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Is it even possible to give multicultural children a sense of belonging?
To help them see that the worlds within them provide them a unique identity which belongs as much as a native citizen of a country?
The Girl From No Where. For the longest time I used to feel those were the words that defined me. Being Indian, raised in Kuwait, never Indian enough for India, never Kuwaiti enough for Kuwait, not even belonging to one cultural state within India, I never fit into any neat little box. My sense of belonging was beyond labels. The confidence within my sense of identity developed came from knowing that I would never fit in and that was okay!
It was only after I started writing about the challenged of raising multicultural kids and empathizing with their sentiments as a woman raised as a third culture child, did I understand where we belonged. The beauty of diversity within my family unit owing to being exposes to various cultures growing up was a boon to my children. I realized then that we in fact belonged every where.
What is Belonging though?
Belonging is the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group. It is when an individual can bring their authentic self forward to voice their opinions.
Difference Between Identity and Belonging
Difference Between Identity and Belonging?
An identity is who or what a person or thing is. Your identity defines who you are. It is a self-representation of your interests, relationships, social activity and much more. Our sense of identity and belonging is impacted by various factors, including our experiences, relationships, and our environment. The journey to find identity and belonging can often be a struggle, since we ask ourselves, ‘who am I?’ vs. ‘who do others want me to be?’ and ‘where do I belong? Where do I fit in?’ This point in our lives is completely subjective, meaning that it is our personal view that influences our decisions. The issue of identity and belonging has encompassed humans for many generations, and will remain a key turning point for many to come.
Often I hear people mock their situation saying, “Oh! My kids are confused desis. Half Indian, Half American. In my book Strong Roots Have No Fear, I have explained how and why I do not believe my children to be half Indian or half American. They are whole. 100% Indian and 100% American. The many tools we can provide them to feel the same of which belonging is foundational.
And yet, I am not naive enough to believe that my children will never question their own identity. It is natural to question if we belong where are from or where we are?
But giving them a sense of belonging is a long road to building a strong self identity. Because when children feel a sense of belonging, they develop confidence and self-identity.
Taking Pride in Your Abilities or Culture
My children often tell me about conversations they have with their friends from different cultures. They all take pride in their heritage and often that can lead to questioning one’s own identity or if someone wonders why your community follows certain traditions.This is why it is important to help children understand via our own stories of upbringing, history, books and know the reasons why we nurture the traditions we do.
Children belong to many boxes, their family, a cultural group and their country. It is important for children to develop an understanding of themselves to take the first step in developing a sense of identity. Helping children understand their strengths in any given situation is crucial for confidence building.
Speaking a native language, walking down memory lane of places you have lived, cooking cultural foods, celebrating festivals are other ways to encourage pride within.
Seeing the Beauty in Diversity through Relationship Building
Belonging acknowledges children’s interdependence with others and the basis of relationships in defining identities. A child learns and develops a sense of identity through their relationships and experiences at home, family interactions and their environment. As they play, learn and try new things, they will develop an understanding of their own identity.
Creating an atmosphere of learning helps children feel safe to share ideas. This can be done by building relationships with the world via play dates, community building etc. All children should feel that their world is a safe place where people care about them and their needs, they can develop positive relationships and where they will be able to seek help when needed. When these needs are met, children can develop a sense of belonging.
Respect is the Foundation of Belonging
We all spend a life time wanting to belong. And yet, sometimes we forget that others want the same too. Our unconscious biases sometimes transfers onto children translating to disrespect in their eyes. Often the different paths we all walk for need to be accepted as their truths, with respect. We may question it to understand it but if we question it to try to change their path, that is disrespect that have a ripple effect. For children too, fear being respected for their beliefs.
Encourage Curiosity
I remember once my son asked me, “Which country should we be cheering for?” I responded, “We are blessed to live in two worlds. We have a rich Indian culture that we can learn from and wonderful American history to now call our own. If it is a match between any two countries you can cheer for either one, but if it is a match between the two countries, you simply have to let the best team win.”
“What if they go to war?”
“In that case, I would say what I would say if even your two friends are fighting, stand by who is right. ”
A child’s sense of identity evolves with times. If we do not create a safe space for questions, we lose the chance to help shape our child’s identity.
One’s Sense of Belonging Can Exist Beyond Labels
The world will see us in a certain way, based on existing stereotypes, personal biases and experiences. It is critical that we let our children understand that it is up to us to prove that one’s identity can be different from that which is portrayed in movies or books. Living our lives beyond the confines of traditional cultural norms and educating those around us about our home culture.
We can help our children see how our home culture is different that other home cultures from the same community, for eg. how Diwali is celebrated in different ways in South Asian homes around the world or how some Hindus practice different traditions in their homes.
Below are the Ways in Which One Can Help Multicultural Children Feel that they Belong
There are lots of things we do to create a sense of belonging by being inclusive.
- Names – calling children by their names is so important. To be greeted by and understanding the correct pronunciation of their name helps them see themselves respected.
- Interests –Activities can be structured around specific preferences and children will be keen to engage more effectively.
- Adult interaction – Adults can help to model social skills, which children will observe and grow to understand. Be open about your lack of knowledge or personal experiences.
- Sensitivity – Needs and emotions vary hugely between children so it’s useful to be as culturally sensitive as possible with each individual.
- Encourage a sense of community – whether it’s within the classroom or around the center as a whole, community is so important. Parents, staff and children are all integral parts of any childcare setting and a sense of community creates an identity that a child can really belong to.
- Education – Learning about the world through diverse books, own voice shows or events like International nights help children see the world and know that they too would be accepted.
To that end I have written a children’s book that encourages multicultural children see that belonging goes beyond just any one aspect of one’s culture.
The beauty of belonging is that where we are from is as much a part of us as the where we are or the places that shape us.
Belonging relies on us forfeiting our individuality. Our identity is influenced by how others view us. Sometimes one’s sense of identity can cause more harm than good. Our belonging is not dependent on whether others accept us, but whether we accept ourselves.
