How Involved Should My Child Be in My Divorce?

How Involved Should My Child Be in My Divorce?

by with 5 Comments MindsetParenting

Divorces are stressful and involve a certain amount of pain for everybody. As parents, we all want to protect our children from the negative effects of divorce.

The good news is that it is completely possible to get divorced and raise well-adjusted children. The bad news is that we are all prone to make some of our worst parenting mistakes during the upheaval that is a divorce.

Every child and every divorce is different and it’s impossible to come up with one set of solutions that will fit everybody. However, there are some principles that we can all adapt to help children come out on the other side stronger, happier, and well adjusted.

Be Aware of Maturity Level

Different children, even within the same age level, are each at differing levels of maturity. What can be plainly discussed with one child can be stressful and upsetting for another. While it is extremely important to be open and communicative with your children during a divorce, it’s also important to be aware of their maturity level. This can be hard to determine, especially when you yourself are under a lot of stress.

The best way to know how much to share with your child and what words to use to explain a difficult situation is to take them to a child therapist. Therapists that specialize in working with children will meet with you and your child to assess their maturity level, then will be able to counsel you in the best way to break bad news, as well as how to explain complicated situations.

Even if you feel you know your child better than they know themselves, even just a single consultation with a professional therapist can help you best assess the best methods of communicating a difficult situation.

Maintain Your Relationship as a Parent

Often, kids will take on the role of caretaker to a parent who they see is having a hard time. Sometimes parents unwittingly allow the roles to reverse, relying on emotional support from their children as they navigate the fallout of their divorce.

Remember that they are still children, even if they happen to be older and seem mature enough to handle it. If you don’t have an adequate support system in place, now is a good time to build one. Attend group therapy or support groups. Find grown-ups who can hold your hand during this difficult time.

It’s important to be communicative with your child and honest about the situation, and it’s okay to let them know that you’re stressed or having a hard time, but it is equally important that they don’t come into a position where they feel responsible for your wellbeing.

Don’t lie

Hiding the truth from your kids is not the same as protecting them. Children are very intuitive and much more observant than we give them credit for, often hearing conversations we didn’t mean for them to hear and figuring out more than we wanted them to know. Don’t lie to them about the reality of your circumstances.

Talk to them on their level, answer their questions honestly, and help them to confront difficult realities. This is especially important in cases where domestic violence has become an issue. Pretending that everything is fine when it clearly isn’t only creates confusion and uncertainty for your child. While you want to tailor your explanations to their maturity level, don’t lie or withhold the basic truths of the situation.

Letting them know the details of the situation in this way informs them that you yourself are aware of the problem and are taking care of it, giving them a greater sense of certainty. One of the ways you can do this is to allow the child to speak to the family attorney involved in the divorce where appropriate. While the child, depending on their age and maturity, may find the conversation boring, they will appreciate the opportunity to give some input and see the person that is handling the divorce.

Attorneys are able to maintain calm even in the most heated situations, and seeing their calm in the face of the divorce may help your child feel more confident in the success of the proceedings. Again, it is also okay to let your child know that you personally are hurt and upset, as long as it isn’t in a manner that suggests you expect them to do something to fix it.

Letting them know the truth of a situation includes letting them know that you will be there to help them and that you are taking the appropriate steps to take care of yourself as well as them.

Use Tact

No matter how you feel about your ex, that person is still one of the most important people in the world to your child. Talking badly about your ex in front of your child puts them in the unfair position of having to choose sides.

This may seem impossible in situations where abuse or cheating has taken place, but you can still communicate that your ex has done something wrong without forcing your child to choose who they love more.

Ensure that you are in a level-headed position when discussing these events with your child, and if you are unsure how to approach the situation, then it is important to discuss the issue with a child therapist.

Even if your child seems on board with complaining about all of the faults of your ex, this may be a front put on to avoid conflict with you. If your child still has a strong emotional bond with your ex, badmouthing them can cause your child to fear expressing their feelings honestly with you in case you come to associate the child with the ex or think your child doesn’t love you as much because they don’t agree with you.

Also, don’t use your child as a spy or a messenger. It’s not okay to quiz them about what is going on in your ex’s life, nor is it okay to expect them to keep secrets for you. This once again forces children to take sides and can be extremely traumatizing them, causing issues that last the rest of their lives.

how involved should my child be in my divorce? How do I talk to my child about my divorce?

It goes without saying that if you are escaping a situation where violence and abuse are an issue, a divorce is much more stressful and complicated. In these situations, it is vital that your child be taken to a child therapist, especially as the abusive spouse may have hurt your child in ways that they have yet had the courage to confess.

In other cases, use your discretion, but consider consulting with a professional when you become uncertain about how to address these difficult topics with your child. In all divorces, however, it is important that you keep your child informed of both the situation and with every important development along the way.

A divorce is very isolating for the child involved, so letting them know that you, and your ex if possible, love them as much as before and aren’t keeping any secrets from them.

What is your take on this ?

Meghan Belnap is a freelance writer who enjoys spending time with her family. She loves being in the outdoors and exploring new opportunities whenever they arise. Meghan finds happiness in researching new topics that help to expand her horizons. You can often find her buried in a good book or out looking for an adventure. You can connect with her on Facebook right here and Twitter right here.
Valentines Need Not Be a Lavish Celebration to Be Meaningful

Valentines Need Not Be a Lavish Celebration to Be Meaningful

by with 6 Comments festivals
Romance from Indian movies is way more cheesy than any Valentines celebration can ever be. But Valentines day is very much a western/commercial influence in most multicultural homes. What can this celebration of love actually teach children, you ask?

Love for me has always been simple. Our first Valentine’s Day together was the most incredible! He surprised me with dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant. Then we headed out for what would turn out to be one of my favorite movies “Definitely, Maybe.” And then we drove around town talking the night away. It never got fancier than this but it was always special.

I have always known romance is kind of overrated. Love is much more than candy, long walks, lavish surprises and candlelit dinners.

So, why celebrate Valentines at all ?! Do we really need to show our children that you have to celebrate on this ONE day?

No, we really don’t. We should show our love every single day. But let’s face it. In our every day hustle of getting through the routines, classes, homework and our own agendas taking this one MORE day to show our love is not too bad either!

If we don’t fall into the materialistic trap, what is Valentine’s Day but another excuse to spend time with those we care the most about. And we can never have enough of those right?

Love that celebrates the tantrums, growing pains, and sick days when cooking was forgotten and messy house and hair ruled! What we are doing is marking this day with more memories of ttime together that make us laugh and our eyes well up with tears.

This love is more pure than any other. It takes hard work. Every. Single. Day!

In my book, I talk about how important it is for children to see that love is so much more about respect and nurturing. And I wish my kids can see that kind of love, in the people they eventually look towards for support through a lifetime of struggles and triumphs. How will they learn unless we as parents show them that it matters.

So our valentines are made memorable by rejoicing in our little family  –

Handmade Keepsakes

Fancy gifts have been replaced by keepsakes. Handprints. Footprints. You name it, we have it. Pinterest is full of simple crafts to do with your little ones no matter how old they are.

Simple heart cut out of papers, with loving messages written on them is a great way too. You could also choose to

Make adorable Monster Pom poms
Easy Valentines Pop Up Cards

This year I’m gifting both the kids books I got from the local library sale as they both enjoy reading. Also, I did the thing where I posted a note of what I love about them on their door. We are going to read them all on V-day. It is paramount kids learn early that gifts/acts of care are not about BIG gifts.

Really See Ourselves

To love another, we need to know ourselves better. For if we can love ourselves with all our imperfections, we can surely love those around us more fully.

And who better to give you a real perspective that the little ones who have no filter. Every year I ask my kids questions. I record their answers in a journal or a fancy card that later goes into the journal. Their answers are super cute and so heartwarming to go back to and read. It’s fascinating to see the world as they see it.

  • What does dad like to do?
  • Who do you love more?
  • What’s your favorite food?
  • What is your sister’s favorite thing to do?
  • Who do you think mom loves?
  • What do you love to do?

As the kids get older, I can make the questions help me see myself in a better light. It helps the kids learn how to self evaluate as well.

A Themed Dinner

Restaurants used to be a hassle. So, every year our meal is home cooked and made fancy for us. Something to a theme, that we can cook together. We have been doing a lot of baking: brownies, cakes, cupcakes.  Decorating together. Cooking together. Setting the table as a family, are all fun things to do. The kids do whatever they can. We have a blast creating memories while learning kitchen skills.

Decorating the Home

I always do a little something to make the home feel a bit more festive. My son is older now, and my daughter has a lot of opinions. So what do we do? We head to the dollar store and brainstorm a few items appropriate for Valentine’s Day. Then we go home and decorate together. Nothing too lavish ever mind you, but I personally enjoy shopping with my little ones. Getting inventive with little is certainly a must have talent.

Spending Time With Our Village

Valentine’s Day is a super special time to enjoy those we truly care about. Being with friends only shows our little ones how important it is to nurture relationships. And nothing is better than having a party to enhance the occasion. You could just have a potluck with no major frills. If we do have a party, we do a photo booth with props or a small budget meaningful card/gift exchange that goes with the event. It’s a wonderful way to value relationships. That love is about celebrating every bond!

Games, so Many Games

We make it a super special night with games. I love playing games with the kiddos. The laughter, hugs, and memories we create as we cheat, lie, and run around are truly priceless. You never feel as young as when you play with little ones and relearn the lessons of life with them. If you like, you can grab our free ebook for games, that can actually be played with anyone in the family.

Beats to Your Feet

We make sure to spend a part of the evening dancing our hearts out. It is so therapeutic. and the kids love getting their wiggles out. When we put on some slow songs, the kids get into the fun and slow dance with mom and dad too. Seeing moms and dads enjoying so with the kids, shows how important activity is to mark the occasion. Equality in genders and how to treat someone you care about is something that comes across in the small things.

 

Talk About the Four Pillars of Love

Kindness, Actions, Appreciation & Respect

Our celebrations may be a few of these things, or all of these, but sometime during the festivities, we make sure to discuss the four pillars on which all love stands. We converse about what are the different ways we can be kind and show our appreciation for someone. We discuss about the importance of respect and how we can care for our family members and friends. This conversation for sure lasts all year long.

Wishing you all a wonderful Valentine’s Day as you shower your endearment on those who matter the most.

Share below how your celebrate this special day. Send us pictures/crafts to contact@localhost and we will give you a shout out all across our social media.

Sharing is Caring. Tell your friends about these wonderfully simple ways to celebrate this day.

Valentines Day Simple and Meaningful

Venezuelan Solidarity : Idiosyncrasy of a Land

Venezuelan Solidarity : Idiosyncrasy of a Land

by with 5 Comments FolkloreFoodHeritageLanguagesMulticulturalTravel

As a mother and educator I feel the need to share with the amazing RWC community my deep love for my birth country, its people and traditions. I am pretty sure many of you have already read about Venezuela and its humanitarian crisis. Chaos more or less characterizes the condition of our economics and politics. Venezuela is a country submerged in a social calamity.

However, there are approximately 32 million Venezuelans that keep working hard for their country, big smile included, and that represent hope in the middle of our actual disaster. 

The beauty of Venezuela’s greenery and weather. Photo credits Little Nómadas

How can we be so optimistic when the country is in such a precarious situation?

Well, the answer involves a long tradition of ups and down and an economy known by its boom-and-bust cycles. Our country is young and so is our political system. Since the times of colonization in the 1400’s, Venezuelans have developed an extroverted, intuitive, and confident personality that has helped us overcome the many challenges of our history. These personal traits aren’t just reflected on the way we think, create business opportunities and survive in disastrous conditions. They are also present in our cultural practices from music to art and food to literature. 

Hallacas: traditional Venezuelan food. Photo credits Little Nómadas

Venezuelan Food: hospitality and solidarity from Venezuela to the World

Venezuelan cuisine varies tremendously from one region to another. Our food staples include corn, rice, plantain, yams, beans and several meats. Our exotic meals and sumptuous deserts embody the hospitality of the Venezuelan people who delight in opening the door of their houses and hearts to anyone wanting to experience some good old Venezuelan dish. 

Solidarity has characterized Venezuelans since the significant waves of immigration during our country’s history particularly in the period after World War II, with large number of immigrants from Asia and Europe coming to Venezuela seeking a better life. 

Do you want to experience Venezuela’s hospitality? Then I invite you to try our food! Delicious staples such as Arepas, Pabellón Criollo (the country’s national dish), Cachitos, Mandocas, and Perico (my favorite breakfast ever!) are wonderful ways to feel  Venezuelan friendliness at its best! 

Centro de Música y Artesanía Venezolana. Photo credits Little Nómadas

Venezuelan Music: the sympathy of the Caribbean in every Venezuelan heart

Several styles of our traditional music have been influenced by our Caribbean neighborhs. Venezuela has its own salsa, merengue and other imported styles that have produced global superstars and worldwide renown orchestras. Our music varies from region to another, just like our cuisine. However, the rhythm of every Venezuelan demonstrates a deep sense of Caribbean upbringing (Caribeños), content and sympathy. 

We are sad, we dance. We are happy, we dance. We celebrate a wedding, we dance. We baptized our first born, we dance. I spent my childhood dancing to the rhythm of Tamunangue, Joropo, Gaitas del Zulia and Barlovento Drums (Tambores). And we won’t be celebrating by ourselves. No! We will invite you over to dance your hearth out until dawn, showing you once more our approval and support of your own traditions and ideas. 

Go ahead and search some of my favorite songs: Caballo Viejo, ¡Viva Venezuela!, Amparito, and Tambor Urbano’s Le Oh Le. I guarantee you will be feeling the Caribbean in your veins and dancing in no time! You’re welcome! 

Charming Colonial Style Architecture in Venezuela. Photo credits Little Nómadas

Venezuelan Art: optimism and joviality in every shape and color

Venezuelan’s affable nature is reflected on every art piece we create. Our long and eventful history has given birth to passionate artists whose main purpose has been to express their feelings and embrace the diverse culture of our country. Initially dominated by religious motifs, Venezuelan art began emphasizing historical and heroic representations in the late nineteenth century. Then, Modernism took over in the twentieth century.

Paintings, sculptures, landscapes and ceramics are the instruments to share our understanding of the world and surviving our own history. 

One of my favorite views in my birth town, Barquisimeto, has always been “El Monumento al Sol Naciente” (Monument to the Sun” by Carlos Cruz Diez). It represents the joyful way in which Venezuelans “recharge” their optimistic energy to confront the many obstacles of lives in a country with so many shades of wonder and tragedy. We are cheerful and optimistic warriors. 

Fresh drinks and tangy dishes characterize Venezuela’s cuisine. Coconut water before swimming. Photo credit Little Nómadas

Do you want to learn more about Venezuela’s more prominent artists? Check Carlos Cruz-Diez, Jesús Rafael Soto, Patricia Van Dalen, Armando Reverón, Julio Aguilera, Manuel Cabré and Mercedes Pardo. 

Venezuelan Literature: the passionate voice of Bolívar’s children

Venezuela is a country of diversity, a tangy mixture of indigenous practices, African beat and Spanish traditions. Our literature is defined by the same conglomerate. From our Pre-Hispanic myths and tales, to some of the stories still written in our country, Venezuelan literature has been deeply impacted by the Spanish conquerors as well. Colonization times were characterized by discrimination, assimilation and struggle. Those aspects are widely present in chronicles, letters, and acts of Venezuela’s first writers. Writing has been an ever important balsam for our troubled souls. 

Read one of the many novels written by Rómulo Gallegos to find yourself immersed in the beauty of our plains “Llanos” and the mystic rivers of our culture. Gallego’s Doña Bárbara (1929) has been described as one of the most well known Latin American novel. I would like to suggest Arturo Uslar Pietri, Salvador Garmendia and Teresa de la Parra as additional sources of Venezuelan literature. 

Venezuela has a rich culture, from the natives to the Spanish and Africans, from the Arabs to the many Italians, Portuguese and Germans that came to our country after World War II, every single cultural group has influenced our history, traditions and the way we Venezuelans behave in front of difficult times. After all these news about my country’s crisis, I invite you to inform yourself about Venezuela and its beautiful people, always warm, friendly, happy, entrepreneurial and above of all kind hearted. 

“Growing up in any big city, you get exposed to so many beautiful cultures. I’ve grown up with a lot of open eyes around me that’s influenced my eyes to open.” King Krule

 

How To Honor Your Sensitivity As A Powerful Gift

How To Honor Your Sensitivity As A Powerful Gift

by with 8 Comments Mindset

When you look at wildflowers, what do you see?

I see a gift from the Earth… a gift that is both delicate and strong, sensitive and resilient. Wildflowers blossom with paper-thin petals, yet withstand many violent wind or rain storms. They allow bees in to work their magic and admirers to pick them.

At once, wildflowers are delicate, sensitive, and strong.

This imagery and description of the wildflower came to me through a challenging, yet provocative experience I had in January 2017. It was relayed to me that my former supervisor had called me “delicate, sensitive, and weak… in mind and body.”

Luckily, I had the opportunity to facilitate an inquiry with the bearer of the news, a child. We sat next to a stream, amongst wildflowers and bugs and the rest of Mother Nature. I asked, “Can someone be both sensitive and strong?” They responded, and I listened.  

The child, 8 years old at the time, explored what these adjectives “sensitive” and “strong” mean. I witnessed.

I was curious too because honestly, I felt angry at the fact that I was being labeled weak, and I knew in a very deep way that this was untrue. After the child considered people they knew and experiences they had, they concluded, “Yes, a person can be both sensitive and strong.”


The world exists upon paradoxical truths.

Upon further reflection, I started to realize how powerful delicacy and sensitivity are. I moved through my anger,  displeasure at being called weak, and started to see the truth.

Without delicacy, a doctor might make an error in surgery, an artist might destroy a masterpiece with one stroke, a cat might get injured in the jump from the top of the fence to the grass, a chef might over-spice their signature dish, a gardener might pluck the unripe vegetables, and a pilot might not land a plane safely.

Without sensitivity, a parent wouldn’t know when to feed their child, an author wouldn’t transmit sensory images that make readers laugh or cry, a runner wouldn’t see holes in the trail ahead, a teacher wouldn’t notice and adjust to shifts in students’ attention spans, a store clerk wouldn’t recognize a customer in search of an item, and a DJ wouldn’t gauge and respond to the energy of the dance floor.

Of course, each of these people may ALSO have elements of harshness and unresponsiveness, clumsiness or thick-skinnedness, and so on. Yet, it is their sensitivity and delicacy in their craft that enables them to “succeed.”

Seeing Delicacy and Sensitivity as Gifts.

Truly, delicacy and sensitivity are gifts! In a world and a time in which people, like this former boss of mine, strive for power and status, in a time when people feel threatened by the joy and success of people who don’t look like them, and in a society that values productivity and data, we need the softness of these gifts.

Delicacy and sensitivity are simply traits, and these traits influence the way that I process the world, my work, and my relationships. And these gifts give me the strength to keep loving.

If you, too, are a highly sensitive person or have a child or teen who is, I offer you the image and strength of the wildflower.

If it feels helpful and healing, I invite you to consider the following reflection questions. You can also share this process with your family!

  1. How do I connect with the image of a wildflower?
  2. What does sensitivity mean to me?
  3. What types of sensitivity am I gifted with?
  4. Do I carry any beliefs about my sensitivity being an undesirable quality? Where did these come from?
  5. How has my sensitivity helped me serve others?
  6. How has my sensitivity helped me know myself more deeply?
  7. Where and when do I tend to feel most sensitive?
  8. How do I prefer to show or express my sensitivity?
  9. What other gifts does my delicacy and/or sensitivity inspire?
  10. How has my sensitivity become my super power?

Honoring Your Sensitivity

Photo of the author by http://leandrablei.com/

As you begin this work, you may find yourself and your family ready to reframe old beliefs about sensitivity! Hooray! Let’s love on our sensitivity. This guide will help you and your family members name a develop a system system that honors your gifts.

Remember, it takes time and lots of self-compassion to grow. Be patient with yourself and your family through this interesting process. Like the wildflowers, you will keep blooming, and you will be supported by a community of wildflowers and a gorgeous, loving ecosystem.

pexels-william-fortunato-6393141

Early Signs of Autism EVERY Parent Should Be Aware Of

by with 6 Comments Specially Abled

It can be scary, as a parent, to think that your child has autism. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s a topic that can be avoided. As a parent, you need to know what to watch out for if you think there is a possibility that your child places on the autism spectrum.

Even if your child does not have autism, it’s important to be aware and acknowledge the same through compassionate actions and understanding.

There are a couple of things to note when considering the following early signs of autism. First, if you see these signs, you should consult your child’s pediatrician for a professional opinion. Additionally, if your child does place on the autism spectrum, you should make sure to learn everything you can to help them and know that your family isn’t alone.

When Would I Notice These Signs in My Child?

For this question, there is no single answer. Every child is different. While some children might show signs as early as six months, other children might not show any signs of autism until they are 3 years old.

6 Months

The absolute earliest you might notice your child showing signs of autism is at 6 months. Here, you will want to keep an eye out for a lack of engagement. Specifically, you might notice that your child doesn’t give you big grins like other or babies or don’t keep or only keep limited eye contact.

Between 6 and 18 months, you might also notice that your baby fixates on certain objects as well. It is important to note that babies having a “favorite toy” is different and to a lesser degree than a fixation.

9 Months

For most babies, around 9 months they aren’t talking yet but they probably are babbling. You might even make sounds back and forth with them or you might notice them babble back at you when you talk. For a child showing signs of autism around this time, though, you won’t see a back and forth with this exchange of babbling or responsive facial expressions.

 

16 to 24 Months

Between 16 and 24 months, most children are learning to talk. Closer to 16 months, you might notice single word phrases such as “mama” or “dada.” This is where babbling turns into words that your child relates to something. Closer to 24 months, most babies are using two-word phrases. A sign of autism is that your child is missing these milestones.

You will also notice as a sign of autism if your child’s physical gestures aren’t meaningful. For example, most children might point to their mother and say “mommy” or say the name of a toy and point to it as a sign that they are associating words and items. However, if a child shows signs of placing on the autism spectrum, they might not make meaningful gestures like this.


Further Signs of Autism

Past this point, there are some signs of autism that you should look for at any age.

As your child starts to interact with other children, you might notice a couple things as signs of autism. For instance, your child might draw away from other children and prefer to play by themselves. You might also notice that your child is confused when they are presented with other’s emotions.

Another similar sign you might notice is that your child isn’t responsive to stimuli. For example, if someone calls their name, they might not take notice. When they are talking or interacting with you or others, you also might notice limited or total lack of eye contact – just like we mentioned you might see at earlier stages.

Other signs might be more situational. If a child’s routine is disrupted or their normal environment is changed, they might show resistance. You might see this discomfort when your child starts school.

Signs such as repetitive motions and restricted interests are also things to watch out for. You should also take note if your child lags behind on developmental milestones similar to the delay of speech we mentioned for babies and toddlers.

Finally, you should make sure that you keep an eye out for any regression in your child. If you see any of their social, verbal, or physical skills undoing themselves, this is an important sign.

What Should I Do If I Notice These Signs?

As mentioned earlier, you should bring these signs up with your child’s doctor if you start to notice multiple instances of them. Remember, you should watch for the signs but a trained medical professional should make the final diagnosis.

Annabelle Carter Short is a freelance writer/editor and seamstress of more than 7 years. She also works with few organizations to provide families with the best resources for raising and educating a special needs child. When not working, she’s spending time with her family or putting pen to paper for her own personal pursuits. Annabelle likes to make DIY and crafty projects in her free time with her two kids: Elizabeth (age 6) and Michael (age 8).

Kids' Mundan in USA Vs India: Simplifying the Tradition of Tonsuring

Kids’ Mundan in USA Vs India: Simplifying the Tradition of Tonsuring

by with 11 Comments HeritageIndia

“Oh! Your kids are going to be born with lots of hair.”, said anyone to whom I cribbed about the acidity I experienced while pregnant. “I would rather have them come out bald.”, I would remark.

And sure as sunshine, they both were born with a full head of baby soft, fine hair. As they grew, their hair got super curly and thick and I started dreading the Mundan ceremony.

The process where you shave off all the baby’s hair at 7,9,11 months or 1 year or 3 years.  They say it ensures thicker, fuller hair coming but has a lot of basis in traditional medicine too. What is ideally supposed to happen is that you take the baby to your native temple, the priest performs the ceremony, your family is of course there, you shave the baby’s head, wash it, apply haldi to it and then the hair is submerged in the water body near said temple.

Tonsure In USA

With my son, I was a new mom. So, going to India for the traditional Mundan ceremony was out of the question for me. So, on my mother in law’s suggestion, we kept it simple. When she visited a year later, we took him to a local barber shop, got all his hair trimmed off and then she took the hair with her to India. We prayed at home and wished him well. It was easy, no fuss.

Mundan in India

With my daughter though, it was hell on earth. The Indian barber came home, and seeing his scary razor I asked for him to use a trimmer. His trimmer was so much more worse. My daughter hated being made to sit still at 7 months. She cried and screamed as his horrid trimmer buzzed loud in her ears and then her hair was cut uneven because of course the trimmer wasn’t sharp. The whole family was crying with my little girl as she raised hell. It took a good hour to get it done.

If I could go back in time, I would just make sure to take her to a professional salon vs someone another suggests.

With all my experience in the past years, I’ve seen that kids, my kids have always had a better experience doing traditional things where I have known where to go through personal research.

I do not say, do not go the traditional route. I would however encourage you to keep things simple. Trim off the hair when and where the kids are most comfortable, at an older age and make sure to do the rest with a complete heart, having faith in the fact that no matter how you do something, the intention of giving your child the complete experience will stay true.

Have you had a Mundan or Tonsure done for your kids? Is this something you would consider doing? Have you had the traditional ear piecing ceremony done for your kids?

Broaden Your Parenting Horizons

How Parents Can Better Handle Meltdowns or Tantrums in Public

How Parents Can Better Handle Meltdowns or Tantrums in Public

by with 7 Comments Parenting

A frazzled mother picks up her screaming squirming three year old daughter from the shopping center floor, trying to juggle her shopping and child as she negotiates the pram and six month old baby inside with her other hand, desperately hoping the shopping does not fall out of the basket underneath. Shopper after shopper steps aside glaring the unspoken recriminations evident on their faces, “Why doesn’t she make the naughty child stop screaming!”

• Don’t you think she would if she could?
• Don’t you think she wants an enormous hole to open in the floor for her to hide in?
• Don’t you think she would appreciate just one kind word right now?
• Don’t you think she is doing her best?

This was not the first time, and certainly was not the last time I had to fight with my three-year-old daughter, but what happened this time was life changing!

The silent tears slowly started to stream down my face as out of the middle of all these accusing faces steps an older lady. She says, “Sweetheart, this is not a tantrum. She is having a meltdown. She needs you to stop now and hold her. Not run from the looks being thrown your way.” She pointed me to a seat a metre away helped me sit holding my pram like a lifeline. What now? I knew my daughter was far too heavy for me to carry much further and still with the screaming. This lady I did not know took the small blanket from the top of the trolley and covered my shoulder and my daughter’s head. Almost instantly her screaming stopped. Just like that! I was totally stunned! This stranger had quietly solved all my dramas. I looked up at her and she quietly whispered, “She feels safe now! Go home and look up meltdown!” Then before I could even say thank you she walked away, disappeared into the midst of the shoppers now oblivious to my turmoil.

After we bought a drink and a barbecue chicken on the way out the door, because after that performance I was too shaken to contemplate food for my family, we made our way home.

After dinner and both children were asleep for the night, I made my way to the computer to investigate. Thinking back to this word “Meltdown” and wondering what the lady could possibly have meant.

How exactly does “meltdown” relate to my daughter’s massive tantrum, for goodness sake? Only, this lady knew how to handle her! She had obviously been there before!

The first thing to pop up on “Meltdown” read something like:

“I know you don’t know me but I know you! I have been you! Stop running because there is nowhere to run! Stop panicking because she feeds from your fear you cannot help her! She eventually stops screaming and struggling when you hug her because she feels her safe zone is now intact! Hugging her calms you so her body responds to the calm before her mind can relate!”

What does that have to do with calming a tantrum?

The next entry was from Understood.org and was titled, “The difference between a meltdown and a tantrum”. (Reference to the full article is below). Now things began to make sense.

A tantrum is a child trying to have their way by showing their displeasure, whilst a meltdown is becoming so overwhelmed by their surroundings they can no longer cope. The child’s “fight of flight” response triggered from panic and they lose their ability to focus or think. Tightly hugging them therefore helps them instill calm in their body.

Knowing this makes my days so much easier to negotiate. Awareness that when anxiety triggers it can be irrational and we need to talk, negotiate a pathway back to our child feeling safe. Remember to be understanding as our child feels overwhelmed, and is acting out because they have no words to explain their feelings.

I hope that all before we are again sitting on a bench in the middle of the shopping centre, with a small blanket tossed over her head, squeezing her tight to remind her we will make a barrier together between her and the outside world. We will be her safe zone until she is ready to partake in the world, until she is ready to reset again and explore by herself!

The next time you watch a parent trying desperately hard to carry a screaming child to the parent’s room or outside the noisy shopping center, please:

Spare them a smile or a nod of encouragement! An offer of assistance would be welcome even if they do not know how to accept you help!

Already they feel the weight of the world on their shoulders for not knowing how to help their small child. Please do not compound their distress with your recriminations. I promise you they are already doing their very best!

Useful articles and resources I find very helpful:

Morin, Amanda. “The difference between a meltdown and a tantrum” , Sensory Processing Issues

Raising Lifelong Learners – Kessler, Colleen. “Helping your child cope with Anxiety”

Not So Formulaic – (2017, Sept 14) “WHY GIFTED CHILDREN ARE ANXIOUS, PLUS 4 WAYS TO HELP THEM COPE” .

On a search for new ideas, I found this today.
Not the Former Things – Wingert, Shawna. “Before you Judge a Special Needs Parent”

How Harvest Festivals Celebrate Change in Every Sphere

How Harvest Festivals Celebrate Change in Every Sphere

by with 5 Comments festivals

Why are harvest festivals celebrated at all? Does it really matter if we mark this time of the year?

Makar Sankranti is the time when new harvest is gathered. Not just that, it heralds the onset of new seasonal change, marking the end of harsh winters and welcoming the blossoming spring season. A slight rise in temperatures, warming and stirring the soul is what marks Sankranti. In fact, it’s not just makar Sankranti, every harvest festival marks a season of change.

It highlights change of weather, change of crop, change of some kind! And change is good! Change is inevitable and so we should learn to embrace it, whole-heartedly, with the right spirit and nothing better that embracing this change, right at the beginning of the year!

I will not talk about how the festival is celebrated because we have already shared all about this season here – Each culture brings about their share of festivities with this harvest festival and so do we, the Bengalis. We make the customary “khuchudi” with the first rice of the season, served with chutney and fried fritters to go along. Apart from that our range of sweets like “pithey” and “patishapta” all flour based sweets, made with “nolen gur” or date palm jiggery, is often the staple dessert menu on this D-day.

What I love most about the festival is that, I embrace the seasonal change and gear up my spring wardrobe slowly and steadily. The house looks and feels warm with the warm morning sun. The beautiful warmth of the streaming sun rays just makes the house glow with a magical spirit!

I remember the entire household décor would go for an overhaul. My mother would vacuum the heavy carpets and curtains and seal them in bags, stuff them in box beds, bring out the lighter curtains, followed by our light upholstery to mark the idea of living with change, while staying the same!

Small superficial things, would often undergo change around us, with slight change in routine too. For example, play time getting extended in mornings (provided there was no fog), a new school routine with more serious tone of work (post the large winter vacations) and less holidays to merry make. Although, in some way, we would feel sad, but the weather always told us to stay hopeful as another change would bring us a new routine!

For instance, for Bengalis, Sankranti is soon followed by “Saraswati puja” or popularly known as “Basant Panchami”, marking the full blown season of spring, dotted with blooming flowers and greenery everywhere.

My mother would often tell me that change to some, can get quite overwhelming, but when you celebrate it, it becomes a happy event and thereby, the change seems more welcoming and seemingly easy!

That’s why celebrating seasonal festivals is good, because it cleanses your mind and soul, and somehow preps you well for the upcoming change in season and maybe, even a routine.

That’s why even though, I don’t do anything more elaborate with these harvest festivals, but still I try and create a different aura at home, to make it feel different that before!

Even I see my son, responding well to the change via festivity of some kind. He looks forward to a different menu, different home décor, maybe a temple visit or visiting some festival related event or simply gathering with friends and family, to spread the cheer! The sheer joy and twinkle in his eyes are more than enough to convince me, that I am doing maybe something right, to make him feel happy!

After all, as parents, we need to create happy memories, to strengthen a happy solid foundation for our children. This will serve as the impetus for their solid growth in the future years! So to me, as a parent, seasonal festivals like harvest festivals are the perfect platform to teach them to value and embrace change, of any kind!

Broaden Your Parenting Horizons

Why Don't Americans Watch Foreign-Language Films?

Why Don’t Americans Watch Foreign-Language Films?

by with 7 Comments AmericaLanguages

I am fortunate enough to live with my mother-in-law.

Maybe not everyone would feel that way but I do especially since she is from another country. Ukraine.

Since it’s winter and cold outside in my state and not always the most amount of things to do in the cold weather, we end up watching a good amount of movies. It has become one of my favorite winter traditions. But the more movies you watch the fewer ideas you have of what to watch next.

This has been our dilemma.

Recently we have been watching movies with seen before and sometimes my mother-in-law I will ask me if I have seen a certain movie which she says is fantastic. The first question I always end up asking her is, is it an American movie.

Because if it’s not I already know I haven’t seen it.

Maybe I am just ignorant. Maybe I just don’t love movies as much as I thought I did but I think it is more of a cultural aspect. Most Americans just don’t watch so many other form films like other countries seem to.

But what I am curious about is, why is this so and would it be beneficial not only for adults to watch foreign movies but kids as well?

Why the Disinterest?

The U.S. box office for the top five foreign-language films has declined by 61% in the last seven years.

But why is this?

I remember this episode of friends where Joey has to go watch a movie with one of the other friends, Ross probably. He was happy and excited to watch the movie until it started.

Once the words started scrolling on the bottom of the screen. It was a foreign film. He was, of course, hilarious and the sea and we all had a good laugh about it. But for many, this may be the problem that is truly wrong with watching foreign films.

Because people don’t want to go to a movie to read, at least that is one argument. Personally I don’t mind reading the translations, and actually, think it is a really neat idea to always have closed captioning for all, but I admit I can be a fast reader.

And not everyone is.

And then there is dubbing. When I think of movies that are dub from another language and English I think Chinese films that are quite cheesy perhaps in their mouth’s move at that separate time than the words they speak. Even just thinking of this makes me not want to watch a movie like that, though many love that niche.

But since I lived in Ukraine for four years I watched many Americans movies that were dumped into Ukrainian. I was surprised. As long as the actors are good and the movie has a nice translation you don’t have that separation from lips moving and speaking. You can’t hear they American voice then underneath it as well. And it’s actually quite enjoyable.

Who knew?

But these two reasons are why Americans don’t like to watch foreign films.

 

Foreign-Language Films and Children

Because my son was born in Ukraine we were able to bring back with us some DVDs. Some cartoons in hopes that he would learn the Ukrainian language. And it really has helped. But it has done more than help with this speaking skills, it has shown him culture as well.

Have you seen the cartoon called Masha on Netflix?

It’s about a little girl who lives with a bear. Is cute and my kids love it but the thing that makes me most interested in it, kind of fun for me to sit and watch with the kids is that the first time I saw it was in Ukraine, in the Ukrainian language.

It is a foreign-language cartoon.

And the kids love it. And I love how I can see bits and pieces of the Ukrainian cultural mixed into the cartoon story. The way she sometimes wears a handkerchief around her face, the certain phrases that are used only by Ukrainians but somehow work for Americans as well, and the types of foods that she may cook or eat was Bear. All these little things added and end up showing the way Ukrainians thank, eat, and the stories they tell. In other words, culture.

Watching foreign-language films can help kids learn about other cultures in fun and natural way, just as they would learn ABC’s from Wallykazam.

[bctt tweet=”Watching foreign-language films can help kids learn about other cultures in fun and natural way, just as they would learn ABC’s from Wallykazam. ” username=”contactrwc”]

And they don’t seem to mind the translation at all.

But here’s the thing, if adults and watched more foreign films well, we too could learn about other cultures. A way to experience culture without ever having to leave your home or city.

But It’s Not Your Fault

“Foreign films simply don’t play with American audiences.” —Foreign Policy

Why would we watch a film we know nothing about when we have so many amazing movies and trailers that already fill our commercials and lives.

Who’s your favorite actor or actress?

Do you sometimes go watch a movie just because they’re in it? I know why sometimes too. And most the time for foreign films we don’t know the cast. Another downfall for foreign films. Many people watch movies that have a feeling of familiarity. You naturally want to watch a movie we know something about.

We don’t get enough of the marketing to make us that interested. This combined with the other problems mixes not watch them even though we know we probably should.

So what can we do?

It starts with us. And we can start with our children we can start with their children. Not only are foreign beneficial for children but we as parents as we watch and make sure that they are safe for children might start enjoying them, too.

 

[bctt tweet=”Not only are foreign beneficial for children but we as parents as we watch and make sure that they are safe for children might start enjoying them, too.” username=”contactrwc”]

That’s one of the tricks of movies. It’s like a spiral. You watch the movie and the trailers that can become before it and you get excited for the next movie and on and on.

So go ahead take the timeout. Relax and enjoy some time spent with your kids learning about cultural an a fun and easy way.

And Watch a foreign-language movie. 

Broaden Your Parenting Horizons


steamboat springs

Winter Activities in Steamboat Springs CO – A Travelogue

by with 5 Comments AmericaTravel

I love traveling to the core.  I enjoy each and everything about the travel – the planning, the scenery, the drive, the stay, the activities, of course, the photos, the peace, the relaxation, the happiness and the beautiful moments we create as a family. So, this time, let me share my favorite travelogue in Colorado.

We traveled to ‘Steamboat Springs’ in the last winter. Steamboat Springs is a town in Northern Colorado which is famous for skiing. It is also famous as a destination for winter sports and it is also a home to 86 Olympic champions. When we planned to visit this place, we wanted to try the popular winter activities like skiing, snowmobiling, snowshoeing,  Snow tubing, Gondola rides, Hot springs etc.,

We have 2 sons and our younger one is just 4 years old. So, we had to keep this in our mind as we cannot venture into adventurous sports. The drive from our place is around 5 hrs and we had to take multiple stops due to kids. When planning a trip with our kids, usually we don’t hurry and prepare for unexpected stops, delays, and change in plans in the last minute.  The weather was very harsh and extreme cold in Steamboat Springs, so we bought thermals, good jackets, gloves, scarfs, snow boots, hand, and toe warmers etc., before starting for the trip.

steamboat springs
steamboat springs

Skiing:

The Gondola square at Mt.Werner circle is always buzzing with tourists who come for skiing. There are skiing classes available for both adults and kids. Kids from 2 years of age can take beginner skiing classes. Steamboat ski resort offers nighttime skiing as well.  We haven’t tried skiing yet, but if you can stay for 3 days, your family can learn skiing and enjoy.


Snowmobiling:

We have reserved our spot for snowmobiling in advance from Saddleback ranch. We were ready by 11 am with layered clothing(thermals, jackets) and hand, toe warmers etc., The Saddleback ranch team have also provided outer gear and snow boots. Even with all these, it was difficult for us to bear the coldness after 1.5 hrs. We have booked for a 2hr slot. But, Snowmobiling was super fun as a family. It was as if we were swimming in a snow ocean. There was only snow within miles of distance on all sides. It looked like heaven.

Snow Tubing:

We have booked tubing as well from the same ranch. Our kids enjoyed tubing a lot. It was 100% safe and fun for all ages. Sliding through the snow was really awesome.

snow tubing
snow tubing

Gondola rides:

Whenever we visit any place in Colorado, we make it a point to ride the Gondola. The breathtaking views of mountains should be experienced and can never be explained in words. There is a sunset ride as well for couples including dinner.

Mountain coaster:

We have assigned our next day to try the mountain coaster. Did you ever think how it would be to have a brake in your hand while riding a roller coaster? That’s exactly is a mountain coaster. If you are afraid to slide quickly, you can come down slowly by breaking your coaster. While riding the coaster you can stop and enjoy the beautiful views around. We enjoyed this ride.

Hot Water Springs:

There are many mountain towns in Colorado with natural hot water springs.  Old town hot springs is an old natural hot springs pool which was existing from around 100 years. Temperatures of water range from 80 to 104 Fahrenheit. They are believed to have therapeutic properties. Strawberry hot springs are also popular in Steamboat Springs.

Hot springs
Hot springs

Overall, that was a memorable trip. We also experienced driving on icy roads while snowing. We were careful and drove slowly.  So, if you want to plan a trip in Winter to any Colorado mountain town, don’t hesitate! Just buy proper winter gear and enjoy 🙂

Winter Activities in Steamboat Springs, CO

 

Broaden Your Parenting Horizons

Top 10 Economical Things to Do in NYC with Teenagers

Top 10 Economical Things to Do in NYC with Teenagers

by with 10 Comments AmericaGuidesHeritageImmigrationMoney saving tipsTravel

Visiting New York can be quite the challenge when you are on a tight budget and have children in tow. All those expensive hotels, restaurants, attractions and stores threaten your wallet with their high prices and upscale services. Nonetheless, we took the chance this last Christmas and flew to the Big Apple with three teenagers and a extremely thrifty allocation. 

And we couldn’t be happier! We had a great time and the kiddos are already planning to go back to this great city once mom and dad recover their financial health (maybe it is time for me to get a second job? Ha!). 

Time to plan!

Once you have figured out the plane tickets and hotel expenses (there are many offers and sales to go to NY), it is time to think about the places you want to explore. You will need to find a good combo of entertainment and price to keep your family excited and to add some cultural value to your traveling experience. We focused on points of interest, culture, uniqueness and cost. After much needed discussions we agreed to visit the following crowd-pleasers:

  1. Macy’s 34th Street. 

Even thought this is a shopping place, we love Macy’s because of their magical Christmas decorations, ambience (hello LIVE music) and “Believe” motto. We spend approximately 45 minutes walking around the store while my children took pictures of the festive displays. After that, we explored Herald Square and drank hot cocoa. 

2. Times Square.

The most popular commercial intersection of the world is the perfect background for holiday pictures with teenage children. Yes, it was crowded. Yes, many consider Times Square to be a tourist trap. But I can assure you that if you avoid eating in this area and stick to enjoy the lights, the multicultural environment and make some good family photographs, you will have fun without spending a dime. Remeber that Times Square stretches from West 42nd to West 47th Streets, so take the time to check the little souvenir stores in the area. Also, if your kids are into comics, there are a couple of cool places that sell limited edition issues and memorabilia to go with it. 

3. The Oculus. 

This impressive train station designed by Santiago Calatrava is perfect to warm shivering children after exploring the World Trade Center memorial site. The Oculus futuristic design left my boys speechless! Stroll around this beautiful structure and talk to your children about the power of hope and resilience. The Oculus is a statement to celebrate life and the willingness of human kind to overcome tragedy. 

4. Federal Hall National Memorial. 

Pay a visit to George Washington in front of Federal Hall and discover the history behind this neoclassical building. Federal Hall became the first Capitol of the United States in 1789 and it was here where George Washington was inaugurated as first President of the United States on the balcony on April 30th, 1789. Visitors can take a look at the Bible used to swear Washington’s oath of office and the Freedom of the Press, the imprisonment and trial of John Peter Zenger. Entry is free. 

5. Fearless Girl. 

I felt so excited to bring my daughter to get her picture taken with Fearless Girl. This bronze sculpture by Kristen Visbal depicts a girl facing Wall Street and it was commissioned to advertise an index fund that comprises gender-diverse companies that have relative high percentage of women among their senior leadership. Remeber to take advantage of such an opportunity to encourage your children to think about gender-equality and women rights. 

6. Ellis Island. 

Before our arrival in New York City, we agreed on paying for just one attraction during our four day stay. The winner was the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island Cruise (Sorry Mr. Empire State and Top of the Rock). For us was a matter of cultural and historical traditions, and the possibility of having a place that our children could explore on their own. 

I must say that Ellis Island didn’t disappoint. 

This getaway for over 12 million immigrants to the United States is the perfect place to promote diversity among children and young adults. The exhibits include real artifacts, newspapers, videos, and plenty of photographs of immigrants from around the world. Our children read with special interest the information about medical inspections and English courses for Eastern Europeans.

We also felt moved by the wall of Naturalization Certicates, since I am a naturalized US-citizen myself. Be aware that you must allocate around 2 hours to explore the facilities, this could be somehow demanding for younger children. Our kids are 12, 13, and 14. You can read about the history of Eliis Island here.

7. Rockefeller Center.

If you are visiting the Big Apple during the Christmas holidays  you cannot miss the iconic Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. We strolled around the center, took pictures, drank coffee and enjoyed the lights displays of the stores along 5th Avenue. There is nothing more magical than the Christmas ambience in this part of the city.

We also shared with our kids the story of the very first Tree at Rockefeller Center, that was erected in 1931 during the Great Depression Era. Back then the tree was 6 meters tall and was decorated with austerity by workers of the area. The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree has always been a gathering place and reflection for locals and tourist alike. 

8. Samsung 837.

Located in the heart of the Meatpacking District, this digital playground is the place to visit when anxious teenagers start to complain about too much walking and too many historical facts. Samsung 837 is an impressive display of technology and culture where your family can try different virtual reality gadgets and rides. The attractions are free and there is even a nice area for mom to seat down while dad and the kiddos enjoy the extravagant show of futuristic equipment. 

9. Brooklyn Bridge. 

Young teenage legs will enjoy strolling across the elevated pedestrian walkway to experience unique views of New York City. The iconic Brooklyn Bridge is a free of cost attraction that has been featured in many movies and television shows around the world. It is a great place for family portraits and provides an opportunity to stretch tired muscles and get some fresh air. 

We searched online resources to enhance our visit to this renowned landmark and to have some conversation starters during lunch after crossing the bridge. Use the Internet to discover many interesting facts about the Brooklyn Bridge, many sorted out by age and theme. 

10. Imagine Mosaic-Central Park.

One of the focal points of Central Park is the Imagine mosaic, a tribute to John Lennon. My children read online that this mosaic was done by Italian artists and was a gift from the city of Naples. Since we are huge Lennon and The Beatles fans, visiting this are of the Park was one of our bucket list items. Please remember, that the Imagine mosaic is located inside the Strawberry Fields Memorial, a designated quiet zone that doesn’t allow biking, rollerblading and loud music. The ambience was that of reflection and peace. 

These are our top ten recommendations to enjoy New York City on a budget. There is still so much to do and see in the Big Apple! These are just an overview of what you can accomplish with your children in approximately 3 days without going broke. New York City is a place where we would love to come back since we felt absolutely in love with the many things to do. From museums to landmarks, to shows and even cafes, it is impossible to ignore the cultural value of this place for you and your family. 

Feel free to write comments below to share further details and ideas. 

 


Don’t forget to share this with friends and save for your next trip.

Economical Things to Do with Teens in NYC

sr

Multi Award-winning Parenting Book – Strong Roots Have No Fear

by with 21 Comments EducationEmpowermentHeritageMulticulturalParenting

Childhood is a country in itself. And the same rules of immigration apply. One needs to observe their culture, learn their language and imbibe traits from them to help build a sense of community. With the belief that if we raise children with a strong value system, we need not fear for their future,  I bring to you Strong Roots Have No Fear.

I am a global citizen, raised shuttling between countries and now parenting children who are American by birth. An Indian writing about challenges every parent faces in our ever evolving world. A Third Culture Kid, I understand first hand what it means to be raised on the borders of multiple countries and cultures.

In this book I have given simple strategies I’ve learned from observing mothers around the world and my own childhood to help raise kids who are confident and have a global mindset early.

This small book made BIG waves around the world by being named TOP 10 among thousands of entries at the Author Academy awards.

Chapters in the book include –

Being an Empowered Parent
Channel Big Emotions
Imbibe Multilingualism
Motivate Self Reliance
Cultivate Talent Within
Balance Technology
Impart Self Moderation
Instill Gender Equality
Counter Bullying
Prepare for Tragedies/Predators
Infuse Your Heritage
Celebrate Diversity
Ingrain Racial Equality
Mantras for Travel
and more …

In short this book includes simple, easy to implement ways in which you can use your child’s strengths to intuitively, be mindful about –

** Raising Confident Children
** Building a Global Mindset

An easy read, this book uses the Author’s experiences as a multicultural child herself and parenting journey to empower multicultural families like her own to raise awareness about important values every child needs to grow strong.

PRESS FOR THE BOOK

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Fantastic Feathers – Book Review & Travelogue Blog

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MomTinCulture – Parenting Blogger & Author (Because I Promised )

My Baby, My Books & I – Book Review Blog 

Amazon Reviews (40+)

ABOUT THE BOOK – Strong Roots to Live an Empowered Life

I want for my children is to be safe. And strong. With good behavior and decision making skills to boot, with a lot of kindness sprinkled on. To be rooted in their values, no matter what storms blow across their life. Strong Roots Have No Fear – talks about raising children with a confident and global mindset.

I can only assume you are nodding your heads in unison. Yes, we want our children to excel academically but more than that, we want them to win at life. Not in the getting a trophy kind of way but a, able to find the silver lining in every situation or being a culturally aware kind of way.

Do you worry about your child’s future?

Of course you do. You are a parent. That means fears are a part of your life every single day. Wondering how you will teach your kids to navigate this elaborate maze called life.

I often hear comments of trepidation, “Oh! Wait till they hit their teen years.” or “Some day they are going to forget everything about our culture. ” or “This generation is so spoiled.” etc. and I wonder why are parents doubt the values they are providing their children?  Sure, the kids will have a phase of rebellion and self discovery but that does not mean they will never find their way back. There is no guarantee for tomorrow but to be so negative in your own mindset hampers your child’s vision of themselves.

Having high expectations of our children may hamper their growth but knowing we believe in them will help them stand strong no matter the struggle. And life is so full of struggles, right? While we cannot control our kids future, we as parents sure can create a solid foundation for our children to grow into. Giving them their history to anchor them, their present to grow into and their future to look towards with joy.

When I was young, my mom constantly talked to me about being good, manners, being strong in my choices and a LOT of that had a big effect on many decisions I made later in life. Decisions that were life altering. The lessons my parents taught me and a lot they didn’t, form the crux of all that I have achieved in my life. All the decisions that taken timely saved me in my darkest moments.

That is partly why I started writing about the many challenges parents face in balancing current cultures and their own heritage.  To have one space where parents can go for easy answers or relatable content. That mission grew into what you are reading today, a magazine for parents by parents because we all can after all learn from each other.

Empowering Children to Thrive in a Multicultural World with Intuitive Parenting

Strong Roots Have No Fear

Over the course of the past 8 years, I have come across few simple strategies that negate all the current mumbo jumbo surrounding parenting. All we need to do is trust our instinct and make sure the kids grow rooted within prepared for the many challenges an ever evolving multicultural world will provide.  So how do you give your children strong roots?

  • By providing them sound start in their early years.
  • Teaching kids to stand tall in face of life’s milestones.
  • Imparting the vision to make good choices.
  • A global mindset that helps build awareness within.

To that end, I bring to you the very first book that talks in a most straight forward language about all the above in great detail with tips of everything below. Parenting our children with a strong, culturally aware mindset enables us to be optimistic about their future thus removing a lot of the fear associated with an unknown tomorrow.

In the book you will find

  • The confidence to be intuitive as a parent.
  • Introspection towards mindful living.
  • Timeless strategies to impart a positive mindset.
  • A global approach to nurturing your multicultural family.
  • How to be culturally sensitive and rooted within self.

While the book is aimed at parents raising kids aged 0-10, most of the timeless life lessons in it are applicable to any age really After all, most of us can use reminders of what to do with bullies, how to deal with self doubt, increasing self empowerment, being aware about the world with an open mind etc.

Most importantly, it is not a “one size fits all” solution. It is a – “here is the fabric and ideas, get creative with your own dress” solution to parenting everywhere.

You can find out what people around the world are saying about my writing here. Signing up gives you tons of freebies and also keeps you in the loop as to the progress of the book. 

You can find ALL my work in one place here or get a taste of what the book includes HERE.

I’m passing on all that I have implemented and learned over the past years, so you do not have to ask anyone the question, “What tips would you give me to make sure my kids grow strongly rooted in values, right from the beginning?” .

Don’t forget to share this post with your friends. If you would like to support the growth of this book, you are welcome to join the Strong Roots Book Support Group here.

Don’t Forget to Tell Your Friends or Pin This Post for keepsake. After all sharing is caring!

strong roots have no fear


Raising Confident Kids with a Global Mindset - Strong Roots Have No Fear

20 Ways to Inspire Kids by Showing Up as an Everyday Activist

20 Ways to Inspire Kids by Showing Up as an Everyday Activist

by with 9 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentMindset
Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals. Martin Luther King, Jr.

What is Activism?

What comes to mind when you hear the term activist? Who or what are you picturing?
In conversations with friends, family members, and clients, I’ve noticed that many folks think that activism is only for people who are doing justice work full time. They associate the term activist with people who are leading protests or lobbying at the state Capitol building every day.
However, I’d like to remind you that every decision you make holds political weight. The personal is political.
That said, activism is work that all of us can engage in.
We all have the tools to stand up for our values and beliefs each and every day. The tools are completely free and are already at your fingertips. No degree or training or materials are necessary.
This is my working definition of activism: Using my resources, including my voice, physical presence, money, energy, and time, to honor and support people, institutions, and policies that align with my values and highest vision for our world.
For example, some of the ways I practice activism on a regular basis include recycling, donating to local organizations that I am inspired by, and taking my own reusable bags to the grocery store.
So, I will ask you to again consider: What comes to mind when you hear the term activist? Who or what are you picturing?
Is there anything different from your first thoughts, feelings, or beliefs? How so?

10 Ways to Show Up as an Everyday Activist

In developing a broad and inclusive definition of activism, one that invites each one of us into mindful living, I have come up with a list of 20 ways to practice everyday activism with your family.
I invite you to print and browse the list below and notice which items you are already doing; circle those numbers. Place a star next to the items that make you feel excited, motivated, intrigued, or curious. Additionally, notice which items you feel most resistant towards; put a dot next to these.
1. Spend time in your community. Get out and about in your neighborhood and city. Just being with diverse groups in the community will support your awareness and growth, and you’ll make meaningful connections.
2. Commit to one small act a day/week that connects to your passions, interests, and values. For example, if you are concerned about environmental issues, you can work on the community garden in your neighborhood. If you are interested in narrowing the class divide, serve at a shelter or food bank.
3. Vote. At every election. Did you know that school boards make a ton of decisions that impact your city at large? Yes, every election and every position matters.
4. Volunteer. Find local organizations to support through your time and energy.
5. Read and research about the topics and issues you are called to AND the ones that feel at the edge of your comfort zone. Read more; explore a range of sources and mediums. Know that you don’t always have to have an answer because questions and curiosity are powerful. Most importantly, stay open to learning more, not only about the “issues” on the table but about yourself as well.
6. Find creative outlets for your processing and expression. As you read and research and talk, things can get heavy and emotional. Having outlets for these feelings is important. I, personally, turn to writing most often. Art and music are other wonderful ways to express the depths of your experience.
7. Share your own stories and experiences as it feels right. When you have a story or experience that speaks to your values and positions, include that in your conversations as you are comfortable and as it feels relevant. Remember that you can engage in conversations virtually and in real life (IRL).
8. Talk with friends and family about the issues you are curious about. Sweeping politics under the rug just doesn’t work, and, furthermore, it’s a symptom of privilege. The call to action here is to be authentic in naming your values and concerns and engaging your loved ones on these topics.
9. Support products, services, and companies that DO align with your values. Spend your money supporting people and institutions that you agree with. Local is always a great place to start if this feels obscure or overwhelming.
10. Boycott products, services, and companies whose values DON’T align with yours.  Simply don’t buy from companies that don’t align with your values. Look into big brands, whether they make food, cleaning products, cosmetics, or clothing, and learn about how ethical (or not) they are.
11. Write letters, send faxes, or call local and federal politicians. Follow the legislation that is being proposed in your state and at the federal level. When you find a law that you align with, write or call in your support. Likewise, when you find a law that you see as harmful, write or call in your dissent. Find out who represents you here!
12. Use online petitions and bots to send letters and opinions. Show support for issues you care about by signing on to (or starting!) petitions; explore change.org to get started signing today. You can also easily write letters to your politicians through bots like resist.bot.
13. Share and retweet content on social media. The internet has allowed us to share issues and solutions in a matter of seconds. Hashtags have helped people gather both virtually and IRL, and one way that you can show support for movements, news, and leaders is by sharing or retweeting. #BlackLivesMatter helped us realize the power of the internet in creating a movement and inspiring professional and “everyday” activists to gather together.
14. Journal. Explore your own biases and gaps in knowledge and experience. When you have questions and curiosities, go to the page. Ask yourself to think through the questions. Maybe, like me, you’ll end up with more questions, and this, too, is growth.
15. Incorporate donation into regular events you host or attend. Ask friends to bring canned food or feminine hygiene products to events. Then, donate the collection to local organizations. Typically, most people will have these items on hand already so this is a great way to engage your community in activism.
16. Host or participate in book clubs or conversation groups that are focused on current events and issues. You can find established book clubs via MeetUp.com or branch out on your own to gather a group of folks who are interested in reading and being curious together. I have facilitated a feminist book club and a Decentering Whiteness community in Austin, Texas, for example.
17. Find mentors and guides. Lots of them. Notice which leaders you are feeling called to. Which ones challenge you and offer you opportunities for growth? Again, explore different mediums— podcasts, books, Instagram influencers, and so on.
18. Enroll in trainings to learn more about issues you care about and/or to hone your activism skills. Seek out trainings (again, online or IRL) to support you in your journey. Check with your employer to see if they are willing to sponsor your learning opportunities!
19. Financially support activists, educators, politicians who are working for change. Give money to folks on the front lines, people who are dedicating their lives to this work. You can do this through organizations, Patreon, or Venmo, for example. Many activists are sharing their Venmo accounts and taking compensation in this way.
20. Practice self-care. In order to show up fully for this work, you’ll need to be refueled and recharged. Maintain practices that allow you to rest and relax!

Practicing Activism as a Family

Activism is not adult work, it’s human work. Each item on this list is available to the children and teens in your life. Making activism a part of everyday family life will support tremendous growth, from self-awareness to connection with others to participation in community. This is what Connected Hearts is all about.
As you begin this work, you may find yourself and your family ready to engage in meaningful, yet difficult, conversations. This guide will support your family as you engage in these tough chats.
Here’s to living with open hearts and minds as we work together as human activists! See you out there!
Are Lohri, Makarsankranti and Pongal the same Indian Festival?

Are Lohri, Makarsankranti and Pongal the same Indian Festival?

by with 7 Comments festivalsHeritageIndia

It is the time the days are on the coldest and when first harvest of the year is done in most of the parts of India where the food grains are worshiped in different ways. Are the festivals of Lohri, Makarsankranti and Pongal basically the same? Celebrated on the January 13th and 14th respectively and for the same reason, different states of India celebrate these auspicious day in different ways. Rejoicing in the fruits of harvest.

How can you tell who is celebrating which one? Make sure to save this so you can reference back to it later.

Well, firstly different people call it by different names.

Lohri in Punjab

Celebrated by Punjabi Indians on the 13th of January, this day is marked by a bon fire, colorful clothes music and dancing. Popcorn, sesame, chikki are enjoyed.

You can find out more about this festival by reading the complete celebration here.

Makar Sankranthi 

Makar Sankranti is celebrated on 14 January every year.This particular festival is celebrated by many more states, in different ways. This day is marked differently by the element of traditional prayers and kite flying.

Delhi and Haryana – Churma of ghee, halwa and kheer are cooked specially on this day. One brother of every married woman visits her home with a gift of some warm clothing for her and her husband’s family. It is called “Sidha”. Women used to give a gift to their in-laws, and this rituals called “Manana”. The recipient will sit in a haweli (main palace where men sit together and share hookka). Women go to haweli to sing folk songs and give gifts.

Rajasthan and West Madhya Pradesh

“Makar Sankrati” or “Sankrat” in the Rajasthani language is one of the major festivals in the state of Rajasthan. The day is celebrated with special Rajasthani delicacies and sweets such as pheeni (either with sweet milk or sugar syrup dipped), til-paati, gajak, kheer, ghevar, pakodi, puwa, and til-laddoo.

Specially, the women of this region wear black as it absorbs heat the most and observe a ritual in which they give any type of object (related to household, make-up or food) to 13 married women. The first Sankranti experienced by a married woman is of significance as she is invited by her parents and brothers to their houses with her husband for a big feast. People invite friends and relatives (specially their sisters and daughters) to their home for special festival meals (called as “Sankrant Bhoj”). People give out many kind of small gifts such as til-gud (jaggery), fruits, dry khichadi, etc. to Brahmins or the needy ones.

Kite flying is traditionally observed as a part of this festival.On this occasion the sky in Jaipur and Hadoti regions is filled with kites, and youngsters engage in contests trying to cut each other’s strings.

Pongal

Celebrated in Tamil Nadu, this is a grand festival of four days. Day 1 marks Bhogi Pandigai, Day 2 is Thai Pongal, Day 3 Maattu Pongal and Kaanum Pongal is celebrated on day 4. The festival is celebrated four days from the last day of the Tamil month Maargazhi to the third day of the Tamil month Thai.

Here is a detailed description of the four days of celebration.

KHICHERI

Uttar Pradesh, Bihar and Jharkhand

This same festival is known as Kicheri in Uttar Pradesh and involves ritual bathing. There is a compulsion to bathe in the morning while fasting; first they bathe then they eat sweets such as til ladoo and gud laddo (known as tillava in Bhojpuri). At some places new clothes are worn on this day. It is said that if you do not bath on this day, you will fall upon bad luck the rest of the year. Khichi is prepared.  Kite flying  and (sesame seeds) and gud (jaggery) are found in the songs sung on this day.

West Bengal

In West Bengal, Sankranti, also known Poush Parbon (It falls on 14 January on the Western calendar.) All sections of society participate in a three-day begins on the day before Sankranti and ends on the day after. The freshly harvested paddy and the date palm syrup in the form of Khejurer Gur and Patali is used in the preparation of a variety of traditional Bengali sweets made with rice flour, coconut, milk and ‘khejurer gur’ (date palm jaggery) and known as ‘Pitha’ . The Goddess Lakshmi is usually worshipped on the day of Sankranti.

So you see, even though celebrated for the reason, the colorful states of India each celebrate this day in numerous different ways and on different days. Observing the celebrations is a great indicator of the heritage of a person and what part of India they belong to.

Did you know this about these festivals? Do you know any more differences? Feel free to share the same below

 

Bring the Warmth of Lohri into Your Homes This Winter

Bring the Warmth of Lohri into Your Homes This Winter

by with 7 Comments festivalsHeritage

Celebrated on the 13th of January every year, Lohri is celebrated to mark the end of peak winter, this festival is traditionally associated with the harvest of the rabi crops. The traditional time to harvest sugarcane crops is January, therefore, Lohri is seen by some to be a harvest festival. And thus, Punjabi farmers see the day after Lohri (Maghi) as the financial New Year. The festival of Lohri, which is celebrated primarily by Sikhs and Punjabi Hindus all across India and is traditionally believed to welcome the sun to the northern hemisphere. Observed a night before Makar Sankranti, this occasion involves a Puja Parikrama around the bonfire with prasad.

The rituals related to Lohri symbolize the attachment of the people with Mother Nature.

You can choose to mark this occasion in any way you like.

I have been celebrating Lohri since a few years now, with friends who have shared their festivities with us. From simple celebrations at home with snacking on the traditonal peanuts, popcorn, seasame to lavish parties with all of us dressed up in Punjabi attire with our hair decked in Parandas and dancing around a bon fire.

As anyone who has ever celebrated the festival in full fervor around the bonfire would tell you–gur rewri, peanuts and popcorns are threeedibles associated with this festival. Besides these, in Punjab’s villages, it is a tradition to eat Gajjak, Sarson da Saag and Makki Di Roti on the day of Lohri. It is also traditional to eat ’til rice’–sweet rice made with jaggery (gur) and sesame seeds.

Going around the fire singing “Sunder mundriye ho!”, adding popcorn, sesame etc to the fire dancing in the winters is a celebration you have to experience ONCE in your life time. It brings Punjab right into your heart.

The folklore — Sunder Mundriye — is actually the tale of a man called Dulla Bhatti, who is said to have lived in Punjab during the reign of Mughal Emperor Akbar. Being quite the ‘Robin Hood’ back in the day, Dulla Bhatti used to supposedly steal from the rich, and rescue poor Punjabi girls being taken forcibly to be sold in slave markets. He then went on to arrange their marriages to boys of the village, and provided them with dowries (from the stolen money). Amongst these girls were Sundri and Mundri, who have now come to be associated with Punjab’s folklore, Sunder Mundriye.

 

via GIPHY

Read this book about the festival of Lohri to your kids.

Lohri holds extra significance when there’s a new marriage or new born in the family.

Simple ways to celebrate Lohri are –

  1. Fly a Kite. Please don’t say you don’t know how to fly one! …
  2. Enjoy snacks of peanuts, popcorn, chikki etc while sitting around a fireplace.
  3. Dress up in parandas/colorful Indian attire.
  4. Have Sarso Da Saag and Makki Di Roti.
  5. Light up a bonfire.
  6. Dance around the fireplace with your friends and family.
  7. Read a book or watch videos about Punjabi folk tales/Lohri

You can see the fun of Lohri in this song from the movie Veer Zara. It wonderfully captures the essence of this festival. Colorful dresses, teasing between friends/family, food and dance is a big part of most Indian celebrations.

Have you heard of this festival before? Would you bring the warmth of Lohri into your home?