Minali Bajaj-Syed

What Maayeka Really Means To An Indian Girl

Maayeka: The place where you live as a girl, and leave as a woman.

‘Maayeka’ in Hindi/Urdu translates to ‘mother’s house’ or ‘maternal home’. In the Indian subcontinent, once a woman gets married, her husband’s home is considered to be her new home. Her own home, where she was born, raised, and belonged suddenly becomes her ‘maayeka’.

A woman’s maayeka (maternal home) can be anywhere from five minutes away to being on a separate street, or in an entirely different city, country or continent. Most women, who belong to the latter category, take longer to settle down in their ‘new’ homes. You can’t blame them, can you?

Your bed, your room, your closet, your space…everything changes overnight. What remains with you forever are the memories of your maternal home. And these memories go on to become the most cherished ones of our life, more so after marriage.

Going away from home to acquire an education or for a better job prospect does not even count as moving out. Marriage is where it all changes for most women!

As teenagers and young adults, we struggle to be on the same page as our parents. We blame their old-school-of-thought, the generation gap, their protective nature, and find unjustifiable excuses to distant us from them. Unfortunately, we do not realize the value of their love and care just yet. Most of us realize the importance of our parents when we have to live by ourselves. This is when we long for their affection and company, for mom’s handmade food, and for dad’s advice. Simply reminiscing about having a meal together with our parents can leave us smiling and teary-eyed at the same time.

After marriage, I have been settled in the same city as where my parents lived. Fortunately, my maternal home is just a five minute drive away from my home. After so many years of marriage, now it doesn’t feel weird to call their house ‘my parents’ home’ and call my own house as ‘my home’.

In the first year post-marriage, the question I dreaded the most was “where do you live or what is your address?”

Having to answer that question always left me feeling a sense of disloyalty (has anyone else experienced this?) Oh and no guesses to what my reply must have been to anyone asking me for my phone number. I always gave out my parents’ home number, unintentionally, and they landed up receiving phone calls meant for me. I even mistakenly put their residence number on my resume. Yes I did!

For all these years, I was blessed to have my parents live down the road from my house. Just as nothing remains forever, it all changed a year ago. Last year, my father took up retirement and decided to move back to India. I didn’t know how to react to this news, so I just went with the flow. As the days of them going back came closer, the feeling began to sink in. Fast forward to the airport, I remember my mother hugging me and telling me, “Be strong and don’t be upset. It will all be fine.”

Driving past their house three times a day (on the way to the kids’ school), going to places we once shopped together, dining at restaurants where we spent innumerable times eating together… it seemed like memories of them were etched on to all those places. For the first few months, each time I passed by their house, I would look towards it and cry. The only thing running in my mind was that I don’t have my ‘maayeka’ (maternal home) here anymore.

Today, I may not have a ‘maayeka’ here but my parents have a new home here. Their daughter’s home is now their home! Just as most of us can’t wait for the weekend or for a vacation to go stay at our maternal homes, I am looking forward to my parents coming to stay with me. This is something that hasn’t happened in more than a decade since I got married.

At the time of marriage, the giving away of a daughter is always the hardest part. But when the roles are reversed and it feels like the ‘bidaai’ (giving away/letting go) of your parents, the letting go becomes even tougher. I knew it would be fine eventually but didn’t imagine it to be so hard initially.

While my parents have moved back to India and settled in their retirement life, I am reminded of them at every corner that I turn around. Imagine what our parents go through when we move out or move away. The emptiness of a loved one moving away from you can never be filled. Have you ever sat back and thought of what your parents were thinking and feeling, the day you got married and your home changed?

Moving away or moving out is a natural process and every individual has to deal with it at some point in their life. One thing that no one can take away from a woman is the sweet feeling she has her in heart for her maternal home.

Maayeka is the place, where she can once again feel like a girl! Where she can sleep in till late, be served breakfast on bed and spend late nights talking to her mother. A woman’s home may change after marriage but the belongingness to her maternal home stays with her forever. For it is the place she grew up as a girl and grew out of as a woman.

Minali Bajaj Syed - Raising World Children

Minali Bajaj-Syed is an Indian, born and settled in Kuwait. Having lived in Kuwait, India and the United States, She has had the opportunity to experience a diverse set of cultures. She thus, considers herself a global citizen. She is always learning, evolving and trying to spread some positivism. On most days, she is a mother to two kids and a food blogger on Instagram @cinnamon_cardamom

Parenting While Being Aware of Our Hormones

‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’. How many of you remember reading or coming across John Gray’s famous book? I still have that book on my bookshelf but haven’t managed to read it entirely.

Whether you have read this book or not, let me tell you that the only thing ‘Venus’ about women is the ‘Gillette Venus’ shaving razors.

Women are one-hundred-percent earthly creations, who are often misunderstood for their inexplicable actions and emotional outbursts.

Being a Woman

“Which world are you living in?” “Can you please behave normal?” “Why are you in such a bad mood lately?”

These are just a few of the wonderful phrases we get to hear, depending on how good or bad our hormones have been behaving. Really! Ironically, we get to hear them from our loved ones, who seem to understand us the most (apparently!)

The culprit of most of our bad days is our raging, swinging, dwindling, often off-balance HORMONES. We need to accept the fact and realize that our behavior, our mood, our sanity and so many other aspects of us are all impacted by our hormones.

And if the people in our lives (most importantly our immediate family) could comprehend this, then the world around us would be a much happier place.

From small issues like headaches and bloating to bigger issues like extreme mood swings, anger and anxiety, our hormones affect our body and mind on a daily basis. In some severe cases, the imbalance in our hormones can disrupt our mental health and the functioning of our daily lives.

At some point is life (i.e almost everyday for us women) we must have all whined about something or listened to someone else vent their frustrations. Most women’s problems range from

“My mother-in-law is interfering is so irritating?”
“I am trying hard to lose weight but nothing seems to work.”
“My husband is too busy and has no time for me!”
“The kids are driving me up the wall!!”

As much as it may seem like we are at war with ourselves, if we chose to tackle it, in all probability we may come out of it with a win. Most importantly, we must assess our behavior and what’s going on in our mind. If it seems too extreme, there is no harm in seeking help from a gynecologist or counselor. Recurrent headaches, anxiety and emotional outbursts may need medical intervention.

Being a Mother

The fact that God chose women to give birth to, or raise another life validates that women are very strong emotionally and physically. Women are fantastic at decision making and multitasking. Women are great listeners and often sound advisers. But most of the times, we are often misconstrued because of the role our hormones have played on a particular day.

We are neither a bad species nor hard to get along with. Unpredictable, that we are sometimes! We just need to be understood beyond our bad days and not be judged based on them. When our hormones toss us up and down, all we need is some space followed by hugs (and some kind of dessert in most cases.) Donuts and Cinnamon Rolls can really do the trick for me!

So the next time you flare up at your kids for not cleaning up their room and follow it by loads of hugs and kisses, you know who to blame (sigh!)

Taking Charge of Those Raging Hormones

Here are a few tips on how to tackle those ‘happiness-hindering hormones’.

1. Take a walk or do some yoga early in the morning, to help start your day on a positive note.
2. Soak yourself in a warm bath infused with lavender oil, to help relax your mind.
3. Read a book or watch a comedy movie.
4. Cook, bake or just order in your ‘happy food’.
5. Take a break from routine (read: skip work, school, doing the daily chores, etc.)
6. Bribe the kids to do their own work and tidy up their mess, while you take a break. (Movie/beach plans usually do the trick)
7. Book an appointment for a head or body massage.
8. Make your husband/partner read this article.
9. And if none of the above help, then it’s best to seek medical advice/professional help.

And for the men reading this, the next time you are pulled over for leaving your wet towel on the bed, PLEASE stay calm and try not to react. Just get the woman some CHOCOLATE or CAKE and be rest assured, this will be followed up by a HUG. And keep in mind (read: do not forget), the cause of ‘Her-Moans’ are not YOU or HER but her “sneaky hormones!”

Minali Bajaj-Syed is an Indian, born and settled in Kuwait. Having lived in Kuwait, India and the United States, I have had the opportunity to experience a diverse set of cultures. Thus, I consider myself as a global citizen. I am always learning, evolving and trying to spread some positivity. On most days, I am a mother to two kids and a food blogger on Instagram @cinnamon_cardamom.

Better Health With Healing Ingredients In Your Kitchen

‘Popping a pill’ to feel better, seems like the easiest and quickest solution to treating an ailment.

A mild cough or a slight temperature is enough to make most people run to the doctor to get some prescribed antibiotics. *Ironically, frequent use of antibiotics can make the bacteria in our body more resistant to it, thus making the antibiotic useless in its treatment in the future.

Over-the-counter (OTC) medications are usually used in the treatment of allergies, headaches, body pain, cold, etc. However, these non-prescription medications come with their own side-effects like dizziness, nausea, bleeding and more.

From thousands of years ago, ingredients from our kitchens have been used to treat different illnesses and diseases. But these traditional remedies seem to have been forgotten, instead of passed on.

So here is a list of a few hidden gems in our kitchens that have miraculous healing properties.

Honey: The Best Antibiotic

Pure honey is proven to be very effective in killing germs that cause human diseases. Honey is the best natural remedy for treating throat infections, common colds and flu. **In addition, it is also used to treat infected wounds and burns, stomach ulcers and other ailments because it is alkaline in nature.

Black Seeds (Nigella Sativa): Healer of all Diseases except Death

Black seeds act as a natural immunity booster and can protect our body against various germs. When mixed with honey, it is effective in destroying bladder and kidney stones. It is often used in the treatment of diabetes, migraines, digestive problems, asthma and chronic eczema. Black seeds help regulate the menstrual cycle, hence it can be very helpful for women suffering from PCOD/PCOS. It also helps increase the flow of milk in lactating mothers.

Carom seeds/Ajwain: The Gut Healer

Carom seeds are the best cure for most stomach related problems like indigestion, flatulence, constipation, diarrhea and menstrual cramps. It is also a natural antacid and helps keep acidity and acid reflux at bay. Drinking a glass of warm water with soaked carom seeds on an empty stomach, aids in weight loss, as it is a metabolism booster.

Carom seeds are also very effective to treat cold, cough, flu, joint pains and arthritis naturally. Being an antioxidant, it purifies the blood and flushes out toxins from our body, thus giving us glowing skin. In new mothers, it aids in healing the uterus and increases the flow of milk too.

Flax seeds: A Natural ‘Wonder-Drug’ for Women

Flax seeds are a rich source of Omega 3 fatty acids and ‘LIGNAN’, which helps prevent breast cancer, balances hormones, maintains regularity of the menstrual cycle and reverses aging in our body. ***They are very helpful in treating PCOS/PCOD naturally. These nutritious seeds lower blood cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart attacks. Flax seeds are very high in fibre, thus they promote digestive health and reduce gut inflammation. They also help reduce the ‘dry eye’ syndrome.

Black Pepper: The ‘All-In-One’ – Antibiotic, Antioxidant, Anti-inflammation

Black pepper is considered to be the ‘king of spices.’ It is known to stimulate skin pigmentation and is used as a natural alternative in the treatment of the skin disease Vitiligo. Black pepper helps lower blood pressure, reduces inflammation and clears the nose and chest of congestion. It stimulates appetite, aids in weight loss and protects against premature aging. Black pepper is also known to be a natural diuretic.

Cinnamon: The Immunity Booster

Cinnamon has the highest source of antioxidants than any other spice. It is a great immunity booster and helps fight viruses that cause cold and flu. Cinnamon lowers blood sugar and helps fight diabetes. It also lowers swelling, reduces inflammation and aids in fat burning. Cinnamon can also be used as a natural mouth freshener.

Turmeric: The Inflammation Fighter

Turmeric contains ‘Curcumin’, which is a cancer-fighting compound that is proven to reduce the growth of cancerous cells. It helps fight chronic inflammation, which plays a major role in the cause of arthritis, Alzheimer’s, cancer and other degenerative diseases.

Vinegar: A Natural Cleanser

The safest way to consume fruits and vegetables is by rinsing them well and soaking them in a vinegar solution for 15-20 minutes. Vinegar helps get rid of any dirt and/or any residual pesticides. Unless you are growing your own fruits and vegetables, this is the best way to ensure that what goes into your mouth is safe and clean.

With the upcoming flu season, here are some great tips to beat the weather blues.

1. Fight the cold – roast some carom seeds/ajwain, put it in a sock and tie up. Inhale the vapors and keep it beside your pillow all night. The soothing aroma will fix your clogged/runny nose. This is by far the best natural remedy for babies and kids.

2. Battle the cold and cough – boil water with some turmeric (antibacterial), carom seeds, & a black tea bag (antioxidant). Once hot, add a teaspoon of VICKS vapor rub and mix. Sit on the floor for inhaling as this is the safest with hot water. Cover your head and the vessel with a thick towel, and inhale for at least 10-15 minutes. To treat babies and toddlers, boil and keep the vessel in the room where they sleep. The vapours will help the child breathe smoothly.

3. Cough relief – make a honey-ginger syrup with freshly extracted ginger juice, some finely grated ginger and honey. Add this syrup to hot water and drink often.

4. When you get the flu, start your day with a cup of warm water infused with honey, black pepper, turmeric and cinnamon. All the above ingredients have antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties.

Wishing good health and happiness to everyone!

References:-

*www.kidshealth.org

**Islamic Medicine, Yusuf Al-Hajj Ahmad

***www.fertilitychef.com

Nurturing Relationships Authentically in Digital Age

Are we meeting this weekend?

When are you making me brownies?

Do you know where can I find almond flour?

Can you please send me the notes from today?

These are how conversations online begin in this digital age. Unfortunately, it seems like basic social etiquette of asking about one’s well being, about the family, about one’s work, or about life in general have gone out of the window. Smart modes of communication seem to have made our conversations cold and to the point. Emotions have gone missing and convenience seems to have taken over compassion.

But would we want our kids to grow up to be adults with no empathy?

Every single day, I remind my kids that when they meet someone they know, they MUST greet them with a smile and ask them about their well being. The struggle is real believe me! Children are often so caught up with their play and imagination that they tend to be too distracted to acknowledge a new presence.

[bctt tweet=”So many of us are guilty of communicating with our family and friends only when we need something or need to know something. ” username=”contactrwc”]

But what is our reason as adults to have no time for basic etiquette? So many of us are guilty of communicating with our family and friends only when we need something or need to know something. Unfortunately, the desire of keeping in touch and the feeling of wanting to be there for someone is slowing fading away.

Communication Years Ago

Almost two decades ago, I moved to the US to go to university. When I was leaving home, I took with me a little telephone directory filled with my family and friends phone numbers. I manually entered each number on my phone and stored them all. Those were the days when we made phone calls to keep in touch. Then came the email and it became the coolest mode of communication.

Even then, emails were filled with emotion and would make one feel so close to someone so far. We poured our hearts and minds out in our emails and saved our loved ones replies for a later read (which would be so comforting!) We probably had more value for emotions and etiquette because we saw our parents and everyone else around us displaying it. How I wish I could turn back time!

As much as technology plays a huge role in the advancement of human evolution, the question is…is it helping us evolve into better human beings? You may have all heard the cliche line that smart gadgets are making humans less human ?

Using Technology As Tools

Not necessarily because a lot of people use these gadgets wisely to enhance their skills, to get their work done, to run a business and so much more. Using social media responsibly is an art too. But when it comes to communicating, relationships seem to have been taken for granted, and time and convenience are given more priority.

In the age of NO mobile phones and NO internet, we were all so happy and content with Graham Bell’s invention. Who remembers those days when you would wait for the clock to strike 12, to call your friend and wish them ‘Happy Birthday!’ That excitement of being the first one to wish (sigh!) and the disappointment of finding an ‘engaged tone’ because someone else beat you to being the ‘first one’ to wish your friend.

Life was so uncomplicated. ‘Call Declined’ in those days was keeping the handset off the hook. Even if we were in deep sleep we would reach out to that phone because if we didn’t, then it would just keep ringing. Back then, receiving a phone call and telling the person that you will call them back later was more convenient. Besides that is the right thing to do!

Invitations for gatherings, congratulatory messages, wishes for special occasions and asking for one’s well being, which were all done over the telephone have been replaced by Whatsapp messages.

Connect Personally

We may have hundreds of Facebook friends and thousands of Instagram followers, but even today one phone call from a dear one, and you are left smiling all day. Feel blessed if you still have a few loved ones, who make time for a phone call. Those are the ones who you need to hold on to.

Let us take our relationships away from the digital world and bring back the warmth into our relationships.

Ditch the likes and comments and meet up for a cup of coffee.
Avoid typing a message and make that call instead.
Once in a while, make a video call to a loved one who lives far away.
Start your online conversations by inquiring about the other person’s well being.
Initiate a meet up and don’t just wait for someone else to make a plan.
Plan a yoga session together or a digital detox getaway.
Set up play dates so that you can catch up with friends, while the kids are busy playing.

Let’s not forget that one day our children will grow up to follow in our footsteps. The world is only moving ahead at a much faster pace than before. The least we can do is inculcate in our coming generations – the value of relationships and the importance of social etiquette. Perhaps this could be our small contribution to making the world a better place!

Leaving the Nine-to-Five to Staying Up At Dawn

At work, it was a norm to take a maternity leave from the 7th or 8th month onward. I think this was more of a working women culture than a pregnancy requirement. I, though was working all through my pregnancy until the weekend before I had my first born.

My friends and colleagues would often ask when I would be going on a maternity leave. But since I was enjoying a smooth and active pregnancy (thank God for that), I did not feel the need to stay home just yet. A lot of people though wondered why was I still driving, why was I walking around etc. It almost felt like some of those people were intimidated by a pregnant woman!

A few days before I was to deliver a co-worker had the gall to say that I looked pregnant and I shouldn’t be walking long distances. To which I replied, “I am just hiding a watermelon under my dress.” I cherish the blank expression to this day Ha!

When my daughter was finally born, like every new mother, I was mesmerized. I enjoyed changing diapers as much as I enjoyed the sleepless nights (really, no kidding!). I would stay up awake all night taking pictures and videos of her cuteness.

Going back to work was the last thing on my mind. I was enjoying having no routine and no agenda, just my baby beside me. I went from working at a desk all day to sleeping at dawn!

Work or Not to Work – That is The Question

Fast forward to two and a half months later. The thought of leaving my child gave me butterflies in my stomach. I had discussions with my husband, my family, my friends and most women I met (Ha!). I just wasn’t sure what I wanted at that point of time.

Most working women said that it would be great to continue working and not give up on a career. Similarly, a lot of housewives expected me to become a ‘domestic queen’ post motherhood (or marriage for that fact!) And then there were a few raised eyebrows with the stereotypical question about who is going to watch the baby if I continue working.

Finally, (thank God!) there were a few people who echoed my sentiments of seeing how I feel once I am back to work.

It is then when I realized that one of the most comforting thing for a pregnant woman or new-mother was ‘less advice’ and ‘less expectations’.

I realized unfortunately, it is WOMEN who set expectations, raise the bar, set norms, and decide what is right or wrong for other women, based on their own experiences or insecurities. Sigh!! And this isn’t something that exists only in my culture. In fact, a lot of women globally echoed the same thoughts.

I know since I discussed this with a lot of moms in pregnancy and new-mother forums.

Back At Work And How !

After a lot of unnecessary thinking and sleepless nights (not because of the baby this time), finally it was time to get back to work. The idea of going back to work and resigning in a few months seemed to get the popular vote. So I went with the flow and remember going to work looking like I wasn’t pregnant ever.

I enjoyed the congratulatory hugs, showing my baby’s pictures, answering every question about what labor feels like, about not taking epidural and so on. I was really having fun being the center of attention that day. Yayyy!

Two and a half hours later, I was with my manager in the meeting room expressing my wish to resign that VERY day. All the reasoning and discussions about resigning a month later or three months later or never went out of the window.

In retrospect, sharing the excitement and talking about my baby made me miss her even more.

My manager asked me if I was sure and I replied in the positive. He said the only reason why he was letting me go was because I was leaving to take charge of a better task. He knew that I was moving on to an even more important role. His words made my decision feel even more right! (God bless him.)

I came home that day from work dancing and jumping with joy, after handing in my resignation (no exaggerations!) I hugged my baby so hard and knew that this is it…this is what I WANTED!

I wanted to spend all my minutes and seconds being her mommy. And this was the beginning of my new role, as a full-time mother with no weekends off, no monthly salary, and no deadlines to meet…only incentives forever.

Full-time Motherhood

It has been 8 years! Quitting my job to become a hands-on mother is something I have never regretted. In fact, I feel it was one of the best and most life-changing decisions I have ever made. I did not miss anything being at home, but being at work, I missed my baby the most.

Life after leaving the job was (and still is) a lot of fun and opened up so many different avenues for me.

I started a baking business from home, became an expert in cooking and shared my recipes with the world! I traveled to India 7-8 times in a year, attended weddings (something I had always wanted to do), signed up for baking classes and did so much more than before in a span of 24 hours. My life was so much more well rounded than before! Now I have a Bachelors in Education and am currently studying for a certification in food and health.

When I was in India though, most women I knew were surprised at the fact that I didn’t have a nanny or a full-time maid for my child. Some women thought I was probably being naive and didn’t care enough for my child to think that I needed a helping hand. Can you imagine?!?

My daughter was getting all the love a mother could give a child. But that didn’t seem enough to some.

A woman in any culture and any part of the world should do exactly what makes her happy. If going back to work post pregnancy is going to keep your sanity, then do just that. If keeping a nanny would give you some extra rest and time, then you are not wrong in looking out for yourself.

Similarly, women who are housewives or full-time mothers should be allowed to take pride in their roles. Really, there are many women out there who enjoy looking after a home. Either ways, if we let go of living up to others expectations and don’t follow things just to fit in, we will enjoy this journey of being ME even more.

Even today, whenever I meet a new person, the next question that pops up after the introduction is “are you working?” To which I reply, “Yes, I am a full-time mom to two wonderful kids and they keep me busy all day.”

In the past 8 years, I went from working behind a desk to having sleepless nights and going to bed at dawn. And today, I wake up at dawn to make sure that my kids are ready in time, to be at their school desks all fresh and happy. From desk to dawn and vice versa, Motherhood surely has made my life come to be a full circle!

Minali Bajaj-Syed is an Indian, born and settled in Kuwait. Having lived in Kuwait, India and the United States, She has had the opportunity to experience a diverse set of cultures. She thus, considers herself a global citizen. She is always learning, evolving and trying to spread some positivism. On most days, she is a mother to two kids and a food blogger on Instagram @cinnamon_cardamom.