February 3, 2020 - Raising World Children

Being Sexy is More Mind than Body

LOVED the Superbowl half time show they put on !!! Outstanding !!!

I’m all for empowerment and all for everyone wearing whatever they like but I wonder how we teach our girls that being sexy is more MIND than body when women in the limelight constantly choose to show that LESSER is HOT !! #superbowl

I have always believed talent and hard-work doesn’t need crutches of props, gimmicks or glitter. I was raised in Kuwait where fashion can be seen in modesty as well. That’s why I never get why women (specially with amazing bodies ) often feel less is HOT or Fashionable…

Unfortunate times we live in IF stars feel they “need to” , to remain relevant! In-spite of being at their ABSOLUTE BEST even at 50 ??!!

And this is me talking just because I feel maybe it’s time me shifted that perspective..not just about These outfits.

Superbowl is always this way.

I have heard people question that this is part of the Latin culture and they have always dressed this way. That when men are half naked, we have no issues. But my question is why do we need to sexualize something, at all?!

I personally even have an issue with all the Hindi movies that show women in skimpy clothes and men half naked for the sake of their 6-10 pack abs. Body display is not the only thing that makes a movie amazing. It is great acting!

In 2013, a friend of mine has a perfectly valid question about Beyonce’s get up the other day. – ” If a singer who is a role model of thousands of young girls ( our daughters) dresses up like a stripper on national television, and we object to it, are we being judgmental?
Or just bury your head in the sand, and ignore? ”

My response runs something like this.

Yes that is being being judgmental. Though everyone is entitled to their opinion as well.

It’s burying one’s head in the sand for thinking of her as stripper coz that’s how the world just is these days, unfortunate as it may be. One can only control their own hemisphere in life and their own children. I think a lot of parents’ worries come from the fact that kids emulate what they watch on TV. Parent’s example n guidance can turn even a negative influence/experience into a positive lesson.

In today’s world where guns, violence, drugs and rape are major issues I believe it’s important to guide our children to be good within. Instead of worrying about the dangers in the world and pointing at all the things people do wrong, teach your kids how to make good and sensible decisions.

I didn’t like the choice doesn’t make them any lesser or take away from their achievements.

I just feel it’s time around the world, the dialogue shifted to sexy being more MIND than body. So your outfit doesn’t take away from your talent.

It’s unfortunate that people are talking about that more than how amazingly awesome the show was and all the hard work that goes into putting it up and looking SO powerful on stage.

Talk to your about what sexy is. give them the gift of confidence.

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Look at what is behind the scenes.

My son asked me, what is being sexy?! I said, it means being completely awesome.

So, I took to the matter to my kids today. And talked to them about what looking awesome is. This is going to be an ongoing conversation between us. Watch shows together. As Indians, we tend to make our kids close our eyes. Instead, highlight what’s behind the scenes.

Talk to them about whatever costumes we watch on TV. How we can comment n talk about it but its the singers choice of how she wants to portray herself. She has a great body n she’s worked hard on it so she will flaunt it. When it’s part of a culture then it’s not wrong or right. It just is. Also, instead of concentrating on what she was wearing one can think/talk about the talent, hard work, time and energy it goes into putting such a show together. It gives so many people jobs, co ordinating those dancers, lighting, the dedication to dance And sing at the same time. Having taken part in stage dramas,dances and all so I know it’s not easy.

If we want our children to understand that sexy is more mind than body, then we have to make sure they UNDERSTAND the difference between the two and how important it is to first KNOW the confidence within.

There’s a Time and Place for Every Outfit

I come from the, as some might say, old school of thought and find it important to talk to kids about how it is important to dress up in some places and dress casual in others. And that dressing lesser is not appropriate for every situation. Everyone has a right to wear whatever they like but we have to be in control of what we wear and where we wear it. Don’t let your hard work be hidden by something that you wear just to provoke!

Don’t Wear Something You Are Not Comfortable In

Wear it if you want, but remember you have to be comfortable in it. It is so sad to see many people wear clothes they are not comfortable in, just to fit in. They wear it, attend a party, and then are constantly roaming around with a worried expression, stressed about wardrobe malfunction.

Don’t follow trends, just because your friends are doing it. Don’t fall prey to the idea of you having to have a certain image. The first rule of fashion is be yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Those women on stage on Superbowl 2020 are not sexy because of their clothes or lack there of. They are sexy because they are powerful, successful go-getters who followed their dreams.

And that is what allows them to be totally amazing, no matter what the situation.

My Kid Never Talked About Their Day … Till This Happened

I finally learnt my lesson, don’t say “What did you do in school today?” because the answer is always “Nothing!” ( How in the world to you get kids to talk? )

Standing excitedly waiting for your child to return from school to hear, “Nothing!” yet again. Somewhat taken aback by this answer I would question, “How can you learn nothing at school? You have been there for 7 hours! Surely you learnt something?” Response, “No, nothing!”

Further attempts at alternative questions resulted in me standing, staring after my child running out to play, apple in hand, calling a sibling, “Let’s go play in the garden!”

Still no updates on “Nothing!”

“A child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health and deserves the same quality of support” – Kate Middleton

There did not appear to be in a thing I could do to entice any extra information free. So, an extremely confused me was left to just walk away hoping all was ok. Continually, I heard my mum, friends and various counselors in the children’s health field reiterate the extreme importance of talking about your child’s day at school. Discussions on how to start conversations, and how to word questions were readily addressed, adapted and re-discussed. The problem was all my children respond to all of the above with an eye roll and answer “Nothing!” or a variation thereof.

The response of my children’s teachers and my friends to my, “How do you get your child to talk about their school day because mine will not talk about their day?” was met with “Let me see if I can get a conversation happening!” I’m not sure whether I was relieved or not when neither they, nor the school counselor, had any success either. The teachers did advise though that they were unaware of any issues directly affecting our children.

All I could think about though was the note on the bottom of the school newsletter that kept saying, “This is a bullying free zone! Keep open communication with your children!”

This is where I decided to revert to the age-old rule … when all else fails, “Ask Mum!”

In the interests of my child’s mental health, I ask my parents how to get kids to talk.

They just started laughing. (Keeping in mind I grew up on a working farm with horses, cattle, dogs, and chickens) They said, “You didn’t!” Dad’s further response was, “I got you to catch a horse and check a mob of cattle. At the end of the exercise you had so many things to talk about, you wouldn’t be quiet!” Mum said, “I sent you to feed the chickens, and feed the dogs, and somewhere along the way you came back with the stories of your day!”

“Ok, well how do I get my kids to talk? The teacher/ school says we stop bullying happening when we keep in touch with our children. That’s not much use if they avoid all attempts at the ‘what did you do at school today’ discussion?” Mum said, “ By the end of the school day you wanted a snack and attacked anyone who asked a question! Be grateful the answer was ‘Nothing!’ You said something along the lines of ‘don’t talk to me’.”

Looking to my mum, I said “… but, what do I do?” Her answer was to deliver breakfast in bed before school and ask if they need help packing their school bags. Something slowly dawned on me, and I said, “Aah, tea and toast in bed when you knew I didn’t want to go to school!”

Tricky but effective!

“Exercise is the key not only to physical health but to peace of mind” – Nelson Mandela

How do I apply this lesson for my kids:

We made a small vegetable patch in our garden. We can work together and have fresh herbs and vegetables for our dinner.
Backyard soccer – just for fun!
Homework time is always preceded by hot chocolate, tea and snacks so everyone can have a chat about their day and catch up before the business of study.
We have a “Family Group Hug”. If anyone is feeling sad, tired or needs some support they can call “Group Hug” and end up the center of family squish! Source of much laughter and a message to make time for talking one on one.
Cartoons: Everyone is required to like my choice of cartoon eg. Tom & Jerry, and Snoopy. (My husband likes Oscar, he is a gecko running around in the desert) Everyone is required to agree to the interruption of all regularly scheduled programs to pay attention to my cartoons! Interrupting homework, dinner, tv time, waking up early for picnic breakfast and cartoons on a school morning… but it makes for unscheduled conversations. It introduces different topics to discussion and helps me know what’s happening in my kids’ world away from home.

So, our solution is a little unconventional, but it works for us. We try and work on a communication strategy that revolves around: Stop! Think! Speak!

(My kids initials are S, T, S).