7 Steps To Teach Kids Goal Setting & Perseverance

7 Steps To Teach Kids Goal Setting & Perseverance

by with 15 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentMindsetParentingVoices

My 7 year old son wants to be an inventor when he grows up. For now, his aim to is create lavish Lego creations based on dinosaurs, Minecraft, Avengers and more. He gets ideas and doesn’t stop till he has completed his creation. And he often gets overwhelmed!

goal setting for kids

He gets it from me. I too am like a steam roller when I get an idea into my head and I just cannot stop till I am done with the many, many items on my list. Only in the past year have I discovered the power of goal setting and the many challenges that they encounter and believe that it is an essential trait for kids to learn at a young age.

Not only does it prevent overwhelm, it is of great importance to learn what goals to focus on and how to keep them instead of having to give up.

Why would kids need goals ? To apply effectively to

  • Grades
  • Hobbies or interests
  • Exercise
  • TV viewing
  • Free time
  • Savings
  • Sports
  • Education
  • Behavior
  • Chores
  • and much much more.

7 Easy Steps To Teach Kids Goal Setting & Perseverance | Family | Kids | Planning Tools | Free Templates | Teach Kids How To Set Goals | Free Template

 

Setting Goals 

It is often that overwhelm comes in the form of overzealous goal setting. The most important step to learning how to be a person of perseverance is to attain the fine balance to awareness, priority, work and time.

1. HAVE SPECIFIC GOALS

“Little goals are the best way to get kids moving toward big goals,” says Jim Wiltens, a leadership-training instructor in the San Francisco-area schools. “Meeting a goal gives kids an incredible surge of energy.” It is important to teach kids that not every goal is worth attaining even. Listen to what the kids want and steer them gently towards what is something that they can actually work towards. Make sure to take baby steps. 

Reading a page a day, picking up toys in a room or in our case creating one creation in a set amount of time is a good enough goal to begin with.

You know your child best. Crafting a vision board or making a list of their dream goals and picking the ones that are specific to them are essential.

2. KEEP THE RIGHT TOOLS

You will need to make a goal kit for your kids. This could be a calendar, timer, a marker and a log of some sort to maintain the goal/s they set for themselves. Download the ones below and ensure they go through it at a time every day.

Journal writing is a great way to stay on top as well .

3. PLAN THE WORK IT TAKES

Every goal takes a different amount of time and energy. It is important to ensure the kids think through the steps it takes to achiever the goal.

Teach them to break the goal down into smaller actions and work on how much time each action takes.

4. FOCUS ON THE TIME 

Something that many kids lack is an awareness of time. Make sure you mark the calendar or teach them how to set a timer for everything they need to achieve. This is a great way to educate them about time awareness, taking breaks and moderation.

Keeping To Goals 

This is the trickiest part and something all of us struggle with.

5. HOW TO PRIORITIZE

This is something that is totally essential to creating goal oriented, self driven kids. It is important for kids to learn how to put their goals above other things. The number one lesson they need to learn is that the only way to tick that goal off their day is to put it first and put in the work.

Set a time for your goal and then tick it off!

A neat trick is to  tie it into something that the kids love depending on the goal. So, if the goal is something they love doing, they could forgo their favorite treat or activity for that day. And if the goal is something they don’t like doing so much, they could get an extra treat or something they rarely get to do within the time period they are trying to achieve their goal.

6. DEAL WITH SELF DOUBT

A big part of goal setting that many kids do not know how to deal with is the self doubt that comes with when they fail to succeed on the way. It is important to encourage them to push a little harder some days and equally important to let them know when it is okay to forgive yourself or let go. 

7. CELEBRATE SUCCESS 

And most important of all is to ensure to celebrate any and all successes big and small. A special treat that you have thought of before hand itself is specially great. Preferably an experience vs something materialistic.

Let Them Fail

This will possibly be the most important thing to teaching kids to reach their goals. As parents we hate to see them fail but nothing teaching a child the important aspect of staying on top of Their goals than failing to meet a deadline and suffering the consequences. Better early than late. Taking ownership is a big part of teaching kids to be responsible .

Download the complete free Goal Tracking Template.

  Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”

 

A Glance At : The Other Side of Giving !

A Glance At : The Other Side of Giving !

by with No Comment ContemporaryfestivalsVoices

Just what do I mean by the “other side of giving?” To put it into context, I’ll need to tell you my story.

Like many of you, I consider myself a humanitarian. A philanthropist. Since high school, I can remember enjoying the act of giving. I think it started Labor Day weekend 1979, when my best friend and I door knocked collecting for MDA, the Muscular Dystrophy Association, Jerry Lewis telethon.

We turned in our money at the local tv station, then sat by the tv eagerly watching the main tally board grow to surpass the previous year’s giving. Just knowing we played a part in affecting those numbers, no matter how small, made us feel good.

A few years later, when I had kids in school, I’d purchase several turkeys and other dinner items, then would take the grocery bags to our school principal so she could distribute to the families she knew were in need. Through the years I’ve given coats and other cold weather wear. I’ve given hot meals, coffees and cocoa to needy people standing on busy street corners.

Teaching Giving

But some of the most rewarding times, were the years my kids and I sang Christmas carols at a senior living community. We’d watch our audience snap their fingers, clap hands and bop along. There was a sparkle in the people’s eyes and they’d often assist us by singing along. Each year, I watched their tears well up. There really was no better feeling… Except for the many times I saw one of our kids wipe tears from their own eyes in response. Every year, we’d complete the evening at our neighborhood coffee shop with a tasty treat of hot chocolate. My children still recall these times with sweet fondness.

One year at my weekly business meeting, I suggested we adopt a family over the upcoming holiday season. Later that day the president of the group, Trish, called asking if I’d had a particular family in mind, because she did. She asked if I’d mind if she took the lead. No, I definitely didn’t mind her running the show!

Sharing Giving

As each weekly meeting passed, Trish told us a little more about the family we’d adopted and although I wasn’t able to afford to purchase anything new, as my own financial circumstances were poor that year, I did find a wool coat in near-perfect condition in my closet. But when I offered Trish $10 from coins I’d turned in, she smiled, gently pushed my hand back and said, “It’s okay, I know you can’t afford to do this.” Knowing she was right, I hugged her, wished her a Merry Christmas and returned the bills to my near empty wallet.

My financial circumstances that year had put me behind with just about every creditor and utility company I had. I hadn’t answered my telephone in nearly a month and needed to call the heating company to avoid disconnect.

Before making those calls, I decided to take a few minutes to do some meditation. I knew making those calls would be difficult. So, I went to my room, sat on my bed and breathed. About 40 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Fearing it was a creditor and hoping they’d go away, I ignored it. The knock came several more times before I finally answered.
A sweet smiling face of a beautiful woman greeted me. She said simply, “I’m here to deliver some gifts.”

Learning to Accept

“You do? Who are you?”

“That doesn’t matter,” she answered.

“Who are they from?”

“That doesn’t matter either. But I’m to tell you there are many people who love you very much. Merry Christmas.” She placed gifts bags on the porch and turned to leave.

“Wait!” I took her hand and pulled her into an embrace. “Thank you so much.” I watched her disappear around the corner of the house, closed the door, then sat on the floor beside the gifts. I peeked inside one bag catching a glimpse of what was inside.

Money! Tears came as I pulled a lovely wreath from the gift bag. Among it’s silver and red ribbons, dollar bills were fanned out and attached as well. Bills of all denominations… I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

Also inside the bag was a stack of gift cards and some decorative tins containing wrapped candies, cookies and even more money. I cried. Hard. Hunched over, forehead on the floor, sobbing. I mean, “can’t breathe, snot running sobs.”

When all the money was counted, the total more than covered the disconnect, as well as several other bills. Tears continued the rest of the week. I used the gift certificates to purchase gifts for my children. Even as I write these words, tears are flowing again.

Thankful For Others Giving

I knew these gifts were from my business group, and we were the family Trish talked about all those weeks. So, I called to thank her.
“For what?” She not so innocently responded. “By the way, no one in the group knows it was you,” she added.

Every Christmas season, I hang that special wreath on the front door and tied an ornament inside it’s greens, a golden angel, as a reminder of every one of my friends who gave to me that year. Every one who gave so generously.

I’m definitely not accustomed to being on “the other side of giving” to that degree. That year’s gift still means more than anyone could ever know. I give a silent toast every year on Christmas… To those who gave to me and to those who give to so many others, I would just like to say, “Thank you my Dear Friends. Thank you.”

Janie Saylor is a certified life coach with a degree in psychology and a focus on the emerging field of positive psychology. She’s mom to two grown children, her son, now 21, and her daughter, 25. In 2006, Janie published the book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her own life experiences and those of many others who she taught life journaling to for 11 years. Janie’s also co-author of the book, “When You’re DONE Expecting: A Collection of Heartfelt Stories from Mothers All across the Globe,” consisting of stories sharing a beautiful perspective of Motherhood. “In writing about my own life so openly, my hopes are for just one person to see their own struggles from a different perspective.” Janie enjoys uplifting others with positive posts, videos and memes on her Facebook page, Become University, “Your Happy Place!”
3 Ways to Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

3 Ways to Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

by with 17 Comments EmpowermentParentingVoices

Being a parent is the MOST.  It is the job we have that is the most challenging, the most difficult and the most rewarding and yet, we receive very little training on how to do it effectively, especially when it comes to sexual abuse.

As a Grammy to a 3-year old grandson and the mother of two grown children, I fully understand the complexities of being a parent and what it means for them to feel safe.

Not only am I a Practitioner who works with adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse,  I am also a survivor of sexual, physical and emotional abuse.  During the 52 year case study of myself and working with clients, I have contemplated, studied and watched the effects of abuse on children as they mature into adults.

Our children are like “case studies” in that we try this and experiment with that and have no real idea of how it will effect our child or the outcome until years later.

The sad truth is we cannot physically protect our children every minute of every day.   We also cannot create such fear in them or ourselves that we rob them (and us) of a happy life.   So what do we do?

After careful consideration, I believe these three ways are the most effective things you can do to protect your child from sexual abuse.

1.  EDUCATE YOURSELF

Educating yourself is a preventative measure for you and your child.  This education must be deeper than what you might hear on television.  Read books on the subject, attend seminars, watch documentaries, research statistics and scholarly articles.  One of the most important pieces of education you can have is to understand that most sexual abuse against children is from someone the child knows and trusts.  Educating yourself gives you a basic understanding of how,  when and where your child could be at risk.

2.  EDUCATE YOUR CHILD

Educating your child starts immediately.  The attention span of a child is going to be different at every age and every stage of maturity.  Based on the maturity level of the child, will depend on the type and method of education.  Teaching a child about their body and appropriate touches helps them become familiar in a non-scary or threatening way.  It just becomes part of how you teach them.  There are teachable moments every single day.  When we begin to teach children about their bodies, intimacy and sexuality, we must also be mindful that they will grow to be adults where sexuality is a natural part of being human.  How we teach our children impacts their safety as well as their healthy functioning as they become adults.

3.  EMPOWER YOUR CHILD

Children need to know that they have the power to say “NO” when it comes to their body.   When they need to talk, it is vital they know you will HEAR them and BELIEVE them.  It is imperative they know YOU are not going to become embarrassed or scared of them talking to you.

As a child, it is difficult to know that your parent is uncomfortable with their own body and sexuality.  Children need to know that you are a safe space for them and can handle whatever they bring to you.

There are no guarantees that you can protect your child.  There are no guarantees that your child will never encounter someone who is harmful.  Focusing on what you can do is empowering.  Remember to educate yourself.  Educate your child.  Then, empowering your child so they know what to do in the event they are placed in an uncomfortable situation.

If they are the victim of sexual abuse, it is imperative that they have a loving parent (or other adult) who will help them navigate, process and release the feelings they have about the abuse.  Holding these feelings, feeling guilty or shamed about what has happened to them, dis-empowers them and continues to hurt them throughout adulthood.

3 Ways To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse | Raising World Children | Family | Parenting | life lessons | Sexual Abuse | | Protect Kids Online

Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover your Soul Purpose. You can find her http://thedoorsofwellness.com

 

 

 

Is it really essential to be a secular being?

Is it really essential to be a secular being?

by with 10 Comments ContemporaryfestivalsFoodKids CornerParentingVoices
Or is it all just a hype ? 

In the fast paced modern society, when everything is changing so rapidly, I think it’s our obligation to make us as well as our family, more flexible, more adjustable so as to be more compatible with the norms of the society. The migration of people from one part of the world to another has also become one such norm.

Whether in search of job or to earn more money or just for a change or for their families or for any other reason, people today are not reluctant in making a change. Though the world is a small place, still the cultures, customs and traditions are quite different in each and every part, whether it’s within a particular country or outside a country.

In this age, the idea of being secular becomes essential.

When you respect each and every religion along with its customs –

–You’ll be able to mingle up with the residents of that place and definitely feel one amongst them.

–You’ll be joyful throughout as you can take part in their celebrations too , with full energy and enthusiasm.

–You’ll never be aloof or desserted in the hour of need as there’ll be a support system for you with whom you can share your griefs and sorrows.

–You can have celebrations round the year, thus leaving little or no room for negativity.

–And most importantly, you’ll also have a chance to spread your fragrance too.

Having no idea of tomorrow, I make it a point to teach or discuss various festivals with my kids so as to make them a responsible and a compassionate being. But, it was not easy initially as the obsolete but important question—

How to give them knowledge when I myself was not aware of most of the facts?                 

But it’s said-Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And in the process of finding the answer to the above question, I also became a ‘Learner’. And that helped me a lot, even helping now.

What I did was—

–I educated myself about the particular festival. For example, if about Christmas, I learnt about its origin and importance through books and internet, of course.

–I got myself involved with the members of the particular community, who used to celebrate it and learnt to make the dishes and little things related to that festival. Like for Christmas, I learnt to make Christmas tree, bells and Christmas cake. Once we even made the snowman. And believe me, the experience was ecstatic.

–I even learnt some stories to narrate to my children about that festival. For Christmas, I learnt the story about Jesus Christ .

–And nothing is complete until you give your imagination, some colorful wings. So for Christmas, I created an imaginary Santa in my kids’ mind who would give them chocolates on 25th December. And it worked. Just after getting up, they look for their chocolates under their pillows. They thank Santa for the chocolates and relish the experience that they get from these little things whenever we come across any Christian family as they never feel left behind.

That’s why I feel it’s the feeling, the empathy towards any religion that matters a lot which only, we as parents can instill in the little hearts of our children .What they develop is faith, which they’ll definitely cherish later.

How Do We Achieve A Goal When We Have No Knowledge Of The World | Raising World Children | Parenting | family | kids | teaching Kids

  Ruchika Rastogi, an Indian who was born and brought up in Delhi. She loves to explore the unexplored. A mother of two lovely kids, she works as a teacher and her passion for writing has helped her survive during her hard times. Her first non fiction book got published last year with the name-A Mystical Majesty-the woman. As a contributing author, her anthology with the title–Wait Till I Tell You got launched recently. With dreams in her eyes, she believes in living life optimistically.
Owen’s Fireworks: A Community Life Celebration

Owen’s Fireworks: A Community Life Celebration

by with No Comment festivalsParentingThe Kindness ChainVoices

lantern|Deborah FingerlowHow do you make the unthinkable, the unbearable tolerable?  How do you move past the loss of your child?  And how do you relearn how to smile on his birthday?

One family in Pennsylvania found the best way is to gather your community together to celebrate his life with everyone who knew the little dark-haired, Pokeman-toting, always smiling boy.

Every year, on his December birthday, the community gathers to send fireworks heavenward, to smile and see folks, and to remember.  And strangely enough, Owen’s community has grown over the years to include new friends that didn’t know him, but grew to love him anyway through his family.

Oh, the Weather Outside Doesn’t Matter

Last year was colder than it’s been for a while, but the freezing temperatures didn’t seem to deter anyone.  They gathered in the street, as they have for the past twelve years, stamping their feet, clapping mitten-covered hands and marveling at how much the neighborhood kids had grown.  They were celebrating Owen’s birthday.  He would have been 20th that month.

The annual fireworks party is a time to gather, to heal and most importantly, to remember. The driving force has always been Aryn.  Petite with long hair somewhere between light brown and blonde, she is dressed in knit cap, ski jacket and boots.  She looks like many of Owen’s friends home from college for the holiday.  Mom to five children, Owen was her first-born.  A storm during a camping trip felled a tree, and Owen was lost when he was in first grade.

Stronger Together

Using the word “we” comes naturally to this close-knit community.  We are in this together.  Healing and remembering go hand in hand and it is an ongoing process.  It never ends, but Owen’s family reached out and wrapped themselves around us, and we responded in kind.

While some might shy away at any mention of Owen’s name, Aryn drinks it in.  Always remember, never forget.  We have the t-shirts and the scholarship and the elephant drinking fountain in the park, and the color green.  Owen’s favorite animal was the elephant.  We all remember.  As a writer, I do my best most times to detach myself from the story, but not this time. This is personal for all of us. We are truly in this together.  We all still have our green Never Forget tee shirts from over a decade ago, and we wear them regularly as part of that promise.

I remember a sometimes silly Owen who would take my daughter’s eyeglasses and hat.  Riding in the backseat to school, they’d trade and laugh at how different and how alike they looked.  Both sported dark brown page boy haircuts.  Maybe a little short for a girl, maybe a little long for a boy, but it suited both of them perfectly.  I remember two dark heads pushed together in concentration with sidewalk chalk, or lazily swinging back and forth on our old white wicker porch swing.  There is joy in remembering.

The Importance of Remembering

Back outside, we were glad the wind from earlier that week died down.  It was time for the fireworks.  Owen’s dad and brother are annual masters of the ceremony, setting off one blazing, sparkling pyrotechnic after another to appreciative oohs and ahhs and applause.  When the occasional green firework goes awry, we laughed and credited that to Owen.

The lanterns were passed around, and we gathered in small groups of three and four to light, inflate and send skyward.  Each one was cheered on as it slowly rose and soon, we  all watch a line of glowing lanterns drifting up and away.

Owen’s family thanked us for coming, as they always do.  We shared hugs and smiles with people we don’t see every day.  We shared a connection through this time spent together once a year as we stopped and remembered and healed, just a little bit more. It was Owen’s 21st celebration last night and every year this time we tuck away this day to celebrate his life .

 If you happen to hear a few stray fireworks round about mid-December, do me a favor and think of Owen.  His mom would like that!

  Deborah Fingerlow is a writer, traveler and explorer seeking adventures both large and small. Parent to one daughter in college and one teenage son in cyber-school. Food allergies play a significant role in day to day life decisions, as does the support network of a small town in south central Pennsylvania. Neighbors are known by their first names and a walking district encourages community engagement. Business to business communications and the development of authentic connections are Deborah Fingerlow’s superpowers. You can find her at the local farmer’s market, therapy dogs in tow, camera in hand.
When My Oldest Moved to College

When My Oldest Moved to College

by with 16 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentParentingVoices

I sat there, going over my list again. I wanted to be absolutely sure my oldest, Mr. 19, would have everything he needed for college. I’d been preparing myself for this moment since before he could walk or talk, knowing that children are only children for so long and that eventually even the littlest of birdies would leave the nest. It’s funny, because when he was six, he used to curl up in the Papasan chair I kept in my office with his Beanie Baby collection, and tweet at me while I worked on papers for classes. He called the chair his nest, and his stuffed animals his “birdies.”

And here we were, thirteen years later, long past the time when it’s acceptable for a child to want to snuggle, with him with his head on my shoulder and me sharing blankly ahead. It had all gone so fast! How did it go so fast? How did 19 years just fly by? I half-joked, “You could always go to college here.” We both laughed and then he headed upstairs for one more sleep as a full-time resident of our home. We’d packed as much as we would be able to safely fit into the van for this trip, and it would be a long drive with me navigating for my husband the next day.

Just the Two of Us

For the longest time, I was a single mom. We had each other’s backs. I would let him stay up late and play board games on a Friday night. We’d go and check out the local bowling alley together when we got too bored around the house. I’d drag him along to a coffee shop where I’d meet friends to study or I’d head for a change of venue to write. It felt like it was the two of us against the world, and I had my lists. Oh, I had my lists.

Lists of books to read, lists of things to teach before he went off to college and out into the world, lists of must-have childhood experiences, lists of places to go, lists, lists, lists. When I pulled him out of public school in second grade to homeschool him, the lists multiplied. I had lists of subjects and lists of topics within those subjects, I had lists of field trips, and I had lists of college requirements.

And Dad Makes Three

When I met my husband, I had no idea that he’d be my husband. We quickly became friends. It was my general practice to not introduce people I dated to my oldest. I had no intentions of dating my now-husband, so he quickly became part of the circle. And we quickly fell in love. When we moved in together, my husband asked my son how he felt about him becoming his stepdad. My son responded, “That’s great! But lose the step. You’ll just be my dad.”

And so it went. He gained a dad; my husband gained a son, and we continued our board game adventures, now adding three-player games into the mix.

A Few Siblings and a Lot of College Prep

My oldest returned to public school in 8th grade, and quickly made it clear that he had big dreams of going off to college. I’d been preparing him for it since he was little, so it was no surprise to me. He fell in love with a small school in Iowa upon receiving a brochure from them advertising their school when he was a freshman. It’s funny, but that’s exactly the one place, other than the local university, where he applied, and not only did he get in, he got in with scholarships. Senior year became about me wrapping my mind, more and more, around the fact that my tiny sweet baby had now grown into a young man and soon he would be off, making his own life for himself.

What it's like when kids go to college | Raising World Children | Parenting | family | Empty Nest

And Then it Hit… Like a Horseshoe to the Face

I was preparing myself all summer. He had his first real part-time job at the grocery store. He was very busy. We tried to play as many board games as possible, watch movies together, have him spend as much time as possible with his three new younger siblings.  We had shopping for dorm essentials on the calendar, and then it happened – we got a call that he’d been accepted into a special program that would have him leaving for college a week earlier than what we’d planned.

I may have fallen apart just a little bit. Instead of getting to spend time with him as had been planned, I now had to say goodbye a week earlier – and we wouldn’t get to see any of the welcome to college events that the school had planned.

It felt like someone had thrown a horseshoe directly to my face. The moment I’d been preparing myself for for 19 years was coming earlier than expected and in a different way than expected, and as anyone who knows me knows, I don’t do well with the unexpected.

We drove to his school, had a tantrum-filled dinner as his send-off, and though some may disagree, we opened a bottle of wine and let him have a glass. He was embarking upon a new journey (and I wanted him to know what a little bit of alcohol felt like in his body in a controlled environment before peer pressure and college parties kicked in). We got his much-needed dorm room supplies, and helped him move his belongings in. We hugged. He walked to the dorms and we pulled out of the parking lot – with me in tears. I would be missing his birthday for the first time ever.

The Hot Mess Phase

I had planned all sorts of things when we got home – starting my 3 1/2 year old’s pre-kindergarten work, lots of fun toddler activities, sewing projects and blog tours. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t sew. I couldn’t teach. I could just sit and stare and maintain. It didn’t help that I was also fighting off postpartum depression from the birth of my now 6-month old. I didn’t show up for my self-imposed runs in preparation for the 5k I’d signed up for. I didn’t write other than to keep my paying clients satisfied with my work. I didn’t tend to the house or laundry. I cried. I cried a lot.

Nothing in the 19 years of being a mom prepared me for the depth of grief mixed with pride and excitement that I would feel when my child launched for college. Of course I was happy for him – here he was – he’d done it; he’d made it. But I was completely taken aback by the sadness I felt knowing that my oldest – the one I’d done a lot of growing up with – was now an adult and although he’d come home for holidays and perhaps summers, he was out on his own.

Pulling It All Together

I continued like this, putting together care packages, counting down the days until Thanksgiving break, when we had the chance to go visit him for parent’s weekend. We went up. We got to meet his girlfriend and his roommate. We got to see that he was happy and doing well and navigating this whole adulting thing pretty well.

I felt less sad and broken on the drive home after. He was doing well with his debate team, doing well with theater stuff, doing well. He wasn’t being all work and no play – one of my biggest fears for him. He was getting out and being social with his classmates. I was able to relax. I was able to come home and do more and start to get back to where I was at the beginning of August.

Know that if you’re child is heading off, it will be a change. Things still don’t feel right. I struggled with Halloween and decorating for it this year. It was hard to feel like I wanted to do my usual go-all-out for the holiday thing that I do, but we still had fun. Know that you’re not alone. A lot of people feel this way when it comes to adapting to the change.

I still get out an extra plate and bowl for him if I’m tired and serving dinner – because I’m on autopilot, and for 19 years I also worried about making sure he ate and was well. I couldn’t be prouder of him. I also couldn’t be counting down the minutes until Thanksgiving break more excitedly.

Have you had to say bye to your little one all grown up? What was it like for you?

 

 

Freelance writer and entrepreneur Ronda Bowen has been publishing articles on a variety of topics including parenting and education for the past decade after leaving a graduate program in philosophy. She has four children ranging in age from 6 months to 19 years old. She believes that it is vital to raise children to be globally aware and to have empathy for others. Current projects include two blogs, political website, fundraising for an international non-profit organization, and a handmade business.

23 Lessons About Life Learnt From Kids

by with 6 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentfestivalsVoices

How wondrous are kids !!! It’s mind blowing to observe their dynamics within and the conclusions they draw on a daily basis. Children’s Day – November 14th in India, November 20th around the world, I want to take the time to appreciate the many, many lesson kids teach us about living fuller lives ! 

The holiday was first celebrated worldwide in October 1953, adopted by the United Nations General Assembly in 1954. In India, Children’s Day is observed on November 14 as a public holiday, and is dedicated to the birth anniversary of Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, for the extreme love for children and worked passionately for the welfare of children.

Thanks to Facebook and parents around the world sharing snippets of their lives, I am inspired daily by kids’ resilience, their creativity, their humor, their compassion and their capacity to think break the proverbial box, not just think outside it.

Of course we don’t need a day to celebrate our children. They are special. In more ways than one. But it’s great to take a minute to acknowledge what THEY bring into our lives. Not just happy moments, and anecdotes but how they make our lives so much more fuller and better by making us want to be better people !
Here are lessons from around the world talking about how the little wonders they come across or live with have inspired –

Lesson 1 

My children taught me to love technology. It’s because of them I embraced the internet and smart phones and Facebook. (I draw the line at SnapChat. Yuck!) They seem to learn so quickly, and embrace new ideas so effortlessly. They’re grown up now, and I admire them very much.

Kay Bolden 

Lesson 2 

I taught children so I learned from them, from my own and now from my grandchildren. They taught me to listen, to be creative, to challenge myself just as I challenged them, to have fun. To make snow angels, to paint, to roll on the floor, to see how care and loving can create wonderful human beings.

Jan Cox

Lesson 3 

My children are emerging adults now (22, 20 & 17). They have taught me how to surrender myself to the moment, to be more present, honest and loving. They’ve also taught me so much about God’s unconditional love; mine is imperfect, but I can’t image NOT loving any one of my children regardless of the path they follow. I believe God’s heart is like that (and so much more).

Caroline DePalatis

Lesson 4 

I’ve learned to slow down and appreciate the small things. There’s nothing so important it’s worth rushing through those magical small moments with them.

Leanna Guillen Mora

Lesson 5 

Taking the time to do things. We’re always in a rush. Let’s slow down!

At night when I often struggled with self doubt and overwhelm from school, my mom would firmly say: Deanne, gives Me a shower and then go to bed. No more thinking tonight.

I still hear her voice when my mind gets spinning and tired.

Deanne Welsh

Lesson 6 

My children have definitely proved to me that “our children do as we do and not as we tell them to do”. Whether it be us, as parents, their teachers or their peers, actions speak louder than words.

Lisa Sadleir

Lesson 7 

For me, being a mom is equal parts challenge and fulfillment. Our kids teach us so many lessons! Parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. Thanks for the thread!

Katie O Connel 

Lesson 8 

Kids are so creative by nature. They love experiment and play. By listening to them I learnt what works best in teaching.

Galina Nikitina

Lesson 9 

Kids are taught to have good manners and discipline from not only what we teach but also from our deeds. We always try to make it right teaching them to ask sorry and say thanks but unfortunately sometimes we totally forget to apologize or thank them when its needed.

Recently I was reminded by my kid to apologize when I accidentally dropped her toy. That moment I realized its crucial to stay in a way we advice them how to be.

Suja Dinesh

Lesson 10 

More than anything,i hv learned forgiveness n giving a second chance to others!!
Kids never hold grudges, no ego issues !!

Shalini Tyagi

Lesson 11 

I have learned that curiosity keeps us inspired and present! It’s a pathway into just BEing and enjoying, basking in, this BEingness.

I also learned, many years ago, that children are extremely perceptive. They can sense and intuit so much, and it’s very worthwhile to listen to them. To sit with them and learn from their perspectives. The wisdom they hold, without effort, is beautiful!

Courtney Lynn Harris

Lesson 12 

The greatest lesson I’ve learned from my children is how to be a Mom. When I was eight and half months pregnant with my first child in 1992, I remember calling my mom crying. In between sobs, I managed to get out the words, “Mom, what business do I have being pregnant? I don’t know the first thing about kids!” I was 30 years old and, believe it not, I’d never even babysat before. There are no wiser words than those my mom spoke back then. “Jane, you’ll just know.” And that’s exactly what I’ve experienced through the years. Even though children aren’t born with an “instruction manual,” being a Mom, somehow, just came natural. Somehow, I just knew what to do. My children are now 21 and 25, and although I still wish sometimes they’d come with an instructional manual, they’re still teaching me so many wonderful lessons about being a Mom.

Janie Saylor

Lesson 13 

My kids have taught me to dial back my brain. I find I’m thinking slower and feeling deeper than I ever did. Having kids wasn’t just a new chapter in life for me, it was an entirely new book. Where I focused on the goal and the destination now I have realized the value of the journey and the experience. I feel bad for my husband – it’s like he is now married to a totally different person!

Puneeta Chhitwal-Varma

Lesson 14

It’s okay to forgive. I make so many mistakes but every time I apologise, my children greet me with open arms and no grudges while I’m likely to mull over how they are “always” behaving terribly even if they do it only sometimes.

Aparajita Kumar

Lesson 15

I have learned from kids how to be resilient. Kids have difficulties in their lives, just like adults do. They somehow seem to bounce back more easily. Children have taught me to enjoy life in the moment, no matter what your circumstances are.

Cara Whitney Bangerter 

Lesson 16 

I’ve learned that they are their own and never a carbon copy of ourselves. Watching them grow into their personalities has been amazing. I’m so proud of my three daughters and the women they are becoming. 

David Mike

Lesson 17

Believe in your heart and follow your dreams from the 5 yo. Be a succulent and suck up the memories from the 11 yo. From both: sometimes a fire in your heart can get you into a wee bit of trouble. No one can get you down but you, figuratively, and down the mountain.

Nicole Fassnacht Akers

Lesson 18

My 14 month old grand daughter who passed away, taught us how to live in the present, she taught us that little things matter, and how to cherish what we have.

Anne Gollias Peterson

Lesson 19 

I’ve learned children thrive on love and want more of us and more of our attention, than they do material things. Children say it like it is and the humor is so natural. For example, one morning I was driving my 4 year old grandson to school. We saw his neighbor, an elderly woman, walking rather slowly down her driveway. I said, “Hunter, I wonder if your neighbor isn’t feeling well today. She’s moving a little slow this morning.” Hunter replied in a matter-of-fact kind of way and with no disrespect intended, “That’s what old peoples do. They move slow…. Like a sloth.” I cracked up so hard and he didn’t laugh.

Dorris Swift 

Lesson 20 

I am learning that children are sponges that absorb all the information available and then link them in their minds. We can enhance this learning by not just teaching them what’s in their schoolbooks but also getting them interested in other hobbies and interests to develop an overall learning.

I have learned we should never underestimate theri ability and capabilities by our measures. We need to challenge them to think out of the box and be amazed at their creativity.

Rebecca Vijay

Lesson 21 

I learned the graceful power of compassion in response to fear, and the quiet strength of dedication in the face of difficulty from my 8-yr-old grandson.

You can read more about the lessons her grandson’s taught her on her website below.

Danielle Bernock

Lesson 22 

I’ve learned from my kids the importance of being fully and authentically myself. As I watch them grow, I admire their unique personality traits, and I see how they really shine when being true to themselves. I feel like I have learned this lesson many times in my life, but it still helps to remember that I’m happiest being myself.
Cathy Brown

Lesson 23 

To feel my feelings fully and let them go and move on.

Stephanie Berryman 

My Lesson  

The Biggest life lesson my kids teach me daily is that there has to be a sense of wonder about every thing we do. The fascinating joy and enthusiasm  they have to everything that’s new is truly heart warming. In this cynical world, it is often easy to get lost in the darkness. My kids ensure that my mornings begin with a light heart and smile.

These still just a drop of what kids teach us on a daily basis. And that’s just one of the reasons why it is our responsibility to ensure they are given every possible opportunity to grow in a healthy and happy environment. Not just with our view point, but with the help of the village that is the world !

Pay attention !!! Kids not only inspire to live a better life, they show you a whole new way to look at the world around you.

Raising World Children Brings You 23 Life Lessons Learnt From Kids Around You

 

Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ” .
Matches Are Made In Heaven

Matches Are Made In Heaven

by with 2 Comments festivalsVoices

Matches are made in heaven !!

Its true! Indeed !!

Initially, I was quite dubious of the fact — Matches are made in heaven.

Our Arranged Marriage

But after getting married to my husband, I have started believing in it. Ours was a totally arranged marriage, wherein the bride’s parents meet the groom’s parents. The Kundlis were exchanged. And it’s only when the Kundlis match, the conversation regarding the two people — the girl and the boy,starts. And as per our tradition, I also believe in these nity gritty things. After all, it’s for us only.

Fortunately, our Kundlis matched.Then the day was fixed on which we will meet face to face. So on the a decided day, we met. Though our meeting had to happen but it was still very unusual. As we both were working , so neither of us was interested in taking a leave just to meet the partner in question.

Knowing he felt the same, attracted me towards knowing him more. So, it was decided that we will ll meet in a park during the morning hours.The morning where everybody was busy in their morning walk, jogging, yoga and what not, we were there to discuss our serious future.

And on that day, in those 10-15 minutes, to be precise, something happened – which changed our lives!

He was his normal quiet self while I was doing the chatting and the questioning. I felt somewhat irritable too when I was not getting the responses from him. But there’s an element of simplicity and something was there in his eyes, which got stuck somewhere.

After the meeting got over, we both went to our respective offices and from my office, I agreed to my father to move ahead in this relation. Right! I said yes and in just one hour two complete strangers became everything for each other.

So, the match was fixed. And we got engaged on 17.4.2005. But, still the marriage had to wait. There was a long courtship period of 7 months. And that was the time, we got to know each other, somewhat. His way of surprising me in one form or another had surprised me.

When I was least expecting him or his call, I used to get the shock of my life by seeing him outside my workplace , which was admired by me always. As he was not a very chatty person, so he used to make it up by something or the other.

arranged marriage

And thus, the cupid finally struck! We got married on 14.11.2005, Children’s Day. See, it felt like God had also made plans for us. The date got inscribed along with the celebration of children’s day and our dear Nehruji’s birthday. On that day, amidst our families and friends,in a large set up, he came on the horse like my prince charming and I became his better half, forever.

Though we had our ups and downs,struggles and rewards, fights and romance, still the bond of love and trust for each other has kept us tied with each other. Touch wood!

Thus, I concluded, whether it is arranged marriage or love marriage, love can happen anytime and anywhere. These are just the names to help us move further. Rest is all our faith, trust, love, respect ,maturity and responsibility towards each other, which matters a lot. Gradually, I had realized that love doesn’t mean to ignore the flaws of the person but it means to accept the flaws of the person and let him also accept yours so as to have a pious and lovable life.

Because—Matches are made in heaven. Share your wedding story with me.

 Ruchika Rastogi, an Indian who was born and brought up in Delhi. She loves to explore the unexplored. A mother of two lovely kids, she works as a teacher and her passion for writing has helped her survive during her hard times. Her first non fiction book got published last year with the name-A Mystical Majesty-the woman. As a contributing author, her anthology with the title–Wait Till I Tell You got launched recently. With dreams in her eyes, she believes in living life optimistically.
7 Empowering Ways To Protect Your Kids From Tragedy

7 Empowering Ways To Protect Your Kids From Tragedy

by with 11 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentnbc12ParentingVoices

I read the headline. Mass shooting in Texas. My throat constricts. My heart beat stops. I look at the number of people who died, and my eyes well up imagining what their families will be going through in the next few hours.

This has been a vicious repeated cycle of despair recently. What a horror filled end of year it’s been! Hurricanes, acts of terrorism, mass shootings have left families reeling under the possibility of tragedy slamming into their lives at a moment’s notice.

Lost links. Hearts broken. Lives forever changed!

Highly sensitive people like me, specially those who have experienced loss earlier and are now parents, imagine what it would be like be in that situation again. We constantly look over our shoulder, anticipating danger. Prepare for what we would do, should we feel threatened. We scour information for how to try to stay safe and avoid public places that might be an easy target.

For acts of God, we make endless lists and prep our homes for eventualities.

Through all this, I worry about what future our children holds. Are we preparing them enough for what is to come. Even worse, what might come.

Harsh Reality For Kids Today

A few weeks ago, my son told me about a drill they do at school. He explained to me what they would do if a “mean man” came to the school wanting to do bad things. We don’t watch the news in our home. So, I don’t think he yet knows the actual implications of what will happen to him.  My heart fills with fear (is an understatement)  at the thought of him and his adorable little friends who come home often ever having to go through that drill in reality.

What a sad world we live in where we need to prepare our kids for such circumstances! But taking the school’s lead, in spite of how nauseous as the thought of it makes me I have to prepare my kids to the best of my ability to be ready in such cases. 

[bctt tweet=”6 Empowering Ways To Protect Your Kids From Tragedy” username=”contactrwc”]

7 Empowering Ways To Protect Your Kids From Tragedy | Prepare Kids For Tragedy | Disaster Preparation for kids

Have a Code Word

If your kids are anything like mine, they do not listen to anything you have to say easily. Talk to your kids about a word they think denotes urgency and that puts them on the alert for instructions to come.

Prep Them With Set of Instructions 

I’m a big believer in preparation. So make sure your kids know to Run, Hide, or do whatever it is that you ask them to do. I will not lay out a hard line for  you, because every child is different and needs a different set of instructions to follow. At school, kids mimic other kids. At home though, it is up to parents to gauge what detail of information your kids can process.

For example, in my home I say the below to my kids.

  • Listen to what mom dad or an authority figure says.
  • Stay with mom and dad no matter what.
  • It will be a very difficult situation so stay very quiet and listen hard.
  • There could be situation where we say Run then RUN!
  • Find a person in uniform and tell them your address and phone number.
  • If mom and dad are not there, call so and so and ask for help.

Teach Them About Emergency Needs

The school is wonderful at teaching kids the difference between needs and wants, but in tragic times, needs take on a different meaning. Teach them what a need is in case of a natural disaster, health emergency etc. If you can, prep a bag with bare necessities, and emergency care that they know where to look for.

Reiterate The Above Over And Over

Like everything else in life, this too needs practice. So, ensure to make your kids understand that the above is important and needs to be remembered.

Talk To Your Kids About Predators and Acts of God

My kids are super friendly. It has been a hard journey teaching them about how to figure out what a bad man does and how they should protect themselves.

It is even more difficult to explain to my fear filled son that a tornado is not something that comes randomly with every rainfall. Explaining to him the nature of weather and how hurricanes and other natural disasters has been helpful.

How To Protect Your Kids From Tragedy | Raising World Children | Empower

Be With Your Kids 

This seems like a no brainier but in the hustle of every day life, we often don’t get time to get in that extra snuggle time.

These are difficult times. More than anything, kids need to know they are safe and loved. My kids are sensitive so even when we talk about monster men or bad situations they get disturbed. Also, with information coming in from all quarters even if you protect your child from the media, they may have friends who talk to them about real events. Make sure to be present with your kids to stay connected to what’s going on in their little hearts.

Have open lines of communication always!

Take Actions For A Brighter Future 

Kids are always listening, observing and pick up on body language cues. While it is impossible to be positive all the time, we can teach kids to be empowered by being great examples our selves. In spite of such events, we need to hold onto hope and light the candle for our future generation.

Volunteer as much as you can. Vote for the right candidates. Have open dialogue about mental illness, drug use, relationships, peer pressure and current trends. Surround yourself with positive energies. 

Above all, ensure to do everything in your power to be a kind human being yourself! And do make sure to give your kids an extra tight on these disturbing days.

 What would you suggest we add to this list ? 

Featured on NBC12 News Website | Raising World Children |

Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”
5 Awesome Travel Hacks When Traveling With Your Teens

The Power of A Family Circle

by with 5 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentVoices

Have you ever called an “emergency family meeting?” Did you gather in a circle around the kitchen table? Or huddle together on the couch? What prompted that meeting? Chances are it was a less than desirable circumstance or conflict. Perhaps it was a broken curfew, academic struggles, or a disrespectful outburst. Family challenges often prompt us to gather up, get talking, and fix problems.

What if your children associated “family meetings” or circles with honest, connected, nurturing communication, though? Not just problems!

As a Child-Centered Coach for Teens and Parents, I teach restorative circles to families with school-aged children. This powerful, co-created system for family-community-building and conflict management provides families with powerful, timeless, and healing tools.

Because family systems are constantly changing as the humans grow and evolve, this go-to system protects and supports family conversation, creates a strong foundation of trust, and encourages authentic connection. Using this method, you and you family will build positive associations with sitting in circles and talking about a wide range of family-based topics. Rather than expecting a lecture or a consequence during the “meeting,” your children and teens will experience “circles” as the rich soil from which the family cultivates love and understanding.

Restorative circles invite both parents and children of all ages to co-create the family environment and relationships together. It’s up to you, as the parent, to lead your family, yes, but this doesn’t mean you do it alone or without support. As you share the power of building your life together with your children, pressure and weight can be lifted. You don’t have to manage everything on your own. Likewise, as your children become more empowered, they engage in and create family dynamics with greater intention and investment. It’s a win-win, both in the short and long term.

“The fundamental unifying hypothesis of restorative practices is disarmingly simple: that human beings are happier, more cooperative and productive, and more likely to make positive changes in their behavior when those in positions of authority do things with them, rather than to them or for them.”

Peacemaking circles and restorative practices have roots in Native and indigenous cultures. This idea of gathering face to face is not new. However, being open to the wisdom of our ancestors and of the process of circling takes intention. We have different distractions, interruptions, and challenges in our lives; thus, it takes attention and purposeful action to create a strong foundation of community within the family unit.

Restorative circles offer families a framework for having open communication and bonding opportunities. If you commit, as a family, to having a weekly Family Building Circles, coming to circle in moments of conflict or difference will feel much more comfortable. Here, I offer you the core elements of Family Building Circles, along with the philosophy behind each aspect.

Core Elements Circle + The Philosophy of the Circle:

Circle- Circles have no end and no beginning. Each person’s seat place in the circle is equal to the next person’s and you can make eye contact with everyone in the circle. All members of the family circle sit at the same level, either floor or chair.  This is symbolic of shared and equal power. The circle itself indicates that all family members are worthy of the same respect; each member has the freedom and space to express themselves. “Circle” is also the name of the process of having an organized dialogue while sitting in circle.

Talking Piece- An object that can be safely and easily passed is the talking piece. It indicates that only one person will talk at a time; likewise, it denotes that all other members will actively listen when they don’t have the talking piece. The talking piece will always travel the circle in order, even if a member chooses to skip a round, which encourages focus, patience, and turn-taking. Talking pieces can be created or selected to watch the topic of each individual circle or they might be an item that the family relates to and holds dear.

Rounds– This is one pass around the circle in order. Family building circles are often pre-planned and focus on a single topic. A series of questions guide the family through intentional conversation and sharing. The talking piece regulates the round, giving each member equal opportunity to speak and be heard.

Values- What guides you and helps inform your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors? What is most important to you? What do you hold dear? Family members name their values as a guide for how you will treat one another during the circle process (and moving forward from the circle). Values also establish safety norms for the conversation and the relationships.

Facilitator- All members of the family participate equally; however, one member may be the facilitator of a particular circle. The facilitator reads each prompt and helps ensure that circle norms are being respected. Facilitation is an opportunity for children to be leaders in their family.

As you begin using circles often with the intention of building family community, you will experience a growth in trust, communication, and openness. Then, when conflict arises, you already have a system and connected emotional history for dialoguing about how to transform and repair the hurt.

E-mail Courtney for a FREE template and model for a family building circle to get started!

What is a Family Circle | Power | Use


Courtney Harris : Child-Centered Coach for Teens and Parents, Courtney supports children ages 11-19 in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they discover their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in self-care, growing alongside their children, and in developing balanced sensitivity towards the process their child is creating. Sessions with both teens and parents guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that’s crucial for a life of ease. You can find out more about Courtney Harris Coaching here:and 

 

Cyber Bullying

How To Talk To Kids About Cyber Bullying

by with 6 Comments ContemporaryEmpowermentParentingVoices

Cyber Bullies. These types of people have always existed. I’m curious to know if you’ve ever been bullied? I was. The worst of it was back in middle school in the 1970s. In those days we still had outside time, in essence, it was recess. But none of us called it that… “Recess” always sounded so little kiddish. Out in the schoolyard there was a few girls who never liked me. I’m not sure why exactly, but aside from being called names, I was also punched and kicked quite often, for whatever reason.

If I knew the reason then, I certainly don’t remember it now.

Those experiences, even though I don’t recall the reasoning, very much shaped my life. It dramatically lowered my self esteem and it was the beginning of 40 years of falling for the wrong people. People who I allowed to treat me badly.

Talking About Bullying is Paramount

When I was young and getting bullied, I never told my parents and I told a teacher only once, because their advice was more than unhelpful. I was told to “toughen up and ignore them.” As it turns out, research today shows situations like telling the bully to stop and pretending it’s not happening can actually make the situation worse.

It may help your child to know that even grown ups can be cyber bullied and hopefully, in knowing this, it will help your child to be able to report it to you. As a matter of fact, there are many celebrities who’ve been cyber bullied, which, unfortunately, often forces them off of particular social media sites. Some of celebrities who’ve been cyber bullied are:

Ed Sheeran, singer:

In an interview, he made a comment in which Lady Gaga fans interpreted him as saying he disliked her. Those fans went on to say, what Ed calls, “very mean things that were ruining his day,” and were upsetting him very much. Very soon following, Lady Gaga made a statement in his defense. It turns out Ed decided not to quit the social media sites because he and his father had conversations there, but he stopped reading all the other posts.

Normandi Kordei : 

Fifth Harmony singer and you may know her from being a Dancing With the Stars contestant: Normandi was cyber bullied with comments saying things like she “isn’t black enough,” as well as many other racially charged comments. Normandi also says many people had said “some of the most rabid and disgusting” things about women’s bodies and hers in particular.

Zelda Williams:

Daughter of the late Robin Williams: After her father’s death, Zelda reports social media users verbally attacked her and even went so far as to send her photos of a dead man lying in a morgue who resembled her father.

Josh McDermitt.

Actor from the hit tv show, Walking Dead: Josh says that because of his character, Eugene’s role on the show, he received comments of extreme hatred toward him and even death threats. He says people were unable to differentiate between a character on television and Josh’s real life.

Rumer Willis,

Actress and daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore: On the morning television show, Megyn Kelly Today, on September 27, 2017, Rumer talked openly about being cyber bullied.

What is Bullying? 

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (the CDC) defines bullying as “any unwanted aggressive behavior by another youth or group of youths involving an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated. Bullying may inflict harm or distress on the targeted youth including physical, psychological, social, or educational harm. A young person can be a perpetrator, a victim, or both.”

What’s missing in the above description is the fact that bullying occurs to people of any age. And today’s technology brings on another whole host of ways people are bullied. Cyber bullying. It’s so incredibly prominent and cyber bullying includes, not only bullying done through social media channels, but in using any electronic source, such as through text or via email as well.

It is very easy to write things to a person who simply is a name on the screen or at the other end of the line.

Understanding The Need To Be A Bully

One might think bullies have a strong sense of themselves, they probably feel superior and that bullies are just highly opinionated and mean people. What we may not know is bullies actually feel so bad about themselves that breaking someone else down is a way for them to attempt to make themselves feel superior.

It is difficult, perhaps, to look at it this way but bullies are very much hurting inside. I know, most bullies think it’s funny. Don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying we shouldn’t do everything in our power to stop bullying from occurring. As a matter of fact, research shows being bullied, as well as being a bully, can cause an increased risk of problems in their future, such as academic issues, substance abuse, violent behavior, as well as mental health problems. And both the bully and their victims have an increased risk of suicide. We need to provide empowered assistance to both the bullies and the bullied. 

Cyber Bullying 

Over 50% of teens have been cyber bullied… And only about 10% of those kids will talk to a parent about it. Something cyber bullies don’t keep in mind is there’s consequences. Once bullying comments are made online, it’s practically impossible to completely remove all its traces, which can affect the person doing the bullying for life, even if they’ve apologized to the other person.

These days, prospective colleges are searching online for these occurrences, as are employers. Bullies can face legal charges, and in the situation of “sexting” (which means transmitting naked or inappropriate words or photos), bullies can face the possibility of legally being a labeled as a sex offender.

My Experience as a Parent

My 11 year old son son wanted to play an online game his friends were playing called Runescape. He and I had a long discussion about the privileges and problems of what playing a game where people from all over the world and all ages are playing. It is a tender subject, but I explained about pedophiles by telling him about people posing as youngsters and how incredibly patient they are in order to cause you harm.

I told him these people will befriend you and wait to start asking personal type questions, like your real and full name, address, telephone number, email address and so much more. I told him the only “friends” on the game he was allowed to have were his personal friends from school.

We discussed his password and that I was the only other person who will know it and that I would be going on the game under his password to check up on him. (I also emphasized if there was ever a time I tried to get onto his game and he’d changed the password, he’d be grounded.) We also talked about cyber bullying and what he was to do if it happens (don’t respond, save the comment and tell me immediately).

And lastly, I explained that the only way he could play the game was that I would be playing the game as well. After our very long talk together, I actually drew up a contract and the not we talked about what signing a contract means.

What you can do:

1. Know what sites your child visits. Tell them you will be going onto their accounts. Tell them it’s your job, as a parent, to know what they’re doing and protect them.
2. Always know your child’s passwords.
3. Explain to them the privileges and safety measures that come with being online and having access to the sites you’re allowing them to visit.
4. Set up parental controls, but don’t rely on parental controls alone.
5. Add your children to your “friends” or “follow” lists.
6. Explain to them about cyber bullying and what they’re to do if it does happen (don’t respond, keep the message and tell you immediately.)
7. Block the bullies
8. If a friend of your child communicates to them that they’ve been being bullied in some way, encourage your child to tell you. Also tell your child to encourage their friend to tell their own parents, teachers or school counselors.
9. Always keep the lines of communication with your children open. In order to expect them to be open and honest with you, you also need to be open and honest with them. In sharing things with your children and risking some of your own vulnerabilities, you actually make them feel much more comfortable in sharing their vulnerabilities with you.

How To Talk To Kids About Cyber Bullies | Raising World Children | Bullies | Online Bullies | Protect Kids

 

Check out this resource on bullying – https://www.drugrehab.com/guides/bullying/

Janie Saylor is a professional certified life coach with a degree in psychology, her focus is in the emerging field of positive psychology. Janie is the mom of two grown children, her son, age 20, and her daughter, age 24. In 2006, Janie published a book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her experiences teaching life journaling to people over the age of 60 for 10+ years in many different communities in the Metro Detroit area. Janie’s used her experiences and education as she developed an 8-week online coaching program and has had tremendous success in improving the communication, lives and relationships of her clients. Janie enjoys uplifting others with positive posts and memes on her Facebook page, Become University. Janie calls it “Your Happy Place.”
When The New Baby Never Came Home

When The New Baby Never Came Home

by with 3 Comments ParentingVoices

 

The television commercials and advertisements would have us believe that pregnancy and giving birth is a joyous occasion.  No matter the circumstances, pregnancy and giving birth is typically coupled with high stress.  At the very least, happy couples might begin to ask questions like “Are we ready?” or “Do we have everything we need?”  In other families, the pregnancy was unexpected or unwanted.  In others, the mom or the baby is considered high risk.

[bctt tweet=”On October 15th I share my story of losing my baby sister. ” username=”contactrwc”]

It often takes a great deal of pain and hard work before something is deemed important enough to have a special day on the calendar.  After many losses, grieving and hard work, October 15 was officially named the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day on September 28, 2006.  Today, we honor those families whose lives were forever changed when pregnancy turned into grieving, when the new baby never came home.

A Little Girl Prepares

When I was a little girl, I would prepare for many things.  By the time I was 5, I had experienced several changes which included loss, trauma, abuse and living in a variety of places with people coming in and out of my life.  With a world that was continuously influx, I found myself always preparing for something, on the inside.  Life was often scary and unsettling and I was learning survival skills to master my ever changing life.  My mom became pregnant when I was 5 and I am not sure that I had many thoughts about that.  As I recall, we were living in another state then and I had other things to consider.

My Mom Is “Fat”

On one particular day (maybe my first), I was on my way to Kindergarten.  I remember being embarrassed that my mom was “fat” and I didn’t want her to come in with me.  Such a strange thing for a shy, soft hearted little girl to feel.
I can’t be sure, but that may have been the day that I began to understand that my mom was “fat” because she was going to have a baby.  I remember being sad and upset with myself for thinking my mom was fat and began to get pretty excited about this little baby that was coming.  Every time I would see commercials on television with babies, I would get more excited and began to understand that a baby was coming to live with me!

It’s Time !

The excitement was finally here!  We were going to have a baby!  My mom and dad had taken me to stay with another family that took good care of me and I patiently waited for my mom and the new baby to come home.  It was Christmas time in 1970 and a little 5 year old girl was excited for this new Christmas present!

Sometimes, They Just Don’t Talk About It

My dad came to pick me up and there was no baby, my mom wasn’t there either.  My little sister was born on Christmas Eve that year.  She had problems with her little lungs and she died on that same Christmas Eve.  There were no babies for my mom to hold or bring home, in fact they had a sign on her door saying not to bring babies in the room.

To make matters worse, we were a family without money.  In order to cover the hospital expenses, my family had to donate my sister’s little body for research. When my mom got home from the hospital, everything that belonged to the baby was gone.  It was if the whole pregnancy didn’t exist. In 1970, they didn’t handle things the way they do today.  Sometimes, they just don’t talk about it. If you don’t talk about them, then they didn’t happen was kind of the philosophy of the day.

When The New Baby Never Came Home

I’m not exactly sure when I found out what really happened.  There was no memorial, funeral or burial.  There was nothingness.  My 5 year old heart was devastated when the new baby never came home.

Honoring and Remembering 

My little sister would be 47 years old this year on Christmas Eve.  There is a great deal more to our story, but 24 years after her death we were able to place a marker for her in the Babyland area of the Cemetery.  Knowing that there is now a special day to honor those families who have experienced the loss of their babies, brings tears to my eyes.

In order to write this small story about the amazing little baby who never came home, her big sister had to do what she has done so many times before, prepare on the inside. But I do it so that You may find the strength to do so too. And to know, I am here if you need to talk to me about it. 

When The New Baby Never Came Home - Raising World Children Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

 Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover your Soul Purpose. You can find her http://thedoorsofwellness.com
Reach out to a Vilomah Remembering Their Lost Ones

Reach out to a Vilomah Remembering Their Lost Ones

by with 2 Comments ParentingVoices

Children playing enthusiastically in a playground…
Toddlers rushing to meet their parents after a day away at school…
Kids at a restaurant noisily playing with spoons and forks…
A kid throwing a tantrum in the neighborhood mall or grocery store…
Your child making a mess just to prepare a special mothers day card for you…
Your child running up to you and giving you a bear-hug with sticky fingers and hands…

We come across these situations so often that it is easy to visualize and be able to feel the enthusiasm, hear the noise and see the reactions in our minds. These are common everyday occurrences that we at times take for granted. There are many times we want the children to only be seen and not heard or not even be seen at times when we are in the midst of some important work or busy with our virtual world or just want the noise to quieten down.

We forget that there are some of us who long for a hug, a kiss, the noise, the love, the mess, but do not get it. They dream of holding a little one in their arms, or holding their hands, or teaching them something, but they can’t. They would sacrifice everything in a moment just to hear a sweet voice saying ‘Momma’.

But some dreams do not come true or were about to come true but at the last moment. The beautiful dream was shattered and the bubble burst and you are left with nothing but memories, tears, silent houses, deafening thoughts, empty arms, lifeless cradles…

The Loss Of A Grieving Family

Vilomah is a Sanskrit word that is being given to a parent who has lost their child. Losing a child is an excruciating feeling and no matter how much time goes by, the loss and the feeling of loss never goes away. You are forever changed. Continuing your life without your little one is the new normal.

The loss of any loved one is extremely difficult to cope with. But to lose a part of you that you have created and were carrying for so many months while dreaming dreams of forever is all the more difficult, which is something that not many realize.

[bctt tweet=”Vilomah is a Sanskrit word that is being given to a parent who has lost their child.” username=”contactrwc”]

Pregnancy loss or infant loss is not easy to go through just because you never knew the child or spent so little time with them. The special bond that is created between the mother and the child is eternal and the mother, even if her child is no longer with her, is still a mother and still grieves for the child that was perfect in her eyes, that was taken away from her too soon.

She carried them and talked to them and shared all her dreams and fears with them. Her children had identities and characteristics; she knew their sleep patterns in her womb; what she could eat or drink to wake them up; when they would kick; when they would be most active; whose sounds would get them moving; what sounds would get them to calm down.

Fathers and siblings too feel the pain and the grief, even if they don’t express it and handle it differently. The family as a whole had built a dream around the little one and the loss reverberates across each member of the household. It is difficult for the other children to understand and come to terms with why their baby brother or sister is not coming home to them… Why they are not getting their promised playmates… Why their parents and other family members are so sad all the time…

I lost my firstborn twin son on the third day in April 2009. I told my daughter about her twin a few years back and she took it very matter-of-factly. Every now and then, she asks some questions about him or happily tells her friends about her brother in heaven and that she will meet him there.

October 15 – Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Remembrance Day 

I wish more people would be empathetic towards vilomahs or parents who have lost their children and not want them to ‘get over it’ within a specific period. Everyone goes through their own healing process and needs love and support.

Reach out to someone who has gone through such a difficult time, talk to them about their child, about their feelings, show them that you care. Let them give a voice to the sorrow, the pain and the love that they have kept bottled up inside them. You might be surprised to know that they are eager to share about their angel in heaven and that they remember them every day.

It took me eight years before I finally used writing as a cathartic and therapeutic way of healing and wrote my first book. My Angel in Heaven: A Mother’s Journey through Death and Grief to Comfort and Hope (My God Delivers)

Let us remember our little angels this October and find peace in the hope that we will meet our angels in heaven soon.

Reach Out To A Vilomah Remembering Their Lost Ones - Raising World Children Pregnancy and Infant Lost

Rebecca Vijay Raising World ChildrenRebecca Vijay is an author, mommy blogger, freelance editor and designer, with two young children and an angel in heaven. In a career spanning a decade and a half, she has worked in various industries such as advertising, hotels, NGOs, and publishing; and was heading a commissioning team in OUP when she took a break to spend time with her kids and explore ways to make a difference. She is working on her first YA novel and has published her first book – My Angel in Heaven: A Mother’s Journey through Death and Grief to Comfort and Hope (My God Delivers). – in the memory of her firstborn twin son and has contributed to an inspirational book that has been written by over 100 moms from around the world When You’re DONE Expecting: A Collection of Heartfelt Stories from Mothers All across the Globe. You can find her here. –
Advantages of Taking Time Out for Self Love

Empower Yourself This World Mental Health Day

by with No Comment ContemporaryEmpowermentVoices

Raising World Children is about celebrating different lifestyles, experiences and cultures.  It is about what we all bring to this vast world table.  Perhaps one thing world cultures share is a hesitation to discuss mental health.  

World Mental Health Day aims to change that.

Raising World Children Mental Health Day

Mental health challenges know no borders.  

In the United States, medical offices began offering questionnaires several years ago with the hope of helping those who didn’t even realize there was an issue.  While this does provide a method of gathering information, it doesn’t go far enough.  Eliminating the stigma surrounding any mental health disorder must come first.  Enter World Mental Health Day.  The overriding goal is to raise awareness of mental health issues, and mobilizing efforts in support of better mental health.

Established in 1992, this year’s 25th anniversary theme is Mental Health in the Workplace.  Given that many folks spend a third (or more) of their day at work, addressing mental concerns there only makes sense.

Depression doesn’t always manifest with someone feeling sad and lonely. 

It may show up through the back door in the form of a myriad of other ailments.  While symptoms are addressed, the root cause can sometimes slip through the cracks, leading to a medical merry-go-round because we don’t think about the mental aspects of wellness. More than 300 million people worldwide live with depression.  An additional 260 million experience debilitating anxiety.

What can we do?  As a society embracing cultures across the globe, we can extend a hand.  How?
  1. Appreciate each other, and show your gratitude.
  2. Foster a supportive environment.
  3. Watch for early signs of burnout.
  4. Build awareness of mental health issues and reduce the stigma.
  5. Help each other.

What else can you do?

If you’d like to help, one of the best things you can do is to talk about mental health, to make it just like any other health concern that needs to be addressed.  Mental health shouldn’t be spoken about in whispers; it should be given the same level of concern as any other condition that affects your overall health.

Want to know more?

Check out the 2017 World Mental Health Day report, better yet, sign the workplace pledge.   Use #worldmentalhealthday.  Add a banner to a social media profile.  It all comes down to the same thing:  raise awareness.  Mental health issues don’t discriminate, and they don’t abide borders, or economic status.  They hurt everyone equally.  Raising awareness raises the opportunity for treatment.

For my children, and for yours, and for all the ones we’ll never meet, let’s work together to make everyone feel better about asking for the help they need.

And when you ask someone, “How are you?” really listen to the answer.

Raising World Children Mental Health Day

 Deborah FingerlowDeborah Fingerlow is a writer, traveler and explorer seeking adventures both large and small. Parent to one daughter in college and one teenage son in cyber-school. Food allergies play a significant role in day to day life decisions, as does the support network of a small town in south central Pennsylvania. Neighbors are known by their first names and a walking district encourages community engagement. Business to business communications and the development of authentic connections are Deborah Fingerlow’s superpowers. You can find her at the local farmer’s market, therapy dogs in tow, camera in hand.