The Worst Fear of Every Immigrant - Having to Leave it All Behind

The Worst Fear of Every Immigrant – Having to Leave it All Behind

No one tells kids how life can suddenly throw you a curve ball and you are supposed to act as if you expected it all along.

It was a simple life, my family of four. A tiny apartment, family friends and weekends spent enjoying celebrations. Much like life is now in Richmond.

I was 10 and happy to just have become elder sister to a little brother. We had just visited Iraq on a month long trip seeing all the sights and meeting the friendliest strangers. Till some of those very strangers (I presumed at age 10) helped invade Kuwait August 1990.

When we visited India, 3 months every year, I never ever thought we would one day have to take refuge in our motherland. Leaving a whole life built behind. Moving with nothing but an purse full of jewelry and a bag full of diapers for a 6 month old.

Life was different. A room on top of the terrace, with a tin roof that made atrocious sounds when rain or hail came. A school in which I failed in the first semester, pining for my dad. Caste system. Relatives. Being a non vegetarian in an all vegetarian household was

All were jarring to a 10 year old. Not with any awareness mind you! I had no conscious inkling of how all this was affecting me. I just went along with everything, because, hey! I was a a kid. My life was all about making it through whenever and wherever we were.

Once my dad came back, we moved to a different city. A home my dad could build after losing everything because he had savings to fall back on. Two years of me building memories, another safe haven and learning dance and then that too changed with my parents deciding to move back to Kuwait.

Back to a tiny apartment, family friends and weekends. But you see, things has changed. Everything felt a shade greyer. There weren’t as many celebrations anymore. Fewer parties. People kept more to themselves and saved every penny and thing they owned, for the day they had to leave Kuwait again.

Living with the Worst Fear of Every Immigrant - Having to Leave it all Behind

It was not a question of IF anymore, but a WHEN.

There were after all around us the reminders that some day everything could disappear again and we would be left with nothing. The old apartment that we would pass by, the tanks, the buildings that were destroyed and of course the liberation tower.

The entire older generation turned into squirrels. Foraging for winter. Either you had people not buying anything and saving everything or my parents, who bought everything twice, keeping one in India whenever we went there for the time, we had to go back. Even if after retirement.

My mom became a borderline hoarder of things. She currently has things going back to 1990. Not just for sentimental reasons but out of fear. I get why she does it, but I hate it. It means we have cupboards full of things no one needs anymore, or could even use if they wanted to.

Yes, life had certainly changed.

The Constant Reassurance to Self

Today, I feel abhor storing things and am constantly purging. The possibility of moving our whole family back to India at a moment’s notice is an underlying rhythm to my days. Losing everything my husband and I have so lovingly built haunts me, more so now that I am a parent and think about what my parents had to go through. It makes me extremely conscious of choosing anything I buy or put my time into.

No matter where You end up living with your family, you have to be very aware that you are but a phone call aware from losing all that you have. Your pretty things, furniture, cookware, photos even. Poof!

So, make memories with those you love, and take full advantage of EVERY city you live in. Be mentally prepared for tragedies and constantly converse with your children about the world so they know that a place, at the end of the day is just that. A place. Who you are inside is what matters.

For my America born kids, India can only be as much as home as for me, a Kuwait born child was. Is. The day it happens, I hope they can happily acknowledge that the place they live in does not define who they are, their experiences do. Their values do. And how they live does.

A home is wherever your family is.

What advice do you have for people who live in this fear?

 

Why We Need to Stop Whining About Motherhood

Why We Need to Stop Whining About Motherhood

Parenting life can get very overwhelming. In Indian mythology, Goddesses have many forms. Many idols are created with many hands. Maybe, just maybe it has something to do with the many, many roles we play as a mother. The overwhelm that comes with it was life changing. And I see it every single day. Mothers constantly stressing, lamenting to each other about how difficult and hectic their life is.

I understand venting about your day, but when we see it happen incessantly in the way in which most mothers today seem to do it, it speaks towards the building of a negative mindset and the fact that almost everyone is going through difficult times. And our empathy for others seem to be eroding as we drown in ponds of pity for ourselves.

The Many Roles We Play as Parents

I was cleaning my daughter’s nose with saline solution. My son came, gazed intently at his sister and mumbled, ”Who are you?” I was too busy trying to do what I was doing without further traumatizing a wailing child. After I was done, my son came and put a hand on my shoulder (with sympathy almost) and asked again, ”Who are you?”

I laughed out loud. ” You don’t know who I am. I’m your Mama right ? ” He shook his head and persisted with the question, further elaborating, ” Who are you? Are you a Doctor? ” Ah ! Cleaning his sister’s nose giving her much needed relief during her cold and fever made him wonder. I of course found it amusing and affirmed. ” Yes, I’m doctor. I help you also when you get boo boo.” He smiled and said, ”You are a good doctor.”

Next time the question arose when I was trying to teach him the written letter. ”Who are you? Are you a teacher?” And so on it went.

Random comment would pass while I was doing generic stuff.

”Who are you? Are you a pilot ? ” , when I drove the car.

”Who are you? Are you a helper?” , when I helped him tie his shoes.

”Who are you? Are you a worker? “, when I’m finding something on the laptop.

My son, who was 3.5 at the time, recognized the simple fact that as a mom I play many roles at the same time. Doctor, driver, helper, researcher, nurse, teacher and much more. The moment made me introspect about how my children perceive me. Apparently, this person who multitasks constantly.

Not to mention the amount of managing we do to keep up with chores, food, appointments, social commitments while at the same time herding around a family of four to wherever we need to be at the exact time we need to be. Time management, team work, keeping up with information, being organized are all traits every mother imbibes, not to mention being there for everyone as much as I can emotionally and physically. Add to this working on my freelancing career and passion project, which are 24/7 in itself, life can certainly get overwhelming.

And that’s just in the beginning. A parent eventually plays the role of friend, teacher, preacher, judge, jury, confidante, and sibling also in many cases. To constantly use every teaching moment, parent them when needed, hand out consequences, keep their secrets and fill the void whenever they need us. Let’s not forget all the party planning that is involved during the festive season and when birthdays come around.

Stop the Overwhelm with This Mindset

I don’t write this just to glorify parents but to take remind every parent to take a few moments each day or week to sit back and take stock of all the work that you do. Appreciate all the roles that you play and how they help YOU evolve as a person constantly.

We can often catch ourselves cribbing about how hard parenting is and how we wish we could relax. Specially during the holiday seasons. We need to remember, every person on the planet is overwhelmed with some aspect of their life. Most importantly, the attitude of complaining sets a negative example for those who look towards us for how to look at life’s challenges. The health hazards of having a stressed outlook cannot be emphasized enough either. What we need to do is counter the overwhelm before the onset proactively.

Self care is a big part of avoiding the frustrations that come with parenting. But equally so is the need for us to look at it as a blessing. Being a parent is not just taking care of a child, but being many things so that you can together as a family grow and learn the multitude skills required to live a fulfilling life.

It is this very exhausting and overwhelming life full of worries that helps us appreciate all that our life has to offer. It forces us to take a hard look at our lifestyle choices and be aware of what it is we need to do to be better role models. Our children teach us life lessons each day and force us to introspect over our words and actions.

Gratitude for what you have and all that you are able to do has a wonderful way of making your parenting outlook more positive.

Why We Need to Stop Whing about Motherhood #parenting #motherhood

How to Make Diwali Meaningful to Children Today

Every year I try to make my home smell and feel similar to how my mom’s did in all the years I was growing up. We went home to home savoring delicious feasts from different cultures. Diwali is not a linear celebration. It is a month long festivity of all that brings light in our lives. Bringing the crisp, cool air that comes around this time. A clean, elaborately decorated home. It is the excitement of new clothes, jewelry, kitchen utensils and decor coming into the home. Diyas and candles everywhere.

The smoky warmth, lights and shine of sparklers circling in the air. It is the huge spread of spicy, hot, sour savories and sweet dishes spread out on the dinner table. It is this smell of mom’s cooking wafting through the home bringing back memories of all the years gone by. One by one each candle is lit up, sending vibes through the house to turn into a haven for you. Though, in the past few years as you can see I have taken to making my own diyas which is my own little tradition and I am loving it.

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How is Diwali traditionally celebrated?

  • Prepping before the festival begins by spring cleaning and organizing.
  • Buy gold, silver and kitchen for the home.
  • Illuminate the house by lighting diyas, line them outside the door and around the house.
  • Whip up and relish multiple sweet and savory dishes all through the festive days. Exchange them with friends and family.
  • Put up door decor (toran) that can be made with flowers or cloth to welcome good vibes.
  • Make Rangoli (intricate designs with colored powder or these days chalk) outside your door.
  • Put up string lights outside or/and inside your house.
  • Wear new and festive clothes.
  • Making wheat or earthen diyas.
  • On Bhaidooj, siblings share gifts.
  • Light fire crackers to enjoy on Diwali days. (the MAIN event)

But in today’s fast paced world, celebrating traditionally is a real struggle. So, how do you make it easy for kids to relate to these age old traditions?

 

IMPART REAL LIFE VALUES THROUGH STORIES

Mythology though, is hard to comprehend by young minds. It is paramount we connect these stories to real world examples to make them easier to understand and digest. The many reasons Diwali is celebrated are a wonderful way to talk about life and it’s many pitfalls.

  • Read children’s books featuring stories about Ramayan, Ganpati, etc.
  • Encourage kids to ask questions about the story lines.
  • Explain to kids in the simplest possible terms what every aspect of the story means.

When I was young I did not understand and even negated the beauty of the mythology of Ramayan. I could not find respect in my heart for a man who would exile his wife for no fault of her own. But now, over the years I have understood that it is not just a story to glorify God in the incarnation of Ram.

It is a story where it is proven that even Gods when in human form can make mistakes. So, we should not be so hard on ourselves when we happen to do the same. It teaches us that choices have consequences.

That when fathers make thoughtless decisions, children have to suffer. When people get selfish, the reward is nothing but pain. That when you do not pay heed to the warnings of those you love, you suffer. That not respecting women, can lead to the downfall of even Kings. That the happiness one feels when a child comes home is priceless.

That when disrespected, any woman can choose to part ways with her husband. But that is of course my interpretation. Anyone who reads scriptures or mythology derives their own meanings and using them to grow in their own life!


EXCHANGE MEANINGFUL GIFTS

In a materialistic world, it is important to teach kids to value presents made with thought.

  • Make cards together for your extended family. Send them in advance. This is a great way to stay connected with family far away.
  • Create idols from playdoh or earthen/ecofriendly clay.
  • After spring cleaning (a tradition of Diwali), donate items that are old and have not been used for more than six months to those in need.

CREATE TRADITIONS THAT ARE FAMILY DRIVEN

Every year start a new ritual that convey life lessons and encourage creativity. Below are some great ways to connect as a family and dare I say, save money too. Being frugal of course is a wonderful trait to foster.

  • Cook sweets or cookies together.
  • Create cards or decoration together.
  • Discuss and put up decorations together.
  • Find new ways to use the older years’ decorations.
  • Visit a local orphanage or old age home with gifts or treats.
  • Create Rangoli at home with flowers or sidewalk chalk or pulses.

Connect with Your Community

In an age where people often get lost in the hustle of everyday life, it is important to connect with your friends and neighbors on this wonderful occasion. Organize a get together to create flower arrangements, Rangoli designs or art creations. Getting creative together in groups is a wonderful way to bond and break ice with new friends.

FIND NEW WAYS TO CELEBRATE THIS FESTIVE SEASON.

  • It is fall season. What a wonderful time to collect dry
    leaves, twigs, etc. Use these to create a bonfire in your
    backyard.
  • Fill up balloons with glitter or pieces of colored paper.
  • Burst these in the evening for a vibrant ambiance.
  • Kids could even blow up paper bags and burst giving you the cheerful sound of crackers.
  • Make Diyas out of wheat flour. It is very simple and beautiful way to decorate your home.

Wishing you a very happy Diwali this year.

 

http://localhost/raisingworld/2017/10/12/easy-diwali-family-problems-home/

The Many Lessons Hidden in the Varied Origins of Diwali

The origin of Diwali is a wonderful way to explain to children, how good always conquers evil. The many stories that form the foundation of this world celebration, are a lesson in life about how to always stand true when faced with difficult choices. You may be surprised to learn, Diwali is celebrated across different sub cultures of India for various reasons. And thus, holds an extremely special meaning in the lives of many. Contrary to popular belief, not all Indians traditionally follow the same Hindu culture and yet, Diwali is  one of the most auspicious days in the lives of many. People from different parts of India celebrate this day for different reasons.

North India

Lord Ram, the most beloved prince and son is sent to exile by his father because of a promise he made to one of his wives (granting any two wishes when she wants). Laxman, his devoted brother chooses to go on exile with his brother and sister in law Sita. After years of hardships, Sita one day sees a deer she desires and on her behest Sri Ram and Laxman go after it. She consequently gets kidnapped by Raavan when she crosses the Laxman rekha (a spellbound line made outside their home to keep her safe by her brother in law). Ram and Laxman slay Raavan, saving her with the help of Hanuman an ardent devotee of Sri Ram. They all come back home to Ayodhya (on Diwali) among great pomp and show only to send her into exile all on her own when a citizen of the city raises a question of her purity after living with Raavan for so many years. She goes into the forest where she brings up her two sons. After years, when his sons cross his path in battle, Lord Ram goes back to bring his wife home. She in turn chooses to go back to Mother Earth instead. The Return of the Pandavas: Another story about the origins of the Diwali is within the great epic ‘Mahabharata,’ it was ‘Kartik Amavashya’ when the five Pandavas (brothers Yudhishthira, Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula, and Sahadeva) appeared from their 12 years of banishment as a result of their defeat in the hands of the Kauravas at the game of dice (gambling). The subjects who loved the Pandavas celebrated the day by lighting the earthen lamps.

South India

In South India, Lord Krishna slaying Narakasura. Narakasura was a demon drunk with power stole the earrings of Aditi (mother of all Devas) and kidnapped 16000 women. The Devas were unable to stop him and so they went to Lord Vishnu to reincarnate as Krishna, so as to destroy the evil demon and save the women.

Marwaris and Gujratis

Diwali is the new year time for Marwaris and Gujaratis.  This is when the merchants close the accounts of the old year and pray to the goddess of wealth that the new year should open with even bigger increase of trade.  Kali Chaudas is devoted to the worship of Maha-Kali or Shakti as this is the day Kali killed the wicked Raktavija. Also referred to as Narak-Chaturdashi, Kali Chaudas is the day to abolish laziness and evil. Thus, many regions pray to Goddess Laxmi (giver of weath) on this day. Lakshmi is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, emerging from a feud between the gods and demons, who were tangled in a race to obtain the nectar of immortality. Consulting Lord Vishnu in this pursuit, they could successfully churn the nectar of immortality from Goddess Lakshmi, who chose Vishnu to be her companion, consequently Lord Vishnu carried goddess Lakshmi to the heavens.

Jains  

To the Jains it marks the day after Lord Mahavira attained nirvana. He was released from his worldly body on the night of the full moon. So the people of Pavapuri, where he attained nirvana, lit lamps in their doorways as a symbol of their guru’s enlightenment.

According to Myth Gyan , Mahavira attained Moksha at the dawn of the Amavasya (new moon). He was cremated at Pawapuri. It is believed that many Gods were present there illuminating the darkness. But the following night was pitch black.

So people illuminate their houses in order to symbolically keep the light of their master’s knowledge alive.


Sikhism

This day for Sikhs celebrates the release of Guru Hargobindji along with 52 Indian kings who were imprisoned along with him at the Gwalior fort by Emperor Shah Jahan in 1619. This day is thus also known as Bandi Chorr Diwas (meaning the day of freedom).

Nepal

Diwali is also celebrated in Nepal and the Indian states of Assam, Sikkim and Darjeeling in West Bengal. The five-day festival in these places is considered to be of great importance as it shows reverence to not just the humans and the Gods, but also to the animals like crows, cows and dogs who maintain an intense relationship with humans.

Arya Samaj

It was the new moon day of Kartik (Diwali day) when the 19th-century scholar Maharshi Dayananda, one of the greatest reformers of Hinduism and the founder of Arya Samaj, attained his nirvana. Dayananda’s great mission was to ask humankind to treat one another as brothers through practices of nobility.

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Historically 

In history, this day is celebrated as the coronation day of One of the greatest of Hindu kings, Vikramaditya. He was crowned on the Diwali day. The legendary emperor, who may have been a historical figure or based on one, is thought of as the ideal king, known for his generosity, courage, and patronage of scholars. Thus, Diwali became a historical event as well.

And thus, this day is celebrated across five days,

1. Dhanteras. 2. Choti Diwali (Naraka Chaturdasi). 3. Badi Diwali (Laxmi Puja). 4. Naya Saal (New Year). 5. Bhai Dooj. Many today, celebrate this day the whole month as the only time to rejoice available is on weekends. What is your reason to celebrate?

What does this conversation about origins of Diwali teach kids? 

  • Love your family.
  • Support your loved ones always.
  • Stand by what is right.
  • Freedom is a birth right.
  • Choices have consequences.
  • Women should be nurtured.
  • Every woman has a right to make her own choices.
  • Above all, be loyal.
  • Be careful about spending and save.

Do Not –

  • Think ill of others.
  • Let ego get in the way of your relationships.
  • Disrespect those you care about.
  • Make decisions in haste.
  • Be selfish or greedy.

The Loneliness Parents Don't Talk About

The Loneliness Parents Don’t Talk About

Parenting is a paradox. You are constantly surrounded by people and yet, extremely alone in the challenges you face. And No one talks about how isolating the solitude is and how utterly dark it can get within.

I lived 5 years by myself before being married. Had many meals, enjoyed movies, trips to the market, holed up in my room reading happily. I have always known how to be by myself. But being lonely within a family is an alternate reality.

And yet you do not see anyone discussing how lonely being a parent can become. You may know yourself before but after having kids you sometimes slowly lose the connections you had and sometimes yourself as well.

Before having kids, you are flitting around parties, going out whenever you want and having friends over at the drop of a hat. After the babies are born, the most well meaning friends stay away so as to give you space to adjust, so much so that the phone stops ringing.

The babies keep you on your toes and the words, “needs to be fed” and “needs a nap” have you rushing home. As they grow up, their random tantrums and exhausted crying have you wishing you had just stayed home.

Your friends who do not have children do not understand the urgency created by a restless child (on the verge of a tantrum). Friends who are not drama free are distanced from without conscious thought because you honestly do not have anything left to give to them. After all, your time is already consumed by kids’ tantrums.

The few couples who do have children may be ones with whom your kids just don’t get along with and even if they do, it may happen that your parenting philosophies don’t match. In the end, you end up with little to no friends with whom you can relax. Slowly, as the kids grow up you realize school, classes, birthday parties and chores leave you with no actual time in which to socialize.

The Isolation of Parenting

It eats at you, this slow isolation that happened without you actually being aware. Humans are a social group. We need connections in order to thrive and in fact survive. Social media does not help as you see the best moments of other families enjoying their apple picking and parties. You do not realize it is not real life but a reel life that you see on screen. Everyone goes through the same pains but do not care to reach out during them instead only coming to you with their joys.

Social media is no help for it only makes you feel, how others are managing the same milestones so much better. Here you are wallowing alone on weekends and others seem to be partying through parenthood.

You grow cranky and exhausted without those few precious moments with people with whom you just laugh and be carefree. And if, within that time your spouse has to travel for work, you end up being completely isolated without any adult conversation and no one to express your frustrations to.

All of the above happened to me. To top it all, all my acquaintances and one of my best friends moved away. There was a period of 6 months when I literally scrabbled to understand what it was that I was going through. I grew listless, irritable, going through the motions, developing aches and pains that I couldn’t justify.

What was worse was, I started pushing away the couple of friends I did have left. I started stalking them on social media, obsessing over who was doing what, and whey they weren’t doing it with me. Why they hadn’t commented on my photos, why I wasn’t invited to one party but not the other , etc. I had the time in which to create a pity party in which I was Chief Guest.

One day I realized I was just ruining my own peace of mine. This wasn’t who I wanted to be. I needed to channel my energies positively and find outlets for myself. Empower myself to be a better mom and person. No one but me that could get me out of this hole I had dug up.

What did I do? Well, I pushed all the below up a notch. These are tips I think would help you too.

Celebrate Everything

Even if it’s a small win. Or a celebration no one else cares about. Light some candles, make a dinner. Have an impromptu party with the kids. Do not ever let your kids be affected by what you are going through. Teach them the importance of living life to the fullest.

I believe in enjoying life to the fullest now. Celebrating Valentines day my way, even if my husband doesn’t want to plan anything on this commercial holiday.

Find A Mission

I joined a non profit called Circle of Peace International, and worked with them using all the social media knowledge I had to help spread the word about them.

There are many non profits out there that need people to give a helping hand. Find a cause to support. Use your talents in any small way to be there for those less fortunate. Even if it is just making cards or ornaments for the festive season, doing something for another less fortunate helps not only them but is good for your soul.

Take Care of Your Body

Walks and runs are good for exercise but more than that the fresh air, open spaces and silence is good for your soul. Going to the spa is not just a matter of luxury but your body being pampered reaches out to your mind to soothe it. If you cannot afford the spa, use at home remedies to invigorate your senses.

Give yourself nurturing time. Dress up and go to town for no reason other than you want to look pretty for yourself.

Get a Baby Sitter

This is an issue most Indian families face who are not used to hiring baby sitters, specially when living in USA far from family they trust.

I cannot stress this enough. If you have no family or friends to assist, find a baby sitter in your community that you can trust with your children for even a few hours. Or better yet, let your husband take over. Yes! He’s not a baby sitter but the father. But let’s face is. Not most dads are hands on all the time and this time alone with the kids is a great way to get to know the kids uniquely.

Get out of the house by yourself, go shopping, read a book or if possible catch up with an old friend.

Pursue an Interest

My biggest solution was nurturing my passion for writing and creating.

You need to have a passion to feed your inner self. Writing, gardening, painting, find something that helps you grow. Creating something other than your children’s schedule for the day is extremely essential.  Me time in which you are not watching TV  or reading a book but putting something out there. Using your body and mind to create

Find Your Tribe Again

Reach out to your old friends. Make new ones. Many a times for no reason people just grow apart. Even if they do not have kids, even if your children do not get along, do not let it affect your relationships. Talk to the person at the park.  Converse with others, learning what their life is about.

Everyone needs someone, and maybe by reaching out for a coffee or a drink that someone could be you being there for them. Be the first one to be a friend. Be for someone, what you need in your own life.

Disconnect

Step away from the social media apps. Switch off the TV. Dare yourself to not log into the accounts on certain days or hours of a day. The silence virtual and real, will force you to think up ways to occupy your time more productively.

Let’s face it. A lot of anything does more harm than good.

Meditate

Take a few moments to empty your mind of all the schedules and multi tasking clutter and empty it to let thoughts in. As we need air to breathe, we need our senses to be able to feel every single moment in it’s totality, something we rarely do in the daily grind that is life.

Be Your Own Friend

I realized I had become dependent on having a friend to be with when I was not with the kids. I needed to grow myself in a way that I could to appreciate. While being with my kids watching them play is amazing, having them with me had become a crutch that I needed subconsciously. Going out means going out for grocery or to run errands. Don’t just do that. Go out to do something that you love that is not connected with children. Spend time with yourself and the experience the world as it was meant to be.

Most importantly, do not feel you are ever alone. You just need to reach out, physically or metaphorically. And the universe will take care of the rest. Give yourself a chance to love yourself.

  Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties and trips to the library with her little ones are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”. Her own book Strong Roots Have No Fear comes out soon.

That Inherent Vicious Cycle That Causes Victim Blaming

That Inherent Vicious Cycle That Causes Victim Blaming

** Trigger Alert !

His hands slid down his brief case and before I knew it, they were on me. He pressed and pushed and groped. I sat stunned, unable to move. Praying for my bus stop to come. In a bus full of people, I was paralyzed. Voiceless. The bus stopped, finally. I rushed out of there, went home and told my aunt what happened.

Her response, “It’s your fault. Why didn’t you just get up?!” 

I felt like I had been slapped. Why didn’t I get up and leave? What had been stopping me? Nothing!

After this, I knew better. I would get up when I sensed a man reaching for me. Before long, I would turn around and snap at the people next to him. Or just turn away. Or worse, ignore and walk way.

From an innocent 17, I went to a 22 year old expecting men to assault me wherever I walked. In India, it’s a silent acceptance that this is a regular occurrence.

There is anger but NO surprise when men touch your inappropriately, lech at you, cat call or even masturbate in front of you.

This blind acceptance is one of the roots of all sexual assault. It is accepted. And so when such incidents happen, some people think, “It happens. Deal with it.” 

It is only after I’ve had a daughter that I have come to accept that a teenager, unless told how to handle a situation will not know how to react in any sexual situation. Be it assault or otherwise. My call to action in such situation was tell dad and mom, and that is what I thought I would do. That THEY (our guardians) would take action. And it is only recently, that I have come to question this blind acceptance.

No one says, THIS SHOULD JUST STOP.

Every group of girls sitting around has war scars of being assaulted. There are a lot of hows, but no whys. Moreover why is it that us girls are blamed for what happens to us? 

Our skirts. Our attitude. Our behavior. Our choices.  

Of all these, the only true reason for victim blaming is denial. Girls who are assaulted are blamed or not believed is because those who are doing the blaming are thinking, “This would NEVER happen to me.”

They are sitting on their high horse, thinking they are above it all. Either they have been through it, accepting it as something that happens naturally OR they have never experienced it, secretly hoping they never DO. For they are following some set para-dimes that they feel will keep them safe. 

Whereas the one and only solution to this is raising men with awareness. Raising women with empathy.

Today I understand that my aunt having two sons and being of a certain age had maybe forgotten the shame, desperation and disgust a girl feels.

I never forgot what happened. I also never forgot what was said to me after. About me. How it made me feel so much worse. For what the man had done was natural to him. But I had thought my aunt would be the one protecting me.

I never forget. Not because I have a girl. 

But because I have a boy, who is going to go out in the world. I have the responsibility as a mother, a woman and most importantly a human being to protect those around us to the best of my ability. To teach my son what it means to treat girls/women with respect. To tell him, what it means to be a good boyfriend. A great husband.

PASSING THE TORCH

 

A couple of weeks ago, he (now 7) said, “I don’t want to get married because I don’t like kissing girls. I don’t know why people have girl friends.”

I responded, “The best age to have a girl friend or boyfriend is when you are 20 because by then you have some understanding on how to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend. You have to care for them like dad cares about me. They are your responsibility.”

“Then why do teenagers have girlfriends?”

“Because some people think it is a matter of being cool. Sometimes you just like someone, and want to be around them more. But if you want to be a GOOD boyfriend, you have to know it is work, just like studying or being married. You have to be kind, gentle and loving.”

“Yuck! I don’t want to do all that with girls now. I think I will wait for when I’m old enough. “

Yes, there will be those out there who tell me he’s too young. But it is these very conversations that add up to a mentality in a society.

The only way to stop the vicious circle of sexual assault & victim blaming is to understand, that is is someone’s child who is going through something. It can happen to anybody. And this is not something that ANY VICTIM just forgets. It haunts them for the rest of their lives. And shows up in subtle ways. 

So, there is certainly nothing wrong when it haunts the person who does the assault either. That is what is called justice. We need examples for our children, that we can say, THIS is what happens when you take scar someone. And THIS is absolutely why when we put men in power who have disrespected women or stay silent when another is being assaulted/harassed, we exemplify this horrendous behavior which seems to have No consequence.

It is up to us, to be a gentle world. To believe. To act. To empower the children of tomorrow with kindness and respect.

To stand up and say, “No MORE!”

How are you stopping the cycle of victim blaming? What are you doing to STOP this vicious cycle of assault and blame?

Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children and IndiFusion Creative Academy. Impromptu dance parties and trips to the library with her little ones are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”. Her own book Strong Roots Have No Fear comes out soon.

Strong Roots Have No Fear Book

7 Things Teachers Wish Parents Knew

7 Things Teachers Wish Parents Knew

I am part of a lot of mom groups. A few of them are of course focused on early education or future academic. And the most common thing I notice is how worried parents are.  Every parent  tries every possible avenue they think can be used, to give their child the extra edge to succeed in the world.

This worry is inherent in us as parents and something I personally face daily. But how much of it is a valid concern? Are we worrying about the right aspect of our child’s development?

According to my son’s teacher from first grade last year, ‘parents really do not need to be so anxious (namely me 🙂 ). She told me how the extra classes kids take these days are not even necessary and actually hampered her teaching at school and the child’s over all development. What was more important was kids to play freely and learn essential life skills before entering school system.  The outdoors in fact is a better learning atmosphere at an early age.’

This led to the below conversation, when I called my mother in law to wish her Happy Teachers  Day today. Geeta Singh, a prolific educator who has been teaching since January of 1985, for over 34 years and has been a principal of two schools for over 7+ years. A truly inspiring influence on the many lives she has touched during her teaching career and much loved by every student she comes across.

She spoke about how the education system today has taken much of the power away from the teachers. In the 80s and 90s, teachers had much more influence over students since they could provide appropriate consequences. But with changing time and the evolution of the education system, now it a LOT more the parents who have to support the teachers in the right way to help shape their kids growth.

Yet, not in the way parents think. Society today is very misconstrued about what every child truly needs in their early years and even in the later years. 

Here are the 7 universal things she knows first hand as an educator, all teachers wish parents knew. 

Take Time to Understand Your Child

Children are all born a certain way. There is a nature that your child is born with, which needs to be accepted. Your dreams and hopes do no define your child.  What needs to actually happen is for you to take the time to actually observe your child and take in who they are before molding them into what you think they should become. This is where play time, long walks and conversations with your children come in. Spend time with your child without purpose to better get a sense of who they are.

This is a great tool which will show you where your child is meant to excel in. Do not blame teachers or even your child for not doing well in a certain subject. They just may not be inclined towards it naturally. It’s not that your child is not intelligent enough. They just are interested in other subjects and will perform in those.

Learn to Question Your Child’s Motive

We as parents tend to trust our children blindly. Often children say things that aren’t really true. The source of this lies in many factors. Not to say that the child is bad but maybe they are experiencing feelings they cannot verbalize in the right way.

When your child says something about teachers at school or peers even, take the time to analyse what they are saying. Ask probing questions and calmly try to understand what your own child’s version might be in relaying said conversation to you. School is a different environment where a child experiences varied emotions and thus they tend to be a version of themselves parents do not often see. Before taking any rash decision based on your child’s words, understand what might have happened.

And in case of conflict, converse with the teacher, not accuse her.

Make a Habit of Looking At Your Child’s Bag

When kids come to school, they begin to think of their school bag as their private space. Since the beginning of school years, make it a habit to be the one to take out your child’s homework so you always know what is inside your child’s bag. As the kids get older and bolder, their bag becomes the place which they can use to hide things they do not want parents to see.

Teach Your Kids About Hygiene & Presentation Early 

It is unfortunate when kids are not taught the importance of presentation early. Outer appearance is a reflection of the person inside. Do not teach your kids to be flashy. But educate them about basic cleanliness concepts and how to dress for any given occasion. This is something many parents fail to teach their kids. Respecting and taking care of your bag, shoes,  clothes, accessories and self is something that should be imparted early.

Encourage Your Child Towards Extra Curricular Activities

Specially in their later years. In life, how one utilizes leisure time is very important. Kids need to know that they can work on their passion projects. Many adults today spend their time watching TV/ browsing phones since they do not know how to creatively spend their free time. Be an example for your child in this matter.

Sports and art are a very important part of every child’s growth into adulthood. It is unfortunate that over time, specially as kids get older parents stop supporting extra curricular activities, even monetarily at school. This is detrimental not only to every child’s growth but specially to those kids who excel in a certain art form.  Help your child encourage their preferred art work in any way possible.  

Your Child’s Grade is NOT Everything. 

Your child has varied interests. Not every child is going to excel academically. Or in every subject. And that needs to be okay too. This is NOT failure in any form. When parents put kids early into extra classes and apply pressure for academics, it makes the child peak and burn out soon. This hampers their future in a way many parents do not foresee. Let your child grow in the way they are meant to. No one cares what your child’s second grade position is.

What is in fact needed is the teaching of all round growth.

Knowledge
Understanding
Application 
Skill

What a screw is and it’s use once taught is understanding. But the actual applications of screw at home and making use of it in day to day life is skill development. How to apply knowledge what is more important. Instead of sending kids for academic classes after school show them the ways in which what they have learnt gets applied in their day to day life.  Mark sheets are no guide to real life.

Nurture Your Child’s Moral Growth

This is something parents need to focus on more at home and teach ways in which kids can be kind to their peers and teachers at school. Helping others gives everyone a better sense of self worth, that is severely lacking in today’s child driven society. Parents are so way focused on academics that they lose sight of teaching kids how to go that extra mile for another human being. And that is a major reason for negative experiences by students at school.

In addition to this, it is very important it is for everyone to honor teachers in every form. Not just the ones at school, but their parents who are the first teachers of every child, family members and friends who help teach us many of life’s important lessons.

After this conversation, I found another great resource that spoke about this very same topic.
Are you a teacher reading this?
What would you add to this prolific teacher’s list of things parents should be aware of?
7 Things Teachers Wish Parents Knew #HappyTeachersDay #TeachersDay #education #kids #teaching
Like This Post. Share With Friends.

 

 

  Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties and trips to the library with her little ones are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”. Her own book Strong Roots Have No Fear comes out soon.

 

What Role Spirituality Plays in Our Parenting

What Role Spirituality Plays in Our Parenting

When I was younger, I came to a point of despair when I thought, “It is impossible that God exists. Why would this be happening at all?”

Indian mythology too is quite difficult to understand for the lay person. I questioned the Ramayan for having an avatar of God that left his wife. I questioned the Mahabharat for having characters so flawed and self serving. I wondered how can there be justice when the Gods themselves make hasty and often destructive decisions.

I judged them all, and myself. I felt ashamed of my failures and decisions. I felt sorry for myself and wondered if I was even deserving of happiness. Being far from family and no faith left to hold onto, I struggled.

One day though as while exchanging emails with a cherished friend, she wrote a simple sentence .

“ God is a forgiving God. “

And my life changed. That one simple thought brought me peace. If I could hold onto that belief then I could forgive my own mistakes. If God could forgive me and accept me as I am, so could those closest to me.

With that thought, I walked the path of self acceptance. And with that came the strength to stand tall once again.

And when I re read those stories of long ago, I realized Indian mythology is beautiful when you interpret them as stories. That Gods too make mistakes when in human form and that is okay. Those stories are not a source of ideology but a treasure trove of real world values. They teach us to accept the world and act to the best of our karma.

Over the years, those stories and the many, many books I have read and continue to read have slowly but surely helped me discover my own spiritual being.

It is very easy to get lost in the many ups and downs of life. But once you build a personal belief system that you can go back to refer to, most decisions do not seem that difficult to make.

Of course, having hit rock bottom, the only place left to go was up. And that is where my spirit led me.

Role Spirituality Plays

Finding Strength In Faith

I have always said, “I’m more spiritual than religious. “

For me, spirituality is the belief that there is a higher power that resides all around us and within us that guides us at all times, holding us accountable to ourselves.

A core belief system independent of religion. Being a good person above all, accepting people’s choices and mistakes(even my own), valuing people (time, energy and deeds) and appreciating all that I have with a heart filled with gratitude.

The first to accept my idealistic nature, I also accept not everyone has the same value system and that above all is essential.

What is faith but the belief that there is hope no matter what the situation you are in? That you believe in something bigger than yourself. When someone is in despair, the smallest sliver of hope is enough to buoy their spirit and carry them through the toughest journeys.

Now, with the conviction of faith in the beauty of all around us, I have the super power to look at the silver lining of the worst situations.

My spiritual compass helps me navigate my life with my kids, knowing when my decisions regarding them are right or wrong. Knowing when to forgive myself, my mishaps and when to hold strong in the face of tragedy.

To understand how to counter my relationships, when things go wrong and how to better understand when someone is judging my every move. To help my kids avoid the loss of faith when pitfalls arise. To guide them better towards a stronger self. 

How Do I Pass On My Spirituality?

In today’s fast paced, social media crazy, photo frenzied world, it is more important that ever to have the next generation grounded and in touch with their true inner self. To have a sense of self awareness.

Indian culture is full of customs and traditions. I enjoy sharing them all with my children to teach them the joy their origins. But above all, I wish my children to discover the spiritual side of their being so that they have a strong value system to guide them and faith to hold onto in times of despair.

To that end, I pass on interpretations of these age old stories to my children. Explaining to them the human aspect to them, encouraging questions and accepting their disappointments at face value.

I teach my children about the world. We have conversations about people and the many problems different kinds of people face.

Reading and dialogue have been my way to finding the spiritual aspect of my being and I share these with my children to hold them steadfast in all their joys and sorrows.

  Aditi Wardhan Singh, founder and chief editor of Raising World Children online magazine is a mom of two adorable kids, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place which led her to specialize in writing about cultural sensitivity when parenting. She writes for a number of large publications, including Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Richmond Moms Blog, Richmond Family Magazine, Desh Videsh. She has also been featured as a parenting expert on NBC. A computer engineer by profession, she turned entrepreneur by founding Raising World Children online magazine. At RWC, she is bringing voices from around the world together to talk about the synergy of today’s cultures with world heritage. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. . She has also contributed to the best selling anthology “When You Are Done Expecting” and is coming out with her new book “Strong Roots Have No Fear. ”
How to Stop Kids Saying Hurtful Things to You

How to Stop Kids Saying Hurtful Things to You

It’s like a bolt of lightning. Those hurtful words that fall out of your child’s mouth towards you. You are left gaping, angry, hurt that your child could say something that would make the pit of your stomach drop.

You feel like you have just been slapped. There’s heat in the moment, sure! But more than that you are aghast at what have you done wrong that your child does not understand the ocean of love that resides within you towards them.

I used to react. Get embarrassed, hurt and get offended. Timeouts and appropriate admonishments followed. But a few months ago, when I wasn’t exhausted beyond comprehension and fresh from a bath, I didn’t admonish or counter his hurtful words in retaliation to being asked to go to bed.

I gave a long, drawn good five minute pause.

His words hung in the air, and fell on the floor like bricks. I could see him processing what he had just said. I asked him if he was proud of himself. He looked down.

I went over all the day’s events where I gave my time, energy and love to keep him happy and healthy. And asked if he still meant what he said.

Needless to say, he reconsidered. After I put him to bed, he came back to me to apologize and say he would’t do it again.

He did. Because of course he’s a child. The only difference is,  I didn’t react.

This is something every mother in the history of time faces from her child. This anger of resistance. 

What We Do Naturally Do As Adults

It’s something we all do. Say hurtful things when we are angry. The most hurtful things are said to those we love the most, because we know instantly what will cut them to the core. Those are things caused by misunderstanding, miscommunication, and not being heard.

Things said in the heat of the moment. Things we wouldn’t say in happier moments. And never to hurt someone.

If only we took the time to think before we spoke, even in the those dark moments. The below tips will not stop your kids from saying hurtful things instantly. But they will surely teach them to be more mindful of what they say. And you WILL see a change.

Stop Kids Saying Hurtful Things to You

Listen to Them

Yes. They are kids. They do not know what they are doing or saying or that what they are doing is derailing your day. But often giving the some extra notice or five more minutes can stop them from revolting. We look at the clock and talk over them to hurry up and they are unable to process. Remember, just like you, your kids have a plan in their head too. And when their plan gets sidetracked in favor of your day, they as kids don’t really know why. So listen to their plans.

Don’t React Instantly

Take three breathes. And pause.

Don’t react to derogatory, disrespectful talk. Think back to what all led up to this point in the past 5,10,15 mins. Pay attention to what has happened uptill now.

Give them time to process what they have just said. Taking the time to think about how they have behaved badly gives them a a chance to be pro active in their remorse and honestly, they do take the time to think about why is it they have said this.

Go Over The Day and Ask Them to Rephrase

Yes, showing them the many simple ways you have given parts of yourself for their smile teaches them to look over the day with gratitude and fills their heart with the recognition of unconditional love.

Let Forgiveness Fill Your Heart

Yes, forgive them and yourself. You are not a bad parent. This is human, this desire to hurt someone who seems to be putting you in an uncomfortable positive, specially one you don’t want to be in.

Let your kids be forgiven and let those words go. It is not as easy as it may sound. You will wonder often about those words for the next few days. But you can do it.

Be Mindful of Your Own Words 

This is paramount. Your kids look towards you for conflict resolution. When you react badly about a colleague or talk badly when in an argument with any relationship, that is the path your child follows when looking to process bad feelings. Be a good example to them. Specially when talking to them, when helping them resolve something. Or getting them to see that conflict resolution can be done calmly and resolutely is a wonderful way to help them grow strong and respectful in their arguments.

When in any situation, be the bigger person by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes yourself. Go through the many ways in which your relationship with that person has brought to your life. When you do this time and again, your life prospers.

How to Stop Kids Saying Hurtful Things To You

Come to think of it, these would be great tips to apply to every relationship. What else would you add to this list? What are your tips to resolve conflicts with your child?

Rakshabandhan – An Indian Festival For Siblings

Every year as the Rakhi day (Rakshabandhan) approaches, I get wistful about tying a pretty little thread around my baby brother’s wrist. I think fondly of all those past celebrations of this Indian festival shared with my little brother.

 

This day holds a gentle place in the hearts of those who share it and the magic to take them flying through time to to their shared a childhood. A gesture or moment they may share or maybe pass as tradition to their own children.

Sibling Silliness

When we were small (my brother 3, me 13), I would align our hands together and say,” See, how big my hand is than yours ?” He laughed as his eyes sparkled with glee.

Slowly but surely, his hand kept getting bigger. The joy he found in aligning our hands together and saying, “See, my hand is getting bigger.” became something we shared for an instant smile.

Years passed by, we separated, reunited and did it again. Now all grown up, my little brother boasted. “My hand is finally bigger than yours now.” he said proudly.

I grinned delighted.

Over the years, he grew up from being someone I led around to someone I lean on. He is my little brother. My first baby. The one whose name I take by mistake instead of my child’s often.

When we met the last time two years ago, we did it again. And then he did it to my son. “See, how much bigger my hand is than yours?” My son laughed.

And now my 6 year old does it to his 3 year old sister. Teaching her a silly practice that his mom and her brother did that connects them to this day.

[bctt tweet=”Rakhshabandhan literally translated means the The Tie That Protects. A festival of togetherness celebrating brothers and sisters.” username=”contactrwc”]

The origin of Rakhi or Rakshabandhan has various stories. From mythology to history, it goes back to powerful men and women who protected each other in dire times valiantly to honor the promise made when the thread was tied. This was a way to make sure women were respected, honored and protected at all times.

rakshabandhan

This festival that mainly constitutes a simple act of a sister tying a pretty thread on the wrist of her brothers’ wrist to celebrate their love and duty (loyalty, protection, care) towards each other. It’s heartening how over the years it has transcended into a one when people honor their relationship : the laughter, the memories, the mischief, the fights, the tears shared.

Today siblings and cousins tie it to each other, daughters to fathers, mothers to sons, friends to friends they consider siblings even. This day holds within it the promise of togetherness.

Rakshabandhan Celebration

This festival thus inspires bravery and fondness among those who celebrate it. I remember when I was small we used to create our very own Rakhis and mail them from Kuwait to India to all our cousins. Today, with the very many options available online and shipping being so expensive online stores come to the rescue and we just pick our favorite designs and have them shipped to our beloved family members.

In our home, I tie it to my son and my daughter ties it to her father and brother. My husband’s sisters from India mail him their Rakhis and I decorate a Thali with flowers, sweets, diya and the Rakhis. On any occasion decorating these is my favorite thing to do.

We bathe and celebrate early morning. After prayer, the brother sits and the sister puts Tika on the forehead, does Aarti of the brother (circles the plate around the brother’s face) and then ties the Rakhi and feeds him the sweet. The brother then, irrespective of his age takes blessings of his sister for a long, prosperous and protected life!

Ideally, the brother gifts the sister whatever she wishes on this day. But as commercialization has crept in parents often gift both the brother and sister with presents to ensure they both feel celebrated! My kids love partaking in all the rituals and enjoy their gifts (read:toys) all day!

And then as any festival in India, there is a lavish meal of Indian delicacies. I usually make any meal celebrating the brother and sister with whatever dishes they most enjoy.

Happy Rakshabandhan to all those who choose to celebrate the sacred bond they share every single day in the little things they do for each other! Do share your silly stories of your siblings with us.

Don’t forget to grab your copy of International Best seller —

Strong Roots Have No Fear

Raise multicultural kids with confidence and a global mindset.

Sanju - a Cautionary Tale for Different Stages of Life

Sanju – a Cautionary Tale for Different Stages of Life

It takes bravery to be open with a stranger. And when you put your story out there for everyone to see your colossal mistakes in all their glory, that is certainly as act of courage.

Yes, Sanju the movie is a self serving project. To accept every mistake Sanjay Dutt has ever made publicly globally, and to state once and for all, on the record that he is not a terrorist.

And after the media circus/court rooms that we see time and again, specially these days at every tragic turn, this is totally an amazing stand to take. To tell people not everything they “see” is to be believed. That often things are not what they are portrayed.

After I saw the movie, my brain was reeling from the many gems of life this story had to say. Tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, I wondered if ever I would be in the same position at the parents? I was astounded at the life of this super star, so painful and so much courage by those who support him. It’s easy to give up on someone. But to stand up with someone who constantly “chooses” to do the wrong thing is beyond commendable.

You see Sanjay Dutt as the person he has been, and is. A broken, fearful, hopeless, insecure, horrible person who constantly took the easy way out. And then suffered colossally each and every time. 

This is not a review of the movie because every story with a message is worth listening to, no matter how it is made or created. Love it or hate it, you are certainly going to think about it. Talk about it.

I have always believed in the power of story telling. And Sanju, the movie tells a powerful story. This movie is an amazing example of the pitfalls that you could fall into, as a parent, teen and as a human being. No one can.

For Teens

Children get angry. Constantly. As parents, we rub them the wrong way. Kids feel every emotion, purely, strongly.

But what this movie tells us is to make sure our children know that

  1. One cannot escape from one’s problems. They are going to have to be dealt with.Be angry, but your anger needs a HEALTHY channel. If you are having issues you are going to have to resolve it. Escapism can feel like an easy way out but it certainly isn’t. Your problems will keep rearing their ugly head.
  2. Many people may SEEM like they are your friends, but if you look closely enough they aren’t. Be open to exploring their intentions before accepting their actions.
  3. It’s important to depend on someone completely for support. Appreciating that person is most important. Do everything to keep the person who shows you the right way in your life.
  4. Don’t ever fear doing the right thing, no matter what the consequences.
  5. Of course, drugs and alcohol are not the solution to ANYTHING!

For Parents

  1. You are going to want to support your child at every turn. But at some time you are going to have to let go.
  2. Your expectations are not the sum total of what your child is. Let them be themselves in their way.
  3. Human beings are an insecure lot. Appreciate your child for all the good they do as much as you scold them for their wrong doings. Build them up cautiously.
  4. At some point, you have to stop being a parent, and become an friend who shares.
  5. Let your child see your vulnerability in raising them. Your sacrifices should not go unnoticed for they are a big part of your child’s future.
  6. After a certain age, be open about your mistakes to your child so they can learn from them.

For Every Human Being 

  1. Stand up for what you believe in.
  2. Never spread malicious gossip about another. You do not know the suffering they have undergone.
  3. Judging another is easy from your personal pedestal. To empathize you would have to know their whole story and that is impossible till you know a person completely.
  4. Be a friend to someone in need. No matter how inconvenient it might be. You may be their only hope.
  5. Laughter can make even the worst experiences a cherish-able moment. Never forget your sense of humor.

So, if you are a parent of a teen, talk to them after seeing the movie. You might not be comfortable watching it with them if you are conservative (pole dancing girls and lot of talk about sex and drugs) but make sure to bring home the many lessons the movie has to offer. I promise, this is one movie worth watching, even if separately and talking about.

Take advantage of the life of a person who accepts his lows as his own mistakes.

 

What other movies do you think make the list? See our recommendations here. 

Aditi wardhan SinghAditi Wardhan Singh, founder and chief editor of Raising World Children online magazine is a mom of two adorable kids, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place which led her to specialize in writing about cultural sensitivity when parenting. She writes for a number of large publications, including Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Richmond Moms Blog, Richmond Family Magazine, Desh Videsh. She has also been featured as a parenting expert on NBC. A computer engineer by profession, she turned entrepreneur by founding Raising World Children online magazine. At RWC, she is bringing voices from around the world together to talk about the synergy of today’s cultures with world heritage. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. . She has also contributed to the best selling anthology “When You Are Done Expecting” and is coming out with her new book “Strong Roots Have No Fear. ”

 

 

The Best Advice From Fathers Who Raised Strong Women

The Best Advice From Fathers Who Raised Strong Women

That’s my father. He lived a hard life. Working hard every minute, at two jobs. A man of few words, he dolled out advice rarely but when he did it was profound and much of what I carried with me for the rest of my life. He is retired now but still stands by the values that make life worth living.

A content man, he is a friends’ friend, always there for people he cares for. A man of his word, he would never say anything that he didn’t mean. And if he said it, he would make it his mission to follow through. It is from whom, I get my sense of righteousness, spirituality and strive to make the world a better place with every action I choose to make.

During the Gulf war, his actions were the biggest inspiration to me to always stand for what’s right, no matter what the consequence. Rebuilding a life, from nothing with my mother by his side, both of them inspired me to never be fearful of what life might have in store for us. For we can always rebuild and grow stronger. Celebrate life in every form. Taking initiative to create memories that envelope the family in love they carry with them forever.

Aditi Wardhan Singh
Image copyright – Aditi W. Singh

His legacy is what makes me feel stronger with every struggle I come across. His words and actions are such a big part of me, the foundation of every choice I act upon. The core of my work in trying to change the world.

Which brought me to ask other women from around the world striving to make the world a better place, what advice their father gave them that helps their lives be better every single day. 

Make sure to click on their names to see the incredible work each of these women is involved in. 

Mine is —

Every single person has something good within them. To sustain & nurture any relationship, you have to focus on that and accept the rest as their personality.

raise strong women

 

If you aren’t 15 minutes early, you are late.

Jessi Joachimm
(Army Vet Father here in Ocala, Florida)

Always stand up for what you believe in, even if no one is watching.

Michele Tripple 
Dallas Texas

(a). When you choose a man for you, make sure he cares for you more than he adores your physical appearance. And the one who does that will be the perfect Man for you. (b). It’s okay if you don’t save today’s earning but make sure you spend it gor worthy things.

Supriya Gujar Mehta
Mumbai


It’s always important to treat everyone the same,whether it be a millionaire or a homeless man, no one is better or less than you.

Shoma Arora
Long Island, NY

Always take a packet of tissues with you. Sounds silly but the older I get the more I see how invaluable that advice was!

Kate Mai-Lyn

Never be afraid to be yourself – there are plenty of other people out there, but there’s only one you.

Jennifer Duncan
Tulsa


‘Stay in His grip’ he always signed every card with that. A man after God’s own heart.

Adrienne Marshall Burner
Birmingham, Alabama

Nobody is perfect. What matters most is what you do after realizing that you made a mistake.

Peejay Sun
Phoebe, New York

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.

Connie Deal

 

The value of silence. My father was a man who showed his feelings and convictions with action.

Ali Gail Sutherland
Jessiville, AR

Only a fit body can house a fit mind. Make your health wealthier than your wealth healthier

Rashmi Agarwal
India

You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.

Bonnie Landau 

Honesty is the best policy, especially with yourself and the ones closest to you.

Anchal Narayal
Mumbai

Failing is good. When you’re learning to walk, you fall over and over and over again. You learn all the ways to fall before you learn how to walk. It’s by failing and learning that you grow.

Tiffany Elizabeth Barry
Atlanta, Georgia

Do mistakes as much as you can in early age so that your future has lot of stories to tell your kids.

Snehalata Jain
Nerul, Navi Mumbai

Don’t settle, always strive for the best and believe that you are as good as the most successful of people. (My Iranian father-his words to live by upon living in Canada as an immigrant and making it).

Fariba Dashtgard Soetan

My dad always taught us to try our best, no matter what the job was. Whether it was in school, or cleaning our toilets! I distinctly remember my brother saying he wanted to drive a garbage truck when he grew up so he could get cool things that people threw away :). And my dad said ‘then you have to try to be the best garbage truck driver there is!’

Becky Morales
Mexico

When you fall from a horse, get right back on!

Olga Mecking

I’ll second about doing our best. And being honest in our dealings with people and with ourselves.

Varya Sanina-Garmroud
Zuhai, China

It’s impossible to please everyone.

Kay Tarapolsi
Seattle, WA

When two people quarrel, both are at fault .

Rita Rosenback
Derby, UK

My dad can be very to the point. Best advice he gives is smoky is simply ‘relax, if you are a decent human being, things tend to work out in the long run.’

Kat Cliff
Hudson Valley, New York

My dad encouraged me to learn languages. He said not to be scared how silly you sounded, you would always make friends that way. I remember him comparing the Scouse (Liverpudlian) slang word for wife with the Spanish word.

Lisa Sadleir

Let them love you, else it’s not worth it

Anjana Malakar
Bhopal, India

You can be happy doing anything as a career as long as it satisfies these two requirements: solve problems every day and work with good people.

Lisa Ferland 
Stockholm, Sweden

  Aditi Wardhan Singh, founder and chief editor of Raising World Children online magazine is a mom of two adorable kids, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place which led her to specialize in writing about cultural sensitivity when parenting. She writes for a number of large publications, including Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Richmond Moms Blog, Richmond Family Magazine, Desh Videsh. She has also been featured as a parenting expert on NBC. A computer engineer by profession, she turned entrepreneur by founding Raising World Children online magazine. At RWC, she is bringing voices from around the world together to talk about the synergy of today’s cultures with world heritage. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. . She has also contributed to the best selling anthology “When You Are Done Expecting” and is coming out with her new book “Strong Roots Have No Fear. ”
Celebrating Our 1st Anniversary With Seymour & Hau

Celebrating Our 1st Anniversary With Seymour & Hau

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” – Mark Twain

Seymour & Hau’s Book Review

This is the thought provoking quote on the first page of the amazing book by artists Melanie Morse & Thomas McDade, who have written is series about a boy and his alien friend traveling the world to help kids.

And since we cannot travel the world ourselves, we are lucky that these amazing authors have chosen this new take on adventure books to share their perspectives of their travels though these fun stories. The stories were read by my 7 year old son and he thoroughly loved them. 

The books bring a unique perspective on each country that the duo, this smart, kind, boy Seymour and his alien friend Hau (who has magic pouch that comes very handy) visit. This beautifully illustrated book is great for kids aged 6 – 10 yrs. The book’s unique quality is that it teaches kids a little about the country first and then the story begins showing you a lot about the culture and the story takes you on an adventurous, fun journey giving you a look into a new city. 

And that is all what Raising World Children stands for …

Teaching kids about the world, empowering them to be more than they can be while teaching them that diversity is important for fighting all that’s wrong with the world today.

One Year Ago, The Birth of Raising World Children

With a germ of an idea for bringing parents enlightening new perspectives from around the world, the RWC family has together through video, art, stories and guides have for a year striven to break barriers.

Every parent today struggles to find the balance in today’s trending cultures with their own heritage in a world that is multicultural. Everything on RWC is so that parents can read and share with their kids a little about a world they may know nothing about or help them in empowering their kids to be global thought leaders. From our launch to reaching 1000 – 2000 people daily, being featured on NBC12 news, we have today reached a total of 200,000+ people till today. That’s astounding for a publication that only runs on the time that people are willing to put into into it, sharing their very real stories.

This journey has been most meaningful when people reach out to our writers appreciating them or asking them for more advice. Or our writers get recognized around the world for their write ups. Or when we have parents join our Facebook group to stay better connected to us. Or when a mom says, how much she loves our work and is telling all her friends about it. Or when parents send in their’s  children’s  art/writing to be published. 

Today we share with your a round up of our BEST posts all year long. While EVERY story has found resonance with people, the below are the ones that people keep coming back to.

4 Major Influences of my Jamaican Heritage

5 Interesting Attributes to Mangalorean Christians

Tracking Indian Culture From Indian Heritage to High Fashion

The Day We Realized we Were an Interracial Family

7 Story Telling Hacks for Cultural Stories

Ramadan – a Time for Reflection and Community

Ear Piercing Ceremony – a Mother’s Dilemma

Substitute Dad – His Story

Don’t Marry a Foreigner Till You Know This

Life Lessons We Learn from Mahatma Gandhi

Better Healing Ingredients from Your Kitchen

7 Empowering Ways to Protect Your Kids From Tragedy

7 Life Lessons Martin Luther King Jr’s Acts of Service Inspire

Why it Matters if Your Child is Twice Exceptional

How to Get Your Kids Curious About Science

With giveaways happening every month in partner ship with books that stand for diversity, we continue to celebrate this momentous occasion with the amazing books of Seymour and Hau, with their new book about Italy coming out soon, these are books you just have to check out. 

The two autographed books being given away are trips to Ireland and Morocco that you can take from the comfort of your home. Truly amazing adventures to go on this summer.

Signing up for the giveaway gives you the chance to celebrate with us, in addition to getting to be the first informed on new things happening at RWC, be a part of world conversation and learn about the next giveaways coming up.

Join the Raising World Children Family by writing with us, sending us your kids art or just sharing our content with your friends and family.

And if you are already a part of the RWC Family, thank you, thank you so much for being a part of our journey from inception to here. Whether you have written with us, shared our content or even read JUST one story, THANK YOU.

Thank you for welcoming diversity in your thinking and allowing your children to grow empowered in this constantly changing world. You are the reason, we exist!

  Aditi Wardhan Singh, founder and chief editor of Raising World Children online magazine is a mom of two adorable kids, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place which led her to specialize in writing about cultural sensitivity when parenting. She writes for a number of large publications, including Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Richmond Moms Blog, Richmond Family Magazine, Desh Videsh. She has also been featured as a parenting expert on NBC. A computer engineer by profession, she turned entrepreneur by founding Raising World Children online magazine. At RWC, she is bringing voices from around the world together to talk about the synergy of today’s cultures with world heritage. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. . She has also contributed to the best selling anthology “When You Are Done Expecting” and is coming out with her new book “Strong Roots Have No Fear. ”

Share the giveaway with your friends and family, by pinning this or sharing on Facebook. Thanks. 

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All Those Times I Hated My Mom

All Those Times I Hated My Mom

Skating. Swimming. Cycling. And any time she would apply gram flour to my face.

I would raise hell!

Screaming, yelling. A 5-10 year old fearing for my life. Scared I would get hurt. Wondering why in the world is she putting me through this?

That and performing in front of a crowd.

She in her pride would want to show off her talented daughter’s dancing prowess. And her hesitant daughter would cry and cry because … (honestly, even I don’t know why I cried. I was a stage performer from the age 4 for goodness sake!)

Just a kid not understanding why in the world would we need any of those life skills?! To a kid it felt like I was against a huge mountain,  unrelenting. In my heart, I always knew she would not deter till I walked her path.

As Time Passed

In my 20s, my arguments with my mom became about things that just didn’t’ factor my then thought process. Superstitions. What I wear. What I weigh. My ambition. Learning to cook or do house hold chores. How I should be with people she cared about.

All the things that left me feeling unappreciated, misunderstood. We would argue vehemently, maybe shed a tear or two and then again get back to talking about everything under the sun.

You see, my mom has never been  just my mom. She is my best friend. She is the person who knows what is happening the minute after it happens. She and I have always shared a relationship of equals where she valued my opinion on a whole and it was amazing that she eventually always did trust my judgement. Many a times, she would argue about a point and then come over time come to see my way. Or show me the light to what she was talking about. It took a lot of convincing and heart ache, but we would always reach a mutual understanding.

I don’t know if it’s the Indian-ness in her or it’s a universal thing, but the many of the things she cared about were more society based or future based than what she herself ever really cared about. 

It is through those interactions with her that I realized that what people argue or get upset about are often just distractions from what’s really worrying them. In my case it was her worries about a good prospective husband and my future.

The root cause of most miscommunication is varied base desires. 

It is not always easy to understand your mother, but with age comes the luminescence of insight.

[bctt tweet=”Understanding the fights between child and mother are such an intrinsic part of family life and personal development. #momlife #parenting #family” username=”contactrwc”]

After I Became A Mom

Every single time my child argues with me, I think back to all those times. The insistent crying, the yelling. The muttering of horrid things under my breath and then half an hour later regretting everything. An hour later promising myself I wouldn’t do it ever again to only do it all over again the next time. My brain a fog of my stubbornness.

We all have done it in a given phase of our lives. That’s what allows our mothers to proudly, and happily defend their grandchildren when we complain about them. “You were no different!”, they repeatedly chant.

When my child fights with me, in the heat of the moment, I get this huge lump in my throat of how and why in the world did I do this to another human being. “It’s all my roosters coming home to roost”, I regret. And when the moment passes, this one simple thought warms my heart, “In spite of it all, I was loved, my mom never once gave up and that is why I turned out okay.”


She continues to go through hell with me to empower me with the foundation that gave me the sense to make good choices, be respectful and today be the best mother and wife I can be. 

While we still don’t see eye to eye on many topics, specially not on how I arrange my kitchen cupboards, I still know she always has my back!

Mothers Day

A day each year where we can honor and celebrate our mothers and other motherly influences for the strong and wonderful people that they are. Today, though I want to take a moment  and say thank you for all those fights.

Copyright Aditi Wardhan Singh

 

As a mom, I now know how hard it is to keep going when your child is being difficult. Raising children takes tenacity, ferocious will and fighting every day when  you desire to just let go and sleep. It gets heart wrenching. Tears threaten to burn your eyes while you are feeling helpless in teaching them essential life skills. The guilt is tremendous, and yet, we know, if we give up on an important thing that needs to be taught, our child will eventually suffer.

Yielding to a child’s will is easy. Standing tall as an example 24/7 for love, for values, to show your child the right way That is what makes a mother amazing!

And mine is certainly extraordinary.

I certainly hope tomorrow when my children think of me, they know too that every purposeful battle I fought with them was for them. 

Which is why I wrote my book Strong Roots Have No Fear —

 

 

 

11 Ways to Creating a Love of Reading in Children

11 Ways to Creating a Love of Reading in Children

My son came back from school all excited. The teacher had discussed the topic of Needs Vs Wants. He felt like such a big boy having grasped this essential aspect of life. We had fun discussing the various things we come across (toys are wants, food needs) till we came upon the topic of “Books”. I said they are needs and he was sure that they are wants.

A few days later, at a party family friends and I started debating over the same. About how books are essential for a society as a whole and thus ideally should be a need. The children over heard this exchange and came over.

One child asked, ” Aunty, why do you say that books are needs?”

Not one to leave a teaching moment, I asked the children, “What do you want to be when you grow up? “

“Doctor! Engineer! Astraunaut! Policeman!” They shouted, hands raised.

” How will you learn about these things? “, I asked.

” From a teacher. “, one responded.

” And your teacher will teach you by reading from a book someone has written about how to become an astronaut or engineer or doctor right? “

They all nodded.

” When you grow up and live by yourself you will want want to cook or fix something. That time you will you look for a recipe in a book or read a manual right? “

Their head kept moving in agreement.

“In old, old, old times when man discovered fire and hunting they started scribbling on walls to teach others. So that no one ever forgot how to do them. First they wrote on walls, then stone slabs, then long pieces of paper then short pieces of paper that became books.

People need books to find out how to do things and teach others. And not just teaching, when people tell stories we learn about what we should do or should not do in life. So maybe not all but some books are definitely a need, right ? “

Their mouths forms “Ooohs !” while their tiny heads nodded understanding. I think I could actually see a light go on in all their eyes !

Books for me are a very big part of my life. Growing up whenever I was on my own, books were my only friend many a days keeping me company. They taught me about people and life, helping me grow. I never felt alone when I had a book with me. I never felt lost.

I always trust there is someone out there feeling the same thing I am feeling and writing about it. And if I a lucky, I will find that book and read it.

Trips to the library are our favorite in my household. As a parent I harbor the  hope that my children become avid readers as well. The turning of pages, the words coming alive, the curiosity aroused, the answers they find are fascinating. There are many adventures one take by losing ourselves in those rustling pages.

As parents we can help children find all this and more by nudging them in the direction of the written word.

11 Ways to Create a Love of Reading in Kids | Books are a wonderful way into a heart. Worlds to drive to.

Have a Fixed Time to Read

As with everything in life, something has to be part of our daily routine in order to become a habit. Have a set time or day. Like bed time or holidays or weekends when they know there will be reading and make it an event into itself.

Read With Them

Reading to them is of course a given. But as they grow older they love feeling grown up by helping. So let them contribute with words they know. Pause when you come across a word you are sure they know of. Just like cycling, let them read slowly and steadily till they start doing it on their own.


Write Their Name On Book

Children love being made to feel special. Whenever they attain a book, write their name on the first page. From whom or the occasion. It helps them take ownership of the same. Also, it turns the book into a keepsake to be cherished.

Reading Parties

Kids love doing things as a group and showing off their stuff. Call a few friends over. Have them bring their favorite books. Read to them or if they are old enough, have them each read their most liked story. And then ask them questions about the book. Discuss what each one loves about it.

Gifts/Goody Bags 

Books make great gifts. Also, you have lot of options at your local discount stores or dollar stores to give as goody bags. If you know the child, give them something that is to their liking. If not, you can choose something to the theme of the party or something age appropriate. Add fancy wrapping paper, their name and a candy if you like.


Give Kids the Choice

Let your children choose the books they would like to read. Let them take charge and you will find they enjoy being the one making this decision. Give them rules of the kind of book they are allowed on that particular trip.

I made the mistake of trying to get my son to love story books but over time I realized he prefers non fiction, science, historical books. And that is what I gave him.

Library and Book stores are Fun

Story time and games laid out at local stores and library are a fun way to make an event out of visits. Some places even have toys lying around. Give them time to move around, do their thing and then read to them in that setting.

Relevant Books at Home

Always keep a small library at home that is within reach of children. It is wonderful that schools today make sure kids have books but those books are not very often those that may interest the children. I myself grew up around a ton of books gifted, hand me downs or picked up while traveling. And a big reason that I read is I have always had access to a variety of content.

Leading by example

As with everything it wonderful for children to see others around them reading. There is something calming about having quiet time. I have many childhood memories of sitting around with my dad, cousins all of us relaxing after a meal together, reading.

 

Local Reading Programs

It is wonderful that there are wonderful reading programs during the summer and winter that you can participate it. You register, manage a log of the books your read each day and then the kids get a treat at the end of completion. It gives them such a sense of achievement.

Discuss the Story

Don’t just stop at reading. Use children’s natural story telling abilities to turn the reading into an adventure. This helps gets their creative juices flowing. Turn the little ones into master story tellers. Ensure they take away from the story with questions like

  •  What did they learn?
  • What was their favorite part?
  • How would they change the ending?

Discussing every story they read and the various  characters and the many facets of the story helps children understand that within the tale, there is a basic truth being conveyed by the author. In today’s digital age, where there is so much of information being exchanged books provide a wonderful tool in teaching children how to differentiate between truth and fiction.

More Tips on Teaching Kids About Consequences, Multilingualism, Racial Equality and more Early here