusted. The brown eyed and blue eyed students weren’t allowed to play together or even communicate with each other. She even went so far as to tell the brown eyed students that the blue eyed children were inferior and stupid and to really hit it home, the blue eyed students weren’t allowed to drink from the same water fountain. Sound familiar?

Mrs. Elliot played this to the hilt. When she was doing small group lessons with a mixture of brown and blue eyed students, she went so far as to tell the blue eyed students they were wrong, even if they were right. After several days passed, the rolls were reversed and suddenly the brown eyed children were the inferior ones. Eventually, all of the classroom had “played” both rolls.

The experiment has a whole lot more to it than this, but what the children came out of it learning was they were all very quick to jump on the bandwagon and belittle the “inferior” students. The inferior students grade average plummeted during this time frame.

But one thing is for sure, this experiment was a big example of how negativity can be detrimental to social relationships.

diversity in friendships

Help Your Kids Create Lasting Relationships

How can we, as parents, teach our children about judgement, racism and self esteem? It turns out one of the most important roles we play is to be good role models. The old saying, “children are like sponges,” is actually truer than we might think.

As it turns out, young children actually do have more neurons making connections in their brains than they will have when they start becoming teens. As it turns out, children really do learn much more by our actions than by our words.

Teaching our little ones to be a good friend and how to talk to others starts with us. For example, we want our children to be open and honest with us, but in order for that to happen, we need to practice what we preach, walk the walk, talk the talk, so to speak. It’s important for us to create an environment where we’re able to share how we’re feeling and our experiences (within reason and age appropriate) with our kids.

It turns out, one of the most important aspects in making friends is being able to make ourselves just a little bit vulnerable, to share some of our self with someone else. Perhaps we have a different opinion than the one our friend just shared with us… Do we tell them we feel the same way so they won’t think bad of us? Or do we take that chance and voice our differences and risk them not liking us because of it?

Even as adults, the same thing still applies. It’s those people who listen to our differences and like us anyway who we become closest to. That skill of “listening” is also one of the most important aspects of creating lasting friendships. Many people don’t actually know how to “listen.” They know how to “hear.” What’s the difference, you may ask? Well, listening actually takes conscious practice (In my life coach training, many weeks were devoted to the art of listening).

You see, most people hear what they’re friends are saying trying to find a spot in the conversation to interject our own comments. At the very point where something our friend is saying sparks a comment we want to interject and we hold onto that thought until we can find a break in the conversation… We’ve actually stopped listening. Listening is about being present in each moment as we listen and speak to others.

Lastly, from my experiences, I’d have to say the next most important aspect of being a friend is curiosity. So this is how it works… We have to put ourselves “out there.” Take a chance. Be vulnerable. And listen for your friend as they share their vulnerabilities with you. The act of “listening” allows us to remember our friend’s vulnerabilities and curiosity helps us to ask our friend in future conversations about how the vulnerable experience is progressing in their life.

Unfortunately, throughout life, friendships come and friendships go. Sometimes they go due to a change of location, a change in job, a broken confidentiality. Just like any good relationship, friendship takes time, empathy, curiosity and responsiveness.

And if you’re very lucky, you’ll have a small handful of very close friends who stand the test of time.

So, are you going the extra mile to create lasting relationships for your child ?

Janie Saylor is a professional certified life coach with a degree in psychology, her focus is in the emerging field of positive psychology. Janie is the mom of two grown children, her son, age 20, and her daughter, age 24. In 2006, Janie published a book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her experiences teaching life journaling to people over the age of 60 for 10+ years in many different communities in the Metro Detroit area. Janie’s used her experiences and education as she developed an 8-week online coaching program and has had tremendous success in improving the communication, lives and relationships of her clients. Janie enjoys uplifting others with positive posts and memes on her Facebook page, BecomeUniversity. Janie calls it “Your Happy Place.”