Cart is emptyExperiencing a myriad of emotions everyday, how often do you feel grateful?
Kicking Off the School Year with Intention
What is the end of summer looking like in your home? What’s it feeling like? Another big family transition is just around the corner– back to school!
You and your children or teens may be excited about getting back into the flow and routine of the school year, and you and your family may be anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, exhausted thinking about this change of pace. Anywhere along this spectrum is normal, reasonable, and understandable.
Noticing Transitions
The truth is, transitions are challenging! There’s a certain energy of anticipation that hits, and as you begin to move into the change, you’ll likely notice various shifts in your mood, capacity, and energy. This is not a positive or negative thing; it just is.
Transitions require you to adapt and adjust. The transition from summer to school has the potential, like any transition, to bring discomfort, stress, and energy drain, even if you or your family feel excited! Furthermore, if one family member becomes overly stressed and begins to “flip their lid,” others will be impacted and will likely flip their lid too. Thus, it’s important to recognize and name the way transitions are influencing your family during this season and beyond.
You and your family have the opportunity to stay awake to your experiences in this transition, and there are tools and strategies you can implement to support the process.
Acknowledging Emotions
First, I invite you to talk explicitly about emotions. As the parent, share how you personally feel about the upcoming transition out of summer. Consider describing what parts of the experience you are excited about, nervous about, curious about, etc. It’s okay (and even helpful) to address emotions that feel tough or challenging; this can help your child or teen understand that their sensations are normal!
With a stance of curiosity, you can encourage your child to share, too, by asking how they are feeling. Their expression can be done through many modalities that you might suggest as options, including the following: drawing scenes that capture their emotions; using a 1-10 scale to rate how intensely they are feeling a sensation; circling the feelings that apply to them on a list of different emotions; using thumbs up/down/sideways to indicate how they’re feeling; and so on. Let me know what other methods you and your family come up with along the journey!
Time Management and Organization
Brainstorming organization systems as a family can be powerful as it promotes contribution and engagement from all members. I observe families having great success with family meetings focused on this topic. Through the crucial brainstorming process, allow all ideas to flow, even if they are silly, unreasonable, or humorous. The goal of this conversation is to determine how your whole family will stay on the same page about daily, weekly, and monthly schedules, so a little bit of laughter will help bring cohesion. If you and your children or teens want some help getting started, browse Pinterest!
Click here to teach your child how to do goal setting and perseverance with the same.
I also invite you to take time with your family to gather copies of academic, sports, extracurriculars, church/religious, and other calendars that influence the family schedule. Find a home for these calendars, as you and your family will need to reference them regularly. Maybe it’s a binder or a digital shared album of the photos, but it must be something that works for your family. You may also consider having each family member transfer important dates (days off, holidays, exams, practices, etc.) into their individual calendars depending on the age-appropriateness of these details.
Furthermore, tt might serve your family to create an ongoing routine of sitting down at the end of each month to add additional dates (events, games, tests, etc.) to the upcoming month’s calendar; this, of course, could also be done on a weekly basis instead. Co-creating the calendar is a pathway to co-creating family time and family contribution.
Incorporate School Year Routine
Additionally, I suggest creating lists that capture daily routines and procedures. Yes, this is also appropriate and helpful for teens! As you begin this process, ask your child or teen open-ended questions such as, “What do you need to do each morning to be prepared for school?” or “What steps do you need to take to get good rest each night?” Allow them to name tasks that are important to their success and personal comfort. Stay open to their answers, focus on listening, and refrain from micromanaging or advising.
If there’s something important they seem to be missing, you can remind them by asking, “Where does brushing your teen fit in the routine,” for example. As a family, write these individualized routines down and encourage each family member keep them somewhere they’ll see them. (This includes you too, parents!)
In the chaos of the beginning of the school year, it can be helpful to decide on a 1-2 activities or commitments that everyone will show up for each week. The goal of these activities is to promote quality time and connection. Plus, if they are agreed upon as a family, it’s easy to hold them as priorities and to honor them in the family schedule. Ideas include things like pizza dinner on Thursdays, morning exercise on Saturdays, or attending a religious service together. What would bring your family together on a regular basis?
Other Back to School Considerations
There are few other elements to consider through this important transition:
- Technology: Agree upon technology norms and limits as a family. You can ask, “What types of things do you need your phone for on a daily basis?” “What time should screens be put away so we can get the rest we need?” and “How long do you anticipate wanting to be on your phone for socialization or fun each day?” Help your children and teens make commitments and systems for their technology usage.
- Academics: Before the homework and projects hit full steam, it’s beneficial to explore opportunities for academic support. This can begin with browsing campus websites or portals, and it can progress to helping your child or teen identify the people on (or off) campus that they can turn to for help. For example: Is there a writing center? Do they know each teacher’s office or tutoring hours? Do they know how to log on to campus portals?
- Social and Emotional Life: Just as you and your family did with academic supports, explore and name social and emotional supports your family can access. This includes locating campus counseling and support personnel, discussing teachers or mentors they already have a relationship with, and considering extracurricular opportunities. Get my free download for building a support system here.
- Free Time: Discuss healthy, comforting options for after-school and weekend time. Remember to reserve and encourage time at home to rest, read, take care of chores, and simply be, as well as extracurriculars.
As you and your family take on the 2018-2019 school year, I invite you to come back to this list again and again.Know that you might commit to a certain schedule or agreement and find that it’s not working in a week or two– that’s okay! Come back to the drawing board as a family, discuss what did and did not work, and try another idea, co-create a new strategy. Adjustments are a normal part of the process. Reach out if you’d like support on this journey into the academic year.
As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney supports tweens, teens, and young adults in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they explore their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in practicing self-care, growing alongside their children, and developing balanced sensitivity towards the process their rapidly-changing child is creating. Through Intentional Parents of Tweens and Teens, an online membership for parents of adolescents, Courtney offers parents the time and space to learn, grow, problem-solve, and relate to one another in a supportive community. Sessions with Courtney lovingly guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that’s crucial for a life of ease.The Day My Son Realized We Are an Interracial Family
I am American and about as pale white at they come. My husband is from the Caribbean and also lived in South America and has the perfect year around tan. When my son was born, he came out a perfect mix of the two of us but with my skin color. Given that we are an interracial couple, I assumed my son would easily accept other people and cultures. I found out a few months ago that I was wrong to assume that. I honestly never thought that I would have to explain why daddy was different.
Strange Behavior
A few months ago, my son, Logan, started acting very strangely towards Shadrach (his daddy). Logan wanted nothing to do with Daddy. He would push him away, run away from him, or did not want to play with him. The strange behavior started all of the sudden.
One night as I was putting Logan to bed, I asked him why he did not want to be around daddy and was treating him so badly. He told me that he did not like the color of daddy’s skin because it was different from his and mine. His answer floored me and caught me completely off guard.
Immediately my heart hurt for Shadrach. I was not expecting an answer like this. I never stopped and thought about the fact that I needed to teach my child about the differences in people and how that makes them each unique, especially when it came to his family. I just assumed that because this was his daddy and it was all he had ever known, that he would just love and accept him.
How We Taught the Differences Between People
I finished putting Logan to bed that night, after his confession about not liking his daddy’s skin color. My heart was heavy and I just kind of sat there and wondered what to do next.
The first thing I did, the very next day, was to start talking to Logan about what was different and what was the same between people. For example, I would ask him what was different about me. I would point out that I am a girl and he is a boy. That makes us different. Then, I would point out that he and daddy are both boys, which gives them something in common.
This little game continued when we were out in public. Quietly I would ask Logan what was different about people and then ask him to tell me if he could find something in common with them. Quickly Logan caught on and started pointing out people that looked like Shadrach and would exclaim, a little too loudly, “That man has the same color skin as my daddy!”
I was so glad to realize that he understood each person is made different and unique. The thing I wanted him to understand was just because someone looks or acts differently; it does not mean that is a bad thing. Also, my goal is to help him understand that we can always find something in common with another person.
This whole situation with Logan has taught me that as parents we do need to take the time to sit down and teach our children that people are made in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and that is a good thing! Everyone has a unique feature about them that sets them apart, and that is something to be celebrated.
[bctt tweet=”Everyone has a unique feature about them that sets them apart, and that is something to be celebrated.” username=”contactrwc”]
Each person reacts differently when they realize people are not quite like them. Logan acted scared and mad about it because it was something he did not understand. Some children are just curious and stare. Others may ask many questions about it. There is no wrong way, but as parents, we can pick up on these cues and start teaching them that those things that stand out are what makes those people unique.
Imagine how different our world could be if we all took the time to teach our children about different nationalities and cultures. The fear of someone different would go away because that fear comes from the lack of knowledge. While I am not done teaching Logan about all of this, I know that he is starting to understand and I see him learning to love people just as they are.
Can I challenge you as parents? Let children ask questions about people but make sure to explain things. Use it as an opportunity to teach about other cultures. If you do not know about certain cultures, be honest when your child asks. Then take the time to sit down and learn about it together.
Raising “world children” does not mean you have to travel around the world.
To me it means you sit down as a family and learn about different cultures, right in your home. Thanks to the internet, Pinterest, libraries, and television, there are plenty of opportunities to learn and teach your children about all the different cultures that make up our world.
I am thankful that we are such a diverse little family and it has opened up the doors to talk about different cultures and teach how to love each and every person, no matter who they are or where they are from.
Laura Ramnath is the voice behind her Family and Lifestyle blog The Rambling Ramnaths. She has held positions in banking and worked for a children’s clothing designer, but currently, enjoys the crazy role of being wife to Shadrach and stay-at-home mom to their 4-year-old son Logan. He keeps life interesting as there is never a dull moment with him! Laura has a passion for life and enjoys family travels and adventures, hiking, going to the beach and binge watching Netflix. She is also a strong believer in CoffeeFirst!
Rakshabandhan – An Indian Festival For Siblings
Every year as the Rakhi day (Rakshabandhan) approaches, I get wistful about tying a pretty little thread around my baby brother’s wrist. I think fondly of all those past celebrations of this Indian festival shared with my little brother.
This day holds a gentle place in the hearts of those who share it and the magic to take them flying through time to to their shared a childhood. A gesture or moment they may share or maybe pass as tradition to their own children.
Sibling Silliness
When we were small (my brother 3, me 13), I would align our hands together and say,” See, how big my hand is than yours ?” He laughed as his eyes sparkled with glee.
Slowly but surely, his hand kept getting bigger. The joy he found in aligning our hands together and saying, “See, my hand is getting bigger.” became something we shared for an instant smile.
Years passed by, we separated, reunited and did it again. Now all grown up, my little brother boasted. “My hand is finally bigger than yours now.” he said proudly.
I grinned delighted.
Over the years, he grew up from being someone I led around to someone I lean on. He is my little brother. My first baby. The one whose name I take by mistake instead of my child’s often.
When we met the last time two years ago, we did it again. And then he did it to my son. “See, how much bigger my hand is than yours?” My son laughed.
And now my 6 year old does it to his 3 year old sister. Teaching her a silly practice that his mom and her brother did that connects them to this day.
[bctt tweet=”Rakhshabandhan literally translated means the The Tie That Protects. A festival of togetherness celebrating brothers and sisters.” username=”contactrwc”]
The origin of Rakhi or Rakshabandhan has various stories. From mythology to history, it goes back to powerful men and women who protected each other in dire times valiantly to honor the promise made when the thread was tied. This was a way to make sure women were respected, honored and protected at all times.
This festival that mainly constitutes a simple act of a sister tying a pretty thread on the wrist of her brothers’ wrist to celebrate their love and duty (loyalty, protection, care) towards each other. It’s heartening how over the years it has transcended into a one when people honor their relationship : the laughter, the memories, the mischief, the fights, the tears shared.
Today siblings and cousins tie it to each other, daughters to fathers, mothers to sons, friends to friends they consider siblings even. This day holds within it the promise of togetherness.
Rakshabandhan Celebration
This festival thus inspires bravery and fondness among those who celebrate it. I remember when I was small we used to create our very own Rakhis and mail them from Kuwait to India to all our cousins. Today, with the very many options available online and shipping being so expensive online stores come to the rescue and we just pick our favorite designs and have them shipped to our beloved family members.
In our home, I tie it to my son and my daughter ties it to her father and brother. My husband’s sisters from India mail him their Rakhis and I decorate a Thali with flowers, sweets, diya and the Rakhis. On any occasion decorating these is my favorite thing to do.
We bathe and celebrate early morning. After prayer, the brother sits and the sister puts Tika on the forehead, does Aarti of the brother (circles the plate around the brother’s face) and then ties the Rakhi and feeds him the sweet. The brother then, irrespective of his age takes blessings of his sister for a long, prosperous and protected life!
Ideally, the brother gifts the sister whatever she wishes on this day. But as commercialization has crept in parents often gift both the brother and sister with presents to ensure they both feel celebrated! My kids love partaking in all the rituals and enjoy their gifts (read:toys) all day!
And then as any festival in India, there is a lavish meal of Indian delicacies. I usually make any meal celebrating the brother and sister with whatever dishes they most enjoy.
Happy Rakshabandhan to all those who choose to celebrate the sacred bond they share every single day in the little things they do for each other! Do share your silly stories of your siblings with us.
Don’t forget to grab your copy of International Best seller —
Strong Roots Have No Fear
Raise multicultural kids with confidence and a global mindset.
6 Unexpectedly Positive Effects of Living with Food Allergies
Climbing up a hill behind a century old pueblo in New Mexico under an inky dark sky, I settled in a chair between my two children. We are silent, gazing at a darkness we’d never seen, punctuated by blazing points of light. I never dreamt a diagnosis of life-threatening food allergies for my son 12 years ago in Pennsylvania would have brought us here today.
Sometimes circumstance chooses you.
In the midst of closing on a new-old house in 2002, we were painting, racing back and forth between the two homes. With my husband at the new house, I went back to give my 10-month-old something to eat. I had grabbed a few jars of baby food at the market, thinking he might like the oatmeal & apple cereal as a treat. Strapped in his high chair, smiling and babbling away, he obediently opened his mouth when I made like an airplane and zoomed the cereal to his mouth.
After a few bites, he stopped his normal movements. His color turned gray. I lived half a mile from the hospital, so I grabbed him and the jar and raced into the emergency room. The nurse took one look and rushed him inside. After doses of adrenaline and a battery of tests and several hours, they handed my son back to me with epinephrine and directed me to see an allergist. I went home in a daze. My son had a life-threatening food allergy to egg. Further testing revealed allergies to wheat, peanuts, tree nuts and barley. He had the same reaction to all of them. He stopped breathing.
What do I do now?
There were no allergies in my family. There also weren’t the products you see lining the market shelves today. Even now, it’s rare to find something he can have. There aren’t many products that encompass all his food allergies. I didn’t know what to do.
His first birthday cake was a two-pound block of cheddar cheese with a single candle in it. Three months after the diagnosis and I was still floundering. My son’s allergist is one of my favorite people. He galvanized me into action with one simple sentence.
Choosing to do nothing is a choice as well.
We decided that while his life would not be the same as others, it would still be extraordinary. I learned everything I could about food allergies, cross-contamination, and to cook differently. And I decided to home educate my son.
Some folks turn to home education because their school system is inadequate. Some choose because their religious beliefs dictate another path. And some choose because it’s the best way to keep their children safe. We fell into the latter category.
After numerous close calls with cross contamination that wasn’t visible to the eye, we chose to embark on a journey I never envisioned. [bctt tweet=”Food allergies became the silver lining for my family, I had never expected.” username=”contactrwc”]
School is so much better the second time around.
Much to my surprise, I found that I loved home education. I loved sharing the discovery with my son. I loved being the one that sparked the “aha” moment. In the beginning we covered all the standards covered in traditional schools: he learned his numbers, the alphabet, how to read, how to add and subtract, how to spell.
We fell in love with books together.
Reading room was our favorite activity. I’d spend at least two hours a day reading aloud, small boy seated by my side. “One more chapter,” he’d plead. “We’re just getting to the good part.” Weekly trips to the library fed our voracious appetites. His comprehension and vocabulary soared. It was magical.
We loved the stories we read, but it wasn’t quite so interesting covering every other subject. It wasn’t tactile enough. We needed to get up close and personal.
School Became Discovering Cultures
We took our classroom on the road. After reading about Vikings and the settlement of North America, we headed north to Canada and Nova Scotia. We hiked Cape Breton Island, learned about Alexander Graham Bell at his museum in Baddeck, Nova Scotia. We visited The Gaelic College in Englishtown and learned about Gaelic culture. We stayed in a small cottage on the sea, owned by a man who had left his homeland in Holland to pursue life in a quiet Canadian province.
In Florida, we kayaked with manatees under the watchful eye of a conservationist who taught us the best way to see is to be quiet. We were rewarded with glimpses of docile, lovely sea cows in their natural habitat.
We hiked through wetlands, careful to avoid sleeping alligators sunning themselves on the banks in the tall grasses. Together we learned to be more observant of the world around us.
In New Mexico, we marveled at the idea of a “wild cow.” Though I laughed at my son’s suggestion when we encountered a lone bovine in the mountains of the Gila National Forest, a shaman (medicine man) soon set me to rights as he pointed out what we could touch and what we should avoid walking in the wild.
California introduced us to sweeping extremes. Desert in the south, full of rippled dunes that encroached on the roadway. Sunny groves of citrus and almonds and avocados. We saw firsthand what living in drought conditions meant for families that farmed dry acres. We drove up through clouds to wrap our arms around the famous California redwoods trees, and we were cautioned to watch out for the grizzly bears.
We drove through miles and miles of our nation’s farmland, lulled into a quiet rhythm by seemingly endless acres of corn. The very next day, the sense of calm was shattered as we raced toward Kentucky, ahead of a series of tornados. The skies were black and calm and too quiet. The lines for fuel were long. Every day brought a new aspect of the adventure.
Conversations and Music
Each day on the road, we’d pull out a map and get a general idea of where we were headed. Nothing was set in stone to allow for detours as needed. One of our favorites started with a barbecue billboard and ended eating sandwiches along the river in Ozark, Arkansas on my birthday. The late afternoon sun was warm and we were the only ones in this little town at the river that day. Magical.
The connections and adventures are equally strong in your own town, or the next one over. The idea is to talk more, learn firsthand and spend time together. Creating memories leads to conversation, sometimes even lively discourse. My son and I hold diverse political views. But at the end of the day, we are better for the interaction and the time spent.
And Every day ends the same …
And I’m grateful for that. As the day draws to a close, my son gives me a hug, and an “I love you, Mom.”
I love you too, Buddy.
Deborah Fingerlow is a writer, traveler and explorer seeking adventures both large and small. Parent to one daughter in college and one teenage son in cyber-school. Food allergies play a significant role in day to day life decisions, as does the support network of a small town in south central Pennsylvania. Neighbors are known by their first names and a walking district encourages community engagement. Business to business communications and the development of authentic connections are Deborah Fingerlow’s superpowers. You can find her at the local farmer’s market, therapy dogs in tow, camera in hand. You can find her on twitter @debfingerlow and on facebook @connect.converse.write
Deborah Fingerlow is a writer, traveler and explorer seeking adventures both large and small. Parent to one daughter in college and one teenage son in cyber-school. Food allergies play a significant role in day to day life decisions, as does the support network of a small town in south central Pennsylvania. Neighbors are known by their first names and a walking district encourages community engagement. Business to business communications and the development of authentic connections are Deborah Fingerlow’s superpowers. You can find her at the local farmer’s market, therapy dogs in tow, camera in hand. You can find her on twitter @debfingerlow and on facebook @connect.converse.write
5 Ways Our Move To Australia Affected Our Palate
Living in Kuwait, life was very pampered!
We had an amazing array of cuisines at our beckoning. Even impromptu get-togethers were easily managed with a simple phone call. Not to mention home deliveries where every meal is brought to your doorstep most times for no extra charge.
The leisurely life however, was accompanied with a feeling of insecurity a sense of foreboding that came with living in a country that did not offer citizenship or the liberty of owning your home. Once the kids came along, we were also looking for a good education system that was not exclusive or one with a hefty price tag.
Moving to Australia
Australia, ticked all the boxes for us when it came to raising a family. Our move to Australia, especially as parents can certainly be classified as a life changing experience in a lot of ways. Little did we know the impact the move to this beautiful country would have on our food habits. Not only our eating habits, but the way we perceived food and where it comes from.
Our first stop, Alice Springs – has always been a great conversation starter. Fondly known as the ‘heart’ of Australia because of its location also the red center due to the red soil that is found there. Alice Springs is infamous for its dry conditions. This of course, suited my family as we were moving from Middle East with quite similar weather sans the dust storms that Kuwait is now famous for.
[bctt tweet=”The journey from Kuwait to Australia had these surprising consequences on our food.” username=”contactrwc”]
Cooking At Home
Our first meal in our very own home, overlooking the beautiful MacDonnell Ranges was a simple canned soup and some bread. I was introduced to a new contraption called an electric cooktop which had coils/ similar to the mosquito repellent that I had seen growing up. It is great for stir fries but was a challenge to simmer a curry, make a roti or the famous masala chai. God forbid the chai ever boiled over. The cleaning was yet another chore.
While thankfully, the western culture does not exactly encourage drop in visits we did have a few occasions where I had to quickly put on my thinking hat and improvise.
We quickly found out that our options for dining out were quite limited. In terms of the choices which are mostly the fast food. The price tag of most of the dishes clearly implied we were much better cooking at home. Thus started our food discovery.
Luckily numerous blogs and Youtube videos came to the rescue. While an enthusiastic cook for the occasional potlucks and meals in Kuwait, it was a different ball game to cook every single meal from scratch right at home and on an electric cook top none the less.
Team Effort in Cooking
But you know what ? I started enjoying it. Our new friends were very appreciative of the beautiful food. Samosas were quite aptly rechristened ‘mystery bags’ and our famous ‘neer dosas’ from Karnataka were adopted with quite a zeal. We were surprised at the number of Aussies who are vegetarians. I developed a new respect for the wide variety of vegetarian food that India is so famous for.
Baking cookies, cakes and slices now became a team effort and we enjoyed the additional family time that came with it .. The first rainbow cake we made and the delight the kids had stirring the colour into the batter. The thrilled reactions to the first slice that they cut in. Birthdays now became a project, and the demands for castle cake, a teddy bear picnic cake and the likes started pouring in.
Enjoying Community in Austraila
My fondest memory of our very first Indian community get together in Alice Springs is how we were welcomed warmly among a group of complete strangers. I was promptly introduced to the ladies in the kitchen and lo and behold found myself with a rolling pin in hand rolling out the rotis for the group assembled.
While we had enjoyed the schnitzel, fish and chips and roasts our Indian palate knew we were missing the savory snacks, street food and dosa chutneys.
The Indian we met was quite pre-dominantly North Indian while we hail from South India. I quickly learned their way of cooking which I had long admired and always ordered at restaurants.
Before I knew it, I could pull off a Jimmy’s Masterchef butter chicken recipe, a dal makhani and a mean aloo gobhi. While parties back in India meant the hosts slaved or catered for the event from dawn to dusk, I loved the ‘bring a plate to share’ culture that Australia is famous for.
Many hands do make light work, not to mention a great array of dishes to enjoy.
Making treats at home also meant the kids were aware of the amount of work that went in. They were quite keen to learn how to cook traditional recipes especially the ones they were partial to. We were glad we were setting an example for the kids by now in their teen years to make healthy food choices independently.
Going Green for our Food
The solitude of living in the Outback also meant we paid more for the fresh food that was shipped interstate. I was quite aware of food wastage and ensured each scrap of food was either used or composted.
We started backyard gardening which can be a challenge especially if you are renting. Our very first investment being a curry leaf plant because no Indian household is complete without it. Coriander leaves came next and now we have quite a beautiful array of fruits and veggies in our backyard, albeit still quite a long way to go.
Food Adventures with the Kids
While I would not call myself very adventurous in terms of food, my husband and son love trying out new things. Before we knew it, we were sampling the likes of crocodile, duck and kangaroo meat that Australia is famous for. I learnt how making pancakes and scones with butter milk took them to that extra level of yumminess.
The Rogan josh and Butter Chicken are the two most popular Indian curries the Aussies know oh and the chicken tikka of course! Asian cuisine is quite popular in Australia and Malaysian, Thai and Vietnamese food are also sought after.
Sausage sizzle is the go to rescue for backyard parties. The ‘barbie’ aka the traditional barbecue, a much sought after appliance for an aussie bloke etc. are now words in our repertoire. My husband is always game and quite a pro at chucking a steak on the barbie and my kids always game for a sizzle if we are out and about.
Seven years later, and living in Brisbane now we are thankful to this great country for the new outlook it has given us towards food, farming and agriculture.
Tina Miranda is an Office administration professional from Brisbane, Australia. Passionate about writing, cooking, travel and music. A mum to a teenager and tween pigeon pair. Like a lot of other migrant parents she is looking to belong while holding on to traditional values. To boast of having matured while still remaining the young carefree, blatant and audacious girl at heart, her favourite place to be is still in her parent’s embrace..
Summer Anti-Boredom Toolkits for the Whole Family
Summer, and any other unstructured time of the year, can lead to boredom. Children and teens have to make pretty big energetic and logistical transitions each time the shift from school schedules to summer vacation and vice-versa. A bored kid is a kid whose brain is challenging them to get curious and explore something new.
The Transition to Summer
Often times, the transition into summer feels exciting; it may be a relief! Then, after several days or a few weeks, this less-structured time can begin to wear on children and teens. (And parents!) This lack of structure can create room for less desirable behaviors (think screens), and with plans and intentions, it can be a time of fun and joy.
In sessions this summer, I have guided teenage clients in developing Anit-Boredom Toolkits. These are simply lists of options, or a menu, that children and teens can use to get out of boredom and into engagement and curiosity. This is a living document that can be added to or edited at any time. A few clients have taken this one step further and even prepared a duffel bag, tackle box, or storage tub full of items from their list!
Below you will find a list that offers your child or teen ideas to consider as they create a unique and extensive toolkit. All they need to begin is a notebook and something to write with!
Considerations for your custom anti-boredom toolkit:
- Start with what you know you love. Include your favorite activities and hobbies on the list. Include the things you love to return to over and over again. Your passions and hobbies deserve to be on this list.
- Explore your 5 senses. Try to list at least one activity or option that will activate each of your senses! Challenge yourself to think outside of the box!
- Try something new. If there’s a skill or hobby you’ve been thinking about for some time, encourage yourself to take the leap. Consider taking a camp or class for guidance, or check our YouTube, blogs, or books for how-tos.
- Gather inspiration. Use magazines, documentaries, web searches, Pinterest, etc to inspire you. You might enjoy creating a summer vision board, or a collage to capture your inspirations and hopes.
- Balance alone time with connections with others. Ensure that some of your list items give you time to be with yourself. Likewise, include options that bring you into connection with friends, family, or your community.
- Consider your career interests. What ideas do you have for your career? Perhaps there volunteer or internship options related to your interest. Alternately, you might like to delve into research about this career path through documentaries, books, etc.
- Take advantage of nature. Include options that are centered around nature, whether it be a park, a neighborhood, or a hike in the woods.
- Do some research. It can be helpful to look at local calendars or stop by the local library or coffee shop to look at bulletin boards. There are tons of ideas out there waiting for you to find them. Stay open to the possibilities and notice what sparks your interest along the way.
- Ask your friends and family for ideas. Chat with friends and family and ask them about their favorite activities and passions. As they share, notice if anything catches your attention. Bonus: if you find a common interest, you have built-in connection time with a friend or family member!
- Incorporate self-care. It’s important to include activities that are calming and relaxing for you. These are small ways that you can offer yourself comfort and care. This can be time for reading, taking baths, or journaling, for example.
- Review your list with your parents. Share your brainstorming with your parents! They’ll be excited to hear your ideas and interests. If some activities require family support– for transportation, financially, for safety, etc.– begin a conversation with them about how you might be able to meet these goals.
A Tool for the Whole Family
While the list portion of this article is meant to be a tool for your child or teen, I invite you notice the ideas that have come to your mind. Is it time for you to build a boredom toolkit too?! Creating, maintaining, and using this type of catalog is likely to increase your intentionality surrounding self-care. Instead of defaulting to screens or the couch, you have a whole list of energizing and soothing ideas that you can consider.
If you and your child or teen are looking for support as you build Summer Boredom Toolkits, let’s chat! I work with clients to co-create systems that bring their family into deeper connection, and I would be honored to support you on the journey!
As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney supports tweens, teens, and young adults in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they explore their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in practicing self-care, growing alongside their children, and developing balanced sensitivity towards the process their rapidly-changing child is creating. Through Intentional Parents of Tweens and Teens, an online membership for parents of adolescents, Courtney offers parents the time and space to learn, grow, problem-solve, and relate to one another in a supportive community. Sessions with Courtney lovingly guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that’s crucial for a life of ease.Find her on —
http://courtneyharriscoaching.com/
https://www.instagram.com/courtneyharriscoaching/
https://www.facebook.com/courtneyharrisedconnect/
Sanju – a Cautionary Tale for Different Stages of Life
It takes bravery to be open with a stranger. And when you put your story out there for everyone to see your colossal mistakes in all their glory, that is certainly as act of courage.
Yes, Sanju the movie is a self serving project. To accept every mistake Sanjay Dutt has ever made publicly globally, and to state once and for all, on the record that he is not a terrorist.
And after the media circus/court rooms that we see time and again, specially these days at every tragic turn, this is totally an amazing stand to take. To tell people not everything they “see” is to be believed. That often things are not what they are portrayed.
After I saw the movie, my brain was reeling from the many gems of life this story had to say. Tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, I wondered if ever I would be in the same position at the parents? I was astounded at the life of this super star, so painful and so much courage by those who support him. It’s easy to give up on someone. But to stand up with someone who constantly “chooses” to do the wrong thing is beyond commendable.
You see Sanjay Dutt as the person he has been, and is. A broken, fearful, hopeless, insecure, horrible person who constantly took the easy way out. And then suffered colossally each and every time.
This is not a review of the movie because every story with a message is worth listening to, no matter how it is made or created. Love it or hate it, you are certainly going to think about it. Talk about it.
I have always believed in the power of story telling. And Sanju, the movie tells a powerful story. This movie is an amazing example of the pitfalls that you could fall into, as a parent, teen and as a human being. No one can.
For Teens
Children get angry. Constantly. As parents, we rub them the wrong way. Kids feel every emotion, purely, strongly.
But what this movie tells us is to make sure our children know that
- One cannot escape from one’s problems. They are going to have to be dealt with.Be angry, but your anger needs a HEALTHY channel. If you are having issues you are going to have to resolve it. Escapism can feel like an easy way out but it certainly isn’t. Your problems will keep rearing their ugly head.
- Many people may SEEM like they are your friends, but if you look closely enough they aren’t. Be open to exploring their intentions before accepting their actions.
- It’s important to depend on someone completely for support. Appreciating that person is most important. Do everything to keep the person who shows you the right way in your life.
- Don’t ever fear doing the right thing, no matter what the consequences.
- Of course, drugs and alcohol are not the solution to ANYTHING!
For Parents
- You are going to want to support your child at every turn. But at some time you are going to have to let go.
- Your expectations are not the sum total of what your child is. Let them be themselves in their way.
- Human beings are an insecure lot. Appreciate your child for all the good they do as much as you scold them for their wrong doings. Build them up cautiously.
- At some point, you have to stop being a parent, and become an friend who shares.
- Let your child see your vulnerability in raising them. Your sacrifices should not go unnoticed for they are a big part of your child’s future.
- After a certain age, be open about your mistakes to your child so they can learn from them.
For Every Human Being
- Stand up for what you believe in.
- Never spread malicious gossip about another. You do not know the suffering they have undergone.
- Judging another is easy from your personal pedestal. To empathize you would have to know their whole story and that is impossible till you know a person completely.
- Be a friend to someone in need. No matter how inconvenient it might be. You may be their only hope.
- Laughter can make even the worst experiences a cherish-able moment. Never forget your sense of humor.
So, if you are a parent of a teen, talk to them after seeing the movie. You might not be comfortable watching it with them if you are conservative (pole dancing girls and lot of talk about sex and drugs) but make sure to bring home the many lessons the movie has to offer. I promise, this is one movie worth watching, even if separately and talking about.
Take advantage of the life of a person who accepts his lows as his own mistakes.
What other movies do you think make the list? See our recommendations here.
Aditi Wardhan Singh, founder and chief editor of Raising World Children online magazine is a mom of two adorable kids, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place which led her to specialize in writing about cultural sensitivity when parenting. She writes for a number of large publications, including Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Richmond Moms Blog, Richmond Family Magazine, Desh Videsh. She has also been featured as a parenting expert on NBC. A computer engineer by profession, she turned entrepreneur by founding Raising World Children online magazine. At RWC, she is bringing voices from around the world together to talk about the synergy of today’s cultures with world heritage. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. . She has also contributed to the best selling anthology “When You Are Done Expecting” and is coming out with her new book “Strong Roots Have No Fear. ”
How We Celebrate Sri Krishna Jeyanthi At Our Home
India is famous for its cultural and traditional richness of festivals and celebrations. We, our family love the second half of every year since those six months are full of many festivals. I personally love to celebrate many festivals like Maha Shiva Rathri, Krishna Jeyanthi, Vinayagar Chaturthi because of their vibrant, colorful, foodie and cultural way of celebrations rather than their religions importance.
Festivals really help us to inculcate friendship, cultural importance and moral values in the young minds of our children. Recently we celebrated Sri Krishna Jeyanthi at our home. So I thought of sharing the pooja and celebrations of Sri Krishna Jeyanthi with you to throw some light on our Indian tradition and culture.
What Is Sri Krishna Jeyanthi?
Krishna Janmashtami or Janmashtami or Sri Krishna Jeyanthi is an annual Hindu festival that celebrates the birth of Krishna, the eighth avatar of Vishnu.
When Is Sri Krishna Jeyanthi Celebrated?
It is celebrated on the eighth day (Ashtami) of the Krishna Paksha (dark fortnight) during August or September.
What Are The Other Names For Sri Krishna Jeyanthi?
- Krishna Astami
- Janmashtami
- Gokulasthami
- Sree Jayanti
How We Celebrate Sri Krishna Jeyanthi At Our Home?
We invite our friends and relatives for the pooja and festival. Sri Krishna Jeyanthi is a fun filled celebration particularly for kids. So we invite all nearby kids for the festival. Also, we involve our son to be a part of the celebrations by making decorations and arrangements at our home.
We welcome our guests with colorful Kolam or Rangoli. Also we draw small footprints of rice flour from the entrance of our house to our pooja room. This is for welcoming Sri Krishna to our house. Making the footprints using rice flour is for small creatures like ant and insects to eat. We just care more for all living creatures.
All the idols and photos of gods and goddesses at our pooja room are decorated with flowers, garlands and jewels. And Sri Krishna statue or photo is specially decorated. We offer Sweet Aval or Poha, Seedai, Murrukku, Butter, Butter Milk, Jhangiri, Pal Kova, Betal Leaves, Coconut and Fruits as prasad. Mostly the snacks will be prepared at home with extra flavor of yummy ghee. Krishna is a big lover of butter and ghee. So we believe that he will bless us with all abundance by tasting his favorite snacks.
Krishna songs and slogams will be played. The house will be filled with aroma of splendid incense sticks. It adds a divine effect to the celebrations. All family members will assemble and the eldest of the family will do the pooja. And the pooja starts with Aarthi, Songs and ends with yummy snacks.
Children will be dressed as Krishna and Radha. The elders will tell the stories of Sri Krishna. They enjoy by singing songs, playing instruments, dancing, reciting mantras, drawing, coloring and playing dramas. We, ladies, myself, my amma and my mother in law will recite Krishna Astakam and sing Sri Krishna Songs.
Also we visit to nearby Krishna Temples. Anna Thanam or Donation of Food will be offered at most of the temples on this auspicious day. We would usually donate some money and rice for this ceremony. Thus festivals will bring us closer, kinder and happier by all means. Also festivals are an easy way to teach spirituality to our kids.
What Mantra To be Chanted On Sri Krishna Jeyanthi?
We will chant Krishna Maha Mantra. This mantra can be chanted by anyone irrespective of religion, faith, gender and nation.
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Krishna means “the all-attractive one,” and Rama means “the reservoir of pleasure.” Hare invokes His presence in our lives. This Maha (great) Mantra – chanting of His holy names brings innate satisfaction and the highest pleasure to all of us.
Info Source: ISKON, Delhi.
What Is The Significance Of Krishna Maha Mantra?
The sound and vibrations of this maha mantra will bring peace, happiness, cleanse the mind and soul, suppress our sorrows and anxieties.
Do you celebrate any festivals? What are the fun and joy about your festivals? How do you involve your kids on the celebrations? Please share with us …… And stay tuned for our Vinayagar Chaturthi celebrations .
Vasantha Vivek loves to call herself as a happy woman, daughter, sister, wife, mother, teacher, friend, mentor, seeker, lover. She’s from Kovilpatti, a small town of Southern Tamilnadu of India. She was a teacher by profession. She worked as a professor at an Engineering College for nearly 15 years. She has learned a lot as a teacher. She hopes that she had inspired some hearts during that period. Teaching is her passion Reading is her love. Cooking is her heart. She enjoys reading and writing very much. You can find her @mysweetnothings on Facebook and Twitter.
5 Interesting Attributes of Mangalorean Catholics in India
Easter was celebrated worldwide on April 16. This Christian festival, which is actually holds more importance than Christmas, marks the resurrection of Jesus Christ three days after his death by crucifixion at the hands of the Romans. It also marks the end of 40 days of Lent, which is a period when Christians have a religious obligation to fast, pray and observe penance.
Estimates peg the number of Christians worldwide at more than 2.2 billion. Of these, around 27 million are Indians. Yours truly happens to be one among them.
Christianity in India
The history of Christianity in India is almost as old as the history of Christianity itself. As per ancient Indian Christian tradition, the religion and culture surround it was brought to India by Thomas the Apostle around AD 50 in a region that now forms part of the Southern Indian state of Kerala. It is also said that another Apostle, Bartholomew, disembarked on the western coast of India and spread Jesus’ message.
The number of Christians in the southern state of Kerala who practice the Syrian Orthodox doctrine of Christianity is evidence of the fact that India is home to some of the earliest Christians in the world.
However, Christianity in India spread significantly between the 16th and the early 19th centuries, when Portugal had colonies in India. Erstwhile Portuguese colonies in India, including Goa, Daman, Diu and Dadra & Nagar Haveli, and even Mumbai are known to be home to large populations of native Christians even today.
Between the 16th and early 19th centuries, Portuguese Missionaries, with the support of the Colonists, were able to convert hordes of natives in their colonies to Christianity (Roman Catholicism to be precise).
It is worthwhile, however, to know that not all of these conversions were done in the right attitude and spirit on the part of the Portuguese Missionaries. In fact, there are many stories of natives being coerced, sometimes with the threat of violence or attachment of property.
[bctt tweet=”I to belong to a family of Catholics who originate from the Mangalore district of the southern India, in Karnataka. Originally Portugese.” username=”contactrwc”]
History of Mangalorean Catholics
I happen to belong to a family of Catholics who originate from the Mangalore district of the southern Indian state of Karnataka. After a lot of reading and discussions with older generations in the family, I learnt that Mangalorean Catholics were originally inhabitants of the Portuguese colony of Goa.
Apparently, they had migrated out of/fled from Goa at different points in time for reasons ranging from the Portuguese Inquisition in Goa (circa 1560), the occurrence of famines and epidemics and political upheavals/wars. It is interesting to note that most of these Mangaloreans religiously held onto a lot of their Hindu/native Indian customs and traditions.
[bctt tweet=”Most Mangaloreans religiously held onto a lot of their Hindu/native Indian customs and traditions.” username=”contactrwc”]
Language and Dialects
Although the younger generation prefers to speak in Hindi (the national language of India) or in English, in traditional Mangalorean Catholic households the language spoken is Konkani.
Konkani is actually the language used by Goans and has a lot of Portuguese influence, but the Konkani used by Mangalorean Catholics is heavily influenced by the South Indian languages of Kannada and Tulu. Also, interestingly, the Mangalorean Konkani is written in Kannada script.
Bilingual Names
Traditional Mangaloreans will always have a Christian or a European name, and also a native/Indian middle name. For example, my full name is Christopher Roshan D’Souza. My brother’s name is Ravi Vincent D’Souza. You will also find a tradition of pet names like Pedru for Peter, Ijju for Isabelle, Mettu for Matilda, Gibba for Gilbert, Panchu for Francis, and so on.
History of surnames
Mangalorean Catholics bear Portuguese surnames. This is because our Goan ancestors assumed the surnames of the Portuguese priests who baptised them when they were converted, or their Portuguese godparents.
Hence, you will find surnames like Furtado, Pinto, D’Souza, Pereira, Gomes, Coutinho, Fernandes, and so on in the community. But prod the elders in the community a little and they will tell you the Indian surnames of their ancestors – Prabhu, Shenoy, Nayak, Pai, Kamath, Shet, and so on.
Wedding Rituals
A Mangalorean Catholic Wedding will initially look like a European White Wedding in the Chapel. Later, you will see Indian rituals like flowers being used to adorn brides’ hair, brides being draped with traditional red Indian bridal sarees (known in the community as ‘Sado’).
Bridegrooms tying Mangalsutras around their wives’ necks, farm produce like pumpkins, rice, betelnuts, coconuts, etc. being exchanged between families, and many others.
On the evening before the wedding, a ceremony known as ‘Ros’ is organised. This is for both the bride as well as the groom by their respective families. A symbolic purification and anointing is conducted by way of applying coconut milk on their heads, hands and feet – this is like a traditional Hindu ‘Haldi’ ceremony.
There is also a ceremony at the end of the wedding reception known as ‘Opsun’, which is similar to the ‘handing over’ ceremony called ‘Vidaai’ that Hindus practice, wherein the bride’s parents symbolically hand over their daughter to her in-laws and request them to treat her as their own daughter.
Warding off Evil Eye
There is a very Indian concept known as ‘the evil eye’. There is believed to be a curse cast unknowingly by a malevolent glare. It is believed that it can be caused either when someone looks at you with evil intentions, or envies you, or sometimes even when someone is extremely fond of you.
It is believed that receiving the evil eye will cause misfortune or injury. Traditional Mangalorean Catholic households follow the traditional Hindu way of warding off the evil eye with the help of salt, red chilli peppers and some exotic Indian spices.
These interesting trivia are merely the tip of the iceberg as far as the community is concerned.
Christopher Roshan D’Souza is father to a 3 year old boy. By profession, he has a Masters Degree in Finance. He is working as a Research Analyst with a reputed global data and insights company. In an alternate life, he is a blogger who loves writing poems and short stories. He has a keen interest in music across genres, is a football fanatic (Arsenal FC fan), and is currently learning to play the guitar. He also loves trekking to hill forts and photography. Christopher likes to describe himself as a Jack of a few trades and a master of some, and as an introvert who loves appreciation yet hates being in the limelight.
What Celebrating Birthdays Does for Our Kids
Childhood is often reminisced with fond memories, especially around special occasions like festivals, summer or winter vacations and of course, birthdays.
My childhood is replete with such fond memories and I often like to revive and relive these memories through each passing year, in my own small way.
Although, a tad bit older, none the bit wiser, I try to recreate the magic of those moments. Memories around birthdays don’t need an “age” or a number specificity to cherish and celebrate.
I choose to celebrate each and everything, including birthdays, which my parents celebrated to make us feel special and loved.
My Special Days
Birthdays for instance were a big deal for me, especially in my growing up years. I remember it was in standard 5, when I decided that I was too grown up for childlike pompom laced birthday parties. I clearly remember how I had declared that I was a grown up then and strictly told my parents to stop creating a hullabaloo around my birthday any more.
To respect an eleven year old child’s decision, they made sure my last formal, childlike birthday party was way beyond “normal”. They got me a special castle shaped cake with all fancy sugar decorations (in those days getting ice cream cones as the castle tops with silver balls and bells was a great deal on cake). Apart from that, they called almost everyone from their world, arranged some fancy games, and literally hosted a party that lasted to the wee hours of night.
Honestly, as an eleven year old, I felt I had grown up, but my parents hadn’t. I was all the more certain of not repeating the celebrations anymore to save myself from further embarrassments caused through my parents over-indulgence.
Anyway, the years rolled by, but my parents didn’t leave any stone upturned to help me savor my birthdays. The years since then, still were laced with birthday celebrations of a different kind.
Although, there were no “party” parties as such, yet there were gifts wrapped and placed near my pillow, surprise cake in the morning, special breakfasts, formal lunches with friends all laced with homemade fancy food, and night time were reserved with cozy dinners with family. From morning to evening, I was made to feel as if I had done something great by simply taking birth on this planet.
As I look back now, I feel my parents left me more than fond memories around my birthdays.
What It Meant
They left me a treasure chest of feelings indescribable into words. They chose occasions like birthdays to help me realize that I was that special thing in their life that made their life worth living. Birthdays were a way to be thankful for everything they had and felt, through me or my siblings. To help us understand the happiness that they felt, they created that soft cocoon of happiness around us, which till today we would like to carry as part of some unstated legacy.
The fact that we were cherished, loved and respected is what has made us, the siblings grow strong, emotionally stable and mentally secure. We now don’t crave for material cravings, but rather the companionship of our loved ones on special days to nurture that feeling of warmth and security.
Doing the Same for My Child
This feeling of security is what I wish to create for my son too. A feeling of belonging, being accepted, loved and respected is something that creates that strong capsule of security in our kids’ minds. This feeling of being wanted is what makes them strive towards perfection, in order to please us, or to sustain that feeling of being loved and cherished forever.
Any pitfalls, by way of unacceptability or disrespect from our end, is what throws them off balance and they tend to deviate.
My mother always said that with freedom came responsibility. She extended freedom to me, without drawing any boundaries, sometimes even scaring me. Her excessive faith and freedom is what sometimes scared me and I often questioned myself with my own given freedom.
This fear she believed, created that sense of self-realization in me, the ability to assess myself. This fear of failing in her eyes, shunning the faith that she had put in me, was what helped me pull the reins, when I felt the need to (without having her telling me). I guess it was the fear of me being unaccepted or looking at something they loved and cherished, so defeated, is what spiraled that sense of responsibility in me.
And this feeling of acceptance and belonging got strengthened on such occasions, when I was made to feel special and accepted and loved, despite all flaws.
Although, we don’t need special days to cherish the companionship that we have, yet I wouldn’t deny that birthdays or special occasions are sure shot means of celebrating the bonds that are so special in our lives.
I always look forward to celebrate the birthdays of my loved ones by doing something special. It isn’t always about material things, but definitely the ways in which we make our loved ones feel on their special days that counts. The feeling of being needed and belonged is what makes their D-day, a special memory in many years to come!
As a mother, I would always love my child to remember our special equation through the happy feelings he had on his special days and on not-so special days.
The material things will eventually fade away, but the feelings are what will last in his heart and mind for eternity! He should be able to hold onto these fond memories, and use them as base, to create some more for himself and others in life ahead, even when we are not around.
After all, parenting is all about building memories and what better way than using special occasions like birthdays to create them!
A freelance creative writer and blogger for the past 7 years, Malvika Roy SIngh writes about subjects like travel, food, lifestyle, health, interior designing, real estate, digital entertainment, media and marketing, education etc. Her parenting blog helps her be a conscious parent (www.wipmom.com) When she is not writing, she can be found either running or playing with her 4 year old son enjoying time reading. She resides in Hyderabad and can be reached at mroysingh@gmail.com
How to Help Children Deal with Negative Feelings
There are situations that feel so unfair, behavior so uncalled for. Being under appreciated or feeling shortchanged can leave us with a bitter taste.
How to Avoid Living The Social Media Perfect Life
Do you live life in the messy middle? Watch the interview where Sherrie Mccarthy and Aditi Wardhan Singh discuss how hard it is to be yourself onsocial media as well as how to avoid the pitfalls many moms face when living life in the digital age.
LEARN MORE ABOUT SHERRIE MCCARTHY
What exactly it is that you do?
I’m an author and creativity coach. I have also recently added Doterra health consultant since discovering the joy that is esentional oils!
How did you come about this passion/profession?
I have been a writer my whole life, but it wasn’t until grief took me out at the knees that I realized how silly it was that I wasn’t claiming it.
Tell us about your family.
We are a Canadian, German family based in Berlin and currently afloat in the Carribean! We set sail from Poland on our boat Fallor in April 2017. My oldest is 5 and the youngest is 3!
What do you think are three biggest struggles most parents go through when regards to living their life fully these days?
1. Judgement
2. Information overload
3. Not enough support
Everyone has advice but fewer are there to actually help!
What are 5 ways a person can get over comparisons with another’s mom journey?
1. Yoga (seriously anything can be worked out on the mat!)
2. Journalling (Im a big believer in the power of writing to dive deep and discover if what you are upset about is what you truly believe or you are letting someone else trigger you)
3. Meditation (even 5 minutes will connect you with you and calm you down and bring you back to your own path)
4. A supportive community. Sometimes just asking like minded people can bring you back to sanity.
5. Digital detox. Unfollow anyone who doesn’t fill you with joy!
Do you have any resources to help our readers ?
2 free videos from the Creative and Vibrant living virtual retreat (no credit card required just sign up for the free trial!)
Raise Autism Awareness to Help Kids Be More Inclusive
I am fortunate enough to be a Mum to two beautiful children who just happen to be on the Autism spectrum. My daughter, O, is nine and my son, L, is 5. To my husband and myself, and to others who have come to know them, they are the most caring wonderful children who are totally inclusive of other children. And yet, some children struggle to be inclusive of O and L because they don’t understand why O and L do the things that they do.
Long before we knew that O was on the spectrum she had an amazing group of culturally diverse friends. I can recall one particular afternoon when I collected her from day care and I asked her who she had played with that day. At the ripe old age of 3 years, she replied with “oh I played with my black friend!”
At the time we lived in a city that was quite racist and all I could think of was what, you can’t say that, what are people going to think that I am teaching you?
When I pressed further with O as to why she said “black friend,” O replied “well, she’s my friend and her skin is black.” This was the start of her literalness showing. She wasn’t being racist, she was simply stating a fact. I, on the other hand, was horrified. I also had to go back into the centre to find out her new friends name!
I grew up in a very culturally diverse community. Throughout school I could count the number of Caucasian students in my classes on two hands. The cultural diverse out-numbered the Caucasian by a huge number. And yet here I was explaining to my then three year old daughter what she should and shouldn’t say and why.
A few weeks after this conversation, I was in a government office with my daughter along with a lot of other people from young families through to elderly people. We’d being waiting in the queue for some time and during that time my daughter had started playing with a young Sudanese boy – neither of them understood each other as clearly English was not his first language. But they were having a blast and that is all that matters. At one point, an elderly person turned to me and said out loud “you’re not going to let your child play with THAT child are you?” This elderly individual clearly had little tolerance for other cultures. I responded with “I sure am, and they’re having fun” before turning away.
Again I was horrified, but not by anything that my daughter was doing. In fact I was incredibly proud of my daughter, for at the age of three she didn’t see differences in others as a bad thing. She saw differences in others as an opportunity to learn more about others and she still has this view.
We’re now at the point in our autism journey that the exclusion of O and L by others is becoming an issue. However the exclusion is not from children but by adults.
When we mention that both O and L are on the autism spectrum we receive comments of “oh I’m so sorry,” or “oh so they aren’t capable of achieving anything?” or “I guess they’re like Rain Man?” or “they don’t look autistic” or “I guess you want a cure” and many others. The responses really show a lack of understanding from the general community about what autism is.
There are numerous celebrations throughout the year in which we celebrate culturally diverse communities and yet society still struggles with the idea of being inclusive of those with differences that aren’t as obvious.
Autism is considered a hidden disability and as such society struggles with the idea that my children look “normal,” whatever that may be, and yet they behave differently at times. O struggles with loud noises and will wear block out ear protectors to block out the background noise so that she can concentrate. L struggles with busy places and will often end up in meltdown down mode due to the overload of sensory input. The number of times that I have been told “stop your children from being naughty” or have had other parents tell their children that they don’t want their children to play with my naughty children is beyond the joke.
So how we do we raise children who are inclusive of others when their parents are not inclusive of those with differences?
Worldwide the month of April is considered to be the month in which to spread Autism awareness and acceptance.
What is Autism Awareness?
So what is Autism awareness? It is about raising the community’s awareness of the needs and accomplishments of both children and adults who are on the autism spectrum. Autism awareness is about educating the community that there are many different ways in which autism can present.
Autism is better known as “Autism Spectrum Disorder” for a reason and it is truly a spectrum. Autism isn’t just Rain Man or an individual sitting in the corner of a room rocking back and forth. Autism is both of those ideas and everything in between. I can see the spectrum myself in my two children. There is no one look to Autism.
No, I’ll take that back, Autism does have a look.
Autism looks like a child with red curly hair and bright blue eyes that light up when he’s engaging in his most favourite past time – anything to do with superheroes.
Autism also looks like a child with strawberry blonde hair that goes super frizzy when the air is humid and whose eyes change from the brightest of blue to grey when she is confused, sad or anxious.
Autism looks like a child who excels academically but struggles socially and emotionally. Autism looks like a child who loves to read The Complete Works of Shakespeare for fun!
Autism looks like one child who struggles with her gross motor skills and yet her fine motor skills are on par with her peers. Autism also looks like another child who excels in anything to do with gross motor movements but his fine motor skills are below average.
Autism awareness is being aware of this fact, that there is no one look to Autism. Autism can and does look like anything.
When we raise the level of Autism awareness in the community, we can then raise the level of Autism acceptance. And in the long term Autism acceptance means the inclusion of individuals in their communities.
Deep down, I have the belief that we all just want to be accepted for who we are. We all have things about us that are unique, different, possibly annoying to those that have befriended us. We all have different perspectives about the world around us. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And these differences should be accepted.
Individuals with autism are no different. They just want to be accepted for who they are, stims and all.
Autism is just a neurological difference. It is just a natural variation of the human form in the same way that cultural diversity is a variation of the human form.
Acceptance and inclusion of any individual, autism or not, is about being respectful and listening to what they have to say about themselves as well as accepting them for who they are. Acceptance and inclusion is about celebrating individual’s achievements, acknowledging their strengths and accepting that differences are a great thing.
After all, as Dr. Temple Grandin has said “This world needs different kinds of minds to work together!”
10 Ways to Thrive Without Technology this Spring Break
In the United States, many schools have Spring Break during the month of March and April. Around the world, at different times of the year, parents and caregivers support their families and children in transitioning from school to time off and back again. How do we deal with technology on break?
Breaks or holidays can often mean more unstructured time for the whole family. While it’s important for children and teens to experience unstructured play and downtime regularly, the transition from a rigorous school routine to week-long breaks can be challenging for everyone.
When life gets unpredictable or out of sync, anxiety, depression, and technology addiction can spike. As parents, caregivers, and supporters, we can facilitate structure that supports our children and teens in staying happy and healthy through the ebbs and flows of the calendar year.
10 Ways to Thrive this Spring Break
Whether you and your family are staying home or traveling during the next school break, this list of 10 strategies with help you and your family stay grounded.
1. Talk about the plan as soon as possible. If there are travel plans, begin discussing months or weeks ahead. Allow everyone to settle into the idea of what the break might look like or feel like. Setting expectations and beginning brainstorming early helps young people imagine the experience. They can work out areas of stress during this time, as well as build anticipation and joy for the upcoming event.
2. Make space for plans to be collaborative. Children and teens thrive when they know that they have agency and voice in their family. Allow them to help plan age-appropriate elements of the week off of school. This includes tasks such as researching online, scheduling with friends or family, selecting activities from a list of parent-approved ideas, and brainstorming places and spaces they would like to explore.
3. Set specific parameters for technology usage. Your children and teens are always going to have a relationship with technology, and you can support and care for them by helping them make and maintain a healthy relationship. Begin a conversation that allows your child or teen to express their needs, desires, and observations.
4. Find support. If you are working during the break or want to secure adult-only time during a holiday or vacation, plan ahead and find support. It’s okay (and necessary) to take time away from your children and teens, and it’s also perfectly acceptable to ask for help from family, friends, or a childcare specialist.
5. Aim for balance. It is important to give children and teens the time and space to relax and recover from their hectic school schedules. Time for rest and play needs to be a part of the structure you and your family create together. Have a plan, and ensure that the plan includes downtime.
6. Maintain daily routines as much as possible. Even if you are traveling, prioritize routines that support sleep and mealtime, for example. This can be particularly grounding, as the rest of the day or even the environment may be unfamiliar or unstructured.
7. Incorporate physical activity and time outdoors. Include time each day for movement and nature, as weather and location permit. If it’s necessary to stay indoors, explore resources such a GoNoodle or check YouTube for guided yoga practices.
8. Model the presence you want your children to observe. Take note of your own patterns, routines, and tech-usage. Kindly remind yourself of the behaviors you want to see your children practicing and do your best to model these each day. Aim for growth, not perfection; we are all learning what balance is together!
9. Break stressful tasks into chunks. Use timers and break tough tasks or experiences into more manageable segments. One of my clients struggles with being in the car for longer than 30 minutes. Before his last visit to see his grandparents, we came up with the plan of breaking the drive into five 30-minute segments. Together, we brainstormed a list of five ways he would like to pass time. My client set the timer on his iPad for 30 minutes and got started with his first activity. At the end of this segment, he paused and took some intentional breaths, then selected his next task.
10. Rely on community resources. Always remember that libraries, community centers, and parks offer engaging activities and options for your children and teens. School breaks and holidays can get costly, and rely on community resources that already exist and are made for YOU. Not only will this bring a bit of ease to your checkbook, it will also help your family connect with the greater community, whether you are home or traveling.
These ideas for setting your family up for a balanced, intentional spring break or holiday will be returned to over and over again with each new season. Building family norms and culture is a process always in progress, and I’d like to remind you to be gentle with yourself and your family along the way.
As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney supports tweens, teens, and young adults in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they explore their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in practicing self-care, growing alongside their children, and developing balanced sensitivity towards the process their rapidly-changing child is creating. Through Intentional Parents of Tweens and Teens, an online membership for parents of adolescents, Courtney offers parents the time and space to learn, grow, problem-solve, and relate to one another in a supportive community. Sessions with Courtney lovingly guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that’s crucial for a life of ease. Stay in touch here: http://courtneyharriscoaching.com/, https://www.facebook.com/courtneyharrisedconnect/, https://www.instagram.com/courtneyharriscoaching/If you and your tween, teen, or young adult are looking for support as you prepare for Spring Break, let’s chat! As a Life Coach for Teens and Parents, I work with clients to co-create systems that bring their family into deeper connection, and I would be honored to support you on the journey
