Featured Guest, Author at Raising World Children

What is it Like to Have a Learning Disability?

On average 13% of students will have some form of disability that impacts their ability to access their education. Of these, 35% are thought to have a specific learning disability, which means they have a specific deficit that impacts how they take in, processing and retain information.

While learning disabilities have become more common, rarely do those without LD truly understand the challenges a student with learning disabilities faces. As a parenting coach and special education advocate, one of the first things I do with parents is help them understand their child’s perspective. The following video, audio and graphic files provide a simulation of the most common forms of learning challenges. This is your opportunity to gain some empathy and realize the struggle is real.

[bctt tweet=”Understanding learning disabilities and sharing with your kids is a great way to have some insight and develop empathy” username=”contactrwc”]

Dyslexia

Probably the most well known learning disability, dyslexia comes in many forms. The most common form is when a person flips letters and numbers, or mixes them up. This can happen when reading, or when writing. Keep in mind it is normal for a child to flip letters and numbers through the age of 6. After that they should settle on their proper direction.

Dyslexia shows up first as a problem with reading, but it can also cause writing difficulties, organizational problems, school refusal and attention challenges.

The following simulation shows what it might be like to read if you had dyslexia. Notice how the text is always shifting, so it is difficult to know for sure what the word is suppose to be.

Not all people with dyslexia experience the letters moving and shifting. For some, there is consistent letter flipping between similar letters, such as p and q or b and d. Click here for another Dyslexia Simulation by WebAIM to see what it might be like to read with dyslexia even though the letters are not moving and changing as you read.

Auditory Processing Disorder

Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) is said to be like dyslexia of the ears. In some circles there is discussion that it is an auditory form of dyslexia, but the jury is still out on this conclusion. A person with APD has normal hearing, but the brain misinterprets what the ears hear. As a result, the information that is taken in gets scrambled, and the person consistently misunderstands what is said to them.

APD causes significant issues in the classroom and social interactions, and can cause symptoms such as inability to follow directions, inattention, fatigue with listening tasks, hyper-sensitive hearing and poor social skills.

Below is a simulation of what it is like to have APD. This simulation was created by SoundSkills in New Zealand.

Visual Processing Disorder

When a child’s eyes do not function properly together, they can have what’s known as a visual processing disorder (VPD). They could have perfectly clear vision (20/20 acuity), but still have a problem getting their eyes to work as a team.This type of learning disability can mimic others and often goes undetected. When this happens, it affects ALL schoolwork, and can cause many symptoms such as work refusal, quick to fatigue, attention and hyperactivity difficulties.

Here is a simulation of what they eyes do when a child has eye-tracking difficulties, a form of VPD. Notice how the eyes jump all around instead of reading the lines straight across. Can you imagine how difficult reading comprehension would be if you read like this all the time?

Dysgraphia (writing disability)

Some children have difficulty learning to write when they get to Kindergarten and first grade. Learning to write letters, words and then sentences is one form of dysgraphia that is usually helped with occupational therapy.

But there is another form of dysgraphia that commonly goes with writing struggles, and that is difficulty putting together sentences, paragraphs and eventually essays. Often children who are gifted in math struggle with writing, and they may be diagnosed with dysgraphia.

Dysgraphia affects all aspects of learning, and usually the child needs more time for assignments, assistive technology and specialized instruction to help them learn how to write down their thoughts.

The following video simulation helps you experience what might happen in the brain of a child with dysgraphia when faced with a writing task. The rules and structure for writing can be so overwhelming, the child does not even know where to start.

ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is diagnosed in 11% of school-age children. The general belief is that kids with ADHD have a chemical imbalance in their brain that reduces dopamine, thus reducing the ability to focus. The fact is there are many underlying causes of attention problems, all of which create havoc with a child’s ability to focus in school. The result is constant distraction from all sensory input, whether it is visual, auditory, or tactile. While some may not consider this a learning disability, it significantly impacts a child’s ability to access their education.

The following video simulates the input an ADHD brain experiences while walking down the street. Their mind takes in so much information, it is difficult to grasp the details and retain it. While not everybody with ADHD will have this exact same experience, this simulation does a great job of demonstrating how difficult it is to focus on one thing when so many other things are happening at the same time.

Autism

It is said if you meet one person with autism, you have met one person with autism. The disorder manifests so uniquely in each person, they all experience diverse symptoms. But one aspect of autism that seems to be universal is the sensory overload that is experienced. Many people with autism have talked about the overwhelming nature of the world that can become so intense it can actually cause pain.

The following video provides a window into the sensory overload people with autism experience. It is a difficult simulation to watch and hear, so prepare yourself. Then next time you see a child having a meltdown in a grocery story, and mom says he’s autistic, you will understand why.

The following video from ABC’s 20/20 TV show provides insight into the world Carly Fleischmann, a young woman who has non-verbal autism. As a teenager she learned to type, and for the first time in her life she was able to express what she couldn’t say. She shares her insights into what it’s like to have autism, and allows the rest of us to peek into the world that before was unknown.

Strive to Understand the Challenges of a Learning Disability

For those of us who do not have a learning disability, it can be hard to grasp the immensity of effort it takes for a child with LD to participate in school. If your child, or children you work with, struggles with learning, it’s worth your time to gain insight into how that struggle manifests. Through understanding you can find more patience, and along the way hopefully find resources to minimize the challenges.

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Bonnie is a special education advocate and parenting coach. She works with parents to help them get the right support in school as well as finding the solutions outside of school that help their child improve their learning challenges. She is a mom to two boys, both with some learning issues, although the oldest was severely delayed. He is now an honor student !

How to Avoid Living The Social Media Perfect Life

Do you live life in the messy middle? Watch the interview where Sherrie Mccarthy and Aditi Wardhan Singh discuss how hard it is to be yourself onsocial media as well as how to avoid the pitfalls many moms face when living life in the digital age.

LEARN MORE ABOUT SHERRIE MCCARTHY

What exactly it is that you do?

I’m an author and creativity coach. I have also recently added Doterra health consultant since discovering the joy that is esentional oils!

How did you come about this passion/profession?

I have been a writer my whole life, but it wasn’t until grief took me out at the knees that I realized how silly it was that I wasn’t claiming it.

Tell us about your family.

We are a Canadian, German family based in Berlin and currently afloat in the Carribean! We set sail from Poland on our boat Fallor in April 2017. My oldest is 5 and the youngest is 3!

What do you think are three biggest struggles most parents go through when regards to living their life fully these days?

1. Judgement
2. Information overload
3. Not enough support

Everyone has advice but fewer are there to actually help!

What are 5 ways a person can get over comparisons with another’s mom journey?

1. Yoga (seriously anything can be worked out on the mat!)
2. Journalling (Im a big believer in the power of writing to dive deep and discover if what you are upset about is what you truly believe or you are letting someone else trigger you)
3. Meditation (even 5 minutes will connect you with you and calm you down and bring you back to your own path)
4. A supportive community. Sometimes just asking like minded people can bring you back to sanity.
5. Digital detox. Unfollow anyone who doesn’t fill you with joy!

Do you have any resources to help our readers ?

2 free videos from the Creative and Vibrant living virtual retreat (no credit card required just sign up for the free trial!)

Raise Autism Awareness to Help Kids Be More Inclusive

I am fortunate enough to be a Mum to two beautiful children who just happen to be on the Autism spectrum. My daughter, O, is nine and my son, L, is 5. To my husband and myself, and to others who have come to know them, they are the most caring wonderful children who are totally inclusive of other children. And yet, some children struggle to be inclusive of O and L because they don’t understand why O and L do the things that they do.

Long before we knew that O was on the spectrum she had an amazing group of culturally diverse friends. I can recall one particular afternoon when I collected her from day care and I asked her who she had played with that day. At the ripe old age of 3 years, she replied with “oh I played with my black friend!”

At the time we lived in a city that was quite racist and all I could think of was what, you can’t say that, what are people going to think that I am teaching you?

When I pressed further with O as to why she said “black friend,” O replied “well, she’s my friend and her skin is black.” This was the start of her literalness showing. She wasn’t being racist, she was simply stating a fact. I, on the other hand, was horrified. I also had to go back into the centre to find out her new friends name!

I grew up in a very culturally diverse community. Throughout school I could count the number of Caucasian students in my classes on two hands. The cultural diverse out-numbered the Caucasian by a huge number. And yet here I was explaining to my then three year old daughter what she should and shouldn’t say and why.

A few weeks after this conversation, I was in a government office with my daughter along with a lot of other people from young families through to elderly people. We’d being waiting in the queue for some time and during that time my daughter had started playing with a young Sudanese boy – neither of them understood each other as clearly English was not his first language. But they were having a blast and that is all that matters. At one point, an elderly person turned to me and said out loud “you’re not going to let your child play with THAT child are you?” This elderly individual clearly had little tolerance for other cultures. I responded with “I sure am, and they’re having fun” before turning away.

Again I was horrified, but not by anything that my daughter was doing. In fact I was incredibly proud of my daughter, for at the age of three she didn’t see differences in others as a bad thing. She saw differences in others as an opportunity to learn more about others and she still has this view.

We’re now at the point in our autism journey that the exclusion of O and L by others is becoming an issue. However the exclusion is not from children but by adults.

When we mention that both O and L are on the autism spectrum we receive comments of “oh I’m so sorry,” or “oh so they aren’t capable of achieving anything?” or “I guess they’re like Rain Man?” or “they don’t look autistic” or “I guess you want a cure” and many others. The responses really show a lack of understanding from the general community about what autism is.

There are numerous celebrations throughout the year in which we celebrate culturally diverse communities and yet society still struggles with the idea of being inclusive of those with differences that aren’t as obvious.

Autism is considered a hidden disability and as such society struggles with the idea that my children look “normal,” whatever that may be, and yet they behave differently at times. O struggles with loud noises and will wear block out ear protectors to block out the background noise so that she can concentrate. L struggles with busy places and will often end up in meltdown down mode due to the overload of sensory input. The number of times that I have been told “stop your children from being naughty” or have had other parents tell their children that they don’t want their children to play with my naughty children is beyond the joke.

So how we do we raise children who are inclusive of others when their parents are not inclusive of those with differences?

Worldwide the month of April is considered to be the month in which to spread Autism awareness and acceptance.

What is Autism Awareness?

So what is Autism awareness? It is about raising the community’s awareness of the needs and accomplishments of both children and adults who are on the autism spectrum. Autism awareness is about educating the community that there are many different ways in which autism can present.

Autism is better known as “Autism Spectrum Disorder” for a reason and it is truly a spectrum. Autism isn’t just Rain Man or an individual sitting in the corner of a room rocking back and forth. Autism is both of those ideas and everything in between. I can see the spectrum myself in my two children. There is no one look to Autism.

No, I’ll take that back, Autism does have a look.

Autism looks like a child with red curly hair and bright blue eyes that light up when he’s engaging in his most favourite past time – anything to do with superheroes.

Autism also looks like a child with strawberry blonde hair that goes super frizzy when the air is humid and whose eyes change from the brightest of blue to grey when she is confused, sad or anxious.

Autism looks like a child who excels academically but struggles socially and emotionally. Autism looks like a child who loves to read The Complete Works of Shakespeare for fun!

Autism looks like one child who struggles with her gross motor skills and yet her fine motor skills are on par with her peers. Autism also looks like another child who excels in anything to do with gross motor movements but his fine motor skills are below average.

Autism awareness is being aware of this fact, that there is no one look to Autism. Autism can and does look like anything.

When we raise the level of Autism awareness in the community, we can then raise the level of Autism acceptance. And in the long term Autism acceptance means the inclusion of individuals in their communities.

Deep down, I have the belief that we all just want to be accepted for who we are. We all have things about us that are unique, different, possibly annoying to those that have befriended us. We all have different perspectives about the world around us. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And these differences should be accepted.

Individuals with autism are no different. They just want to be accepted for who they are, stims and all.

Autism is just a neurological difference. It is just a natural variation of the human form in the same way that cultural diversity is a variation of the human form.

Acceptance and inclusion of any individual, autism or not, is about being respectful and listening to what they have to say about themselves as well as accepting them for who they are. Acceptance and inclusion is about celebrating individual’s achievements, acknowledging their strengths and accepting that differences are a great thing.

After all, as Dr. Temple Grandin has said “This world needs different kinds of minds to work together!”

A Savior for Parents Today : Instant Pot

Instant pot – This Magical Kitchen gadget that has revolutionized cooking and got the family back to the dinner table.

It was late 2016. Friends around me were getting the newest kitchen gadget, Instant Pot . I was hesitant with the large number of things in my kitchen already. I thought I have the slow cooker, the stove-top pressure cooker and I don’t have much counter space…do I want to add another appliance to the counter? Then came Thanksgiving and it’s luring discounts. I gave in!

But guess what? I love it. You can safely call it the one appliance “I cannot live without anymore!”. After interacting with many parents, I feel that the instant pot has got people back in the kitchen with its convenience, which means more home cooked meals for the family and especially for kids in their growing phase when they need nutritious food.

So what is Instant Pot? It is a device that combines an electric pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, steamer, saute and yogurt maker in one handy unit. It can speed up cooking time, especially for meats, grains and lentils. Forgot to plan dinner with all the things that are on your mind, no problem! With the faster cooking time, you can still have dinner on the table in less than 30 minutes. Isn’t this exactly what all busy parents have been looking for?

Is it safe to use, especially around kids? I know that people have been afraid to use the pressure cooker, however the instant pot has done a great job with adding many safety features which can also mitigate many user errors. A few examples – 1. Lid Close Detection, which means it won’t start pressure cooking unless the lid is in place. 2. Lid Lock Under Pressure, which means if there is pressure built inside the pot, the lid will be locked to prevent accidental opening. 3. If the Instant Pot detects there is not enough liquid in the pot or if the temperature is too high, then the instant pot automatically shuts off.

What are the benefits to me as busy parents?

This is the place where I want to share one way that I use the Instant Pot. Right after I wake up, I come to the kitchen and add steel cut oats, milk and water to the instant pot and set it to pressure cook for 3 minutes. Then I go my happy way to get myself and my daughter ready for daycare. In the meantime, the instant pot has already cooked the oatmeal and switched to Keep Warm mode. So when we are ready, warm and healthy breakfast is waiting for us. With the breakfast taken care of, I feel there is one less thing to take care of in the morning. Some folks have been making their morning tea in the instant pot, which they keep on delay timer. Sounds like a great way to start the day!

Moving on to the benefits…

No baby sitting for the food

When you are already taking care of babies or kids at home, not having to babysit the food being cooked is a big thing. When I asked parents, what was the one feature that they love of the instant pot, this one jumps to the top. The ability to walk away without constant stirring and monitoring is huge. You prepare the ingredients and start the instant pot before taking kids to their evening or weekend classes and by the time you come back, food is ready to be served. Many people love the delay start feature, so they can set the food to cook on a delay start, so the food is ready when they come back from work. The Instant Pot has certainly helped families eat less junk food.

You don’t have to plan much ahead for your dinner

As a busy parent, I always forget and don’t plan ahead for dinner. So the instant pot has been great to cook simple meals in a meager 20-30 minutes. I started my instant pot journey with simple recipes such as lentil soup, rice & vegetable pilaf, chicken curry and pasta. Even a restaurant style butter chicken or a chinese takeout orange chicken takes just 30 minutes to make in the instant pot. One parent said, “I can cook a healthy meal from frozen when I get too busy and forget to pull things out of the freezer“. People are cooking meals that they always had as a take-out or in a sit down restaurant, so I will also add in the side benefit, that the instant pot saves you money.

One-pot meals with the built-in Saute function, means less dishes to wash

Let me explain, you can saute and pressure cook in the same pot. You can also do pot-in-pot cooking, which means I can make a curry in the main pot, along with the rice in a small pot kept on a trivet. So now you are only using one pot to make the whole meal, which translates to less things to wash. I love that…and my husband loves that even more (he doesn’t cook, so guess what he gets to do :-)). The more important thing, this translates to is less time in the kitchen and more time with the kids.

Food tastes better and you can cook do meal prep

I know I just mentioned that you don’t have to plan much ahead with the instant pot, however if you are a planner and like to meal prep on the weekends, Instant Pot is still a great choice for you. I can easily make ten servings of soup or curry in my 6qt instant pot. In addition, as this is a pressure cooker, it locks in flavors which results in better tasting meals.

Lentil & Vegetable Khichdi: A nutritious one-pot meal for kids

And some real benefits for new or soon-to-be parents, which will make you add the instant pot to your baby registry right away:

It can sterilize baby bottles and pump parts

New parents spend significant amount of the very little time they get, cleaning and sterilizing baby bottles and pump parts. With the instant pot, you can sterilize them easily. The newer models of instant pot even have a built in Sterilize function. Every minute saved is precious with little ones at home! One mom mentioned a not so apparent benefit of the instant pot, compared to a regular pressure cooker, “It doesn’t wake a sleeping baby (or scare a cat!)“

It can make baby food

Some people complain that veggies get overcooked under pressure. However that is exactly the texture you need for veggies, lentils or grains cooked for babies. Broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, squash can be cooked in 5 minutes and mashed to make perfect baby food. (To clarify, you can also cook veggies right in the instant pot so they are not overcooked and mushy).

Finally I do want to mention that Instant Pot has sold over 10 million units and been a word of mouth success (read about it here). This translated to an awesome online community to learn and share, who call themselves as Potheads. There are hundreds of Facebook groups, for every cuisine and culture. I am from India and want my kids to understand and enjoy Indian food. There is an “Instant Pot for Indian Cooking” facebook group with more than 100K members, who actively share recipes and tips. Just a quick search on Google or Pinterest will show great options for any dish you want to make.

Finally, here are some of my daughter’s favorites Indian dishes made in the Instant Pot.

Butter Chicken

Lentil and Vegetable Khichdi

Rajma Masala

Meeta is a Product Specialist by profession, and a foodie at heart. She strongly believes that each one of us has a chef inside us, we just need some inspiration to explore the ingredients and create great food. She grew up in Mumbai, the melting pot of various cultures in India, and now lives in the sunny California. She has a Masters in Management Science from Stanford University. She blogs about her culinary adventures at Piping Pot Curry or @pipingpotcurry.

Ready to check out the latest craze in kitchen gadgets ?

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Why it Matters if Your Child is Twice Exceptional

Every parent believes their child is exceptional in one way or the other, but parents of children who are twice exceptional may not always embrace this double label.

What is Twice Exceptional?

Twice exceptional (2E), children are different from the ‘norm’ in two ways. They are gifted in one area, while they have a disability in another area. For example, a child who is gifted visual spatial and in math, but has Dysgraphia so struggles with writing. Alternatively, a child who is gifted creatively but has ADHD and struggles to complete tasks.

For a child to be labeled as gifted, he must have specific scores on intelligence or aptitude tests. A score over 130 IQ in a sub-test of an IQ test, or score 92nd percentile or above in a subject area on a standardized test, would qualify as gifted. For a child to be labeled with a disability, he must have a condition that hampers one or more aspects of daily life. This could be a learning disability, physical disability or psychological disability. In some way his disability affects his ability to learn in school.

If you are a parent of a twice exceptional child, it is very important to recognize the challenges these children face often go unrecognized by the schools. You must understand this so you can be an advocate for your child.

[bctt tweet=”Do you know if your child is Twice Exceptional? #parenting #kids #education” username=”contactrwc”]

7 School Challenges Twice Exceptional Children Face

1. Performance Discrepancy

There is often a significant difference in a twice exceptional child’s capabilities and how they perform in school. In other words, because of their disability, they perform below their ability level. If they are gifted and perform average, their disability may not be recognized because their grades may be on par with the average student in the class.

2. Good at Compensating

Twice exceptional children are often very bright and resourceful, and they can use their strengths to compensate for their weaknesses. For example, if a child struggles with spelling but he is gifted visual spatial, he can memorize words for a spelling test by seeing them as pictures. Ask him a week later and he won’t be able to spell any of them. Many times these children aren’t diagnosed until high school or college when the curriculum gets so difficult they can no longer find a way to compensate.

3. Denied Services Because of Good Grades

This is a common theme I see as a special education advocate. These children do well in school, and because their grades are fine the school says it does not have to provide support. The Little/Felton letter from the Office of Special Education (OSE) clearly states that students do not have to fail classes to receive services. Despite this, parents will often have to strongly advocate to get their very smart child help for a learning disability.

4. The Child Feels Very Different

All children want to fit in with their peers, and with one difference a child can feel awkward and left out. With two differences, twice exceptional children often find it very difficult to bridge the gap between themselves and their peers. It is important to find interests your child shares with peers, or to seek out peers with similar gifts as your own child.

5. The Child Lacks Persistence

Gifted children can struggle with tasks that are hard because so much of what they do comes very easily. When faced with a challenge, they may give up. They are not used to failing and trying again. At school they may have subjects that are really easy, and other subjects that are too hard. They rarely have schoolwork that is the right level of difficulty for their abilities.

6. People See the Child as Lazy

Adults see the brilliance in the child and they do not realize the child is having difficulty. As a result, instead they label the child as resistant or lazy, insisting they are not trying hard enough. This makes it even more difficult for the child to ask for help because any time they reach out they are just told they are not putting in good effort.

7. Our Educational System Fails 2E Kids

There are few educational methods that help twice exceptional children flourish in the academic environment. Parents have to pick up the slack by engaging the student with after school activities or supplementing instruction with additional curriculum. Many parents will move their children from school to school in an effort to find a good fit, but this is rarely found in public schools. There are private schools that cater specifically to 2E children, but there are few of them and they are usually cost prohibitive for the majority of families.

[bctt tweet=”The many school challenges Twice Exceptional students face and how to better support them. #school #education #kids” username=”contactrwc”]

6 Ways to Support Your Twice Exceptional Child

1. Advocate for Your Child

If you see your child struggling, it is important to investigate what is causing the difficulty. If you believe your child may have an underlying disability, it is important that you advocate for your child, even when ‘experts’ tell you that you are wrong.

2. Focus on the Giftedness

Research has shown that if you focus on the child’s gifts first, not the disability, in the long run it will lead to higher self-confidence (Nielsen & Mortoff, Albert, 1989). So it is important to make the giftedness the primary topic of the child, rather than the difficulties. Focus on strengths, not weaknesses. Help the child understand that everybody has difficulties, and these problems are not unique to him.

3. Find 2E Parent Support Groups

Find a parent of 2E children support group that will give you a forum to ask questions and receive advice. Many parents are struggling to parent 2E children and connecting with them will help you feel less alone. My two favorite Facebook groups are Parents of 2E Children and Raising Poppies.

4. Educate Teachers & Professionals

It is very common in the schools to focus on what the child is doing wrong rather than right. Helping the teachers and other school personnel understand the struggles of a 2E child can go a long way to ensuring your child gets the right support at school. The same is true for doctors, psychologists or other professionals who work with your child. They may see the giftedness and assume the challenges are resistance or laziness. Help them understand how the disability affects the child’s performance, and help them see that it is not a behavior problem.

5. Help Your Child Manage Stress

Twice exceptional kids endure a lot of stress and pressure. Some comes from peers making fun of their brilliance, other stuff comes from their sense of failure when they cannot perform tasks that seem easy for peers. These children also feel a lot of pressure to be super successful because they do have super strengths. They really struggle with fear of failure if their disability significantly affects their ability to perform in school. So help your child talk about this stress, and teach her skills to help her manage this anxiety or sense of overload.

6. Find Like Minded Peers

2E children often suffer socially because they feel so different from the other students. It is important to be proactive about finding like-minded peers who share common interests and enjoy the same activities. You might encourage your child to join certain clubs at school. You might seek out special interest activities outside of school. If you can find at least one place where your child feels at home, that can go a long way in helping your child manage the other difficulties he encounters in life.

If you have found this post interesting, make sure to tell all your friends by sharing about [bctt tweet=”How to better support Twice Exceptional children and help them overcome challenges they face in today’s school system. #school #parenting #kids” username=”contactrwc”]

Bonnie Landau Raising World Children - Where Cultures Meet Parenting

Baltic Amber: A Solution To Teething Without Pharmaceuticals

In a world that, in Western culture, has been largely dominated by a medical philosophy of quick-fix, immediate-gratification, symptom-masking pharmaceutical intervention, is there another way to help our kids more effectively experience developmental stages?

To recognize that sometimes pain leads to growth, yet to also offer easing of that pain to help them through? To recognize that they are stronger than they think, but that it is also a good thing to ask for help when they need it? Do all of these philosophical questions really have anything at all to do with teething?

Babies And Teething

Arguably, yes. Our children absorb their beliefs and approaches to the world from the very beginning, and how we teach them to overcome obstacles at tender young ages impacts how they will continue to approach difficulties in life. Teething is such a monumental obstacle for little ones that it is important as parents to determine to walk through it with our children; lending appropriate assistance without telling them they can’t handle it. It is here that our choices for symptom management matter.

If fear, convenience, and essentially putting them to sleep with pharmaceuticals so that they don’t feel the pain of the process is our response, it will become theirs as they grow, as well. If, however, compassion, assistance, and pain management that enables them to continue to play, learn, and grow, is our response, they will learn that pain is not their master and does not need to steal their days away. While it may not be fun, it is also not something that must be escaped at all cost.

What then, are the non-pharmaceutical options for a parent with a teething child and all that entails? How do we soothe their swollen, angry gum tissues, keep their drooling – caused by those swollen tissues – to a minimum, and alleviate the pain that has them crying for comfort?

Solutions to Teething

The age-old answer has simply been chew toys. From knotted rags to chilled plastics, aching little ones have been offered the relief of counter-pressure to ease them through this stage. Recently, however, another centuries-old remedy for arthritis has been found to have great effectiveness in soothing teething symptoms while allowing the child to remain alert and happy throughout the day, and therefore able to maintain somewhat normal sleeping routines at night.

That Old-World European remedy: Baltic Amber. This seemingly simple, naturally-occurring tree resin, found exclusively in Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, holds complex properties that are useful to the process of teething. When this amber is warmed, it releases a substance called “succinic acid.” Succinic acid – which is also found in small quantities in the human body – is an effective analgesic (pain reliever) and anti-inflammatory (swelling reducer).

Because it is already present in the body, there is no difficulty with processing it; the body knows exactly how to use the bloodstream to deliver it to the affected parts, and any excess is promptly eliminated. There is no harmful build-up, no overdose risk, no side-effects, and no drug interactions. The soothing effects are easily and naturally applied, and the teething child is free to continue about his/her day.

[bctt tweet=”A natural solution to teething without using pharmaceuticals is worth trying out. ” username=”contactrwc”]

The delivery system for this approach to pain and inflammation relief is as drama-free as the succinic acid’s effects. No forcing liquid or pills into a child who wants no part of it. Because the succinic acid is released from the Baltic amber by warmth, the Baltic amber is fashioned into a teething necklace of smooth, individually-knotted beads worn against baby’s skin under their clothing. Check out Baltic Amber teething necklaces – www.balticwonder.com/

This not only warms the amber and allows the skin to absorb the released healing acid, it also keeps the necklace out of baby’s notice and grasp. As long as the necklace is worn, the soothing effects are delivered. Almost completely without calling baby’s attention, angry gums will be soothed, drooling will reduce, pain will diminish. Make sure to not go for fake necklaces.

Suddenly a painful transitional process will become an endurable, minimally-invasive stage of growth with exciting new adventures to celebrate at the end of it.

As parents, it is our job to not only ease our children’s pain, but also to train them in how to grow throughout life. Our choices in every challenge will help to shape their responses to the challenges they will face. Baltic amber offers an opportunity to meet the challenge of teething with determination and compassion, rather than fear and escapism.

Jenn Sanders currently works as a marketing assistant at Baltic Wonder, a company that is dedicated to the health and well-being of infants. Outside of work, she enjoys spending time with her family and outdoor adventures.

How To Help Your Child Adapt To Hearing Aids

When a child gets hearing aids it is a big step that can be a difficult transition. Remembering to put them in, feeling confident around peers, and feeling pride in who they are can all be a new challenge for your child. Even with all of the resources available, it is important to take steps at home to empower your child.

Start Early

Make an effort to get your child excited about her new hearing aids before she gets them. Talk about how much fun she’ll have when she can hear her friends or her favorite cartoons. Make hearing aids sound exciting and useful. Always answer your child’s hearing aid questions honestly, but be as positive as possible.

Choosing an audiologist who frequently works with children helps, as well. These specialists are practiced at performing hearing tests, making ear molds and performing other tasks in a way that won’t upset your little one.

Set a Schedule

At first, wearing hearing aids may feel foreign and uncomfortable. You child’s instinct will be to remove the offending item, especially if he is too young to understand why his hearing aid is important. To help him adjust, set a schedule and put the hearing aid on him at the same time every day. If he pulls it off, be gentle but firm about putting it back on.

If your child is old enough, negotiate a schedule that allows for breaks. You may, for example, agree that the hearing aid must stay on during school hours but may be removed for an hour or two after school.

Move Slowly

Remember that your child has been hearing only a muted version of the world, even while in noisy places. She needs time to adjust to not only the feel of the hearing aid but to the sensory input it provides. Move slowly when getting her used to loud environments, as even quiet ones may seem loud to her. Start in a quiet place with minimal noises and work the child up to busier environments a bit at a time.

Remember Your Audiologist

Different children may encounter different obstacles when adjusting to a hearing aid. If yours is struggling and you’re unsure how best to help, call your audiologist. You probably never attempted to get a child to wear a hearing aid before, but your audiologist has, like Whisper Hearing Centers.

Don’t hesitate to turn to the professionals if you find yourself struggling. A hearing aid doesn’t help anyone if it isn’t worn, so use all of the resources available to you when helping your child adjust.

While getting your child used to her new hearing aid, remember to maintain a sense of normalcy. Keep your usual schedule and allow your child to do all of the things he normally does. Soon putting on the hearing aid will simply become part of the routine.

With a little patience and perseverance, your child will get so comfortable with his hearing aid that he will forget it’s even there.

What tips would you add to this? Leave in comments below so other parents can learn how to assist the transition.

Emma Sturgis is a freelance writer currently living in Boston, MA. She writes most often on education and business. To see more from Emma, say hi on Twitter @EmmaSturgis2

Growing Up A Vegetarian In A Meat Eating Family

As a young child, I ate what the rest of my family ate which included meat. I didn’t love meat, but I ate as my family ate; until one day when I was told what meat really was and from that point on, I began growing vegetarian in a meat-eating family.

Some kids go through a shock phase when they realize meat is animal muscle, and most just shrug it off and go on eating it. Other kids may be slow to revisit eating meat once they know, and then there are kids like me who struggled to push meat into their mouths after finding out how it got to the table.

Why I Became Vegetarian

I can tell you the exact moment I fully realized what meat was and where it came from. I was in fifth grade and we had friends over to the house. We were having ground beef tacos and I casually asked what meat was to no one in particular.

My mom’s friend looked at me incredulously. “Why it’s animal muscle,” she said with a nod of her head.

My mother looked up from her mixing bowl on the counter and sharply said, “Don’t tell her that!” She gave her friend the look.

I shrugged because I didn’t know what else to do. They thought I was fine with it.

But, I wasn’t fine.

As a child, from that point on, eating meat was a giant struggle for me. My feeling was that if I ate the animal’s muscle, I was stealing from it. I didn’t want to steal its life, I loved animals too much to do that.

The other contributing factor to my emerging vegetarianism was my issues with the texture of meat, especially pork and even ground beef.

I attempted, very poorly, to eat meat for the next three years, but became a full vegetarian in eighth grade. It was a slow progression for me and pork was the first to go, beef next, then chicken, then turkey, and lastly, I gave up fish.

My Journey Growing Vegetarian in a Meat Eating Family

It was not easy being a child vegetarian in a meat-eating family. My dad would ask me at every dinner meal for many years if I wanted the meat. He couldn’t accept my vegetarianism.

He continued to pass the meat platter to me, but I always declined it!

My mother on the other hand reluctantly accepted my meatless diet, but as a mom and a nurse, she struggled with fears that I would not get enough protein.

My mother would frequently voice her concerns about what to make for me. I had committed her to the mom life sentence of a short-order cook with my dietary change, so I bought her a skinny paperback vegetarian cookbook. I was so proud of my plan because I knew it would relieve some stress for her by giving her some ideas of what to make for me.

Dairy products were my savior as a child. I felt they were okay to eat because they weren’t a part of the animal, but a by-product. I was ok with that so I became a full-fledged lacto-ovo vegetarian by consuming dairy products.

My dad was always bothered by my second glass of milk at dinner and I always heard my mom shush him as I headed to the fridge to fill up my cup mid-meal. She knew I needed protein and she didn’t want me to be malnourished, so she encouraged my milk drinking.

It was hard for me as a child to eat something different than everyone else around me. I grew up in the Midwest where our town was surrounded by farms. Not eating meat was a huge culture deviation, and I was the unlucky deviant having to explain myself to everyone around me. It was unheard of to not take the meat as most people viewed it as the only important part of the meal and the rest was fluff.

The fluff was exactly what I wanted of the meal; I wanted the vegetables, the bread, the nuts, the fruit, the eggs, and the cheese. I didn’t like the texture of tofu so that was not an option for me, plus I didn’t love beans. They weren’t the right texture for me either.

Eating Out

Going out to eat was a challenge and going to parties was difficult too because meat consumption was integral to the community. We all talk about what we will eat and when we will eat it. Food is mega important to all cultures and unfortunately, I was the outcast in my childhood food culture, and a voluntary one at that.

Everyone seemed obsessed with what I would eat all the time. It was a constant topic of conversation that seemed unnecessary to me and I didn’t like the limelight. No one ever made a big deal about someone not eating the lettuce or potato salad, but my not eating the burger at grilling parties, well, that needed to be talked about, commented on, and sometimes even ridiculed.

As a child, I never judged the meat-eaters, so I constantly wondered why they judged me.

Being treated that way taught me not to judge others and to respect that everyone has the right to make their own choices. I developed a deep respect for freedom of choice which also taught me tolerance.

My mother never forced me to eat meat, which I was always thankful for, so I’ve come to parent my own children the same way. I let them choose and offer healthy alternatives if they don’t want a part of the meal.

As an adult, I’m still the one who is different because most people in my region do eat meat. However, I’ve learned so many ways to compensate, modify, and survive that it has become normal to me to be different.

Mine is not a deviant way of life; it is my norm.

Are you are vegetarian? What are your struggles?

About my cookbook:

I married a man who eats meat and my children eat meat, so I began making recipes I call hybrid recipes where there is a meatless and a meat-containing portion to the meal to feed us all from one recipe. It’s easy, it’s just a matter of being mindful while cooking.

I began to realize there are more families like mine out in the world who are composed of members with different diets. This brought me to create my cookbook to help families like mine who are composed of vegetarians and meat-eaters. I also wrote the book to help parents of children who either are vegetarian or who are considering vegetarianism. I sincerely hope my book helps families have more enjoyable and smoother meals together.

Julie Hoag is a writer and blogger. She is a wife and mother with a history working as an RN prior to being a SAHM. She is honored to be published on the Huffington Post, Her View From Home, Scary Mommy, The Mighty, Perfection Pending, Manifest Station, Sammiches & Psych Meds, and more in addition to her own blog juliehoagwriter, where she writes about family/motherhood/kids, recipes, family travel, DIY, and pets.

7 Ways To Make Your Teenager Money Smart

You don’t want your teens to make the same mistakes you did with money?

I can relate. I was horrible with money growing up and I don’t want my children to make similar mistakes.

That’s why it falls on us parents to teach our children to be financially responsible people. I firmly believe that you lay the foundation of good sense with money early. Then it blooms for real when your children become teenagers.

Teaching teens about money and finances aren’t very different from teaching adults about the same subject. However, age does play a major part, in certain aspects. For instance, the amount of money they have.

In this article, I go through the seven things I think are most important when it comes to raising financially responsible teens.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t let your kids make the same money mistakes you made. Raise financially responsible teens so they grow into money smart adults!” username=”contactrwc”]

Teach Them Financial Literacy Early

The earlier you can start, the better, is my philosophy. Let me make a parallel, our daughter is 2 and a half years old. She’s talking quite a lot. In three languages.

My wife is from Catalonia, so our daughter has that as a second mother tongue. She speaks Swedish primarily, since that’s where we live, and we also use English a lot at home to help make that easier for her later on too.

Why did I tell that then, since it doesn’t relate to money at all, you might ask? Apart from me being so proud of my daughter I also want to make a point.

We began speaking to her in different languages when she was born. She had it with her from the start. It comes to her much easier now because of that.

I don’t mean that you should sit down with your six-month-old child and try to make a budget.

But I do mean that you should start to talk about money as soon as your child seems to show an interest. I generally think it’s a good idea to involve your children in the family’s finances as soon as it’s possible too.

It could be that you invite your children to the weekly budget meeting. Eat something, talk about money and your finances. Make it fun. It’s hard to say how old your kid should be when you do this since it’s also very connected to interest.

Involving your children like this is mainly to give an idea of finances on a slightly larger scale than the child’s own finances. This could also, as a benefit, lead to the child participating more in the family affairs as a whole.

The plan is that the conversations and actions about money and finances lead to an internalized idea in your child. If you hit up Google on the word internalization, you get Wikipedia’s explanation:

“[..] internalization describes the psychological outcome of a conscious mind reasoning about a specific subject; the subject is internalized, and the consideration of the subject is internal.”

Meaning, that your child will then have an internal consideration of the subject. Or, a feeling of what’s “good and bad” about the choices.

This is a theoretical practice of how to teach your children about finances. Of course, there are more practical tools and ideas too.

Work For The Money

There are people who say that you can never value things you get for free. Even though I don’t agree with this wholeheartedly, I do believe there’s truth in that statement.

Especially when it comes to free money.

I’m all for helping your children with getting some spending money, but I don’t believe in an allowance without any effort on their part.

That said though, I don’t want you to think that I’m preaching that you should pay your children to help around the house.

I generally say that a family should function as a small business where everyone does their part. Because of this, you get an allowance. Since you do what’s expected of you. Much like it is with a salary.

You can let your children help around the house with things early on and in return give them some money each week or month.

When they get older, encourage them to get an actual job. It’s a different kind of responsibility to work for someone outside the family.

And it feels different to get an actual paycheck instead of an allowance.

Make Them Live On What They Make

We’re suckers as parents. Because we love our children and we want what’s best for them at all times.

When our children come and ask us for more money, because they’ve accidentally spent their money on the latest hyped thing, like a golden fidget spinner, we want to help them. It’s instinct.

I’m asking you to resist that instinct. You’ll feel evil and harsh. I promise.

But you want to raise an independent kid that doesn’t need to borrow money at the end of every month. Oh, and who never returns the borrowed money.

Teach your children that they have to learn to live off the money they make. If that’s an allowance or a salary doesn’t matter. This is to teach the basic mindset of economizing.

It’s my personal belief that if you give free money to your children all the time, they might think that it’s ok to also get “free” money from other places. Like credit cards.

The best way to learn to economize with your money is by budgeting.

Budget To Make It Last

It feels like that a budget is the go-to multitool for personal finances. It works for everything.

That’s not true though, but a budget is a great tool that can, in fact, help in different problematic situations with finances. It’s also easy to use and set up.

In its simplest form, you only need a pen and a paper. And a ruler if you want to be fancy.

But nowadays, when do teens use pen and paper? Use a spreadsheet instead and make them feel like we’re in the right century at least.

Most teens don’t know how to set up a budget and what to consider when they do. So it falls on you, as a parent to help them. Teach them the basics of what a budget is and how they should think about budgeting.

Help them set up the categories and the basics of tracking the money. But let them do the continuous work with their budget.

If you don’t know how to set up a budget, there are places on the internet that teach you how to budget for free. Like my ecourse in budgeting, for instance.

I always argue that for a budget to be successful, all money that comes in needs to be accounted for in the budget. There shouldn’t be any money that isn’t assigned to a place in the budget.

Your teen shouldn’t have any “free-floating” money in their finances. Free floating will lead to free spending.

Avoid that.

Save What You Have Left

As your teen gets their budget set up, listing all the expenses and money they want to spend on fun stuff, they will see how much they have left each month.

As you’ve done the groundwork when your child was growing up, as teens, they want to save the money. Right?

The free-floating money from the previous headline comes into play here. If your teen had more money coming in than he or she had going out when you set up the budget, put it in savings.

It doesn’t matter how much money it is. Even if it’s a dollar, it’s better to save it than to spend it on things that you don’t need.

Save With a Purpose

We all know how hard it can be to save only for the sake of saving. I know that I didn’t understand the purpose of that when I was growing up.

I once set a goal to save for a speedway motorcycle, though, since I wanted to try that as a teen. I got some money saved up then I understood that speedway wasn’t for me. So, I robbed my piggy bank and use the money for useless stuff.

What I mean with saving with a purpose is to have goals. If you’re familiar with goal setting, you might understand what the previous paragraph was about too.

When your teen sets a goal for their savings, or finances as a whole, help them with making them realistic.

In fact, there’s a popular goal-setting strategy called SMART-goals. You might have heard of it, but I will explain it here.

SMART is an acronym of:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Timely

Most of those are self-explanatory but let’s look at it a bit more anyway. Let’s say your teen wants to save money for a car. That’s not very specific. Decide what model, color, and year.

To make that measurable, you need to find a price for a car like that. The cost is the measure of how much to save.

Is it a brand new Tesla your teen wants to get? Then that might not be very attainable (at least not within a reasonable time) unless he or she makes loads of money. It might not, because of the same reason, be realistic either.

A used Honda Civic from 2005 on the other hand, for instance, might be more doable.

Timely means to set a time when to achieve the goal. Calculate how much your teen can save each month, divide the price by that and you’ll have a ballpark time frame.

Setting goals in finances are always a good practice since it will help you save with intention. This will also be something that helps your teen later in life.

Download our Our Goal Setting Template Here.

Bonus Round: Invest

Since you’re raising such money-smart children, they will also learn the power of investing and compound interest. Because of that, they will want to start investing early on.

I will try to explain compound interest quickly here, but it will be an explanation that’s lacking.

The idea of compound interest is to get interest on your interest. You get this kind of interest since you reinvest the interest and earn interest on that as well. Does that make sense? It means you make your money work for you, instead of you working for it.

The first years of investment can be quite slow, but once it picks up pace, it’s like the snowball effect. This means that if your teen starts investing early, they can end up rather rich later on.

If you want a more technical and deep explanation of compound interest, I suggest Investopedias article on it.

There are also cool compound interest calculators you can use for free on the internet to see what effects it can have.

You might not be comfortable with giving your teen advice on how to invest. There are professionals that can help you with this though and it might be a good idea to talk to a professional financial advisor.

How do you teach Your children?

There are many ways to teach children and teens about money and finances to make them money smart later in life. How do you do it, what is your philosophy?

Anders is a Swede with a love for personal finances, but not only the money part. He believes in a balance in all areas of life and that’s why his writing brushes on our society’s and our mind’s effect on our financial situation.

Valentine’s Day Themed Art By Kids

We bring to you beautiful pieces of art by kids of Mayur studio who under the watchful eye of Neelima Ganta create masterful strokes in art.

Neelima Ganta is the Owner and Artist of Mayur art studio. She enjoys painting with Acrylics and passing on the tradition of color to her students so they can carry a love for the arts within them.

Each student has created an imaginative piece around the theme of Valentines day showing that love translates differently for different eyes.

You can check out more Neelima’s work on on the website for her studio – Mayur Studio . She is open to creating new pieces and selling commissioned art as well as teaching your child to create their next masterpiece.

Don’t forget to send your child’s creation to us at contact@localhost. Submission guidelines can be found here.

Teach Your Kids To Accentuate The Positive

Do you remember the old song written by Johnny Mercer and performed by Bing Crosby?

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

Maybe Mercer had the right idea. Maybe focusing on the positive would help us be more effective parents, better friends, and happier people overall.

There is a parenting method whereby parents praise good behavior (“I love the way you are sharing with your sister”) rather than focusing just on negative behaviors (“Stop being mean to your sister!”). I’m oversimplifying, but the general idea is that kids act badly to get attention. If acting in positive ways gets more attention, they will engage in more positive behaviors and fewer negative behaviors.

[bctt tweet=”Engaging in positive behavior is encouraged by encouragement on positive actions. Here are ways to help them accentuate the positive in their life. ” username=”contactrwc”]

You can find out more about the positive approach to parenting by clicking on this article of Positive Discipline Tips and another one about Reinforcing Positive Behavior at Home.

How I Apply It

Does it work? In my experience, it does, as much as I am able to apply it. When I remember to focus on my kids’ positive behaviors, they do seem to work harder to get my attention by “showing off” good behavior. The biggest challenge is remembering to make a big deal out of the positive behaviors. It’s so much easier to notice the bad ones, especially when I am tired and overwhelmed (and let’s face it, that is most of the time!). One of my goals this year is to proactively encourage the behaviors I want to see rather than reacting to the behaviors that make me crazy.

As I’ve been thinking about this parenting approach, I’ve started to contemplate how it could work in different areas of life. For instance, what if we applied this philosophy to media coverage? What would happen if we only covered stories in which people engaged in positive, life-affirming behavior?

Immediately, I can think of one drawback. Bad behaviors, like sexual harassment, would continue to occur because no one would alert the public to the problem. Those types of issues would remain secret, and victims would be robbed of their powerful voices.

Knowing that it isn’t feasible to only report the good stuff, let me just indulge in a happy news fantasy. If most of the world’s journalism focused on the great things people around the world do for others, would people be even more likely to do great things? Would world leaders fight harder to achieve world peace and end hunger and violence if those were the only actions journalists covered?

Most importantly, would our children benefit from being presented with positive models of behavior they can emulate rather than adults who indulge in base human instincts? Whenever we read the news, we see hatred, violence, and self-indulgence. As parents, we are presented with a huge opportunity—and mandate, even—to seek out content that uplifts, that affirms life, that provides models of positive ways of interacting.

I encourage all of you to try, for at least a week, to focus on the positive. Talk to your kids about news stories involving people acting in amazing, kind, and life-affirming ways.

And let’s talk about gossip: we all do it, and it has been proven to play an important role in society, reforming bullies and encouraging cooperation. Let’s try something different, though. Instead of talking about people in negative ways, let’s “gossip” about all the good things people do, as in, “Have you seen Aditi’s blog, Raising World Children? Isn’t it amazing how hard she works to help foster tolerance and love?”

Try focusing on the good stuff for a week. Then let me know how it goes. How do you feel when you talk about only life-celebrating news? How do your kids respond to hearing more about positive behaviors?

When talking about positive news, Prof. Tal Ben-Shahar says, “Positive information benefits us emotionally, physically, and mentally. It can contribute in a meaningful way to a happier and healthier life.” We need good news to thrive. Do you feel happier when you take in more positive information?

To help you accentuate the positive, I leave you with some websites that share only the good news.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-neumann/15-uplifting-sites-focuse_b_1297094.html

http://www.adweek.com/digital/7-positive-news-sites-to-cheer-you-up/

https://www.walkbrightly.com/

And here are some lists of children’s books that inspire. They may not all be about good things, but they all celebrate the difference a person can make in the world:

50 Inspiring Children’s Books With a Positive Message

8 Book Recommendations for Happy Kids

6 New Picture Books Enjoy Wonder

Catherine Brown loves to write happy, life-affirming stories about ordinary people doing amazing things. She also writes about parenting and education to help readers learn from experts how to make their lives just a little bit better. Every day, she strives to be a kind and loving friend, partner, and mom…some days are better than others! You can find her at writehappy.net, on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/writehappy.net/, and on Twitter, @catwritehappy.

Are You in a Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage ?

When we meet new people, without realizing we tend to categorize them. Coast person vs mid-west person, Tea drinker vs Coffee drinker, Dog person vs. Cat person, Trump person vs. sane person and so on. Oh yes, we all do it, don’t deny it. We are a judgmental bunch!

The next time you are getting to know someone look carefully into the person’s eyes as you make introductions. The moment you mention your particular affiliation there will be a look of relief in his/her eyes as he/she slots you successfully into a bucket. He/She will find similarities, differences and paint you in carefully marinated opinions and then place you ceremoniously in a category. Once that is done he/she can open up or build a wall, befriend you or end the conversation. There is no escaping this. We all do it. It is an essential ritual, a norm of social interaction.

Boxing Applies To Marital Status As Well

Some of the most confusing and amusing slotting has been when people inquire about my marital status. No, its not ‘Married’ or ‘Single’. This one is more about the ‘how’ of it. It is the ‘Love’ or ‘Arranged’? For some background, I am a South Indian origin by birth, Mumbai bred girl by upbringing married to a North Indian boy from a city in modern day Uttarakhand.

When people hear this or decipher it from our different last names, there is a hush and lull. Then a look of either awe or disappointment flood their eyes depending on the categories that I myself have assigned to them by now.

Love marriages in the context of middle class life in Mumbai that I grew up in entails a certain formula – Usually it means girl meets boy and they fall in love in miraculous seconds. Then there is societal and parental opposition. After that follows the fight, the drama, the eloping and a grand finale of a ‘happily ever after’ marriage.

‘Arranged marriage’ on the other hand is a meticulously planned event by harried parents, mysterious well wishers and the entire Aunty-dom. It goes like this. Aunty sees ‘Boy’ or ‘Girl’ at wedding or other event where one decorates oneself. Aunty asks for boy/girls horoscope. Aunty matches horoscopes, sometimes creatively. Aunty brings proposal. Girl and Boy agree docilely. ‘Happily ever after’ ending of marriage follows.

My Story Defies The Assumption

When people ask me Love or Arranged, I can almost hear the plunk as they throw me the ‘Love’ category. But my marriage had none of the drama that comes in the conventional love marriage. I met my husband in my thirties. We took much more than seconds to get to know each other and then decide to get married. Parental and societal objection had reached a fatigue point by then having been futilely active for 10 plus years. There was no eloping. A mutually agreed upon ceremony occurred. It all resulted in a marriage that was more like a continuation of an imperfect but enjoyable life than the, if I may call it, unrealistic ‘happily ever after’ illusion.

So, no I don’t feel comfortable with the categorization of the ‘Love marriage’ bucket. But I guess I didn’t have much from the Aunty-dom either to call it ‘Arranged’.

So where then do I belong? Which bucket is mine? There’s got to be a Goldilocks solution to this too – somewhere in between. Afterall, there is always much more room in the middle. For marriage categorizations and our new political situation too. How about something novel, something bipartisan? There’s place for so many more in the middle.

We can all be happy here the Midwesterner with coastal risque, the coastal with Midwestern values, the non-caffeine drinker, the dog/cat neutral person, and the, maybe, ‘finally recovered former Trump supporter’? As far as marital statuses go, I henceforth propose a new category for people like me.

How about calling it the ‘Self-arranged with love’ category? Which box do you fall in ?

Sandhya Acharya grew up in Mumbai, India and now lives in the Bay Area. Her articles and short stories have featured in NPR (KQED), India Currents, Peacock Journal, and Aaduna. She won the third prize in Katha 2017, a short story contest by India Currents and Wellstone Center. Her first children’s book Children’s book: Big Red Firetruck!: Children’s ebook, Beginner reader, bedtime story about 2 brothers and Fire Trucks. Children’s book ages 2-5. was well received with a rating of 4/5 and 29 reviews on Amazon. Her new children’s book is titled “10 Gulab Jamuns – Counting with an Indian sweet treat” and promises to warm your heart and tantalize your taste buds. The book also includes basic lessons in counting, models positive parenting and highlights sibling love.

BOOKS BY SANDHYA ACHARYA

Happy New Year 2018 !

Featured in the video powerful women changing the world.

Aditi Wardhan Singh – Raising World Children

Christina Tinker – Richmond Moms Blog

Suja Dinesh – Passionate Moms

Ronda Bowen – Snark Magazine

Tammy Coin – Doors of Wellness

Janie Saylor – Become University

Parul Agrawal – Alpha Female House

Deepa Rai – Selfie VA

Rivkah Krasnoff – Aspiring Mompreneur

Sherrie McCarthy – Creative Mermaids

Caroline DePalatis – Culture Weave

Anna Bursell – World Changer

Dilraz AR Kunnummal – Mommy Dil

Jaya Joseph George

Madhu Peruri – Pretty Pockets

Bunny Young – A Better Place Consulting

Deanna Seymour – The Lively Nest

Meeta Arora – Piping Pot Curry

Laura Fernandez Ramnath – Rambling Ramnaths

Chastity Hise – Domestic as Hell

Author Jennifer Millikin – Author

Jewel Eliese – Write Away Mommy

Sandy Mangis – Jar of Success

Shannon Lanzerotta – Sister Mom

Merlie Priya Pais – Musician

Nicole Fassnacht Akers – Pubishous Now

Charu Chhitwal – Ketchup Moms

Ruchi Rastogi – Writer of Dreams

Sandhya Acharya – Diversity Author

Owen’s Fireworks: A Community Life Celebration

How do you make the unthinkable, the unbearable tolerable? How do you move past the loss of your child? And how do you relearn how to smile on his birthday?

One family in Pennsylvania found the best way is to gather your community together to celebrate his life with everyone who knew the little dark-haired, Pokeman-toting, always smiling boy.

Every year, on his December birthday, the community gathers to send fireworks heavenward, to smile and see folks, and to remember. And strangely enough, Owen’s community has grown over the years to include new friends that didn’t know him, but grew to love him anyway through his family.

Oh, the Weather Outside Doesn’t Matter

Last year was colder than it’s been for a while, but the freezing temperatures didn’t seem to deter anyone. They gathered in the street, as they have for the past twelve years, stamping their feet, clapping mitten-covered hands and marveling at how much the neighborhood kids had grown. They were celebrating Owen’s birthday. He would have been 20th that month.

The annual fireworks party is a time to gather, to heal and most importantly, to remember. The driving force has always been Aryn. Petite with long hair somewhere between light brown and blonde, she is dressed in knit cap, ski jacket and boots. She looks like many of Owen’s friends home from college for the holiday. Mom to five children, Owen was her first-born. A storm during a camping trip felled a tree, and Owen was lost when he was in first grade.

Stronger Together

Using the word “we” comes naturally to this close-knit community. We are in this together. Healing and remembering go hand in hand and it is an ongoing process. It never ends, but Owen’s family reached out and wrapped themselves around us, and we responded in kind.

While some might shy away at any mention of Owen’s name, Aryn drinks it in. Always remember, never forget. We have the t-shirts and the scholarship and the elephant drinking fountain in the park, and the color green. Owen’s favorite animal was the elephant. We all remember. As a writer, I do my best most times to detach myself from the story, but not this time. This is personal for all of us. We are truly in this together. We all still have our green Never Forget tee shirts from over a decade ago, and we wear them regularly as part of that promise.

I remember a sometimes silly Owen who would take my daughter’s eyeglasses and hat. Riding in the backseat to school, they’d trade and laugh at how different and how alike they looked. Both sported dark brown page boy haircuts. Maybe a little short for a girl, maybe a little long for a boy, but it suited both of them perfectly. I remember two dark heads pushed together in concentration with sidewalk chalk, or lazily swinging back and forth on our old white wicker porch swing. There is joy in remembering.

The Importance of Remembering

Back outside, we were glad the wind from earlier that week died down. It was time for the fireworks. Owen’s dad and brother are annual masters of the ceremony, setting off one blazing, sparkling pyrotechnic after another to appreciative oohs and ahhs and applause. When the occasional green firework goes awry, we laughed and credited that to Owen.

The lanterns were passed around, and we gathered in small groups of three and four to light, inflate and send skyward. Each one was cheered on as it slowly rose and soon, we all watch a line of glowing lanterns drifting up and away.

Owen’s family thanked us for coming, as they always do. We shared hugs and smiles with people we don’t see every day. We shared a connection through this time spent together once a year as we stopped and remembered and healed, just a little bit more. It was Owen’s 21st celebration last night and every year this time we tuck away this day to celebrate his life .

If you happen to hear a few stray fireworks round about mid-December, do me a favor and think of Owen. His mom would like that!

Deborah Fingerlow is a writer, traveler and explorer seeking adventures both large and small. Parent to one daughter in college and one teenage son in cyber-school. Food allergies play a significant role in day to day life decisions, as does the support network of a small town in south central Pennsylvania. Neighbors are known by their first names and a walking district encourages community engagement. Business to business communications and the development of authentic connections are Deborah Fingerlow’s superpowers. You can find her at the local farmer’s market, therapy dogs in tow, camera in hand.