When Your Teen Faces the Loss of a High School Friend

When Your Teen Faces the Loss of a High School Friend

There is nothing fun about going through the pain of losing a loved one. For any average adult, the grieving process can bring them to their knees in anguish. This is why it can be even more traumatic for a teenager who’s faces the death of a high school friend. When children are young, they’re not used to losing loved ones or embracing the concept of death.

While teens are more capable of understanding loss, they are still new to it and will need guidance to handle it in a healthy manner. As their parent, consider the following ways you can help your teen through the loss of a high school friend.

When Your Teen Faces the Loss of a High School Friend

Facing the death of a High school Friend

Keep an open dialogue about loss

Make sure that your teenager knows that you are open and available for a conversation at any time they need you. Oftentimes, people tend to bottle their emotions up in order to cope with pain. This ends up leading to unhealthy practices such as binging, excessive sleeping or substance abuse. In order to help your teenager fight through the tough emotions, invite them to speak with you on a regular basis. You can ask them questions. Give them space to breathe. Also, do your best to avoid judgment. They need to know they can be vulnerable in a judgement-free zone.

Find counseling services

Do your best to find local counseling services that will cater to your teenager. If you don’t know where to start, you can always contact friends and family members who might have their own recommendations. Keep in mind that the first counselor you speak with may not be the right fit for your teenager. Take the time to bring your teen to a variety of consultations to find who they connect with the best in order to get the best results from your teen’s therapy. You can speak with youth counselors, or find specialized grief counseling for young adults, depending on the level of guidance your teen needs.

Talk to the school administration

If your school administration knows what your child is dealing with, they’ll be able to notify the teachers and extend grace in their case. When a teacher knows that a child is dealing with a lot of emotional difficulty, they tend to be more understanding when it comes to their ability to function at optimal levels in the classroom. The school administration should be a part of your support system. Working with them can help give your teen better support while dealing with their loss and allow the administration to better coordinate the care of all affected students.

Help reduce daily stressors


When someone is stressed, this can exacerbate any negative emotion. This is why it’s wise to find different ways to decrease the amount of stress your teenager is facing. Whether you take them out for ice cream one night after school or allow them to enjoy a few laps in the swimming pool, find ways to help them cope and enjoy a new pace in life.

Though the process won’t be easy, continue to be patient. You know your child. You know how they tend to deal with different issues. If you notice something uncommon, don’t ignore it. Embrace the process, and know that it won’t last. Your teenager will experience brighter days ahead.

When The New Baby Never Came Home

When The New Baby Never Came Home


The television commercials and advertisements would have us believe that pregnancy and giving birth is a joyous occasion.  No matter the circumstances, pregnancy and giving birth is typically coupled with high stress.  At the very least, happy couples might begin to ask questions like “Are we ready?” or “Do we have everything we need?”  In other families, the pregnancy was unexpected or unwanted.  In others, the mom or the baby is considered high risk.

[bctt tweet=”On October 15th I share my story of losing my baby sister. ” username=”contactrwc”]

It often takes a great deal of pain and hard work before something is deemed important enough to have a special day on the calendar.  After many losses, grieving and hard work, October 15 was officially named the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day on September 28, 2006.  Today, we honor those families whose lives were forever changed when pregnancy turned into grieving, when the new baby never came home.

A Little Girl Prepares

When I was a little girl, I would prepare for many things.  By the time I was 5, I had experienced several changes which included loss, trauma, abuse and living in a variety of places with people coming in and out of my life.  With a world that was continuously influx, I found myself always preparing for something, on the inside.  Life was often scary and unsettling and I was learning survival skills to master my ever changing life.  My mom became pregnant when I was 5 and I am not sure that I had many thoughts about that.  As I recall, we were living in another state then and I had other things to consider.

My Mom Is “Fat”

On one particular day (maybe my first), I was on my way to Kindergarten.  I remember being embarrassed that my mom was “fat” and I didn’t want her to come in with me.  Such a strange thing for a shy, soft hearted little girl to feel.
I can’t be sure, but that may have been the day that I began to understand that my mom was “fat” because she was going to have a baby.  I remember being sad and upset with myself for thinking my mom was fat and began to get pretty excited about this little baby that was coming.  Every time I would see commercials on television with babies, I would get more excited and began to understand that a baby was coming to live with me!

It’s Time !

The excitement was finally here!  We were going to have a baby!  My mom and dad had taken me to stay with another family that took good care of me and I patiently waited for my mom and the new baby to come home.  It was Christmas time in 1970 and a little 5 year old girl was excited for this new Christmas present!

Sometimes, They Just Don’t Talk About It

My dad came to pick me up and there was no baby, my mom wasn’t there either.  My little sister was born on Christmas Eve that year.  She had problems with her little lungs and she died on that same Christmas Eve.  There were no babies for my mom to hold or bring home, in fact they had a sign on her door saying not to bring babies in the room.

To make matters worse, we were a family without money.  In order to cover the hospital expenses, my family had to donate my sister’s little body for research. When my mom got home from the hospital, everything that belonged to the baby was gone.  It was if the whole pregnancy didn’t exist. In 1970, they didn’t handle things the way they do today.  Sometimes, they just don’t talk about it. If you don’t talk about them, then they didn’t happen was kind of the philosophy of the day.

When The New Baby Never Came Home

I’m not exactly sure when I found out what really happened.  There was no memorial, funeral or burial.  There was nothingness.  My 5 year old heart was devastated when the new baby never came home.

Honoring and Remembering 

My little sister would be 47 years old this year on Christmas Eve.  There is a great deal more to our story, but 24 years after her death we were able to place a marker for her in the Babyland area of the Cemetery.  Knowing that there is now a special day to honor those families who have experienced the loss of their babies, brings tears to my eyes.

In order to write this small story about the amazing little baby who never came home, her big sister had to do what she has done so many times before, prepare on the inside. But I do it so that You may find the strength to do so too. And to know, I am here if you need to talk to me about it. 

When The New Baby Never Came Home - Raising World Children Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

 Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover your Soul Purpose. You can find her http://thedoorsofwellness.com