Feeling like a failure. A mom of two. The feeling creeps up on me, every so often …
Every time I forget a class, zoom meeting or play date .
Those times when I lose my patience.
When I don’t listen enough or am distracted.
Those moments when other moms or their kids are KILLING it at something we don’t seem to be…
When they yell at me for not letting them (xyz) … or we argue …
It sneaks up, when someone questions my judgement. When someone passes a remark of “them not having those problems … ” or “I could never do what you do … ”
Like a jack in the box!
In the dead of night or early morning hours or at a party or while in a meeting …
All those times, I wonder if I could do better, maybe I need to do things differently.
If I’m lucky, I can voice it out and have those thoughts banished by someone who cares.
Other times, my feet keep going into the quicksand of self doubt. The only way out is holding onto the FACT that I KNOW no one can love my kids the way I do. I do my best, every single day, with the long list of to dos on my schedule in the amount of hours I have.
And out of the fog comes a memory. I remember the time, when I DID NOT HAVE kids…. and my mom said. “I didn’t do anything with my life. I failed… ” and I responded with, “We are amazing, because you are amazing. You did all you could to raise us, with the best decisions you could make at the time. … And that’s all that matters. ”
I KNOW that there are moms who wonder the same, in the dead of the night or those quiet mornings.
To all children reading this, no matter the age, I request you. Do let your mom know she loved you the best she could. You love her and value her and can’t imagine a life without her… Trust me, that’s ALL a mother needs to know.
Since there are NO bonuses, raises or appraisals for the never ending job of motherhood, your WORDS are all she has to measure her worth.
And if you are a mom who has this feeling creep up every so often, remember, there are many like me exactly where you are. And it’s up to us to dig deep within and get out of this hole coz it is not a happy place to live in but most importantly, it is NOT what we deserve, at all!
Know, with every breathe you take, that with all your do, how much ever, YOU are amazing!