The article is about raising an emotionally stable child, why is it important and how we can achieve it. Also it is important to spend quality time with children so as to understand their needs and inner conflicts , which is very essential for the growing minds.
A penny isn’t scary, is it?
Yet, the idea of the small, coppery coin on the floor or in the cushion of the car-seat terrifies me. Sure, my daughter is advanced and has been taught not to put small objects in her mouth, but she is two and you never know. What if she puts in the penny in her mouth and it falls down her throat blocking the air from escaping? What if she chokes and I can’t get it out or get her help in time?
Terrifying.
The world becomes a new and dangerous place once you have children. Many things come into a new light when you are raising humans and many things now cause stress and anxiety, as well.
[bctt tweet=”The world becomes a new and dangerous place once you have children.” username=”contactrwc”]
You sit down on the computer to write, read, or simply laugh at a cat video that pops up on your Facebook news-feed and find a headline shared by a friend. It warns you about something that can harm your child mentally or physically. You love your children and fear for their safety, so of course, you click on the bait
And then become more worried and filled with anxiety.
I’ve read articles and become worried about things like SID’s or dry drowning. Some of the fear is due to expert medical advice that should be followed but also due to the fact that our fear makes us good marketing targets.
While we can’t always control the articles that pop up, we can control we write. As bloggers and writing mothers we can do our best not to play on fear with what we write but ease it. To help.
Social Media can be dangerous, not only for kids but parents as well. But not necessarily in the way you think. It is difficult not to compare yourself with others on Pinterest, Twitter or Facebook. It is only natural for humans to make comparisons and imagine, as the saying goes, that the grass is greener on the other side. Comparisons cause stress.
And as parents, we compare even more. It is easy to look at a new mother, see the beautiful baby and think how you should have the type of crib she had. How much safer and elegant it is. Or how the new mom as already lost the baby fat. This goes for dads as well, but perhaps in different ways.
And these comparisons fuel anxiety and stressful need to be someone we are not. To reduce your anxiety levels, we need to put away not only phones but electronics for a certain amount of time. Get outside and go for a relaxing walk alone or with the children. You will find you tension easing and your kids enjoying themselves as well.
[bctt tweet=”Comparisons fuel anxiety and stressful need to be someone we are not” username=”contactrwc”]
I love to read healthy, informative articles from magazines like Raising World Children. To get a better idea of what other people think of the topic I enjoy reading comments as well.
But then you have the trolls; people whose comments are simply out there to ruffle feathers and cause anxiety. They may say things about how terrible it is for a mom to kiss her child on the lips (said in a much harsher fashion than I’m willing to type) or simply put down a mother or father for the way they chose to feed their baby.
There are times when I do not read the comments simply to avoid the stress it may cause. Or you can limit the amount of comments you read in a day. Give yourself discipline and rest from wicked words.
They say it takes a village to raise a child yet in the US we value our independence highly. Which, for a parent, can mean that we are not only expected to raise our children as parents alone but are determined to. This makes parenting overwhelming. We become stressed, stretched and anxiety-ridden.
There are times when we need to let go. It’s okay to ask for help, hire a babysitter or family member for a few hours and have a night out to relax. And delegate. Yes, you are able to do it all but your children are missing out on you, the most important person in their lives. Share the responsibilities so you can play superhero with the kids instead of being supermom.
[bctt tweet=”Share the responsibilities so you can play superhero with the kids instead of being supermom. ” username=”contactrwc”]
Parenting is a terrifying job.
If you let it, the anxiety that can come along with raising children can turn you into a helicopter parent, or take out the simple joys of watching your children grow.
Yes, make sure things are safe. Watch out for small objects and follow safety rules but don’t let the worrying about a penny take over your parenting. Limit your own screen time, get outside, delegate, get help if needed or have a spontaneous dance party and you will find your anxiety start to lessen.
Plus, you will be a beautiful example for your children as you improve. They will improve as well.
And that alone is a stress reliever. What is your stress reliever?
Jewel Eliese is a fiction writer, developmental editor, co-creator of the Medium publication Writer Mom and founder of writeawaymommy.com. Jewel runs on lukewarm coffee and baby kisses. She believes every mom can write well. Get the free checklist to find time to write with kids around here writeawaymommy.com/checklist/
In a world that, in Western culture, has been largely dominated by a medical philosophy of quick-fix, immediate-gratification, symptom-masking pharmaceutical intervention, is there another way to help our kids more effectively experience developmental stages?
To recognize that sometimes pain leads to growth, yet to also offer easing of that pain to help them through? To recognize that they are stronger than they think, but that it is also a good thing to ask for help when they need it? Do all of these philosophical questions really have anything at all to do with teething?
Arguably, yes. Our children absorb their beliefs and approaches to the world from the very beginning, and how we teach them to overcome obstacles at tender young ages impacts how they will continue to approach difficulties in life. Teething is such a monumental obstacle for little ones that it is important as parents to determine to walk through it with our children; lending appropriate assistance without telling them they can’t handle it. It is here that our choices for symptom management matter.
If fear, convenience, and essentially putting them to sleep with pharmaceuticals so that they don’t feel the pain of the process is our response, it will become theirs as they grow, as well. If, however, compassion, assistance, and pain management that enables them to continue to play, learn, and grow, is our response, they will learn that pain is not their master and does not need to steal their days away. While it may not be fun, it is also not something that must be escaped at all cost.
What then, are the non-pharmaceutical options for a parent with a teething child and all that entails? How do we soothe their swollen, angry gum tissues, keep their drooling – caused by those swollen tissues – to a minimum, and alleviate the pain that has them crying for comfort?
The age-old answer has simply been chew toys. From knotted rags to chilled plastics, aching little ones have been offered the relief of counter-pressure to ease them through this stage. Recently, however, another centuries-old remedy for arthritis has been found to have great effectiveness in soothing teething symptoms while allowing the child to remain alert and happy throughout the day, and therefore able to maintain somewhat normal sleeping routines at night.
That Old-World European remedy: Baltic Amber. This seemingly simple, naturally-occurring tree resin, found exclusively in Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, holds complex properties that are useful to the process of teething. When this amber is warmed, it releases a substance called “succinic acid.” Succinic acid – which is also found in small quantities in the human body – is an effective analgesic (pain reliever) and anti-inflammatory (swelling reducer).
Because it is already present in the body, there is no difficulty with processing it; the body knows exactly how to use the bloodstream to deliver it to the affected parts, and any excess is promptly eliminated. There is no harmful build-up, no overdose risk, no side-effects, and no drug interactions. The soothing effects are easily and naturally applied, and the teething child is free to continue about his/her day.
[bctt tweet=”A natural solution to teething without using pharmaceuticals is worth trying out. ” username=”contactrwc”]
The delivery system for this approach to pain and inflammation relief is as drama-free as the succinic acid’s effects. No forcing liquid or pills into a child who wants no part of it. Because the succinic acid is released from the Baltic amber by warmth, the Baltic amber is fashioned into a teething necklace of smooth, individually-knotted beads worn against baby’s skin under their clothing. Check out Baltic Amber teething necklaces – www.balticwonder.com/
This not only warms the amber and allows the skin to absorb the released healing acid, it also keeps the necklace out of baby’s notice and grasp. As long as the necklace is worn, the soothing effects are delivered. Almost completely without calling baby’s attention, angry gums will be soothed, drooling will reduce, pain will diminish. Make sure to not go for fake necklaces.
Suddenly a painful transitional process will become an endurable, minimally-invasive stage of growth with exciting new adventures to celebrate at the end of it.
As parents, it is our job to not only ease our children’s pain, but also to train them in how to grow throughout life. Our choices in every challenge will help to shape their responses to the challenges they will face. Baltic amber offers an opportunity to meet the challenge of teething with determination and compassion, rather than fear and escapism.
rs currently works as a marketing assistant at Baltic Wonder, a company that is dedicated to the health and well-being of infants. Outside of work, she enjoys spending time with her family and outdoor adventures.
Yet another school shooting, scrolling through the news lying next to my peacefully sleeping baby I read this horrific news!
A chill ran down my spine and I felt the pain that I had never felt before for the parents who lost their precious children. I could feel holding my baby close to myself as if trying to secure him from an evil that may jump out of this news piece.
Growing up I was taught that school is my second home. Like my home I not only learn new things at school but also can feel completely safe. Reading through this news and all the other news about school shootings or stabbing be it US, or India or Pakistan or any other country for that matter has made me realize, what I was taught, what I always believed in is not true anymore.
A school might have been safe for me but it is not a safe haven for my child anymore.
Right before I started writing this article I was listening to the interview of a mother who lost her 14 year old daughter in the Parkland Florida school shootout. She was crying and pleading to the president to make the guns rule stricter in US and making schools more secure for children.
She said she spent last 2 hours preparing for the funeral of her beloved daughter. Daughter who she gave birth to, daughter she nurtured for 14 years, daughter she loved to pieces, daughter who will never come back again.
Since 2010 there have been 146 different incidents of gun use within school premises alone in US, some of them were open fires and included not only students but teachers too. Out of these 146, 8 incidents have been notified only in 2018 and we are sitting in February the entire year is left to be seen.
Everyone seems to ask the same question why doesn’t government of the strongest country on this planet passes a simple law so that guns do not reach just anybody and everybody. And everyone also knows the answer to the same question that is NRA’s spending power in every election campaign is enormous. Every government throughout the world is overpowered by some or the lobby which is understandable as money matters but is it more important than lives of our little children.
Every time I think of the shootings inside a school campus the first thing that comes to mind is what if it was someone I knew what if it was someone of my own, and that makes me wonder have our politicians become so ruthless that they have lost the power of questioning, what if?
Keeping this thought aside I also tend to wonder that America being the strongest economy of the world doesn’t spend enough money to secure the school campuses, why? If the gun lobby is strong enough and it’s not easy to pass a law against it than that same gun lobby that spends millions towards helping a person winning an election or voting against a bill can be forced to secure the school and college campuses.
But than I thought to myself would that solve the issue, the answer was obvious ‘NO’. The constitution exists to empower the government to give a better life to a country’s citizens not a better life to a select few. All because a select few have spent money to help you win the election does not give you or them a right to play with the lives of those who believed in you and voted for you expecting better life for themselves. The basis of The constitution is right to life, how can monetary benefit take that away.
What makes this tragedy exponentially sad is that it is born of negligence and ignorance.
No one is asking the government to shut down gun manufacturers.
The only demand everyone has, every concerned parent has to please make sales of guns more responsible, make and make school campuses safer by putting up adequate measures. For strict background and mental health checks.
Not only our children deserve the best education but also safe education. Please stop sacrificing our innocent children for a few bucks.
We talk about our kids being empowered but first and foremost it is our job as a collective society of adults to protect them. We cannot control the world, but we can take measures to make sure our children are safe. This choice is being taken away from parents as guns are made easy to get. And automatic guns at that!
Children are our future, they are precious. I pray for all the families who lost their children and hope this time at least few from the political class would have a change of heart and wonder ‘what if that was my child in that school…?’
Vinni Mishra is a corporate professional presently residing in Glen Allen, Virginia. She originally belongs to Jaipur, Rajasthan (India). She completed her masters degree in geography from Rajasthan University. She started her career as a corporate professional pretty early around the age of 18 with GE Capital and was until very recently working with Suntrust Mortgage in Glen Allen. She is an expectant mother and is enjoying her time off from work awaiting the new member to her family. She has a passion for writing and her writing is influenced by the rich culture of Rajasthan which is famous for its traditions and heritage that have been passed along generations.
Gifting cards is a lovely gesture mostly everyone does. But instead of rushing to the Hallmark wouldn’t be more personal if you can send them a handmade greeting card? Here is a simple pop up valentines card for you and your kids to try out for this Valentine’s day.
Materials Required:
1.Cardstock Paper
2.Color paper
3.Washi Tape
4.Scissors
5.Glue Stick
6.Marker
7.Foam sticker
8.Pencil
1. Let’s cut the heart out of a paper. It’s the template we going to use for the greeting card.
Fold a piece of paper in half. Draw a half-heart shape along the folded edge of the paper and cut the heart out.
2. With the help of the template trace the half heart along the folded edge of the cardstock paper.
3.Carefully cut through the heart trace leaving a 1cm in both sides uncut. To make sure the heart can still be in the cardstock paper but able to fold it as a pop-up.
4. Now using the same template make a heart from the glittering foam sticker. Peel it and paste over the pop-up heart.
5. Take another piece of the cardstock with the same size of the pop-up card and paste it together using a glue stick.
6. With the similar method cut few small hearts out of a black color paper.
7. Fold hearts in half and paste one over the other in the card as shown in the video.
8.Using a washi tape cut a small piece and paste it over the hearts. You can use strings instead of washi tape.
9. Again paste a different washi tape, over the corner of the card.
10. Now you can label the card with whatever wording you like using the marker.
We would love to hear from you.
Make this and show it off ! Email it to us at contact@localhost or upload it on social media and tag us. @passionatemoms,@raisingworldchildren. We featured the best ones on OUR platform for the world to see !
Comment below and tell us what else you want us to try out next! Make sure to leave a lovely thank you to the creator.
Do you know kids develop self- awareness through self-expression? Self-expression is the expression of one’s personality, feelings, or opinions.
Kids who are being self-expressive can be an observer of their own life and who they are being. Creative writing is one of the effective artistic activities that make children self-expressive. It has a magical quality of clarifying thoughts and feelings. Encouraging kids to express their thoughts through writing is an excellent skill to teach.
Kids love hearing stories and let’s take advantage of this fact and help them make their own. By doing so,
Listed below are some of the key points on how to teach creative writing to children.
To raise a kid who can live his life to the fullest, make the choices that honor his wants and desires, they need to be taught to self-express. Motivating kids to explore the world of creative writing make them thrive and blossom to their full potential.
Sindhuja Kumar is a proud mom and a lifestyle blogger living in Connecticut, USA and origin from Tamilnadu, India. She is happily married and nothing excites her more than being a mom. She blogs to keep herself sane, more or less writing about positive parenting adventures, DIY Craft tutorials & scrumptious recipes that empowers every mom and woman to stay inspired and living an elegant life in a creative way. Check her work @ PassionateMoms.
What do kids outside of India really think about the country ? Do expat kids have any connection with their parents’ homeland?
Being a mom of two younger kids who haven’t yet visited India often, these are few of the questions I wonder a lot about. Having been raised in Kuwait, as an Indian I am no stranger to cultural life being confusing in many ways. Interestingly enough, my confusions were solved in my late 20s and totally resolved once I became a mother.
Which is why it is an everlasting curiosity within me to see what kids around me (all in pretty much the same boat I was in) , feel about being raised Indian and being American citizens. Other expats in our Facebook Group for Parents Raising Global Thought Leaders can relate.
[bctt tweet=”An essay competition for Republic Day of India provides an inside look into the way kids today perceive India.” username=”contactrwc”]
So when the opportunity to judge a kids’ writing competition came my way, I was elated beyond words to get a peak into growing minds.
As I read the several pieces that were submitted to the Republic Day of India competition I was thoroughly impressed. The topic being ” Memories of India “, was fascinating the depth of kids’ emotions regarding the same. What I learned was interesting to say the least.
One entry was a beautiful piece about one evening’s experience with applying henna at a fair and seeing their father dancing at wedding. I could feel myself walking right beside her in that moment. Another had expressed their first train experience and even though you could tell that it was cumbersome for the little 7 year old, it was more than enjoyable as well.
You could feel that the experience during their visits mean so much more to them and uniquely so. To see the vibrancy in India through the eyes of young kids is very different. Often they compare the two countries they live in and visit and their perspective was
One child wrote so beautifully that he wondered where all the ants were constantly coming from in the house. His answer? ” So many ants were probably there because the food is so delicious. ” He continued to write about the summer he spent imagining the many reasons those ants would be roaming around the house.
It went to speak on how minutely a child thinks about what they experience.
Mundan ceremony of little ones or weddings of their siblings or cousins were described in such intricate detail. They found the celebrations a wonderful opportunity to rejoice life. Being an adult, I found many new customs within their experience that I even am new to.
As a parent, I have often worried that new cultural ceremonies (owning to size of crowds) might be overwhelming for my kids but reading those stories made me realize it is me not them that needs to brave the situation. For every custom is a spiritual experience for them.
It is a fear of many parents that the kids are distant from their family or relatives. Those essays assured me, while they may be far physically the kids are emotionally very well connected to those relatives who have taken the pains to develop the connection.
Being cared for, taken on bike rides, long walks or being taught yoga are all cherished memories.
There is an essential misconception among adults that being away from family makes kids aloof. But through those words I could sense that love surpasses all boundaries. So if there is any space felt, it is certainly a lack of adults to not develop a better connection.
Certainly not the child’s. All a child needs is to be loved.
And yet are excited to connect!
This stood out the most to me. A lot of the 12 and older kids mentioned in passing that doing so and so made them feel like “less of an outsider ” or helped them ” understand ” something (implying they feel the need to). Or how some one here in USA commented on something that is uniquely ” Indian ” about them affects their perception on visiting India.
To me this was interesting as I have often wondered how early is it today that kids get this feeling. As an Indian born and raised in Kuwait, it was only in my early 20s when I introspected my feelings enough to understand that I wasn’t as Indian as other kids.
What was hilarious was one 7 year old’s expression that the ” last trip to India helped them get in touch with the inner Indian which has been lost for many years “. ( parenting coaching at it’s best ) .
The experience was such a wonderfully inspiring one that I wanted to pen down tricks for other kids who would ever participate in essay writing. These are not by any means every judge’s criteria but per writing guidelines these are great rules of thumb to live by when writing creative and effective essays for any occasion.
To submit your child’s creative writing/arts, go ahead and email us at contact@localhost and we will feature them on our platform. Children, after all can use ALL the encouragement they can get.
To write and to contemplate the many ways they connect to their homeland.
Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”
There was no question we were going to do it.
My husband had to teach his kids native tongue. It’s a part of him and he needed to pass it on. I dreamed of hearing my kids say English words in cute ways like pweaze. So, we’ve been teaching our kids two languages from day one.
And it’s working.
My six-year-old son can be a miniature translator now and my two-year-old uses both languages in one sentence. Amazing. Adorable.
But sometimes it can be challenging.
I finally had some mom time with a friend over the Thanksgiving holiday. It was wonderful. We ate lots of homemade food, drank, played board games and watched our toddlers play with each other. It was everything I hoped for.
But I realized something interesting while I watched the toddlers play and talk. My friend’s son would speak, and I was amazed at the words he used. He sounded so adult.
The child is intelligent and not just because I’m a biased Godmother. His mother spends so much quality time with him, reading every night. She is a wonderful teacher.
But it made me question whether my daughter’s speech was delayed. But I realized I am simply not used to hearing a child talk who only speaks one language
Which made me wonder how other people view my children’s’ speech.
People don’t always understand my daughter and it was the same with my son. I adore and am used to the way her sentences mix Ukrainian and English together, but it is difficult for my English-speaking family. It must sound like gibberish.
Talking to a two-year-old is hard enough with only one language’s worth of vocabulary.
And then there are the people my kids’ meet for the first time who simply think my daughter must be delayed in speech, just like I did for a moment. People now say my son speaks so well as if he didn’t before. What they don’t think about is that maybe the just didn’t use to understand him.
And all this can give parents mixed feelings.
I know we’re not supposed to care what people think, but it’s different when it comes to our kids. We know they are the most fantastic creatures the world has seen, and we want others to know it too.
And when they’re bilingual sometimes their brilliance doesn’t immediately shine.
Then with family, you may feel upset when you see your child cannot effectively communicate with grandma or their uncle. You see both party’s frustration and it can result in you giving up on teaching one of the languages.
But don’t stop. It gets easier.
My six-year-old son now speaks with a slight American accent to his father and me in Ukrainian or English. At separate sentences. He’s fluent. Finally.
And watching my husband’s eyes light up brings tears to my eyes. That alone was worth it.
So, don’t stop. Keep teaching your child two languages.
If your child is having a difficult time learning one language over the other, pretend you only understand the language you want them to learn. Be stubborn. My mother-in-law only speaks Ukrainian. While she was here my son had no choice but to speak Ukrainian to her. So, he did. You can mimic the same.
If it bothers you when strangers don’t understand your child, let the person know right away that your child is speaking two languages at once. They may be amazed.
For family, you can be around to translate for your child. Let Grandma or Uncle know that the word your child just said was in the other language. With your child try to teach your family member some words. Make it fun.
Read books in both languages. If you are not bilingual, take turns reading. Story structure helps embed the words into your child mind. It improves their vocabulary and it is fun for the child and you.
If you’re unsure if what you are doing is right for your family, learn the benefits. (Read here https://bilingualkidsrock.com/why-raise-bilingual/ ) A few things a child will gain is better grammar in their first language, better at music, a greater understanding of culture, and will have an easier time learning other languages.
There may be a point when your child decides to ignore a language and only speak one. It happened for a while with my son. It hurts, especially the parent whose language is being ignored. But it does get better over time. It’s just a bump in the road that you need to learn to go around and much like marriage you must stay with it, for better or worse.
It can be challenging raising a bilingual child. Your feelings can go all over the place, but in the end, it is worth it for you and your child. Your child will benefit from your efforts for the rest of their lives.
And what feels better than that?
Jewel Eliese is a fiction writer, developmental editor, co-creator of the Medium publication Writer Mom and founder of writeawaymommy.com. Jewel runs on lukewarm coffee and baby kisses. She believes every mom can write well. Get the free checklist to find time to write with kids around here writeawaymommy.com/checklist/
There are so many articles “(Insert Number Here) Things Not To Say To Your Kids“ doing the rounds that tell you how to talk to your children. And I find it amusing to say the least.
I have a hard enough time keeping track of all the things to do in my day and everything the family needs. Telling me to reword myself in every parenting situation is an unrealistic goal.
We are all human. And the best part of being human is having emotions. Check out any robot movie! Being emotional makes us vulnerable to our surroundings.
So guess what?
When my child has to be told for the 10th time to wear his shoes as we are getting late for a class I am paying 30+ dollars for or my toddler keeps using the words ” Oh my Gosh. Look at her butt! “(from the movie Sing) in spite of being told not to over and over again, I will scold them. When my son is rude to me, I will give him a time out. When my daughter lies down on the floor screaming about candy after we have been out all day doing chores, I will come home and vent to my husband, passionately (and loudly).
Mind you, in no way am I condoning being sarcastic or humiliating you child. I am talking about those times that people say the right thing in a misplaced tone or words that slip out in exasperation! Yells that arise from spilled milk after you getting ready for guests or screams of caution when your child is doing something dangerous.
Forgive yourself those.
I was reading Martin Luther King Jr’s biography last week and was surprised that his father, a pastor no less whipped him mercilessly when he made mistakes. Yet more than the whipping MLK feared disappointing his father. He never lost sight of the fact that even though the consequences were severe, his father loved him and only meant to guide him.
And he turned into an inspiration for everyone around him.
When I was a child, I feared my mother’s eyes. When acting out, I could sense her across the room holding me in that particular stare that said, “I know what you did and you are going to get an earful when we go home!” Those eyes kept me grounded. I don’t remember the yelling. I was always secure knowing my mother loved me enough to pay give importance to all I do. However, I will always remember the important life lessons that came with.
Of course, I don’t condone whipping you child but why do we think times have changed so much that kids will get traumatized, forget how much they are loved if merely scolded or said the wrong thing to ?
Imagine a world where everyone was always nice to their kids. Where you were mild mannered whether your child was right or wrong. Where you clapped for them even when they failed. Where you were always smiling and hugging them. That would lead to a world where children would not have the capability of processing negative emotions.
They wouldn’t have a sense of achievement. They would never have learned how to handle failure. When someone disagreed with them, they would be at a loss as to the right way to respond. In a world of bullies born of weaknesses, they need to understand that sometimes people act out when they are actually hurting inside.
The pressure of being “right” all the time will eventually get to you. Notice when your child is behaving badly in public and you have tried everything positive that isn’t working. The child needs a time out or telling to but you need to go to the car/home first. Think about how suffocated you feel during that time. How upset! Now imagine if you went months feeling like that. Eventually all those emotions will catch up and you will definitely implode! Is that what you want to instill in your child?
My mother often told me a famous Indian story of a thief who grew up with a mother who pampered and praised him no matter what. When he finally got arrested, his mom went to visit him. He called her close to him and bit her ear off saying, “ You are my mother. It was your job to twist my ear and tell me when I was doing wrong. “
It is not a parent’s job to be nice to their children. It is to love them. It is to guide them. To be mature human beings ready to lead the next generation.
Today the culture is so self serving and peer affected. It is our responsibility to ensure children learn to differentiate right from wrong. To do the right thing when it needs doing. To do chores. To study hard. To be kind, gentle, responsible people who know how to respect every thing and being.
I have yet to meet a person who does something without prompting. And after multiple prompts it is natural to end up irritated. By using different strategies, I try to find the one way that will convince them of what needs doing. Every day is a constant battle with children. From brushing you teeth to the second they close their eyes, there is sly tact, persistent prompts, exasperated yelling involved. On rare occasions the method/wording is uncalled for. And I apologize. But that too teaches my children that reacting wrongly is natural. It is acceptable to make mistakes as long as you are willing to course correct.
Kids should know there are consequences to their actions. That it is okay to vent. They should understand that just because someone yells or says something that they don’t like doesn’t mean that person hates them. Often the person is just tired of not being heard. Youngsters today need to know how to process emotions. Words are only as important as the intention behind them.
[bctt tweet=”A parent’s job is not to be nice to their child. It is to guide them. Martin Luther King Jr. Biography made me introspect on what my job as a parent really is. ” username=”contactrwc”]I will give you, the “what not to say” lists thoughtfully made are useful in making us ponder about how words can be perceived. In sensitive situations that is a must! Words can hurt, yes! But we need to remember that the intention behind sentences uttered is more important that the words themselves. We need to focus on our history with the person uttering them. We need to remember people make mistakes.
Acknowledge that and process it. Discuss it with the person in question if it truly matters. Then move on.
If we all start focusing on what is said to us and ignore actions that truly speak their own language, we will lose sight of the good in humanity.
Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties and trips to the library with her little ones are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”
Children are oblivious to most of the dangers lurking over the world wide web, it is of paramount importance to takes some measures to ensure their safety on the internet
I came across my high school yearbook the other day and couldn’t help pouring through the pages and reading the words friends from my past wrote to me. Majority of friends wrote things like, “Let’s keep in touch,” and, “Friends forever,” and “I’ll never forget…,” which was followed by a litany of memories that today, I have absolutely no memory of.
Heck! Many of the people I was hard pressed to remember them at all!
Why do we become friends with some and not with others? Why do some friendships stand the test of time yet most do not?
As I refer back to my college psychology classes, John Bowlby, a researcher from the mid 20th century would say it all goes back to how we “attached” to our main caregivers (our parents) during infancy. His attachment theory stated it was a survival mechanism. Bowlby’s thinking was how we attach to our parents during the first few years of life determines how all of our relationships throughout life will be.
And failure to properly attach was detrimental, with consequences like delinquency, reduced intelligence, anger, and an inability to show affection toward others.
As we moved into the present century, more in-depth research and study has been done. While there’s something to be said for the importance of infant-parent attachment, in that the relationship with the parent can be affected by how we attach within those first few years, having that “vital” period doesn’t play near as big of role on the outcome of our future relationships with others.
During the time Bowlby’s theory was becoming a thing, there was Jane Elliot. Ever heard of her? Neither had I (until I learned about her in a college psychology class), but what she was able to accomplish in the way of making friends and losing judgment, is nothing short of amazing.
Jane Elliot, a third grade teacher from a small town in Iowa, in my mind, made history with her teaching and all of us would do very well to learn more about her work.
It was a spring morning in April, 1968, which could have gone on like other normal day as Mrs. Elliot’s students came to class. But this wasn’t just any April morning. It happened to be the morning after Martin Luther King was assassinated. With much thought and trepidation, Jane chose to completely toss the days lessons aside. As a matter of fact, she tossed the next several days of lesson plans aside. Little did she know her students of an all white community would learn a lesson they’d remember for the rest of their lives and it completely altered the direction Jane Elliot would take throughout the rest of her life.
Overnight, Jane had devised a plan to teach her students about race, about diversity and about judgement, about friendship, as well as self esteem. Sounds pretty amazing, right? Her experiment was eventually dubbed “Brown Eyes, Blue Eyes.”
Immediately, when the first school bell rang out, Jane was separating her class in two. On one side of the room were the brown eyed students and on the other were the blue. She had neckwear, collars for one side of the room to wear for the next several days. She told her class that from that point forward, everyone with blue eyes were bad people. They weren’t to be trusted. The brown eyed and blue eyed students weren’t allowed to play together or even communicate with each other. She even went so far as to tell the brown eyed students that the blue eyed children were inferior and stupid and to really hit it home, the blue eyed students weren’t allowed to drink from the same water fountain. Sound familiar?
Mrs. Elliot played this to the hilt. When she was doing small group lessons with a mixture of brown and blue eyed students, she went so far as to tell the blue eyed students they were wrong, even if they were right. After several days passed, the rolls were reversed and suddenly the brown eyed children were the inferior ones. Eventually, all of the classroom had “played” both rolls.
The experiment has a whole lot more to it than this, but what the children came out of it learning was they were all very quick to jump on the bandwagon and belittle the “inferior” students. The inferior students grade average plummeted during this time frame.
But one thing is for sure, this experiment was a big example of how negativity can be detrimental to social relationships.
How can we, as parents, teach our children about judgement, racism and self esteem? It turns out one of the most important roles we play is to be good role models. The old saying, “children are like sponges,” is actually truer than we might think.
As it turns out, young children actually do have more neurons making connections in their brains than they will have when they start becoming teens. As it turns out, children really do learn much more by our actions than by our words.
Teaching our little ones to be a good friend and how to talk to others starts with us. For example, we want our children to be open and honest with us, but in order for that to happen, we need to practice what we preach, walk the walk, talk the talk, so to speak. It’s important for us to create an environment where we’re able to share how we’re feeling and our experiences (within reason and age appropriate) with our kids.
It turns out, one of the most important aspects in making friends is being able to make ourselves just a little bit vulnerable, to share some of our self with someone else. Perhaps we have a different opinion than the one our friend just shared with us… Do we tell them we feel the same way so they won’t think bad of us? Or do we take that chance and voice our differences and risk them not liking us because of it?
Even as adults, the same thing still applies. It’s those people who listen to our differences and like us anyway who we become closest to. That skill of “listening” is also one of the most important aspects of creating lasting friendships. Many people don’t actually know how to “listen.” They know how to “hear.” What’s the difference, you may ask? Well, listening actually takes conscious practice (In my life coach training, many weeks were devoted to the art of listening).
You see, most people hear what they’re friends are saying trying to find a spot in the conversation to interject our own comments. At the very point where something our friend is saying sparks a comment we want to interject and we hold onto that thought until we can find a break in the conversation… We’ve actually stopped listening. Listening is about being present in each moment as we listen and speak to others.
Lastly, from my experiences, I’d have to say the next most important aspect of being a friend is curiosity. So this is how it works… We have to put ourselves “out there.” Take a chance. Be vulnerable. And listen for your friend as they share their vulnerabilities with you. The act of “listening” allows us to remember our friend’s vulnerabilities and curiosity helps us to ask our friend in future conversations about how the vulnerable experience is progressing in their life.
Unfortunately, throughout life, friendships come and friendships go. Sometimes they go due to a change of location, a change in job, a broken confidentiality. Just like any good relationship, friendship takes time, empathy, curiosity and responsiveness.
And if you’re very lucky, you’ll have a small handful of very close friends who stand the test of time.
Janie Saylor is a professional certified life coach with a degree in psychology, her focus is in the emerging field of positive psychology. Janie is the mom of two grown children, her son, age 20, and her daughter, age 24. In 2006, Janie published a book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her experiences teaching life journaling to people over the age of 60 for 10+ years in many different communities in the Metro Detroit area. Janie’s used her experiences and education as she developed an 8-week online coaching program and has had tremendous success in improving the communication, lives and relationships of her clients. Janie enjoys uplifting others with positive posts and memes on her Facebook page, BecomeUniversity. Janie calls it “Your Happy Place.”
My 7 year old son wants to be an inventor when he grows up. For now, his aim to is create lavish Lego creations based on dinosaurs, Minecraft, Avengers and more. He gets ideas and doesn’t stop till he has completed his creation. And he often gets overwhelmed!
He gets it from me. I too am like a steam roller when I get an idea into my head and I just cannot stop till I am done with the many, many items on my list. Only in the past year have I discovered the power of goal setting and the many challenges that they encounter and believe that it is an essential trait for kids to learn at a young age.
Not only does it prevent overwhelm, it is of great importance to learn what goals to focus on and how to keep them instead of having to give up.
Why would kids need goals ? To apply effectively to
It is often that overwhelm comes in the form of overzealous goal setting. The most important step to learning how to be a person of perseverance is to attain the fine balance to awareness, priority, work and time.
“Little goals are the best way to get kids moving toward big goals,” says Jim Wiltens, a leadership-training instructor in the San Francisco-area schools. “Meeting a goal gives kids an incredible surge of energy.” It is important to teach kids that not every goal is worth attaining even. Listen to what the kids want and steer them gently towards what is something that they can actually work towards. Make sure to take baby steps.
Reading a page a day, picking up toys in a room or in our case creating one creation in a set amount of time is a good enough goal to begin with.
You know your child best. Crafting a vision board or making a list of their dream goals and picking the ones that are specific to them are essential.
You will need to make a goal kit for your kids. This could be a calendar, timer, a marker and a log of some sort to maintain the goal/s they set for themselves. Download the ones below and ensure they go through it at a time every day.
Journal writing is a great way to stay on top as well .
Every goal takes a different amount of time and energy. It is important to ensure the kids think through the steps it takes to achiever the goal.
Teach them to break the goal down into smaller actions and work on how much time each action takes.
Something that many kids lack is an awareness of time. Make sure you mark the calendar or teach them how to set a timer for everything they need to achieve. This is a great way to educate them about time awareness, taking breaks and moderation.
This is the trickiest part and something all of us struggle with.
This is something that is totally essential to creating goal oriented, self driven kids. It is important for kids to learn how to put their goals above other things. The number one lesson they need to learn is that the only way to tick that goal off their day is to put it first and put in the work.
Set a time for your goal and then tick it off!
A neat trick is to tie it into something that the kids love depending on the goal. So, if the goal is something they love doing, they could forgo their favorite treat or activity for that day. And if the goal is something they don’t like doing so much, they could get an extra treat or something they rarely get to do within the time period they are trying to achieve their goal.
A big part of goal setting that many kids do not know how to deal with is the self doubt that comes with when they fail to succeed on the way. It is important to encourage them to push a little harder some days and equally important to let them know when it is okay to forgive yourself or let go.
And most important of all is to ensure to celebrate any and all successes big and small. A special treat that you have thought of before hand itself is specially great. Preferably an experience vs something materialistic.
This will possibly be the most important thing to teaching kids to reach their goals. As parents we hate to see them fail but nothing teaching a child the important aspect of staying on top of Their goals than failing to meet a deadline and suffering the consequences. Better early than late. Taking ownership is a big part of teaching kids to be responsible .
Aditi Wardhan Singh is a mom of two, living it up in Richmond Virginia in USA. Raised in Kuwait, being Indian by birth she has often felt out of place. A computer engineer by profession, she is now a freelance writer and entrepreneur having founded Raising World Children. Impromptu dance parties with her little one are her ultimate picker upper. She provides tools to open minded parents to empower their children to raise positive, gracious, global thought leaders. She currently writes for the HuffingtonPost, Thrive Global, RMB and is author in “When You Are Done Expecting ”
Having a polite kid is a dream of every parent. But what if your sweet kid doesn’t know to stand up for her rights or the rights of others?
Parenting methods have taken a serious modern turn. You can get answers to almost any of your parenting mystery from a professional expert or from a parent’s experience. This reassures that you are not alone struggling in the parenting journey. While the strategies are being modernized, the ultimate goal of every parent remains to be the same. The expectation of raising a kind well- behaved kid is carried across generations. But,
As kids want to be involved in all aspects of play they seek out ways to fit in. But given the choice does your kid choose to remain silent to avoid problems rather expressing his thoughts in the little snatch of lego world? Possibly your child has crossed the boundary of being polite and now he is in the pushover zone.
Your child can be pushed to agree on something easily. Pushover kids don’t know to be tougher. From sharing a toy to agreeing on an opinion pushover kids defer their choices to avoid confrontation with other children. They can easily take a step back allowing the more aggressive children to have their way. While avoiding the problems isn’t always a bad idea, pushover kids will be eventually targeted by bullies or taken advantage of by other children.
Your friends and neighbors are already raving about how sweet and well behaved your kid is except you are secretly worrying that your child doesn’t know to stick up for herself. Not to mention, most of the times you see yourself speaking up for your kid.
The more your kids see you as rescuers the more your kid relies on you to solve her problems. While you can’t live your child’s social life for her, there are some things you can do to help them remain kind but not taken for granted. To help your kid to stand up for their rights and defend themselves teach them how to be assertive so they can speak up and defend themselves. Practicing these ways helps your kid to gain confidence and be assertive.
Kids love to be heard. They want to be understood by everyone, especially parents. But there are these rush moments mostly you step in to help them with an answer or elaborate on a question, anything to avoid sitting in the silence. Silence in uncomfortable but kids needs their own time and space to let out their feelings through words.
Kids mirror parent’s behaviors. While discussing a topic or handling a conflict in the home make sure you do it gently and express your feelings. If it is a family topic in which kids can be included ask their opinion.
Encourage your kids to express what they feel. Hold simple debates or family meetings on interesting topics and hear every kid’s opinion. Give chance to all the kids in your household. Make them feel the power of letting out the feelings.
When they know their opinions count they are likely to be more open than you expected. Create the comfort zone and give chances to speak up and be heard. Encourage your child to assert himself using a firm and strong tone but not the yelling to get his point across.
Now your kid is comfortable enough to express his ideas and opinions so what next? Reinforce that behavior and let her know you honor her opinions. Let your child know that you value people who speak their mind. Encourage their assertiveness by using sentences like ” I like how you spoke up”, “It was clear to the point yet gentle”. Teach your child to act confident, hold her head up, stand up straight and most importantly make eye contact.
Pushover kids usually see their parents as rescuers because you have already started speaking up for them. You might think you’re keenly self-aware and never stepped into your kid’s problems, but parenthood has a way of muddling details. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine if you are living your kid’s social life and often rescuing him from most of the problems.
If you had answered “yes” to one or more of these questions then its time you need to step back and let your kids face the tough times and speak up for them. It can be hard to stay out of the way when your kid has to face some domineering friends. But, see the greater good, you are teaching him to advocate for himself. If you want to raise an assertive kid then absolutely you should resist the temptation to solve their problems.
Teaching children to be assertive and confident with compassion is the key. Make them realize they don’t want to be mean or hurtful in order to stand up for what they believe even if it is unpopular.
Ensure them speaking with firm and strong tone is more powerful than acting out. The ultimate goal of having a well-behaved child with the combination of assertiveness and confidence can be achieved only if they respect themselves and their feelings first.
So, have you thought about how you can teach kid around you to stand up for themselves ?
Suja Dinesh Raising World children Sindhuja Kumar is a proud mom and a lifestyle blogger living in Connecticut, USA and origin from Tamilnadu, India. She is happily married and nothing excites her more than being a mom. She blogs to keep herself sane, more or less writing about positive parenting adventures, DIY Craft tutorials & scrumptious recipes that empowers every mom and woman to stay inspired and living an elegant life in a creative way. Check her work @ PassionateMoms.
Just what do I mean by the “other side of giving?” To put it into context, I’ll need to tell you my story.
Like many of you, I consider myself a humanitarian. A philanthropist. Since high school, I can remember enjoying the act of giving. I think it started Labor Day weekend 1979, when my best friend and I door knocked collecting for MDA, the Muscular Dystrophy Association, Jerry Lewis telethon.
We turned in our money at the local tv station, then sat by the tv eagerly watching the main tally board grow to surpass the previous year’s giving. Just knowing we played a part in affecting those numbers, no matter how small, made us feel good.
A few years later, when I had kids in school, I’d purchase several turkeys and other dinner items, then would take the grocery bags to our school principal so she could distribute to the families she knew were in need. Through the years I’ve given coats and other cold weather wear. I’ve given hot meals, coffees and cocoa to needy people standing on busy street corners.
But some of the most rewarding times, were the years my kids and I sang Christmas carols at a senior living community. We’d watch our audience snap their fingers, clap hands and bop along. There was a sparkle in the people’s eyes and they’d often assist us by singing along. Each year, I watched their tears well up. There really was no better feeling… Except for the many times I saw one of our kids wipe tears from their own eyes in response. Every year, we’d complete the evening at our neighborhood coffee shop with a tasty treat of hot chocolate. My children still recall these times with sweet fondness.
One year at my weekly business meeting, I suggested we adopt a family over the upcoming holiday season. Later that day the president of the group, Trish, called asking if I’d had a particular family in mind, because she did. She asked if I’d mind if she took the lead. No, I definitely didn’t mind her running the show!
As each weekly meeting passed, Trish told us a little more about the family we’d adopted and although I wasn’t able to afford to purchase anything new, as my own financial circumstances were poor that year, I did find a wool coat in near-perfect condition in my closet. But when I offered Trish $10 from coins I’d turned in, she smiled, gently pushed my hand back and said, “It’s okay, I know you can’t afford to do this.” Knowing she was right, I hugged her, wished her a Merry Christmas and returned the bills to my near empty wallet.
My financial circumstances that year had put me behind with just about every creditor and utility company I had. I hadn’t answered my telephone in nearly a month and needed to call the heating company to avoid disconnect.
Before making those calls, I decided to take a few minutes to do some meditation. I knew making those calls would be difficult. So, I went to my room, sat on my bed and breathed. About 40 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Fearing it was a creditor and hoping they’d go away, I ignored it. The knock came several more times before I finally answered.
A sweet smiling face of a beautiful woman greeted me. She said simply, “I’m here to deliver some gifts.”
“You do? Who are you?”
“That doesn’t matter,” she answered.
“Who are they from?”
“That doesn’t matter either. But I’m to tell you there are many people who love you very much. Merry Christmas.” She placed gifts bags on the porch and turned to leave.
“Wait!” I took her hand and pulled her into an embrace. “Thank you so much.” I watched her disappear around the corner of the house, closed the door, then sat on the floor beside the gifts. I peeked inside one bag catching a glimpse of what was inside.
Money! Tears came as I pulled a lovely wreath from the gift bag. Among it’s silver and red ribbons, dollar bills were fanned out and attached as well. Bills of all denominations… I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Also inside the bag was a stack of gift cards and some decorative tins containing wrapped candies, cookies and even more money. I cried. Hard. Hunched over, forehead on the floor, sobbing. I mean, “can’t breathe, snot running sobs.”
When all the money was counted, the total more than covered the disconnect, as well as several other bills. Tears continued the rest of the week. I used the gift certificates to purchase gifts for my children. Even as I write these words, tears are flowing again.
I knew these gifts were from my business group, and we were the family Trish talked about all those weeks. So, I called to thank her.
“For what?” She not so innocently responded. “By the way, no one in the group knows it was you,” she added.
Every Christmas season, I hang that special wreath on the front door and tied an ornament inside it’s greens, a golden angel, as a reminder of every one of my friends who gave to me that year. Every one who gave so generously.
I’m definitely not accustomed to being on “the other side of giving” to that degree. That year’s gift still means more than anyone could ever know. I give a silent toast every year on Christmas… To those who gave to me and to those who give to so many others, I would just like to say, “Thank you my Dear Friends. Thank you.”
Janie Saylor is a certified life coach with a degree in psychology and a focus on the emerging field of positive psychology. She’s mom to two grown children, her son, now 21, and her daughter, 25. In 2006, Janie published the book, “The Road You’ve Traveled, How to Journal Your Life,” which came from her own life experiences and those of many others who she taught life journaling to for 11 years. Janie’s also co-author of the book, “When You’re DONE Expecting: A Collection of Heartfelt Stories from Mothers All across the Globe,” consisting of stories sharing a beautiful perspective of Motherhood. “In writing about my own life so openly, my hopes are for just one person to see their own struggles from a different perspective.” Janie enjoys uplifting others with positive posts, videos and memes on her Facebook page, Become University, “Your Happy Place!”
Being a parent is the MOST. It is the job we have that is the most challenging, the most difficult and the most rewarding and yet, we receive very little training on how to do it effectively, especially when it comes to sexual abuse.
As a Grammy to a 3-year old grandson and the mother of two grown children, I fully understand the complexities of being a parent and what it means for them to feel safe.
Not only am I a Practitioner who works with adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse, I am also a survivor of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. During the 52 year case study of myself and working with clients, I have contemplated, studied and watched the effects of abuse on children as they mature into adults.
Our children are like “case studies” in that we try this and experiment with that and have no real idea of how it will effect our child or the outcome until years later.
The sad truth is we cannot physically protect our children every minute of every day. We also cannot create such fear in them or ourselves that we rob them (and us) of a happy life. So what do we do?
After careful consideration, I believe these three ways are the most effective things you can do to protect your child from sexual abuse.
Educating yourself is a preventative measure for you and your child. This education must be deeper than what you might hear on television. Read books on the subject, attend seminars, watch documentaries, research statistics and scholarly articles. One of the most important pieces of education you can have is to understand that most sexual abuse against children is from someone the child knows and trusts. Educating yourself gives you a basic understanding of how, when and where your child could be at risk.
Educating your child starts immediately. The attention span of a child is going to be different at every age and every stage of maturity. Based on the maturity level of the child, will depend on the type and method of education. Teaching a child about their body and appropriate touches helps them become familiar in a non-scary or threatening way. It just becomes part of how you teach them. There are teachable moments every single day. When we begin to teach children about their bodies, intimacy and sexuality, we must also be mindful that they will grow to be adults where sexuality is a natural part of being human. How we teach our children impacts their safety as well as their healthy functioning as they become adults.
Children need to know that they have the power to say “NO” when it comes to their body. When they need to talk, it is vital they know you will HEAR them and BELIEVE them. It is imperative they know YOU are not going to become embarrassed or scared of them talking to you.
As a child, it is difficult to know that your parent is uncomfortable with their own body and sexuality. Children need to know that you are a safe space for them and can handle whatever they bring to you.
There are no guarantees that you can protect your child. There are no guarantees that your child will never encounter someone who is harmful. Focusing on what you can do is empowering. Remember to educate yourself. Educate your child. Then, empowering your child so they know what to do in the event they are placed in an uncomfortable situation.
If they are the victim of sexual abuse, it is imperative that they have a loving parent (or other adult) who will help them navigate, process and release the feelings they have about the abuse. Holding these feelings, feeling guilty or shamed about what has happened to them, dis-empowers them and continues to hurt them throughout adulthood.
Tammy Coin is a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner, Teacher and Speaker. She holds sacred space & helps you locate the unhealed emotions leftover from Childhood Abuse & Trauma that block the door to your authentic self. She then partners with you, using the pieces of her own life, to empower, motivate and inspire you to fully uncover your Soul Purpose. You can find her http://thedoorsofwellness.com
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