Thinking of All the Fights with Mom This Mothers Day

Skating. Swimming. Cycling. And any time she would apply gram flour to my face.

I would raise hell!

Screaming, yelling. A 5-10 year old fearing for my life. Scared I would get hurt. Wondering why in the world is she putting me through this?

That and performing in front of a crowd.

She in her pride would want to show off her talented daughter’s dancing prowess. And her hesitant daughter would cry and cry because … (honestly, even I don’t know why I cried. I was a stage performer from the age 4 for goodness sake!)

Just a kid not understanding why in the world would we need any of those life skills?! To a kid it felt like I was against a huge mountain,  unrelenting. In my heart, I always knew she would not deter till I walked her path.

As Time Passed

In my 20s, my arguments with my mom became about things that just didn’t’ factor my then thought process. Superstitions. What I wear. What I weigh. My ambition. Learning to cook or do house hold chores. How I should be with people she cared about.

All the things that left me feeling unappreciated, misunderstood. We would argue vehemently, maybe shed a tear or two and then again get back to talking about everything under the sun.

You see, my mom has never been  just my mom. She is my best friend. She is the person who knows what is happening the minute after it happens. She and I have always shared a relationship of equals where she valued my opinion on a whole and it was amazing that she eventually always did trust my judgement. Many a times, she would argue about a point and then come over time come to see my way. Or show me the light to what she was talking about. It took a lot of convincing and heart ache, but we would always reach a mutual understanding.

I don’t know if it’s the Indian-ness in her or it’s a universal thing, but the many of the things she cared about were more society based or future based than what she herself ever really cared about. 

It is through those interactions with her that I realized that what people argue or get upset about are often just distractions from what’s really worrying them. In my case it was her worries about a good prospective husband and my future.

The root cause of most miscommunication is varied base desires. 

It is not always easy to understand your mother, but with age comes the luminescence of insight.

Understanding the fights between child and mother are such an intrinsic part of family life and personal development. #momlife #parenting #family Click To Tweet

After I Became A Mom

Every single time my child argues with me, I think back to all those times. The insistent crying, the yelling. The muttering of horrid things under my breath and then half an hour later regretting everything. An hour later promising myself I wouldn’t do it ever again to only do it all over again the next time. My brain a fog of my stubbornness.

We all have done it in a given phase of our lives. That’s what allows our mothers to proudly, and happily defend their grandchildren when we complain about them. “You were no different!”, they repeatedly chant.

When my child fights with me, in the heat of the moment, I get this huge lump in my throat of how and why in the world did I do this to another human being. “It’s all my roosters coming home to roost”, I regret. And when the moment passes, this one simple thought warms my heart, “In spite of it all, I was loved, my mom never once gave up and that is why I turned out okay.”

She continues to go through hell with me to empower me with the foundation that gave me the sense to make good choices, be respectful and today be the best mother and wife I can be. 

While we still don’t see eye to eye on many topics, specially not on how I arrange my kitchen cupboards, I still know she always has my back!

Mothers Day

A day each year where we can honor and celebrate our mothers and other motherly influences for the strong and wonderful people that they are. Today, though I want to take a moment  and say thank you for all those fights.

Copyright Aditi Wardhan Singh

 

As a mom, I now know how hard it is to keep going when your child is being difficult. Raising children takes tenacity, ferocious will and fighting every day when  you desire to just let go and sleep. It gets heart wrenching. Tears threaten to burn your eyes while you are feeling helpless in teaching them essential life skills. The guilt is tremendous, and yet, we know, if we give up on an important thing that needs to be taught, our child will eventually suffer.

Yielding to a child’s will is easy. Standing tall as an example 24/7 for love, for values, to show your child the right way That is what makes a mother amazing!

And mine is certainly extraordinary.

I certainly hope tomorrow when my children think of me, they know too that every purposeful battle I fought with them was for them. 

  Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”

8 Replies to “Thinking of All the Fights with Mom This Mothers Day”

  1. I really enjoyed this post and I have the same thoughts often that I hope they know the battles are purposeful and help us grow together.

  2. I really liked this, This is the situation or we can say time repeats itself every mother nd every child has this moment in their life this is difficult to understand but with d time it has become easy

  3. My mom is my best friend too! Looking back, I was such a brat to her sometimes (mostly middle school/high school), but I think that’s pretty common. And like you said, probably good for us in the long run. We live 2 hours apart now, but talk on the phone all the time and take lots of trips together.

  4. standing upto what’s right 24/7…now that’s tougher than moving mountains! So well written…you speak to my heart, Aditi.
    It’s reassuring that I should continue to stand upto what’s right with my little ones.

  5. Precious post! I do have had a contentious but supportive and loving relationship with my mom and like you so many times have realized from my own kids words how hurtful it all must have been for her. Happy Mothers Day!

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