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I finally learnt my lesson, don’t say “What did you do in school today?” because the answer is always “Nothing!” ( How in the world to you get kids to talk? )
Standing excitedly waiting for your child to return from school to hear, “Nothing!” yet again. Somewhat taken aback by this answer I would question, “How can you learn nothing at school? You have been there for 7 hours! Surely you learnt something?” Response, “No, nothing!”
Further attempts at alternative questions resulted in me standing, staring after my child running out to play, apple in hand, calling a sibling, “Let’s go play in the garden!”
Still no updates on “Nothing!”
“A child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health and deserves the same quality of support” – Kate Middleton
There did not appear to be in a thing I could do to entice any extra information free. So, an extremely confused me was left to just walk away hoping all was ok. Continually, I heard my mum, friends and various counselors in the children’s health field reiterate the extreme importance of talking about your child’s day at school. Discussions on how to start conversations, and how to word questions were readily addressed, adapted and re-discussed. The problem was all my children respond to all of the above with an eye roll and answer “Nothing!” or a variation thereof.
The response of my children’s teachers and my friends to my, “How do you get your child to talk about their school day because mine will not talk about their day?” was met with “Let me see if I can get a conversation happening!” I’m not sure whether I was relieved or not when neither they, nor the school counselor, had any success either. The teachers did advise though that they were unaware of any issues directly affecting our children.
All I could think about though was the note on the bottom of the school newsletter that kept saying, “This is a bullying free zone! Keep open communication with your children!”
This is where I decided to revert to the age-old rule … when all else fails, “Ask Mum!”
In the interests of my child’s mental health, I ask my parents how to get kids to talk.
They just started laughing. (Keeping in mind I grew up on a working farm with horses, cattle, dogs, and chickens) They said, “You didn’t!” Dad’s further response was, “I got you to catch a horse and check a mob of cattle. At the end of the exercise you had so many things to talk about, you wouldn’t be quiet!” Mum said, “I sent you to feed the chickens, and feed the dogs, and somewhere along the way you came back with the stories of your day!”
“Ok, well how do I get my kids to talk? The teacher/ school says we stop bullying happening when we keep in touch with our children. That’s not much use if they avoid all attempts at the ‘what did you do at school today’ discussion?” Mum said, “ By the end of the school day you wanted a snack and attacked anyone who asked a question! Be grateful the answer was ‘Nothing!’ You said something along the lines of ‘don’t talk to me’.”
Looking to my mum, I said “… but, what do I do?” Her answer was to deliver breakfast in bed before school and ask if they need help packing their school bags. Something slowly dawned on me, and I said, “Aah, tea and toast in bed when you knew I didn’t want to go to school!”
Tricky but effective!
“Exercise is the key not only to physical health but to peace of mind” – Nelson Mandela
How do I apply this lesson for my kids:
- We made a small vegetable patch in our garden. We can work together and have fresh herbs and vegetables for our dinner.
- Backyard soccer – just for fun!
- Homework time is always preceded by hot chocolate, tea and snacks so everyone can have a chat about their day and catch up before the business of study.
- We have a “Family Group Hug”. If anyone is feeling sad, tired or needs some support they can call “Group Hug” and end up the center of family squish! Source of much laughter and a message to make time for talking one on one.
- Cartoons: Everyone is required to like my choice of cartoon eg. Tom & Jerry, and Snoopy. (My husband likes Oscar, he is a gecko running around in the desert) Everyone is required to agree to the interruption of all regularly scheduled programs to pay attention to my cartoons! Interrupting homework, dinner, tv time, waking up early for picnic breakfast and cartoons on a school morning… but it makes for unscheduled conversations. It introduces different topics to discussion and helps me know what’s happening in my kids’ world away from home.
So, our solution is a little unconventional, but it works for us. We try and work on a communication strategy that revolves around: Stop! Think! Speak!
(My kids initials are S, T, S).