What to Do When Self Love Eludes You

People talk about Self-Love as if you “should” just understand what it means.  When self-love eludes you, it occurs to you that while you understand the concept as it applies to others, you have not taken the time to consider how it applies to you.

Intellectually you have an understanding of what it means.  In fact, you could probably teach it to others.  Yet, you realize you have forgotten what it means to love yourself.  Perhaps, you’ve never known the feeling of self-love inside your own body.

How does this happen?

Many people live in cultures or families that teach us to love others before ourselves.  While that’s a beautiful thought, in theory, eventually we find ourselves in situations where we have no choice but to learn how to love ourselves.

As we become adults, we take on roles and identities that often move us away from self.  We become someone’s parent, someone’s spouse, someone’s employee, but where did YOU go?

If we have survived traumatic or abusive backgrounds, we may have learned that everyone else was more important than us.  We see ourselves as not enough, not valuable or unworthy of love.

HOW DO YOU STOP ELUDING AND START EMBRACING?

Now that you are aware, begin to make small conscious choices to be gentle with yourself.  Gentle in how you speak, act and give to yourself.  Practice the art of receiving from others.  Mindfully give to yourself the love that you so freely give to others.

Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Transformational Life & Spiritual Coach, Author, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover and step into your Soul Purpose. You can find Tammy Coin and The Doors of Wellness at http://www.thedoorsofwellness.com on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/thedoorsofwellness

14 Responses

  1. Annette Petrick

    Gracefully receiving from others – a skill in itself, I believe. Lots of folks have trouble accepting a compliment, or giving one. Such a gift when someone can sincerely show appreciation for a deserved compliment. Thanks for the thoughts.

    • Tammy CoinAuthor

      Annette,

      As a woman who has had a very traumatic and abuse life, self-love was something I have struggled with. As I began to work with clients, I began to receive the love I was giving out. It is essential that we learn to equally give and receive.

      Thanks for reading!
      Tammy

  2. Meredith

    This is such a good reminder. I feel like remembering to take care of myself, as a mom, is something that always gets put on the back-burner. Thanks so much for addressing this important topic!

    • Tammy CoinAuthor

      Meredith,

      In our many roles (especially MOM), we often forget our own identities. I became a mom at 17 and self-love wasn’t something I really learned.

      Thanks for reading!
      Tammy

  3. Veronika

    I noticed that this is a problem in my family too. Thanks to my grandma who keeps saying that you have to be good with other and put others first. Also my mother does everything for me, my sister and my father but doesn’t show a love for herself. On the other hand I love myself first.

    Veronika
    https:/:brunettefromwallstreet.com

    • Tammy CoinAuthor

      Veronika,

      It is essential for us to give and receive. It is said that we cannot give from an empty cup. Our children learn how to treat themselves and how to be treated, by how we treat ourselves. It is a valuable lesson to learn that we ALL are equally important.

      Thanks for reading!
      Tammy

  4. Becca Wilson

    Self love is so very important. It can definitely get away from us sometimes so this is great advice.

  6. Julie

    This is such great advice and so very important. We all need to take time for self-love and self-care, especially as busy parents. I think it’s a habit we all need to practice for our own well-being. In doing this, we can be better parents too. I’m getting better about self-care for myself, being a busy mom, I let it go for way too long.

    • Tammy CoinAuthor

      Julie,

      You’re absolutely right. Our children learn much more from our actions. When we exhibit self-love behaviors, they also learn valuable lessons.

      Thanks for reading!

      Tammy

    • Tammy CoinAuthor

      Jordan,

      I invite you to consider that it’s absolutely doable and much EASIER than it first appears (speaking from experience). It feels hard because it is foreign to us. Think of someone who learned to walk on a broken leg that healed…over time that began to feel EASY because it became the new “normal”. Once it is re-broken and heals properly, they find how much EASIER walking is.

      Thanks for Reading!

      Tammy

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