Remove the Taboo of the F* Word Early in Kids

Remove the Taboo of the F* Word Early in Kids

My husband is my pillar, my rock, my life partner. He has been nothing less than supportive of me and my career since we met. During that time I’ve run my own successful advertising agency and worked for Google.

I had three months off work with the birth of my first child and 6 weeks with the second. We married after the second – I have always joked I wanted to make sure he’d make a good father before I committed to him. The truth is, he’s the better half of our partnership.

Except.

One thing.

The F* word.

That’s right. Feminism.

Before I met him I started working with a charity that ran several women’s refuges and rehabilitation program mes for survivors of domestic abuse. When this took the form of gathering hundreds of presents each Christmas for the residents of the refuges.

It apparently didn’t occur to him that this was more than a charitable gesture from a white, middle class woman. When I talked about women’s rights and told him stories about survivors I’d met, he listened, nodded and I took this to be a shared feeling of the utter outrage I felt about the gender equality we live with day to day.

Then the charity I had been working with for 9 years went into administration. The refuges luckily were absorbed into a bigger network, but the high quality 1:1 counseling, the lobbying, the powerhouse that believed survivors deserved more than 30 days of support as they sought to rebuild their lives, that all disappeared.

I was very involved as the charity wound down and became a lot more vocal about my beliefs. This came around shortly before Weinstein and the #metoo movement. This is the point when I realized my husband is embarrassed by my perspective.

But it’s not just him, it’s also certain groups of family, friends, parents from school; both male and female. If I’m socializing and anything remotely related to #metoo or the F*word comes up it all gets a bit awkward. If anyone attempts to open up the conversation, or offer a vaguely provocative opinion they’re immediately put down with a combination of banter and deprecating remarks. And yes, when I say anyone, I mean me.

This realization came as I’d come to realize that charities, small charities especially, really struggle with funding; government and institutional grants require mountains of paperwork just to be considered, individual donors are being pulled in all sorts of directions for all sorts of causes. The only way to create real financial stability is for them to create a sustainable income stream.

So I set my mind to thinking. What product could we create that would provide this sustainable income stream for charities whilst also effecting change. My experience with social exchanges, or rather lack of, made me realize that to have any hope of progress around gender equality continuing we needed to change the conversation.

For the last 18 months I’ve been working on a set of conversation cards that are designed for families with kids age 5-12.

They have all sorts of questions on them ranging from Have you ever wondered what animals talk about? Or which of your teachers might survive a zombie apocalypse? To ‘Is it ok to call a girl manly?’ and ‘Who should have the last say in a family?’.

It’s working. My two girls love it and play it with their dad all the time. He barely seems to notice it covers conversations he’s uncomfortable having with me if I instigate them. Friends who get awkward when we’re discussing this around the dinner table are happily buying sets of cards for their kids.

You can read more about practical ways you can teach gender equality to kids here –

http://localhost/raisingworld/2017/07/07/teaching-kids-gender-equality/

The beautiful thing is the children themselves love the simple interaction they have between themselves and adults.  It’s a small thing but I hope it can make a difference.

Conversations count.

Books for this include –


 

 

Sarah is co-founder at Together Equal, specializing in producing conversation cards which raise money for charities while having a social impact by creating conversations which challenge social stereotypes. Follow Sarah and Together Equal @betogetherequal @sarahairdmash.

You can find Us On –

Twitter @betogetherequal
Instagram @togetherequal
Twitter @sarahairdmash
Website togetherequal.com

http://localhost/raisingworld/2019/03/26/5-woman-empowerment-kids-at-home/

 

Being Different - Empower Your Child to Overcome Self Doubt

Being Different – Empower Your Child to Overcome Self Doubt

Have you thought about how your child sees themselves? We see our children as perfect angels for their beauty lies in our eyes since moment they are born but these little humans will eventually grow to look at the world and start comparing themselves. Wonder how they overcome self doubt? Seeing themselves as inferior versions of themselves that can possibly cripple a child and how to overcome self doubt. It has happened to the best of us and will happen till time immortal.

My daughter is quite small for her age. It has been weighing heavy on us seeing other kids much younger to her, stand taller. Specially when we all hear comments like, “Oh, is she really 5?” or “I can put her in my pocket.” Off hand comments made with no thought, but a reminder of her being small.

As much as I worry about it and think about ways that we can help her grow, I have always worried more about the day that she starts seeing herself as different than others. And it happened on her fifth birthday!

She woke up early morning and questioned why she didn’t “look like she was 5”? Putting it down to a child’s question we went on with our day where she kept repeating and getting more disappointed to the point of crying hysterically after her birthday dinner.

When I went down to her level and talked about it, she was hurt that she hadn’t grown taller overnight. “Why am I not like 5 like other kids? They look so different.” It broke my heart. To witness my daughter seeing herself unlike other kids. I let the moment passed and comforted her. And later told her a story about a princess who was small but with a BIG heart and intelligent and helped others with her actions. She loved, loved, loved the new tilt to her perspective and slept with a smile on her face.

And as luck would have it, the next morning we got a book from the author of the book “Being Small Isn’t Bad At All”. Seeing her disadvantage as an advantage worked wonders for her self esteem. Just goes to show what the right books can do for a person’s perspective on life and themselves. If you happen to have a child facing our particular challenge, I can guarantee, this book will change your child’s perspective towards betterment.


This of course is not just restricted to being small. It applies to all those little or big things that make our children ever so slightly different than others. I have always tried my best to empower my kids in the many ways developing a confident mindset to overcome the daily overwhelm that comes with self doubt.

Overcome Self Doubt - Being Different

Get Down to Their Level

Not just literally (though that helps), but don’t just brush off what they are feeling. Help them address their concerns with empathy towards their view point. A hug often helps.

Some Time Off

A big hug, a walk, some time away from what they are feeling later with ice cream, helps them get out of their funk. At least it helps them get out of the hole for a while. Be a friend, by BEING with them, without forcing the issue.

Share Your Own Stories

I never try to hide my own insecurities from my children. I have often told them about times when I have been disappointed or failed or seen myself differently. AND I have talked to them about what I have done over time to overcome the same.

Make Up Stories

You will not believe the smile she had and the encouragement she felt when I told her about the princess who was small (with qualities of things that she liked) and then how it was not her shortcomings (no  pun intended) but her OTHER qualities that helped the kingdom out of the situation. A story tailor made for your child told in a different setting helps them be the 3rd person and see the situation different,

Empower Them with Empathy

Read to them. Talk to them. Not just about their particular self doubts but also, about the MANY different children there are. Teach them about children with different abilities and situations. When they learn how to be kind hearted and SEE other’s situations in a positive light, they grow to shine with their own light as well.

Wait for It

As parents, we all worry but with all the above, a day comes when all those moments come together towards a view point that makes you proud. Like your child standing up for themselves, or ever better, others!

Early, on recent morning, as we got ready for school I told my son to clean his glasses before wearing them and the conversation about glasses led to him mentioning that none of his friends at school wear glasses. He went on to tell me to my surprise that there was a time when he was embarrassed by them, but he got over it by thinking, “Being different doesn’t mean that I have to feel bad about it. I just have to be okay with it. It’s a part of me. “

And then, I knew my kids were okay. For they will grow to know, “Being different is not bad at all.”

 


If you enjoyed this and want more practical tips for imbibing your children with strong values for a confident mindset in the world that constantly evolves.

 

We Need to Be Mindful About Our Impatience with Children

We Need to Be Mindful About Our Impatience with Children

Do you notice yourself getting more and more impatient with your children?

Human nature is such that we are always craving for more. In our teen years, we are constantly craving for freedom. In the 20’s, we look forward to having fun, getting a good job, buying the newest gadget and more. When we reach our 30’s, we think of traveling, marriage and buying a house.

So this vicious circle of always wanting more never stops. Growing older doesn’t necessary help this process BUT growing wiser definitely helps put things into perspective.

Accept it or deny it but one of the most important reasons we get married is to procreate. A few honeymoons later, everyone begins to think of having children. One of the biggest mistakes most adults make today is listing ‘Having Children’ in their checklist of duties to do. Oh and believe it or not, some of us can’t wait to put a ‘tick’ on that box.

Children are truly a blessing of God and as their parents it is our duty to nurture them with love and care. During pregnancy, we tend to be very cautious and take care of every little detail of our daily routine. We do everything that would NOT harm the baby. And when the baby enters this world, we become even more careful and protective and do everything to care for this little being, who is totally dependent on us.

But as parenthood progresses, we tend to take our blessings for granted. We are overcome with impatience and feel pressured by our changing lifestyle. The journey of a happy couple to new parents and then to being responsible and hands-on parents can be a bumpy one sometimes. In the quest to be perfect parents, we often want to be in control of everything and that is when things seem to fall apart.

Real Reasons Behind the Growing Impatience with Our Kids

We lose patience easily and become extremely intolerant towards our kids. We begin to expect them to behave like adults, forgetting that they are still children because they are not so little anymore.

 

Some reasons why parents tend to be overly intolerant or impatient towards their children are:-

• Multitasking

We often want to have control of everything happening around us and prefer to multitask than to delegate. Women especially are known to be great at multitasking but how good are we at managing the stress that comes with it. In the quest of controlling everything, we tend to be intolerant and neglectful towards our children and tend to respond to them only after our work is completed.

• Marital Issues

We Need to Be Mindful About Our Impatience with Children. Reduce impatience with Children

In most marital problems and arguments, it is an innocent child who bears the brunt. We need to vent out our frustration somewhere, and children can be those soft targets. The age and maturity of a child doesn’t matter. Whether it is a small child or a teenager, the effect of our anger and anguish is always negative.

During a heated argument, we don’t raise our hands on our spouse because that would be physical abuse and no one wants to be accounted for domestic violence. Instead, we lose our cool on the kids and raise our hands on them (because no one looks at this as child abuse).

• Financial Stress

The slowing economy, job cuts and inflation can put pressure on any household. This in turn leads to making us impatient and agitated, and we tend to lose our mind at the kids more often, when things get out of control at home. If you sit back and think about it, children are not affected by these socio-economic factors because they don’t have an understanding of it, and at the end of the day they are only being what they are…children!

• Work-Home Balance

Trying to maintain a work-home balance can be very taxing, when there are children and/or other family members involved. Finding a good helper, a caring nanny or the right daycare can be very challenging for most parents.

Long working hours and work-related stress takes a toll on most individuals. Worked-up individuals then carry forward their frustrations and agitations to their family. Parents either tend to snap at their children or ignore them completely, while trying to deal with their daily problems.

• Competitive Nature

Parents these days are very competitive and want their children to excel in all aspects of life (which is not ideally possible!) We tend to overlook one very important thing – whether our child is enjoying the learning process or not.

Structured learning post-school hours can in fact bore a child and make him less interested in learning newer things because anything monotonous is never appealing. We need to start letting our kids plan their learning and play time according to how or what they feel that day.

Of course that doesn’t mean we let them play with gadgets all day. We can help them with their choices and steer them in the right direction, which will empower them to make correct decisions as adults.


• Phone Anxiety/Gadget Addiction

We have gotten so used to sliding, swiping and switching from one page to another that we think we can use this flipping technique to shoo away our kids too. Children need care, attention and time and we cannot just slide them off like a notification on the phone. As parents, we need to pull the plug on gadget addiction and re-focus on our children.

• Selfishness

Some parents refuse to let go off their pre-parenthood lifestyle for their own selfish reasons. They arrange for play dates to get their children off their back, enroll them in back-to-back classes to have less of them to deal with, spend the weekend shopping or dining with friends (while the kids are back home).

The fear of losing out on fun with friends often makes parents neglect their kids over the weekend, which in reality is a time for family-bonding. Striking a good balance between having a social life and spending time with family is important. Choosing the former over the latter can have devastating effects on our children.

We must remember that our negative behavior towards children can have very damaging effects on them. It can result in:

• Childhood/teenage depression and anxiety (which usually carries forward in to adulthood)
• Susceptible to bullying
• Lack of motivation and goals
• Low self-esteem and self-confidence
• Become social misfits or introverts
• Addiction to drugs, alcohol, gadgets and material pleasures

Let’s hope to make a few changes in our lifestyle and re-think our priorities. In a few years, when our children have gone away to acquire an education or for better work prospects, we will be left longing for them.

Let’s not make them long for our genuine love and affection as children. NOW is the time to spend their best years being there for them, so that when they go away, they have a reason to come back. NOW is the time to listen to them, so that when they grow up and need advice, they know where to look for it.

The best use we can make of our love and time is to INVEST it in our CHILDREN!