Marriage Archives - Raising World Children

Matches Are Made In Heaven

November 13, 2017

by Ruchika Rastogi with 2 Comments festivals Voices

Matches are made in heaven !!

Its true! Indeed !!

Initially, I was quite dubious of the fact — Matches are made in heaven.

Our Arranged Marriage

But after getting married to my husband, I have started believing in it. Ours was a totally arranged marriage, wherein the bride’s parents meet the groom’s parents. The Kundlis were exchanged. And it’s only when the Kundlis match, the conversation regarding the two people — the girl and the boy,starts. And as per our tradition, I also believe in these nity gritty things. After all, it’s for us only.

Fortunately, our Kundlis matched.Then the day was fixed on which we will meet face to face. So on the a decided day, we met. Though our meeting had to happen but it was still very unusual. As we both were working , so neither of us was interested in taking a leave just to meet the partner in question.

Knowing he felt the same, attracted me towards knowing him more. So, it was decided that we will ll meet in a park during the morning hours.The morning where everybody was busy in their morning walk, jogging, yoga and what not, we were there to discuss our serious future.

And on that day, in those 10-15 minutes, to be precise, something happened – which changed our lives!

He was his normal quiet self while I was doing the chatting and the questioning. I felt somewhat irritable too when I was not getting the responses from him. But there’s an element of simplicity and something was there in his eyes, which got stuck somewhere.

After the meeting got over, we both went to our respective offices and from my office, I agreed to my father to move ahead in this relation. Right! I said yes and in just one hour two complete strangers became everything for each other.

So, the match was fixed. And we got engaged on 17.4.2005. But, still the marriage had to wait. There was a long courtship period of 7 months. And that was the time, we got to know each other, somewhat. His way of surprising me in one form or another had surprised me.

When I was least expecting him or his call, I used to get the shock of my life by seeing him outside my workplace , which was admired by me always. As he was not a very chatty person, so he used to make it up by something or the other.

And thus, the cupid finally struck! We got married on 14.11.2005, Children’s Day. See, it felt like God had also made plans for us. The date got inscribed along with the celebration of children’s day and our dear Nehruji’s birthday. On that day, amidst our families and friends,in a large set up, he came on the horse like my prince charming and I became his better half, forever.

Though we had our ups and downs,struggles and rewards, fights and romance, still the bond of love and trust for each other has kept us tied with each other. Touch wood!

Thus, I concluded, whether it is arranged marriage or love marriage, love can happen anytime and anywhere. These are just the names to help us move further. Rest is all our faith, trust, love, respect ,maturity and responsibility towards each other, which matters a lot. Gradually, I had realized that love doesn’t mean to ignore the flaws of the person but it means to accept the flaws of the person and let him also accept yours so as to have a pious and lovable life.

Because—Matches are made in heaven. Share your wedding story with me.

Ruchika Rastogi, an Indian who was born and brought up in Delhi. She loves to explore the unexplored. A mother of two lovely kids, she works as a teacher and her passion for writing has helped her survive during her hard times. Her first non fiction book got published last year with the name-A Mystical Majesty-the woman. As a contributing author, her anthology with the title–Wait Till I Tell You got launched recently. With dreams in her eyes, she believes in living life optimistically.

Raising World Children Marriage With A Foreigner

Don’t Marry a Foreigner Till You Know This

August 30, 2017

by Jewel Elise with 6 Comments Contemporary Heritage Voices

I never thought I would marry a foreigner but there I was. I sat on the pull-out bed in the dark. Alone. In a foreign country. Where did my boyfriend go?

I thought when someone said they loved you it should be the happiest moment. Thankfully he came back, the light shining bright to my unaccustomed eyes. A small red box was in his hands.

And got down on one knee. My heart jumped to my throat. “Will you marry me?” he asked, accent thick.

In shock and smiling, I said, “Yes.” But before you can marry your international delight, there’s something you should know.

What It Means To Marry A Foreigner

A dream Life. But…

We all want live happily ever after, right? Sure, our dreams are different. I want to be a writer. You may want to be an engineer, or travel the world. Or some just want to find their tall, dark and handsome prince.

Without expecting to I found my mine, and it has been the greatest ten years of my life. But it wasn’t always easy.

Advantages to Marrying A Foreigner

Today’s world seems to be against the foreign man. Some are afraid to let him in. And marriage is already difficult without adding a different culture.

But, there are advantages.

Explore new food.
Learn a new language.
Meet fascinating people.
More opportunities for travel
See amazing cities and nature.
Learn about the country your loved one is from.
Meeting your future spouse’s family introduces you to a new way of life.
And the best part is your future kids would benefit from learning from combined cultures.

It’s a win-win situation, in theory ! However, you should know something.

You will be wrong. Often !

The Reality When You Marry a Foreigner

Marriage is difficult, that’s no surprise. Part of the difficulty is learning to accept differences, and marrying someone from another country comes packaged with changes.

They have a unique belief system and may not be afraid to point how they believe your culture is wrong. And it’s not just your spouse.

Your in-laws may be worried if you don’t take your kid outside with a red bracelet or necklace to protect your baby from a stranger giving an ‘evil eye’. Or you all may not agree on what is best to feed your child.

And while fighting for your beliefs is fantastic and needed, sometimes the best action is acceptance. Being wrong. It’s part of maturity. And an important lesson for children. How do you find that balance of the advantages and disadvantages ?

Raising World Children Marry a Foreigner — Photo by Anne Edgar on Unsplash

Ways to Deal With Cultural Differences

Compromise

Every relationship needs compromise. A little give and take. It may take time to discover which compromise works and is an evolving process, but it is a great feeling once you do.

You may have to not give your child peanut butter that your child loves if you spouse is against it for personal health beliefs. It may be difficult, but they will do the same for you next time you are against something.

Be Willing To Learn

Study language, and cultures, especially your future spouse’s.

There is an app called Duolingo where you can learn over five languages at an easy but fast pace. If you can’t travel you can video chat and give his loved ones a tour of your home and life.

Travel Together

If possible, after you marry a foreigner, visit other countries. Studying is well but there is something special about seeing and smelling new sights for the first time yourself. Plus, there is no better way to get to know your spouse than through his family. Who doesn’t love embarrassing baby pictures of their spouse?

It may take a while, but saving up for this important trip is worth it. Be sure to take a couple weeks off to see the sights and get used to the time change.

Take Time to Breathe

Learning about cultures can be stressful. Meeting family members can be terrifying. And being wrong or being accused of being incorrect is difficult. Sometimes you need to take deep breaths to calm your body and mind.

Go somewhere alone and take deep breaths. Or even out of the house, and listen to the silence. Or do a hobby you love. Just take a moment to get away and be you.

Acceptance is KEY

We can believe we are right so strongly that we will fight to the ends of the earth. Then find out we were wrong. This is the time to step back and admit our mistake. It may seem obvious but once you’re in that situation, it is very hard.

But in marriage it is vital.

Sometimes you may have to lose an argument. Yet, accepting that your partner or their family is right, or thinks they’re right, will save you many headaches and heartaches.

Every country is unique, incredible and right. Including you and yours. Marrying a foreigner can be the best choice you ever make.

Follow Your Heart. Accepting how people from other cultures, including your partner, have different views than you is a great start to a happy marriage. So, if your heart is filled with love, take that chance. Let them get down on one knee and as the question you’ve been waiting for.

Say yes!

Marry your foreigner. Just understand they will be wrong. And so will you. But it’s worth every moment!

Jewel is a fiction writer, wife to a serious comedian and a mother to two lovely munchkins. You can find her at http://writeawaymommy.com Every mother can write!

I Don’t Need a Ring On Me

July 5, 2017

by Featured Guest with No Comment Empowerment Old Wives Tales Voices

A few weeks before I got married, I had an engagement ring,my first marital symbol . The first day I wore it, It drew too much attention. Friends and strangers called it out with equal exuberance.

They held my hand and ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ about the sparkling stone and wanted to know everything about my “love story”. It felt like I had announced my wedding on prime time TV. It made me way too conscious. So, after a few days, I hid it in my purse.

Following the wedding, I was adorned with the Mangal Sutra. I willingly wanted to wear it as part of the wedding ceremony. It was my homage to tradition.

Jasmine flowers in my hair and Mehendi in my hands, this was part of the quintessential wedding fantasy. I had unknowingly nurtured this dream since I was a little girl. But within a few days, the black and gold chain, as well as the shiny engagement ring, were both forsaken in an obscure corner of the dresser drawer.

Significance of Mangalsutra in India

In India, when women get married, they wear a Mangal Sutra. It is a simple chain made of gold with black beads woven into it. But, it is no ordinary chain. In it is packed centuries of tradition and history.

It is the upholder of virtue, a cornerstone of social norm and a shining symbol of loyalty. You may grudge it, seeing it as a weapon that men use to make sure their women are branded as theirs. Or you may revere it as a reminder of one’s change in identity, the first step of a new journey together in life. No matter your viewpoint, one thing is for sure, you may not ignore it.

Significance of Rings in America

When I came to America, instead of the chains, I witnessed rings. The symbol of a marital bond was shared here by men and women. Here, the ring was the sign of a couple’s commitment to one another. Single people filtered eligible men or women they might see at the bar, grocery store or random meetup group by a quick, expert glance at the ring finger.

Men and women thus make sure their spouses are not exposed to roving eyes and unwelcome advances. The power of the diamond studded metal ring ensures couples are able to a secure, UN-threatened, marital life.

My Real Marital Identification

Initially, there were some occasions like the annual Diwali celebration, a guilt-induced temple visit, or a friends baby shower for which I frantically looked for the ring or the chain and wore them for an hour or two. But as the years went by, I realized I had no use for them.

It is not that I don’t like jewelry, I do. My drawers were filled with earrings – long ones, terracotta ones, gold ones, beaded ones. I used to purchase little trinkets from all the places I traveled to. I had a necklace from Peru, a bracelet from Amsterdam, a pendant from Arizona. But the charm of all these was that they didn’t need to stay on me forever. After a few hours, I could put them back in the jewelry case and get back to an unencumbered life.

Wearing stone studded metal rings on my finger all the time got in the way of me cooking, cleaning dishes and daily ablutions. It was too much trouble.

As for the chain, it swung about when I went running, slipped when I went swimming and itched when it was a hot day. So I discarded them both in the 2*2 foot locker of my bank. I might indulge in cosmetic jewelry every now and then, but I don’t bother with the ‘real’ stuff anymore.

If you see me now, nothing sets me apart from a merry spinster. Well, nothing other than the baby weight that is sticking to me like a piece of discarded chewing gum on hair. If you are wondering whether my husband ever worries about romping men hitting on me because of the want of a chain or a ring, rest assured.

For one, he doesn’t wear one either for similar reasons. And secondly, he has nothing to worry about.

I have a better symbol of being ‘taken’ that I carry around with me all the time; My cheerio infested, melted crayon marked, sticky candy filled, eight-seater minivan.

What is your marital identification ?

Sandhya Acharya, author of the best selling children’s book the Big Red Firetruck grew up in Mumbai, India and now lives in the Bay Area. She worked as a financial professional and now pursues her passion for writing. She is also an amateur runner, a dance enthusiast and loves reliving her childhood through her young sons. Her work has appeared in NPR(KQED), ThriveGlobal, Peacock Journal and India Currents among others. She blogs regularly at www.sandhyaacharya.com