How to Make Diwali Meaningful to Children Today

by with 12 Comments festivalsParentingVoices

Every year I try to make my home smell and feel similar to how my mom’s did in all the years I was growing up. We went home to home savoring delicious feasts from different cultures. Diwali is not a linear celebration. It is a month long festivity of all that brings light in our lives. Bringing the crisp, cool air that comes around this time. A clean, elaborately decorated home. It is the excitement of new clothes, jewelry, kitchen utensils and decor coming into the home. Diyas and candles everywhere.

The smoky warmth, lights and shine of sparklers circling in the air. It is the huge spread of spicy, hot, sour savories and sweet dishes spread out on the dinner table. It is this smell of mom’s cooking wafting through the home bringing back memories of all the years gone by. One by one each candle is lit up, sending vibes through the house to turn into a haven for you. Though, in the past few years as you can see I have taken to making my own diyas which is my own little tradition and I am loving it.

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How is Diwali traditionally celebrated?

  • Prepping before the festival begins by spring cleaning and organizing.
  • Buy gold, silver and kitchen for the home.
  • Illuminate the house by lighting diyas, line them outside the door and around the house.
  • Whip up and relish multiple sweet and savory dishes all through the festive days. Exchange them with friends and family.
  • Put up door decor (toran) that can be made with flowers or cloth to welcome good vibes.
  • Make Rangoli (intricate designs with colored powder or these days chalk) outside your door.
  • Put up string lights outside or/and inside your house.
  • Wear new and festive clothes.
  • Making wheat or earthen diyas.
  • On Bhaidooj, siblings share gifts.
  • Light fire crackers to enjoy on Diwali days. (the MAIN event)

But in today’s fast paced world, celebrating traditionally is a real struggle. So, how do you make it easy for kids to relate to these age old traditions?

 

IMPART REAL LIFE VALUES THROUGH STORIES

Mythology though, is hard to comprehend by young minds. It is paramount we connect these stories to real world examples to make them easier to understand and digest. The many reasons Diwali is celebrated are a wonderful way to talk about life and it’s many pitfalls.

  • Read children’s books featuring stories about Ramayan, Ganpati, etc.
  • Encourage kids to ask questions about the story lines.
  • Explain to kids in the simplest possible terms what every aspect of the story means.

When I was young I did not understand and even negated the beauty of the mythology of Ramayan. I could not find respect in my heart for a man who would exile his wife for no fault of her own. But now, over the years I have understood that it is not just a story to glorify God in the incarnation of Ram.

It is a story where it is proven that even Gods when in human form can make mistakes. So, we should not be so hard on ourselves when we happen to do the same. It teaches us that choices have consequences.

That when fathers make thoughtless decisions, children have to suffer. When people get selfish, the reward is nothing but pain. That when you do not pay heed to the warnings of those you love, you suffer. That not respecting women, can lead to the downfall of even Kings. That the happiness one feels when a child comes home is priceless.

That when disrespected, any woman can choose to part ways with her husband. But that is of course my interpretation. Anyone who reads scriptures or mythology derives their own meanings and using them to grow in their own life!


EXCHANGE MEANINGFUL GIFTS

In a materialistic world, it is important to teach kids to value presents made with thought.

  • Make cards together for your extended family. Send them in advance. This is a great way to stay connected with family far away.
  • Create idols from playdoh or earthen/ecofriendly clay.
  • After spring cleaning (a tradition of Diwali), donate items that are old and have not been used for more than six months to those in need.

CREATE TRADITIONS THAT ARE FAMILY DRIVEN

Every year start a new ritual that convey life lessons and encourage creativity. Below are some great ways to connect as a family and dare I say, save money too. Being frugal of course is a wonderful trait to foster.

  • Cook sweets or cookies together.
  • Create cards or decoration together.
  • Discuss and put up decorations together.
  • Find new ways to use the older years’ decorations.
  • Visit a local orphanage or old age home with gifts or treats.
  • Create Rangoli at home with flowers or sidewalk chalk or pulses.

Connect with Your Community

In an age where people often get lost in the hustle of everyday life, it is important to connect with your friends and neighbors on this wonderful occasion. Organize a get together to create flower arrangements, Rangoli designs or art creations. Getting creative together in groups is a wonderful way to bond and break ice with new friends.

FIND NEW WAYS TO CELEBRATE THIS FESTIVE SEASON.

  • It is fall season. What a wonderful time to collect dry
    leaves, twigs, etc. Use these to create a bonfire in your
    backyard.
  • Fill up balloons with glitter or pieces of colored paper.
  • Burst these in the evening for a vibrant ambiance.
  • Kids could even blow up paper bags and burst giving you the cheerful sound of crackers.
  • Make Diyas out of wheat flour. It is very simple and beautiful way to decorate your home.

Wishing you a very happy Diwali this year.

 

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I Never Thought I Would Get Preclampsia And Then I Did

I Never Thought I Would Get Preclampsia And Then I Did

by with 10 Comments ParentingVoices

When I got pregnant with my fourth child, I had no idea that preeclampsia was a risk. I had no history of it, my family had no history of it. Other than some blood pressure spikes, likely caused by stress, in my second and third pregnancies, I’ve never had high blood pressure.

All of my pregnancies have been low-risk (although due to age and my husband’s family history of cardiovascular health, my last three were classified as high-risk until the 20 week scans showed that all was well.)

The easiest pregnancy ever…

When I got pregnant with Ladybug, I kept forgetting I was pregnant. This was welcome, because with my boys, I had horrible sciatica, and with my year old, I had terrible morning sickness for the entire pregnancy. I also suffered from paralyzing anxiety and depression while pregnant. In fact, with Ladybug I didn’t even have the debilitating fatigue I’d had with my 2 year old. I felt energetic, happy, and pretty amazing, well into the pregnancy. I even was losing weight while pregnant due to healthy eating and being able to continue being active.

Then, things changed.

I got a nasty version of the flu, and it turned into pneumonia. I was really sick. I was probably hospital sick, but I’m stubborn. When I saw my OBGYN, she was a bit taken aback that I hadn’t gone to the hospital. Her words, “If you think you might need to go to the hospital, Ronda, you should pro

My oldest and I, after his theater awards ceremony, a week before I was induced.

bably go to the hospital.” I was due in late May, I got sick in mid-March.

I didn’t really recover. I continued to feel awful. Each appointment, I was suddenly putting on a lot of weight. I wasn’t thin by any means, but I’d made it down to 275 when I got sick. When I was induced, about 6 weeks later, I was up to 354lbs. We’ll get to the induction in a minute.

I had no energy. I constantly felt zapped. It was still really hard to breathe. Just walking from the couch to fridge, about 20 feet, would wind me. I couldn’t keep up with my other kids. I skipped out on some of my oldest’s events, because I had no energy. I sent his grandparents instead to take photos. Then, one morning, I woke up, and I was really swollen. When I say really swollen, I mean, really really swollen. I felt horrible. I had an appointment with my OBGYN that afternoon.

The fight for a diagnosis

I had no history of preeclampsia. My OBGYN wasn’t even collecting urine samples, because she was that confident that it wasn’t an issue. That day, I actually wound up not seeing my OBGYN, but her nurse practitioner. She saw me, and asked if I’d been eating a lot of salt. “No.” She took my blood pressure. It was 135/84, extremely high for me, but still within the range they considered normal. I pushed the issue.

The swelling wasn’t going down with rest. It wasn’t going down with putting my feet up. I’d gained a lot of weight over the past 5 weeks, and I felt terrible. I was out of breath. No, it wasn’t just baby pushing on my lungs. It was different from other pregnancies. Something just didn’t feel right. So, she agreed to check my urine. She told me if I didn’t hear anything, that I was fine. That was a Thursday.

The long weekend

I kept feeling worse. I was supposed to go see my oldest’s awards ceremony. I had no idea he was receiving any awards, so I sent my in-laws instead.  He was due to graduate high school in a few days. I kept checking the portal to see if my lab results had come back. I hadn’t heard anything.

At my oldest’s graduation with my husband and youngest son.

I went shopping with my husband to prepare for my son’s graduation party and for my sister to come into town to visit and see the graduation. I kept feeling worse. It felt like I was getting the flu all over again, and my face and hands were now swollen. I knew something was wrong. I was feeling extremely emotional over it. But, I hadn’t heard back, and the results showed they were in (I just couldn’t view them), so I figured everything was fine and I was just coming down with a fresh bout of crud.

Monday and Graduation

Monday, 20 minutes before my OBGYN’s office was to close, I got the call. “You had protein in your urine. Come into the clinic, and we’ll do a blood draw.” By the time I got the message and called back, they were packing up and told me to come in, first thing in the morning. I was scared. I had a friend who’d had preeclampsia, so I knew it wasn’t good. I showed up in the morning, the morning my oldest was going to be graduating. I was terrified I wouldn’t get to see him graduate. I was feeling icky by then, and had seen a flash of light while showering. They took my blood pressure. It was 150/93. My OBGYN wanted me to go in right away to be induced.

I asked whether it would be safe to see my kiddo graduate.

I then went through a bunch of tests to make sure Ladybug was okay. Once my OBGYN was convinced that baby was safe, she told me to go home, rest, and head to the hospital either if I had a headache or right after graduation got out. I played it down, though, as I didn’t want anyone worrying about me.

The induction

The headache started in the middle of graduation. By the time I got out, and we got to the hospital, I was feeling terrible. The induction began. It was rough. I wasn’t allowed to move around, I was asked to stay on my back by the nurse. I was in tears. Laying on my back, pregnant, at 354 lbs was excruciating. My blood pressure was 210/105. I promised myself that if I made it through the induction and birth process that I would do everything I could to begin running again.

I was happy when my nurse changed and the new nurse let me guide her. I opted for no pain medication. I bounced on an exercise ball. I made my sister, who came thinking she’d see a graduation and wound up also seeing a birth, and my husband laugh. I stayed calm. My blood pressure returned to almost normal. 19 hours later, Ladybug was in my arms. I’d had the worst headache the entire labor, but it dissipated after food. At 36 weeks, my gal didn’t need any NICU time, and she was born at 6lbs 10oz and 19.5 inches long, making her the smallest of all my children.

Ladybug is a healthy 16 month old

The aftermath

Everything returned to normal after birth. I was healthy, Ladybug was healthy. She’s now a very healthy 16 month old. It was probably pretty stupid of me to go to graduation knowing what a risk it was, but seeing my big kid graduate was something I just really needed to do. He’d worked so hard during high school. I was discharged a day after Ladybug was born (I’ve since learned that this is not typical in cases where preeclampsia was a factor). Not long after returning home, I went through a terrible bout with anxiety and depression from the trauma of really processing it all. I went through physical therapy, and yes, I’ve started running again. I have my first half marathon later this month.

What you need to know about preeclampsia

While preeclampsia is most common in first pregnancies or first pregnancies with a new partner and subsequent pregnancies where there’s a history of it, it can happen in subsequent pregnancies where there is no history of its occurance. My pregnancy with Ladybug was actually my fifth, as my second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks gestation. I had no history of high blood pressure or complications with pregnancy. Here are some of the risk factors, though an actual cause isn’t known. It is known that having pneumonia or the flu while pregnant greatly increases the risk of occurrence:

  •  Age – being older when pregnant can increase risk (I was 39).
  •  Obesity – I was overweight
  • Nutritional deficiencies – I was still breastfeeding my younger son for half of the pregnancy; I consistently forgot to take my prenatal vitamin
  • Pre-existing conditions – things like diabetes, thyroid disorders, lupus, etc can increase one’s risk
  • Genetics – there seems to be a hereditary component.
  • Other things that go wrong – here’s a list from the Preeclampsia Foundation on other things that can contribute to the risk.

Symptoms:

  • No symptoms, there is just no symptom that presents because many people don’t feel their blood pressure increasing. I did, because my blood pressure is normally around 95/65, so I was pretty uncomfortable.
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Proteinuria – Make sure you get your urine checked at every appointment. They could have caught this earlier in me, had we not gotten complacent.
  • Swelling
  • Headache
  • Nausea or Vomiting
  • Abdominal or shoulder pain
  • Lower back pain
  • Sudden weight gain
  • Changes in vision
  • Hyperreflexia (when your reflexes are extraordinarily strong)
  • Shortness of breath & anxiety

If you are more than 20 weeks pregnant, and you have any of these symptoms, it’s best to bring it up with your healthcare provider ASAP. It could be nothing, but it could be something. Preeclampsia can be deadly for both mother and fetus if left untreated. If you have severe swelling, vision changes, and a headache, don’t waste time – head into the labor and delivery department.

The Many Lessons Hidden in the Varied Origins of Diwali

by with 11 Comments festivalsVoices

The origin of Diwali is a wonderful way to explain to children, how good always conquers evil. The many stories that form the foundation of this world celebration, are a lesson in life about how to always stand true when faced with difficult choices. You may be surprised to learn, Diwali is celebrated across different sub cultures of India for various reasons. And thus, holds an extremely special meaning in the lives of many. Contrary to popular belief, not all Indians traditionally follow the same Hindu culture and yet, Diwali is  one of the most auspicious days in the lives of many. People from different parts of India celebrate this day for different reasons.

North India

Lord Ram, the most beloved prince and son is sent to exile by his father because of a promise he made to one of his wives (granting any two wishes when she wants). Laxman, his devoted brother chooses to go on exile with his brother and sister in law Sita. After years of hardships, Sita one day sees a deer she desires and on her behest Sri Ram and Laxman go after it. She consequently gets kidnapped by Raavan when she crosses the Laxman rekha (a spellbound line made outside their home to keep her safe by her brother in law). Ram and Laxman slay Raavan, saving her with the help of Hanuman an ardent devotee of Sri Ram. They all come back home to Ayodhya (on Diwali) among great pomp and show only to send her into exile all on her own when a citizen of the city raises a question of her purity after living with Raavan for so many years. She goes into the forest where she brings up her two sons. After years, when his sons cross his path in battle, Lord Ram goes back to bring his wife home. She in turn chooses to go back to Mother Earth instead. The Return of the Pandavas: Another story about the origins of the Diwali is within the great epic ‘Mahabharata,’ it was ‘Kartik Amavashya’ when the five Pandavas (brothers Yudhishthira, Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula, and Sahadeva) appeared from their 12 years of banishment as a result of their defeat in the hands of the Kauravas at the game of dice (gambling). The subjects who loved the Pandavas celebrated the day by lighting the earthen lamps.

South India

In South India, Lord Krishna slaying Narakasura. Narakasura was a demon drunk with power stole the earrings of Aditi (mother of all Devas) and kidnapped 16000 women. The Devas were unable to stop him and so they went to Lord Vishnu to reincarnate as Krishna, so as to destroy the evil demon and save the women.

Marwaris and Gujratis

Diwali is the new year time for Marwaris and Gujaratis.  This is when the merchants close the accounts of the old year and pray to the goddess of wealth that the new year should open with even bigger increase of trade.  Kali Chaudas is devoted to the worship of Maha-Kali or Shakti as this is the day Kali killed the wicked Raktavija. Also referred to as Narak-Chaturdashi, Kali Chaudas is the day to abolish laziness and evil. Thus, many regions pray to Goddess Laxmi (giver of weath) on this day. Lakshmi is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, emerging from a feud between the gods and demons, who were tangled in a race to obtain the nectar of immortality. Consulting Lord Vishnu in this pursuit, they could successfully churn the nectar of immortality from Goddess Lakshmi, who chose Vishnu to be her companion, consequently Lord Vishnu carried goddess Lakshmi to the heavens.

Jains  

To the Jains it marks the day after Lord Mahavira attained nirvana. He was released from his worldly body on the night of the full moon. So the people of Pavapuri, where he attained nirvana, lit lamps in their doorways as a symbol of their guru’s enlightenment.

According to Myth Gyan , Mahavira attained Moksha at the dawn of the Amavasya (new moon). He was cremated at Pawapuri. It is believed that many Gods were present there illuminating the darkness. But the following night was pitch black.

So people illuminate their houses in order to symbolically keep the light of their master’s knowledge alive.


Sikhism

This day for Sikhs celebrates the release of Guru Hargobindji along with 52 Indian kings who were imprisoned along with him at the Gwalior fort by Emperor Shah Jahan in 1619. This day is thus also known as Bandi Chorr Diwas (meaning the day of freedom).

Nepal

Diwali is also celebrated in Nepal and the Indian states of Assam, Sikkim and Darjeeling in West Bengal. The five-day festival in these places is considered to be of great importance as it shows reverence to not just the humans and the Gods, but also to the animals like crows, cows and dogs who maintain an intense relationship with humans.

Arya Samaj

It was the new moon day of Kartik (Diwali day) when the 19th-century scholar Maharshi Dayananda, one of the greatest reformers of Hinduism and the founder of Arya Samaj, attained his nirvana. Dayananda’s great mission was to ask humankind to treat one another as brothers through practices of nobility.

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Historically 

In history, this day is celebrated as the coronation day of One of the greatest of Hindu kings, Vikramaditya. He was crowned on the Diwali day. The legendary emperor, who may have been a historical figure or based on one, is thought of as the ideal king, known for his generosity, courage, and patronage of scholars. Thus, Diwali became a historical event as well.

And thus, this day is celebrated across five days,

1. Dhanteras. 2. Choti Diwali (Naraka Chaturdasi). 3. Badi Diwali (Laxmi Puja). 4. Naya Saal (New Year). 5. Bhai Dooj. Many today, celebrate this day the whole month as the only time to rejoice available is on weekends. What is your reason to celebrate?

What does this conversation about origins of Diwali teach kids? 

  • Love your family.
  • Support your loved ones always.
  • Stand by what is right.
  • Freedom is a birth right.
  • Choices have consequences.
  • Women should be nurtured.
  • Every woman has a right to make her own choices.
  • Above all, be loyal.
  • Be careful about spending and save.

Do Not –

  • Think ill of others.
  • Let ego get in the way of your relationships.
  • Disrespect those you care about.
  • Make decisions in haste.
  • Be selfish or greedy.

4 Ways to Develop Cognitive Skills For Kids in an Entertaining Way

What Decentering Whiteness for Families Looks Like

by with 2 Comments ContemporaryParentingVoices

Looking Beyond the Individual

As a life coach for teens and parents, I think often about what it means to heal and what it means to truly feel whole. See, we are whole and perfect as we are, but we don’t always feel, know, and believe this.

These words are “hot topics” and messages from the personal development field. And while I believe this work to be important, I don’t see personal development leaders talking enough about how complex this work really is. I don’t see coaches and “healers” talking enough about life beyond the individual. Healing can only go so deep if it’s focused only on me.

True healing, collective healing, involves looking to my family, my community, my society, my world. Furthermore, this means familiarizing myself with systems of power and oppression that are actively causing harm in these spaces. In this article, we will consider the social construct of race, which benefits white folks and oppresses people of color (POC).

I’m speaking in this article as a white woman in the United States. The perspective and ideas I share here come from reflecting on my own experience of race and racism, conversations with friends and colleagues from diverse backgrounds, and research about racism. It is my intention that this article serves as an invitation to parents, caregivers, and supporters, especially those who identify as white or “white-passing,” to reflect on your own relationship to race and how it impacts and influences the way you show up for the children and teens in your life.

 

Decentering Whiteness

Here in the United States, whiteness is perceived as neutral; whiteness is seen as the default. If you are a white person reading this, I encourage you to pause. Notice how your body is reacting to these words so far. Notice if any thoughts, emotions, or words have come to mind. Keep breathing. There’s space for your entire experience here.

Next, thinking critically, notice and name the ways your whiteness is centered as the “norm” in the spaces you spend time– neighborhood, school, work, etc. Becoming aware of this widespread truth, is the first step to DEcentering whiteness.

My whiteness is not actually neutral. Your whiteness if not neutral. Whiteness at large is not neutral.  Whiteness means privilege that our friends and colleges of color do not wake up to. For example, I’m not asked where I’m from or what my background is; my college education is assumed; I see myself heavily represented in the spaces I frequent (yoga studios, grocery stores, and women in business meetings); I turn on the TV or scroll instagram and see myself all over the place. This is white-centeredness, white privilege, and this is also white supremacy.

These two words, white supremacy, they might scare you right now. And they should. Because they mean power, oppression, harm, hurt, and abuse. White supremacy most simply put says that white means superior. Each of the items I listed above is evidence that in 2018 in the United States, whiteness is still positioned as superior. Yes, white supremacy includes violent acts, hate crimes, and groups like the KKK, but it starts with and is perpetuated by words and actions that CENTER whiteness.

These two words, white supremacy, should also be words that you become familiar with. It’s (past) our time to be aware of, name, and move away from the ways we are complicit with white-centeredness. We have to own the fact that seemingly simple words and thoughts we have contribute to white supremacy. These is the implicit bias we have inherited, the myth we are been sold.

The Real Personal Development Work

THIS work of uncovering the ways we have absorbed and fed white supremacy over time is the real personal development work. This work is required before we can reach the “love and light” and “we are one” ideas that we want to believe in. We will not get free or heal or feel whole if we do not do the work of decentering whiteness in our own minds. Until we name the ways white supremacy shows up in our everyday lives and look it in the eyes, we will be stunted in our growth, our healing, and our personal development.

I’m sure that these words so far have sparked curiosity and a sense of self-awareness. You may be wondering how to channel this energy. Today, I’m sharing 4 practical and meaningful steps you and your family can take to decentering whiteness.

Practical AND Meaningful Steps to Decentering Whiteness

  1. Notice and name actions and thoughts that contribute to white supremacy. Become comfortable being uncomfortable with your own default thoughts and beliefs. Meet yourself with compassion as you learn to challenge yourself to consider where these came from. Over time, with observation and self-kindness, you will create new beliefs.
  2. With a generous and curious heart, explore, support, and learn from other cultures. Maybe you start with books and literature that you share these with your children and teens. Maybe you and your family attend local events that center on people of the Global Majority and their traditions. Maybe you explore listening to music from around the world or learning a new language as a family. As you begin this practice, be mindful of your intentions. Be careful not to exotify or sensationalize folks who are different than you; here, the lens of curiosity is of utmost importance.
  3. Consume a wide range of content. Notice who you and your children see represented in the shows and movies you watch, the social media accounts you follow, the books you read, etc. Introduce new perspectives, voices, cultures, and backgrounds regularly. We have so much to learn from other another! Additionally, and more importantly, reflect and consider differences with appreciation and curiosity.
  4. Engage in dialogue with other white people. It is not the work of people of color to educate us about race and how damaging this oppressive system has been for generations upon generations. This is our work, and it’s tough work. Find friends and family members who are ready to engage in this conversation; people who are ready to look at themselves deeply, truthfully, and with love. Community is important as we do this deep internal work because we have to talk it out, cry it out, and get messy in order to do better. I’m currently facilitating a Decentering Whiteness group that meets via Facebook and locally in the Austin, Texas area to explore this topic; join us if this aligns with your journey!

Courtney Headshot in Green DressAs you dig into this work, stuff is going to come up. There will be resistance, tears, apologies, connections, realizations, insights, anger, sadness, remorse, growth… There’s space for all of these feelings because without tapping into these, without discomfort, the cycle of centering whiteness will not come to an end. Along this journey, you may find a need or desire to connect with and feel supported by others. I invite you to explore this guide to building your support system because this work is deep, and you are not alone.

As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney helps young people get out of worry, isolation, and anxiety and into connection.Download your free support system map here!

Have Your Kids Played All These Classic Party Games?

Have Your Kids Played All These Classic Party Games?

by with No Comment festivalsVoices

I am a mom of 2 boys. Thus, there are two mandatory birthday parties at my house every year. In addition to Cake cutting, snacks, balloons, friends, and gifts, I want to celebrate their birthdays in a special way. I want my children and their friends to enjoy the day. Thus, the idea of party games came to me. I decided that I would choose some age-appropriate games for them to play and give them some surprise gifts. Here are 10 birthday party games for kids which are on my list.

Birthday Party Games

 

Picture Bingo :

We all know Bingo, right? If there are children below 5 years are playing the game, it is better to go with picture bingo instead of word Bingo. There are a lot of free websites which can be used to generate Bingo card templates with the pictures that we want like animals, birds, alphabets etc. If we can take a print out of these Bingo cards along with call-out sheet which has all images, we are ready to start the game. Bingo will easily take 30 mins of time and kids will surely love this.

Instructions and the printable BIngo cards can be found here.

Make a Garland :

This game is good for below 7 years old. Each kid is given a cup with beads and one craft stick. They have to insert beads into the stick as many as they can within a half minute. So, if we have enough cups and sticks, this game can be played by multiple kids at the same time. Whoever makes a long garland with more beads win. You can get all this craft material in any Dollar store.

Separation Anxiety :

This is another game with multicolor beads and cups. You can also play this with colorful pins and cups. We give a cup with multicolor beads/ pins to each child. We should provide enough cups/ just disposable classes for all colors available. Within a minute or half a minute, kids have to separate beads/pins to each color cup. All blues in one cup, all reds in another, so on..

Whoever could separate more beads/ pins correctly will win.

Castle with cups :

This is one more “One Minute” game. And we just need paper cups, nothing more than that. We can ask kids to form a castle with cups placing one above the other with a base of 5 cups minimum. Whoever builds to more height without any cup falling, wins.

Cups – One over the other :

Handover at least 15 red cups and one blue cup – all placed one above the other with the blue cup on the top to each kid. With the timer on, each kid should remove one cup from the top and keep it at the bottom, remove next cup from the top and keep it at the bottom and so on until the blue cup comes to the top. Whoever does it quickly, will win. We can get the colored cups in any dollar store.

A bowl with balls :

You need a bowl/ disposable lightweight bowl, cotton balls and a disposable spoon for this. The kid has to place the bowl on his/ her head and can hold it with one hand. With the other hand, he/she should take one cotton ball at a time with the spoon and put them in the bowl. Since cotton balls easily fly off and fall, it takes time to focus and win. If any cotton ball falls down, it should be ignored and the game should be continued. Within a minute, whoever can put more balls in the bowl will win.

Flying Fish :

This is a super fun game with just a plain paper cut as fish and a paper plate. You make a fish with plain white paper (by cutting it in the fish shape) and place it on the floor. Each kid has to sway the paper plate to move the paper fish. With the air generated by the paper plate, the paper fish will move. They win if they can move the paper fish to a certain distance.

Duck Duck Goose :

Managing more than 10 children is tough as they become naughty and talk with each other. I asked for other parents to help though. Group/ team games are always better than individual games as it is easy to manage them while all of them focus on the game.

Duck Duck Goose is a classic game where all kids sit in a circle and one person who is a Goose will walk through the circle. While The Goose is going through the circle, he/ she will touch each kid head saying Duck/ Goose. The chosen person should try to catch the Goose before he/ she sits. Check this wiki link for detailed instructions of the game.

Musical Chairs :

This is another classic game that always works in any party. We arrange chairs (one less than the number of kids) and play music on TV while kids walked around slowly. We pause the music in the middle, kids have to sit in the chair near to them leaving one behind who is out of the game. Here is a link on detailed instructions for the game.

Lemon and Spoon :

Who doesn’t know this classic race game? This is inexpensive too with just spoons and lemons. For younger children below 2 years age, you can try cotton ball on the spoon. This classic race game is fun for all the kids.

So, those were my party game ideas which are not expensive to organize or implement. What do you say?

Mahathi Ramya is a mom of 2 boys, a blogger, software testing professional and a classical dance teacher. She writes on books, travel, and parenting. She loves writing, traveling and painting a lot. You can find more of her work on Fantastic Feathers.
10 Birthday Party Games for kids
10 Birthday Party Games for kids
5 Reasons Why Your Child Should Begin Gardening Now

5 Reasons Why Your Child Should Begin Gardening Now

by with 8 Comments EducationParentingVoices

Gardening is a habit that is typically associated with the elderly. We all know a grandmother or a grandfather who spends their time digging up weeds in their plot of land in the backyard, and making it bloom with wonderful colors.

We know that it is relaxing for them, and we know that it makes them happy. But did you know that gardening can also be practiced by children? In fact, it is recommended that you let your kids learn how to garden. Why? Here is how gardening benefits kids, and here are five reasons why your child should garden.

Appreciation for Greens and Vegetables

It is no secret that children will prefer never to eat fruits and vegetables if they can help it, and this is a pressing problem for many households all over the world.

While changing this tendency may not happen overnight, it can happen when you allow your children to learn about what it takes to plant and grow their own greens. Many parents of children who garden have found that kids will eat more fruits and vegetables when they have personally grown it themselves.

Adoption of a Lasting Life Skill

Gardening is not just about putting something in soil and waiting for it to bloom. It is a veritable lesson in hard work, patience, and caring – and these are things that any child should learn, at an early age.

Kids who garden can grow up to be mature, level-headed adults who understand the value of hard work, and who will always make sure that they do what they can to make good things happen. When you teach your child to garden, you set him or her up for a life of beautiful things.

Better Appreciation of Food and Less Wastefulness

Many children are wasteful, when it comes to food. They think of nothing about not finishing their meals and throwing away the scraps. If your child has this habit, you can help weed it out of him or her by letting him or learn explore how the food that they eat grows.

Parents of children who garden have noticed that when their child learned to garden, they were less likely to waste food, and they grew to appreciate it better, even those that they did not plant and grow.

 

A Life Free From the Influence of Gadgets

It is normal for children in this day and age to want to spend a portion of their day in front of a television, mobile, or computer screen, but it becomes a problem when children spend too much time in front of the screen. Gardening helps remind your child that there is a whole other world beyond the contents of their television sets and computers, and this is a lesson that you will want them to know, from the get-go.

This can help prevent future problems and even make sure that your child learns to navigate the world around him or her better than most of his or her peers would.

Bonding Time with the Family

Finally, letting your children learn to garden can be the new family bonding that you need. There is something very special about the collective work that you do, and you can learn to appreciate each other better through this shared pastime. Your children will also look forward to staying at home when they know that they can take part in an activity that they will enjoy, with the people that they love.

Getting Started with Gardening for Children

If you’re ready to take your kids out to see the joys of gardening, there are a couple of things to remember. Here are some of the most important of them.

Provide proper guidance and support. If you yourself garden, you can personally give hands-on training to your kids so that they learn about gardening, straight from you. If you don’t, you can opt to hire somebody to teach them, or you can make use of many resources so that you can guide them through the first few days.

However you choose to do it, just make sure that you are there to offer support. Be mindful of their questions and concerns, and get them the guidance that they need. Pretty soon, they will be able to stand on their own, and then you will have planted something that will grow into something magnificent in the future.

Provide proper incentives. It is also recommended that you make gardening as appealing as possible to your children. For instance, you can promise to prepare a delicious snack after their time in the garden. Similarly, you can build them a veritable paradise that is dedicated to fairy gardening in Australia or in other areas or in other areas, through decorative gardening accessories.

Encourage the habit. Finally, let your children know that they can turn to you for help and support, when and if they need it. Grow with them as they grow, enjoy with them as they enjoy, and be there to applaud every milestone that they achieve.

Shawn T. Thompson is a well-known blogger who has a wide variety of interests and specializes in doing in-depth research of garden. He is a Writer, Editor & Blogger. Love to gardening. He is currently a blogger for Earth Fairy in a genuine effort to provide the best quality content to her readers.

Parents Raising World Children

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How to Choose The Right Public School for Your Child

How to Choose The Right Public School for Your Child

by with 6 Comments EducationParentingVoices

When choosing the right public school, parents need to make sure that the public school they are selecting for their kid should not be just bound to academics only. The school should lay importance towards extra-curricular activities as well. Becoming a parent is the happiest feeling you can have while choosing the right school for your kids is no less than the Herculean task.

Deciding the right public school for your kids is the most important decision parents needs to take. Choosing a school means you are putting your kid on a lifelong path of learning thus the selected path should be chosen wisely. These days, as students are running after marks, it has become really very important to give equal attention to other creative activities as that of academics. These days, students are running in the rat race to get the highest marks lacking in creativity and social skills.

Here is a list of things which you need to look while choosing the right public school for your children.

  1. Faculty matters

The relationship between teachers and students is more important than that of any curriculum. Usually, parents trust blindly over the school as they think that their children will get continued attention and constant guidance from their teachers. Unfortunately, this is not the case in each and every school. In many schools, the hired faculty is not even educated enough to guide lessons to your kid as well as some of the teachers does not even bother whether the kids are gaining knowledge from a particular subject or not? Thus considering this scenario, you should always choose a public school where there is a good relationship between students and teachers, where the teachers are highly educated and excel in their own subject.

  1. Healthy environment

Various studies had proved that a stressful environment can lead to a decline in learning and understanding capabilities of the kids. Now, it is the responsibility of parents to choose a school with the healthy environment. If a school stuck at a noisy and overcrowded location then you should ignore such kind of school and institution.

You need to look at both the internal and external environment of a school. You can go with private or public school review for a particular name. The disciplined and the sincere students in a school will make your kid follow the same pattern. However also make share to know about the techniques they use to discipline kids. As a parent it’s your responsibility to see that whether the school is providing education and other skills in a healthy and stress-free manner or not. Students spend major amount of their time in a day at school, hence the place should be efficient, stress free and productive. Now you can see, you need to look for a school with a good environment internally as well as externally.

  1. Visit before choosing

When you find a school which fits your child’s needs than before finalizing it, you should visit at least once. Visiting before choosing allows you to get to know about the things which you will not find on the internet, by references or at anywhere else. Visit classrooms, meet faculty, staff, check the classrooms, playgrounds, etc.

Observe the relationship between students and teachers, observe the behavior of teachers with students, observe discipline and sincerity of students, observe the overall learning environment and talk to teachers and faculty members.  After observing all the things, make a decision whether the school is worth selecting or not. In current scenario getting a good education for the kid is not only important but also necessary.

  1. Modern tools and techniques

The days had gone when parents need to visit the school to get to know about your child’s status of learning and the academic detail of your child. In the modern era of technology, parents can get to know all about their kid while just sitting at home. Technology has grown by ten folds since the older time.

Look whether the school is trying to match up the pace of the modern technology or not. You should choose a school which has interactive websites and applications thus there will be better communication between teachers, students, and parents. There should be digital material uploaded on school websites and application thus students can access this study material when they want. Choose a school which encourages modernity and which gives access to modern tools and technologies.

how to choose the right public school for your child

  1. Extra-curricular activities

This is one of the most crucial things which you have to look while deciding a right school for your children. As you know that various researchers have shown the contribution of the extracurricular activities in developing the overall creative and social skills into a kid. Extracurricular activities add an extra edge in your child’s capability of learning and in intellectual skills. It grooms their personality in physical as well as mental level.

You should understand the fact that extra-curricular activities have emerged as more productive field for your kids thus you should choose a school with not only good academic records but as well as which offers extra-curricular activities in their curriculum. Students are important so as the overall development of the child. Hence choose the school which offers both.

  1. Trust your Gut/ Instinct feeling:

At last, if your instinct says that there is something wrong with the school then follow your gut feeling. Choosing a school will affect your kid’s life and career thus you should be 100 percent sure before taking a decision of the school. Instinct/ Gut Feeling/ Sixth Sense is something which comes because of observation skills. Hence it is more reliable.

In another case, you might get a good feeling from a school, teachers, and faculty, if your instinct says that it is the right school public school for your kid which makes a difference in your kid’s learning capabilities then you can take the decision of choosing the same school. Your instinct will never lie you, follow your gut feeling, you will get the best public school for your kid.

When it comes to taking the major decision of choosing the right career path for your child always refer to credible sources that give the most genuine and unbiased information on various educational institutions. You can refer to some online sources in a search of the best career path of your child but make sure they carry a good reputation. Look for public and private school review that are easily available and make the decision accordingly.

The Loneliness Parents Don't Talk About

The Loneliness Parents Don’t Talk About

by with 10 Comments EmpowermentParentingStay at HomeVoices

Parenting is a paradox. You are constantly surrounded by people and yet, extremely alone in the challenges you face. And No one talks about how isolating the solitude is and how utterly dark it can get within.

I lived 5 years by myself before being married. Had many meals, enjoyed movies, trips to the market, holed up in my room reading happily. I have always known how to be by myself. But being lonely within a family is an alternate reality.

And yet you do not see anyone discussing how lonely being a parent can become. You may know yourself before but after having kids you sometimes slowly lose the connections you had and sometimes yourself as well.

Before having kids, you are flitting around parties, going out whenever you want and having friends over at the drop of a hat. After the babies are born, the most well meaning friends stay away so as to give you space to adjust, so much so that the phone stops ringing.

The babies keep you on your toes and the words, “needs to be fed” and “needs a nap” have you rushing home. As they grow up, their random tantrums and exhausted crying have you wishing you had just stayed home.

Your friends who do not have children do not understand the urgency created by a restless child (on the verge of a tantrum). Friends who are not drama free are distanced from without conscious thought because you honestly do not have anything left to give to them. After all, your time is already consumed by kids’ tantrums.

The few couples who do have children may be ones with whom your kids just don’t get along with and even if they do, it may happen that your parenting philosophies don’t match. In the end, you end up with little to no friends with whom you can relax. Slowly, as the kids grow up you realize school, classes, birthday parties and chores leave you with no actual time in which to socialize.

The Isolation of Parenting

It eats at you, this slow isolation that happened without you actually being aware. Humans are a social group. We need connections in order to thrive and in fact survive. Social media does not help as you see the best moments of other families enjoying their apple picking and parties. You do not realize it is not real life but a reel life that you see on screen. Everyone goes through the same pains but do not care to reach out during them instead only coming to you with their joys.

Social media is no help for it only makes you feel, how others are managing the same milestones so much better. Here you are wallowing alone on weekends and others seem to be partying through parenthood.

You grow cranky and exhausted without those few precious moments with people with whom you just laugh and be carefree. And if, within that time your spouse has to travel for work, you end up being completely isolated without any adult conversation and no one to express your frustrations to.

All of the above happened to me. To top it all, all my acquaintances and one of my best friends moved away. There was a period of 6 months when I literally scrabbled to understand what it was that I was going through. I grew listless, irritable, going through the motions, developing aches and pains that I couldn’t justify.

What was worse was, I started pushing away the couple of friends I did have left. I started stalking them on social media, obsessing over who was doing what, and whey they weren’t doing it with me. Why they hadn’t commented on my photos, why I wasn’t invited to one party but not the other , etc. I had the time in which to create a pity party in which I was Chief Guest.

One day I realized I was just ruining my own peace of mine. This wasn’t who I wanted to be. I needed to channel my energies positively and find outlets for myself. Empower myself to be a better mom and person. No one but me that could get me out of this hole I had dug up.

What did I do? Well, I pushed all the below up a notch. These are tips I think would help you too.

Celebrate Everything

Even if it’s a small win. Or a celebration no one else cares about. Light some candles, make a dinner. Have an impromptu party with the kids. Do not ever let your kids be affected by what you are going through. Teach them the importance of living life to the fullest.

I believe in enjoying life to the fullest now. Celebrating Valentines day my way, even if my husband doesn’t want to plan anything on this commercial holiday.

Find A Mission

I joined a non profit called Circle of Peace International, and worked with them using all the social media knowledge I had to help spread the word about them.

There are many non profits out there that need people to give a helping hand. Find a cause to support. Use your talents in any small way to be there for those less fortunate. Even if it is just making cards or ornaments for the festive season, doing something for another less fortunate helps not only them but is good for your soul.

Take Care of Your Body

Walks and runs are good for exercise but more than that the fresh air, open spaces and silence is good for your soul. Going to the spa is not just a matter of luxury but your body being pampered reaches out to your mind to soothe it. If you cannot afford the spa, use at home remedies to invigorate your senses.

Give yourself nurturing time. Dress up and go to town for no reason other than you want to look pretty for yourself.

Get a Baby Sitter

This is an issue most Indian families face who are not used to hiring baby sitters, specially when living in USA far from family they trust.

I cannot stress this enough. If you have no family or friends to assist, find a baby sitter in your community that you can trust with your children for even a few hours. Or better yet, let your husband take over. Yes! He’s not a baby sitter but the father. But let’s face is. Not most dads are hands on all the time and this time alone with the kids is a great way to get to know the kids uniquely.

Get out of the house by yourself, go shopping, read a book or if possible catch up with an old friend.

Pursue an Interest

My biggest solution was nurturing my passion for writing and creating.

You need to have a passion to feed your inner self. Writing, gardening, painting, find something that helps you grow. Creating something other than your children’s schedule for the day is extremely essential.  Me time in which you are not watching TV  or reading a book but putting something out there. Using your body and mind to create

Find Your Tribe Again

Reach out to your old friends. Make new ones. Many a times for no reason people just grow apart. Even if they do not have kids, even if your children do not get along, do not let it affect your relationships. Talk to the person at the park.  Converse with others, learning what their life is about.

Everyone needs someone, and maybe by reaching out for a coffee or a drink that someone could be you being there for them. Be the first one to be a friend. Be for someone, what you need in your own life.

Disconnect

Step away from the social media apps. Switch off the TV. Dare yourself to not log into the accounts on certain days or hours of a day. The silence virtual and real, will force you to think up ways to occupy your time more productively.

Let’s face it. A lot of anything does more harm than good.

Meditate

Take a few moments to empty your mind of all the schedules and multi tasking clutter and empty it to let thoughts in. As we need air to breathe, we need our senses to be able to feel every single moment in it’s totality, something we rarely do in the daily grind that is life.

Be Your Own Friend

I realized I had become dependent on having a friend to be with when I was not with the kids. I needed to grow myself in a way that I could to appreciate. While being with my kids watching them play is amazing, having them with me had become a crutch that I needed subconsciously. Going out means going out for grocery or to run errands. Don’t just do that. Go out to do something that you love that is not connected with children. Spend time with yourself and the experience the world as it was meant to be.

Most importantly, do not feel you are ever alone. You just need to reach out, physically or metaphorically. And the universe will take care of the rest. Give yourself a chance to love yourself.

  Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties and trips to the library with her little ones are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”. Her own book Strong Roots Have No Fear comes out soon.

Why I Turned To Home Remedies for My Newborn

Why I Turned To Home Remedies for My Newborn

by with 6 Comments HeritageOld Wives TalesVoices

Deciding To Not Listen To The Village

It takes a village to raise a child. It is a belief still followed a little too strongly in India. Even before the little one is born, a mother’s mother, mother-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, aunts will have numerous suggestions about various home remedies to take care the baby.

My situation was no different, from the moment we shared the happy news with the family, I was instructed on what to eat, what to avoid, how to sit, how to sleep etc. Overwhelmed,I firmly decided that when my baby comes, the only person I am going to listen to is the pediatricians. After all, things have changed since my “mothers” had their children and I don’t want to follow any DIY remedies!

So there I was all set to welcome my little bundle of joy, armed with knowledge I gathered from the internet. I was all geared up and thought I could handle anything. The D-day finally arrived and soon I was holding my little angel.

There were a few hiccups in the beginning w.r.t. feeding and I realized that I had to supplement with infant formula from the start. I was a little disappointed but tried not to dwell on that.

My Pride Takes a Fall into Home Remedies

I am sure all moms here know that baby’s poop and gastric troubles one of our strange obsessions.  My daughter faced multiple issues on that front. She would get terrible gas, so much so that she would huddle up and claw at her face in pain.

It hurt my heart to see her that way and I felt helpless. My Mother in law told me to give her a tea brewed with Dill seeds, Fennel seeds & Jaggery (for taste). I scoffed at the idea stating that the doctor has strictly told me not to give the baby anything apart from milk till she is at least 4 months old. She kept on insisting and I kept on ignoring her.

Then, at one of the visits to our doctor, we were given colic aid drops. I was happy to have some “official medication” to aid us. When I read the ingredients of the medication,  lo and behold! What was it composed of?

Fennel seed oil and Dill seed oil!

So I decided to swallow my pride and make the tea. If we are giving the same stuff might as well go all natural right? Because of the Jaggery, my daughter lapped it up in no time and it worked like a charm! I could see a visible difference in my daughter in 2 days. I didn’t have to hold her up for too long to get her to burp and she no longer used her face as a scratching post.

[bctt tweet=”I realized home remedies have their own place #parenting #india” username=”contactrwc”]

The Second Lesson

My second challenge came with her bowel movement. Since she was on formula since day 1, it took her body some time to get used to the heavy food. This resulted in constipation. She would go for days without passing stools and when she would, it was a chore for her.

And what do you know, my grandmother had a remedy ready for this too !

She told me about an Ayurvedic wonder called “Bal Ghutti”. Ghutti is a paste made by rubbing some herbs such as Dry Dates, Almonds, Liqourice, Dry Ginger, Winter Cherry etc. on a stone slab. This paste can be made with either water or milk and is given to the baby to swallow. The quantity is very small to start with and is increased every month.

This wondrous thing can be given to babies for various basic ailments like constipation, indigestion, cough, fever, allergies. The ingredients differ for each problem of course. My grandmother brought a packet of all these herbs for me, along with handbook to understand how to administer the Ghutti for each issue. And of course as you can guess, my baby has had a very happy stomach since then knock on wood.

Raising World Children Home Remedies
My Support System, My Village

Lesson Learnt

The incidences above not only humbled me, they also taught me the value of experience. Yes, it’s been a long time since my “mothers” have looked after kids, but they have grown up in joint families and have had a huge repertoire of wisdom passed onto them from their own elders. Besides their own experiences. They may not always know the logic or the science behind how something works, but they do know what is to be done!

That being said, it doesn’t mean that I will stop following the modern medicine, but now I don’t dismiss DIY suggestions either. Yes, they are going to overwhelm me with suggestions which still gets annoying. But I am also aware that they have nothing but love and concern for my baby in their hearts.

So yes, I will still ask my Doc’s opinion. I will still scour the Internet. But I will also ensure that when it comes to making a decision, the voice of my village is also heard! What are some home remedies that worked for you? 

Raising World Children - Reluctantly Turning To Home Remedies For Newborn #newborns #homeremedies #oldwivestales #modermedicine

Raising World Children Shuchita

Shuchita Kumar is a new mom. She is trying to learn the ropes of motherhood with the help of knowledge passed on by the elders combined with modern thinking. Currently, residing in Bangalore, India. She spent her early childhood years in the heart of India that is Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh. She then lived in Goa (heaven!) and Pune. A software engineer by profession, she loves dancing, bird watching and just spending time with her husband visiting various jungles. She also enjoys pampering her friends and families with delicious food and pastries!

When Did Being a Mom Become a Competitive Sport?

When Did Being a Mom Become a Competitive Sport?

by with 5 Comments MindsetParentingSocial MediaVoices

Competitive momming is a problem, a big problem. It feels as though we’ve lost our villages, especially when everyone on social media seems to be playing the one-upsmanship game.The thing is, competitive parenting isn’t new, it’s just that we see it a lot more.

Feeling as though life is a competition can lead to some pretty bad problems with depression, especially for new moms.  Here are some ways to deal with it when it comes up – whether in person or online.

Ask yourself if the person is actually trying to compete.

Sometimes, what we take as competition really isn’t. A mom may be socially awkward and may be trying to relate to you. Others may be trying to share something that they’re excited about, but it’s not translating that way on social media, or the delivery is off.

Sometimes, too, when we feel someone’s trying to compete, it’s really more about ourselves. We might feel that we’re lacking in some way or another and misread the intent as snarky. It’s important to try to see through what’s being said to what’s being intended.

Ask yourself why the person might be trying to compete

Might the individual in question be experiencing feelings of self-consciousness or guilt him or herself? This can cause people to be more competitive than they ordinarily would be. For example, a mom who is feeling guilty about having her child in day care because her family is trying to shame her for working or who is self-conscious because she’s a stay-at-home mom and getting flack about not working may come off as more snarky than she intends to if she’s put on the defensive.

If you feel that the person may be acting in a competitive way from a place of vulnerability, validate his or her claim, then complement the person on something that she’s doing well.

Don’t feed the troll

Sometimes, you’ll find yourself in a situation where a parent is one-upping others or maybe you. Joey did great on his spelling test, so Debbie feels the need to comment that her Chandler got skipped a grade ahead, and Alison states that her Gina is homeschooled and working at an 8th grade level at age 7.

Don’t give into the impulse to pile on. Yes, maybe Alex just got another belt level in karate, but does it need to be said? Instead, go back to the original focus, Joey, and tell his mom to congratulate him on the good work he’s done.

The pile of stuff competition

I see this every holiday season, and it’s something that personally makes me nuts. A parent either posts about not giving kids a bunch of toys, or sticking to 4 gifts, or posts a photo of an overstuffed Easter basket or overflowing Christmas tree. People pile onto the original poster and attempt to shame the person into doing things their way.

No matter how bad you might want to, don’t add to it. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if you’re an extreme giver or a four gifter or you do no gifts at all but experiences and others do differently. What does matter is that what your tradition is makes you and your family happy.

Watch your own urge to compete

It’s natural to want to show off your child, but remember, your child’s achievements belong to him or her, not you. It’s one thing to share those achievements, it’s another to brag about them.

Before you comment on someone else’s post or announcement with a competitive bend, ask yourself if you’re really adding something to the conversation. It may be better to instead congratulate the person and save your own announcement for another time.

What have you done to reduce competition?

What actions have you used to reduce competition when you’ve seen it? Have you found something that works well to de-escalate the situation? Share in the comments.

When did Parenting Become a Competitive Sport? Parenting Competition needs to be avoided

  Freelance writer and entrepreneur Ronda Bowen has been publishing articles on a variety of topics including parRonda Bowen Raising World Children – Where Cultures Meet Parentingenting and education for the past decade after leaving a graduate program in philosophy. She has four children ranging in age from 6 months to 19 years old. She believes that it is vital to raise children to be globally aware and to have empathy for others. Current projects include two blogs, political website, fundraising for an international non-profit organization, and a handmade business.

That Inherent Vicious Cycle That Causes Victim Blaming

That Inherent Vicious Cycle That Causes Victim Blaming

by with 9 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentVoicesWomen

** Trigger Alert !

His hands slid down his brief case and before I knew it, they were on me. He pressed and pushed and groped. I sat stunned, unable to move. Praying for my bus stop to come. In a bus full of people, I was paralyzed. Voiceless. The bus stopped, finally. I rushed out of there, went home and told my aunt what happened.

Her response, “It’s your fault. Why didn’t you just get up?!” 

I felt like I had been slapped. Why didn’t I get up and leave? What had been stopping me? Nothing!

After this, I knew better. I would get up when I sensed a man reaching for me. Before long, I would turn around and snap at the people next to him. Or just turn away. Or worse, ignore and walk way.

From an innocent 17, I went to a 22 year old expecting men to assault me wherever I walked. In India, it’s a silent acceptance that this is a regular occurrence.

There is anger but NO surprise when men touch your inappropriately, lech at you, cat call or even masturbate in front of you.

This blind acceptance is one of the roots of all sexual assault. It is accepted. And so when such incidents happen, some people think, “It happens. Deal with it.” 

It is only after I’ve had a daughter that I have come to accept that a teenager, unless told how to handle a situation will not know how to react in any sexual situation. Be it assault or otherwise. My call to action in such situation was tell dad and mom, and that is what I thought I would do. That THEY (our guardians) would take action. And it is only recently, that I have come to question this blind acceptance.

No one says, THIS SHOULD JUST STOP.

Every group of girls sitting around has war scars of being assaulted. There are a lot of hows, but no whys. Moreover why is it that us girls are blamed for what happens to us? 

Our skirts. Our attitude. Our behavior. Our choices.  

Of all these, the only true reason for victim blaming is denial. Girls who are assaulted are blamed or not believed is because those who are doing the blaming are thinking, “This would NEVER happen to me.”

They are sitting on their high horse, thinking they are above it all. Either they have been through it, accepting it as something that happens naturally OR they have never experienced it, secretly hoping they never DO. For they are following some set para-dimes that they feel will keep them safe. 

Whereas the one and only solution to this is raising men with awareness. Raising women with empathy.

Today I understand that my aunt having two sons and being of a certain age had maybe forgotten the shame, desperation and disgust a girl feels.

I never forgot what happened. I also never forgot what was said to me after. About me. How it made me feel so much worse. For what the man had done was natural to him. But I had thought my aunt would be the one protecting me.

I never forget. Not because I have a girl. 

But because I have a boy, who is going to go out in the world. I have the responsibility as a mother, a woman and most importantly a human being to protect those around us to the best of my ability. To teach my son what it means to treat girls/women with respect. To tell him, what it means to be a good boyfriend. A great husband.

PASSING THE TORCH

 

A couple of weeks ago, he (now 7) said, “I don’t want to get married because I don’t like kissing girls. I don’t know why people have girl friends.”

I responded, “The best age to have a girl friend or boyfriend is when you are 20 because by then you have some understanding on how to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend. You have to care for them like dad cares about me. They are your responsibility.”

“Then why do teenagers have girlfriends?”

“Because some people think it is a matter of being cool. Sometimes you just like someone, and want to be around them more. But if you want to be a GOOD boyfriend, you have to know it is work, just like studying or being married. You have to be kind, gentle and loving.”

“Yuck! I don’t want to do all that with girls now. I think I will wait for when I’m old enough. “

Yes, there will be those out there who tell me he’s too young. But it is these very conversations that add up to a mentality in a society.

The only way to stop the vicious circle of sexual assault & victim blaming is to understand, that is is someone’s child who is going through something. It can happen to anybody. And this is not something that ANY VICTIM just forgets. It haunts them for the rest of their lives. And shows up in subtle ways. 

So, there is certainly nothing wrong when it haunts the person who does the assault either. That is what is called justice. We need examples for our children, that we can say, THIS is what happens when you take scar someone. And THIS is absolutely why when we put men in power who have disrespected women or stay silent when another is being assaulted/harassed, we exemplify this horrendous behavior which seems to have No consequence.

It is up to us, to be a gentle world. To believe. To act. To empower the children of tomorrow with kindness and respect.

To stand up and say, “No MORE!”

How are you stopping the cycle of victim blaming? What are you doing to STOP this vicious cycle of assault and blame?

Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children and IndiFusion Creative Academy. Impromptu dance parties and trips to the library with her little ones are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”. Her own book Strong Roots Have No Fear comes out soon.

Strong Roots Have No Fear Book

Working with Foreigners: Before and after Trump

Working with Foreigners: Before and after Trump

by with 4 Comments AmericaContemporaryVoices
Photo by Persnickety Prints on Unsplash

It was 2006.

The most popular pone was the “Razor,” a flip phone that was so thin and cool that all my friends had it.

Except me.

Mine was more practical, good for accident-prone hands, especially for life in the badlands. My new home for the summer. I was excited about the spectacular views, the nightly outdoor musical that I’d get to see for free and even for the job. I would get to serve delightful food to the traveling North Dakota public and yes, earn some money. But there was one thing I was excited most of all for.

Meeting people from all over the world who worked in this little tourist town near a national park.

Before

I wasn’t the only one to think it was neat to have foreigners from over 20 countries legally working for the foundation. My friend did, even hoping that I would find a summer romance with an exotic man. I laughed thinking that could never happen.

But I did. (And he’s my husband now!)

The customers I served ribeye and bison tenderloins to would ask me what country I was from and, many times, they were disappointed about my homegrown American roots.

I wasn’t as fun as someone from Ukraine for example.

My manager was from India, other co-workers from the Philippines, Indonesia, Egypt, Russia, Bulgaria and so many more, equally to around over 20 different countries working in a town that only had about 100 residents out of season.

This group of people reminded me of how the America we know began, a melting pot of cultures in a cowboy country.

[bctt tweet=”This group of people reminded me of how the America we know began, a melting pot of cultures in a cowboy country.” username=”contactrwc”]

After

I’ve made this little city my home. We still have foreigners from many different countries. The musical is as good as ever, maybe better. It’s beautiful here, much the same as it was.

Except for a few things.

First

My town wouldn’t be what it is today without the amazing people who came from other countries to work for us. They exceed their expectations and ours every year. But this year was especially hard to get back many of our foreign employees. Many of which, who had been here for a couple years or more, couldn’t return this summer.

Why?

You know, I’m not sure. Was it because of our political atmosphere towards other countries and letting them into our borders? I know and I don’t want to blame anyone, though it wasn’t as comparably difficult back when the Razor flip-phone was available.

It was devastating to have so many friends not return.

My town is seasonal. This means we open and closes all the shops, restaurants, musical and more each and every summer. We need a large number of workers but only for a short amount of time. Many Americans don’t seem to want these kinds of jobs.

And we didn’t have enough workers this summer. At least not right away and had to make sacrifices like open certain things late or making changes, some unpopular.

Sure it’s part of the business, but it wasn’t always this way.

Second

Another thing has changed, and it’s a bit more personal.

Though we advertise to foreigners to come and work, want and need their hard hard working hands, not everyone sees this. The change is how the traveling public, from all over the United States, now feel towards the foreigners working around me.

People are still kind and interested in where everyone is from and what its like in their home country; no one seems to be rude, but now customers like it when they learn that I am a native North Dakotan, an American. They no longer accidentally groan in disappointment over the ‘boring’ American girl but tell me how good it is to see an American worker.

But they don’t know.

They can’t imagine the struggle our company had for workers and how amazing so many of our foreign workers are. My city wouldn’t be what it is without the fantastic people who come from all over the world. They exceed our expectations and their own.

Sure internationals come to make money.

But they work hard for it, make friends, visit other states and spend their hard-earned money on tourist things — which is good for our economy — and then go back home, help out their family or simply use more of this money at home — good for that country’s economy as well.

It’s a beautiful circle.

So why is this happening? The change of perspective towards foreigners? Could it be our president and the way he feels about?

Definitely.

But I don’t want to blame this change of heart on one person. As my husband says, the president is a reflection of the people, their views. We chose this, or at least most of us and President Trump voiced our thoughts and put them into action, and now we are less afraid to admit and speak it aloud.

I do hope we’ll remember is our roots. Unless you’re a native American you too are foreign. How neat? Like the history books say, We’re a melting pot. And I hope we see the joy in learning about other cultures, our past cultures and working with others from around the world.

And just maybe this is how we can make America great again, though I think I’ll keep my smartphone.

[bctt tweet=”And I hope we see the joy in learning about other cultures, our past cultures and working with others from around the world.” username=”contactrwc”]

  Jewel Eliese is a fiction writer, developmental editor, co-creator of the Medium publication Writer Mom and founder of writeawaymommy.com. Jewel runs on lukewarm coffee and baby kisses. She believes every mom can write well. Get the free checklist to find time to write with kids around here writeawaymommy.com/checklist/

Do You Appreciate the Leadership in Your School System?

Do You Appreciate the Leadership in Your School System?

by with 7 Comments EducationParentingVoices

Educational leadership is the need of the hour. To manage school systems effectively, more and more schools are creating leadership oriented management roles or inculcating leadership programs, to combat with school issues. The aim is to bring direction and control in the system, in sync with the school’s value system.

While a lot of issues need to be addressed by the educators and school management system, the core issue of high teacher attrition rate continues to bother the most, especially in a country like India.

An educator cum researcher Richard Ingersoll extrapolated that between 40-50% of teachers left the classroom within first five years. The primary reason being the very assumed definition of teaching, which says that the profession was meant as this temporary line of work for women before they got their real job, which was raising families.

Perhaps the only industry, which witnesses 4% higher employee turnover than any other, is the current school education sector. Yes, the more looked up to role of a teacher, is far from being elite and sought after, at least that’s what the statistics state. The high attrition rate of teachers in the education sector, especially in schools is still an ongoing battle for the education system.

A varied list of reasons, ranging from intangible issues like lack of respect, lack of motivation to the more tangible ones like pay and excess workload, are elements governing the high teacher turnover rate. Some teachers also consider the job to be a much dis empowered line of work because they have very little say in the matters of school. However, some also quoted “personal reasons” like individual stress levels and work-life balance struggles. The latter can be understood as their role demands a very high expectation out of them and they are likely to be held accountable for everything.

Going by the school mission and vision, coupled with the demanding job of raising all-rounder kids takes an emotional toll on today’s teachers. They pour out their emotional energy along with physical energy into their work, which breeds quick exhaustion. However, that’s not all. The frustration goes uphill if the energy doesn’t see the desired effects quickly or basically if they are in low-performing schools. In short, the teachers often feel like hardworking martyrs for a hopeless cause.

So how do the school systems ensure that the attrition rate gets controlled, if not necessarily reduced? This is where the need of educational leadership or rather instructional leadership comes into picture.

Usually in schools, a principal is supposed to carry out the leadership role, guiding the school to better teaching and learning. The principal not just shapes a vision of academic success for all students or create a climate hospitable to education, but cultivates leadership in others as well. He/she improves school leadership by efficiently managing data, processes and not to mention, the manpower or the people.

Let us quickly and briefly elaborate the points.

  • Creating the vision of academic success-: Getting a bigger picture or the final goal always helps in further clarifying the process to achieve it. Hence, committing to high standards sets the functions in order. Right from focusing on the number of admissions, emphasis on low performing students, and low skilled employment to handling dropouts, the categorical segregation of issues is better.
  • Creating a climate conducive to learning-: Leadership oriented schools always put forth learning right at the center of their activities. Whether it’s the adults or children, learning remains the core exercise for holistic growth. Such schools are characterized by basics like safety, organized classrooms, orderliness, and intangible assets like supportive and responsive classrooms. To top it all, a further sense of belonging or community feeling within the teaching faculty is also important as that percolates down to the student fraternity, adding to a sense of security. The latter is believed to ensure an effective and transparent communication channel, which removes “teacher pessimism” as well.
  • Cultivating leadership in others:-Researches have proved that principals, who scored high in the eyes of teachers, for creating a strong climate for instructional transparency, were the right kind of leaders. They understand the need to depend on others to accomplish the institution’s common purpose and therefore, encourage the development of leadership skill. This gives a strong fillip to the teaching faculty. In fact, the more the principals are willing to spur leadership roles in and around, the better the schools perform.
  • Focusing on improving instruction:-Working constantly to improve the quality of instruction is the key behind getting good work done. It sets a clear definition of the job demanded, helps sort issues like teacher isolation and fragmented effort and directly allows to connect with teachers and their classrooms. This also works in favor as the principals or the people with authority, get to address manpower issues through research based strategies for improving teaching and learning.
  • Managing people, data and processes:-Effective use of resources, both tangible and intangible holds the secret to success. Research as per VAL-ED (Vanderbilt assessment of leadership in education is a tool to assess principal performance, developed by researchers at Vanderbilt University) states the key steps for effective leadership are planning, implementing, supporting, advocating, communicating and monitoring. The skill to be able to view data for not just pinpointing, but for understanding the nature and cause of problems, helps to promote efficient work environment.
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 It is believed that an economy of a nation strongly depends on an educated population. Therefore, the government is constantly seeking out ways to narrow the gap between the advantaged and the disadvantaged students. In a school, this effort starts with a principal and the management system.

Therefore, educational leadership in schools will not just help to fulfill the bigger picture of a successful school or economy, but also address the much neglected aspect of teacher retention. Schools that do reasonably well, in terms of responding to student behavioral issues and appreciating the voice of teachers, have lesser issues of teacher retention.

Respected, well paid teaching jobs will never witness crisis moments, as long as the underlying issues are tackled sensibly. Teachers are the true catalysts for change, so improving the quality of teaching job or the attractiveness of teaching as a profession, will definitely improve the quality of teaching in the long run. And if this happens, the schools would attract good people, who would consider their job seriously and make it worth it.

 

  Malvika Roy Singh A freelance creative writer and blogger for the past 7 years, Malvika Roy SIngh writes about subjects like travel, food, lifestyle, health, interior designing, real estate, digital entertainment, media and marketing, education etc. Her parenting blog helps her be a conscious parent (www.wipmom.com) When she is not writing, she can be found either running or playing with her 4 year old son enjoying time reading. She resides in Hyderabad and can be reached at mroysingh@gmail.com

One Plate at a Time – Incorporating Multicultural Food

by with 10 Comments FoodHeritageVoices

Multicultural Food Journey

My Heritage

Throughout all cultures, love of good food is one of those threads that ties us all together. I grew up in the South, surrounded by amazing Southern cooks. Sunday dinners at my grandparents’ house were a ritual, filled with family and laughter and no shortage of biscuits, fried chicken and fresh veggies from the garden. We lived for those dinners! It was a way to fill our stomachs and our souls. 

In addition to being a Southern girl, I also have a strong Mexican heritage. My biological grandfather was from Mexico, and although he died when my mother was very young, we remained in close contact with our other relatives.

When my Tia Lupita and Tio Julio would come visit, they would bring an entire suitcase full of food they made for the family. Tamales, salsa, churros- all delicious and comforting and soulful.   My husband was an Army brat and his family moved all over the place when he was a child.

His favorite childhood memories are from the years they lived in Germany. The pretzels, the bratwurst, the chocolates…he speaks of them with a dreamy look in his eyes. Since his parents traveled so much, they cooked food from all around the world. Everything from Thai food to Southwestern American cuisines were staples for the family.

Incorporating Multicultural Food - One Plate At A time www.raisingworldchildren.com #multiculturalfood #cultures #food #family #pickyeaters

[bctt tweet=”Everything from Thai food to Southwestern American cuisines were staples for the family. Multicultural Food is amazing.” username=”contactrwc”]

Incorporating My Heritage into Kids’ Meals

Multuicultural Food
© Chastity Hines

Since we both love to cook at home and dine out in equal measure, our children have been exposed to varied cuisines since birth. They have been helping us make homemade pizza, baking lemon ricotta cookies and rolling out pretzel dough since they were able to stand on a stool in the kitchen.

We have also taken them out to good restaurants since they were infants with the idea of teaching them not only how to behave in those restaurants, but how to each different types of food.

We love to explore Richmond’s food scene and our children stopped ordering from the kid’s menu long ago. My 9 year old daughter is the most adventurous of the two. Among her favorites are sushi and steamed mussels. She has eaten and loved sardines, kalamata olives, escargot and fried rockfish collar. She loves to try new foods and has taken a couple of International Cooking classes to learn about dishes from around the world.

My son is the more cautious of the two. While he doesn’t like stereotypical kid food like mac & cheese, french fries or peanut butter, he is very selective with trying new foods. He has a great pallet and loves things like calamari, salami and manchego cheese- but it would be nice if he would branch out a little bit more in the veggie department.

Multicultural Food
© Chastity Hise

Regardless, we keep taking them to new restaurants and exposing them to new foods. He has recently added fried oysters as well as cheesecake to his approved food items, so the exposure must be working.   While we have hit many stumbling blocks along the way, and sometimes our children just refuse to try something that seems weird to them, overall our hopes of expanding their food horizons has been successful.

We are about to travel to Spain with them for the first time and they are both excited to experience a new culture and new food on this journey. I know my son will be in heaven with all of the amazing meats and cheeses and my daughter will love all of the fresh seafood.

 We all want to eat what the locals eat and learn what they have to teach us.   Our family knows that food tells a story: where it is from, who grew it, what it means to a culture. I can’t imagine a better way to learn.

Chasitity HinesChastity Hise is the mother of two, happily married to the man of her dreams. She is one of the owners of Smoke and Mirrors Salon and has been a stylist for 11 years. She has her Bachelors and Masters degrees in Clinical Psychology and was a psychologist for two years. Along the way she also became a certified Birth Doula and is passionate about birth issues. Her hobbies include cooking, baking, reading and running. She is a new contributor to the Richmond Mom’s Blog and will have her first writing piece published in an anthology called Life in 10 Minutes this Spring. Chastity loves traveling and new shades of nail polish and lipstick. You can follow her blog Domestic as Hell on Blogspot,  her foodie Instagram @donttalkwithyourmouthfull and her hairstyling work @chashisehair and @smokeandmirrorsrva